"Does my ex want me back...How can I get him back..?

[Jaime03]

Ok well I do not know really where to start. Two years ago I started dating thi guy that I had know from just going out and stuff like that he is a little older than me. I am 21 he is 27 but the age never mattered at all. We had out ups and downs like all couples. When the time were good they were good, when they were bad they were bad. He is veryyyy stubborn. Has been since I have known him. We broke up at the beginning of October so it has been 9 months but it still doesnt feel like it sometimes. I was very upset and i wanted him back. But I he didnt. But we would still text eachother and stuff like that. In January we hung out one night at his house and we talked about getting back together. I was really happy but I think from the excitement I came on too strong. Well bottom line after talking about it we ended up not. I decided to try and move on. My brother and I got a place together and started going out and having a good time. I still thought about him a lot though. I even went on dates but nothing serious. Well he started seeing someone and it absolutly killed me. I saw a car at his house one night when i went by to put a note on his car and I texted him the next day and asked him to be honest and tell me if he was seeing someone. He said yes. I wanted to scream but instead it took everything I had but I said well I am happy for you and I just want you to be happy. I really wanted to say how mad i was and how I hoped he wasnt happy. He said to me "you will always be in my heart" Blah Blah. Well there was nothing I could do now so I moved on. (kind of) I pass him all the time we do not live far from eachother. Well about 1 month ago i passed him and we both pulled over. I had not seen him in months. We talked for a few and we flirted and I asked "are you still seeing that girl?" He said we are talking. I am like talking. Obviously it isnt anything serious. Well I made him a CD about 2 weeks ago and sent it to him and he called me yesterday out of the blue and said "thankyou". Now like i said he is the most stubborn person I know it took a lot for him to do that. He said he had been thinking about me and stuff like that. I said I think about you too. He said he drove down to where we used to hang out and was thinking about me and stuff like that. We were on the phone about 20 min. It made me think about him a lot. I didnt ask if he was still seeing her but it just doesnt seem like it and if he is it cant be anything too serious. I want him back. I feel I could have him back if I approach it the right way. I know he misses me or he wouldnt have said the things he said. I need some help on how to handle this situation. He said yesterday. I will be down at my parents house on Monday cleaning the pool (where we used to go a lot) from 2-6. I was like well I do not get off work until 5:30 and its about a 40 min drive from work. Does that mean he wants me to come? I feel weird just showing up its been so long. I want to just go over to his house but I am scared. Should I one night? What should I do? I am just very confused about it.

[country gal]

well, girl, i'm gonna be honest with you on this one .... i think you are making yourself waaaay to available for him. now, i'm not at all suggesting playing games, but the way things currently are, you make it all too easy for you to be just a fall-back for him during lonely times. if you distance yourself - real distance - then it'll give him some time to think about how much you mean to him (or potentially not - either way it needs to be decided which cant happen under these circumstances).... not to mention that you take time to figure out why you think you need/love him so much... and take time to grow as a person.

 

my advice: don't go to his place. emerse yourself in a hobby or two and if after some time and legitimate distance, you still want him, then talk to him about your feelings and how he feels about you.

 

i hope that helps! good luck!

[NiCoLe20]

yea you seem to obsessed with him... back off a little bit, let him call you.. that is if he wants to.

 

if he wants you back he'll come back and put in effort to see you,,, if he doesnt than it just wasnt meant to be and it never will be... you have to accept that and moveo n... dont waste ur time on something if it isnt meant to be

[Jaime03]

I know I have been thinking and I agree I need to be a lot stronger. I have decided to just cool it down and see what happens. I think he may be seeing this one girl still. I am not sure though. It just sucks. I have never let him think he couldn't have me. Its like he knows all he would have to do is call. I don't want him him to think it is like that. The only way I know to do that is just to not contact him. We do not have mutual friends so that way wont work. I will just cut off contact. Any ideas? But i can guarantee I am not letting him hurt me. It is a lot better than it used to be though. Thank you for your responses. If there is any way anyone knows of a good and subtle way to make ex's realize what they had or anything along those lines I would love to hear it.

Thanks

[country gal]

in my experience the only way to have an ex wake up to how awesome you are is to actually believe it yourself. build up your confidence, get active, and discover how cool you are ... and when you accomplish that then you may not even care what he thinks anymore! seriously though, you just need to get out there and do things to take your mind off of him ... take up yoga, rock climbing, art, a sport, anything! from experience, it'll get easier so hang in there.

 

 

 

"don't be a hard rock when you really are a gem"

[Jaime03]

I totally agree with you. Your advice is really good. I have always wanted to take up yoga =). I think I will. It is true though usually when you move on and do your own thing and start something new you dont want to go back to the past. Especially when it really wasnt that great. You want what you cant have. Thats a fact but I honestly dont think I even want him I just miss the comfort I had with him and other little stuff that no one has been able to fill since. Maybe I am just not really giving anyone the chance. I will try though. Definetly going to go pick up a hobbie and get my mind off of him as much a possible. It will take time but I am going to do it the right way now. Thanks

[Jaime03]

Are there any good guys out there? I have dated a lot of guys and it is hard to find one. Do all guys cheat? Lie? I just dont know anymore. Is it different up north? Are guys different. I have always lived in the south and there are a lot of southern gentlemen but none that grab my attention. Whats it like up north with guys? Different?