Dis Posted March 30, 2017 Share Posted March 30, 2017 (edited) I had a date with a guy I met on Okcupid. He was texting me off the hook everyday for a week until we meet, pouring on the compliments...almost like he was putting me on a pedestal... it was over the top to say the least I went on the date Monday night. Omg, I thought it went SO well. We really connected on an emotional/mental level. He read me like a book and was SO sweet. Just the things he said really hit home with me and made me feel like I had met someone really special, someone who had a soul like mine He texted me to make sure I got home safe and told me what a great time he had and how gorgeous he thought I was. Then the next day I got a weird feeling. He sent me a good morning text but it wasnt his usual gushy over the top text. I texted back a simple good morning as I usually did Then today...crickets My gut is usually spot on when it comes to dating and I knew he was dropping of the radar. I'm def not chasing after him so it is what it is I just want to know why men (and women) do this. Why do they put on such a show and lay it on so thick only to disappear If I'm not feeling a guy on a date, I'm nice...but I'm certainly not gushing over him because I know I'm not interested. I'm also not putting the blame on myself because I didnt do anything wrong or misrepresent myself Guys I've dated for months or even years have done this. Have acted like they really cared for me and loved me only to disappear or cheat This kind of thing reminds me of the quote, "The biggest coward is a man who awakens a woman's love with no intention of loving her." I dont get it.... Edited March 30, 2017 by Disillusionment373 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Imajerk17 Posted March 30, 2017 Share Posted March 30, 2017 (edited) The stronger someone comes on, the faster they fade out. You already know that this is quite a common theme for many threads on LS. Basically, they're all ate up with the FANTASY of you, and as real-life can never live up to fantasy, they get bored and let-down and leave. I am sorry this happened to you with your most recent date, Disillusioned. Edited March 30, 2017 by Imajerk17 6 Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted March 30, 2017 Share Posted March 30, 2017 I never hear about stuff like this happening between people who meet in person first. I think it has something to do with meeting in the online atmosphere. 7 Link to post Share on other sites
jgraham11 Posted March 30, 2017 Share Posted March 30, 2017 Well i'd hardly say it's over! What makes you think he's not still interested? I read your post twice just to make sure I didn't miss something. He could very well be interested, but you can't expect him to send you a barrage of compliments constantly either I wouldn't say it's over from what you've said. You may be looking into it too much IMO 2 Link to post Share on other sites
WaitingForBardot Posted March 30, 2017 Share Posted March 30, 2017 I never hear about stuff like this happening between people who meet in person first. I think it has something to do with meeting in the online atmosphere. Yup, it's called putting the cart before the horse and it is the fundamental problem with OLD. IMO any communication beyond simply setting up a first meet is just a waste of time. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
Raena Posted March 30, 2017 Share Posted March 30, 2017 I never hear about stuff like this happening between people who meet in person first. I think it has something to do with meeting in the online atmosphere. Oh it happens when you meet in person first too. I've given up on dating because of it. It seems to be more the norm these days to lay it on thick and then just play Houdini and *poof* disappear. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted March 30, 2017 Share Posted March 30, 2017 I never hear about stuff like this happening between people who meet in person first. I think it has something to do with meeting in the online atmosphere. To add to this: I think these guys online think that it's such a race or quest to get that first date, which I can sort of understand, considering that they think the women may flake or find another guy or drop off for no reason. So then after they have the first date and they think you're finally a real prospect and their adrenaline levels drop and the competition factor which was driving them before dies down. It's almost like they experience a "girl grab" but they don't even stop to see if they really want the girl or evaluate whether they are ready to do the dating or courting ritual, let alone have a relationship. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted March 30, 2017 Share Posted March 30, 2017 Yup, it's called putting the cart before the horse and it is the fundamental problem with OLD. IMO any communication beyond simply setting up a first meet is just a waste of time. Well, I had a guy just today say in this first message to me: Hey, do you have time to meet up? That is too much too soon for me. How about a hello or what's your name or ANY type of warm up conversation? A phone call before meeting? Something! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Jj66 Posted March 30, 2017 Share Posted March 30, 2017 Well, I had a guy just today say in this first message to me: Hey, do you have time to meet up? That is too much too soon for me. How about a hello or what's your name or ANY type of warm up conversation? A phone call before meeting? Something! Yep, no foreplay. Gotta establish a little rapport before you ask for a number or propose a Meetup. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
WaitingForBardot Posted March 30, 2017 Share Posted March 30, 2017 To add to this: I think these guys online think that it's such a race or quest to get that first date, which I can sort of understand, considering that they think the women may flake or find another guy or drop off for no reason. So then after they have the first date and they think you're finally a real prospect and their adrenaline levels drop and the competition factor which was driving them before dies down. It's almost like they experience a "girl grab" but they don't even stop to see if they really want the girl or evaluate whether they are ready to do the dating or courting ritual, let alone have a relationship. I disagree with you on this point. It's not a race nor a quest. Many of us, myself included, simply can't get to know someone in any meaningful way via email/text/phone, and we want to avoid getting too invested before we meet. This is really difficult to avoid when we're already interested enough to want to meet you and lots of contact beforehand makes it even worse. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted March 30, 2017 Share Posted March 30, 2017 Yep, no foreplay. Gotta establish a little rapport before you ask for a number or propose a Meetup. I didn't want to use the word foreplay but that's exactly what I was thinking! lol! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Jj66 Posted March 30, 2017 Share Posted March 30, 2017 I had a date with a guy I met on Okcupid. He was texting me off the hook everyday for a week until we meet, pouring on the compliments...almost like he was putting me on a pedestal... it was over the top to say the least I went on the date Monday night. Omg, I thought it went SO well. We really connected on an emotional/mental level. He read me like a book and was SO sweet. Just the things he said really hit home with me and made me feel like I had met someone really special, someone who had a soul like mine He texted me to make sure I got home safe and told me what a great time he had and how gorgeous he thought I was. Then the next day I got a weird feeling. He sent me a good morning text but it wasnt his usual gushy over the top text. I texted back a simple good morning as I usually did Then today...crickets My gut is usually spot on when it comes to dating and I knew he was dropping of the radar. I'm def not chasing after him so it is what it is I just want to know why men (and women) do this. Why do they put on such a show and lay it on so thick only to disappear If I'm not feeling a guy on a date, I'm nice...but I'm certainly not gushing over him because I know I'm not interested. I'm also not putting the blame on myself because I didnt do anything wrong or misrepresent myself Guys I've dated for months or even years have done this. Have acted like they really cared for me and loved me only to disappear or cheat This kind of thing reminds me of the quote, "The biggest coward is a man who awakens a woman's love with no intention of loving her." I dont get it.... I've experienced this before. Maybe guilty of ratcheting down the communication, too. Not intentionally, though. The gushing part is not my style so I don't have much insight there. But I've noticed the frequency of communication usually went down after the first meeting. I don't know the reason. It happened even when both of us were interested. Maybe both sides trying not to seem too eager? I dunno. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
WaitingForBardot Posted March 30, 2017 Share Posted March 30, 2017 Yep, no foreplay. Gotta establish a little rapport before you ask for a number or propose a Meetup. I understand many people feel this way, but others feel it is something that can only be established in person. At the end of the day what works for one person won't work for another, just how it is. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Jj66 Posted March 30, 2017 Share Posted March 30, 2017 (edited) I understand many people feel this way, but others feel it is something that can only be established in person. At the end of the day what works for one person won't work for another, just how it is. I'm not talking about drawn out conversations over a period of days. I'm talking about engaging in some banter or something. Get her laughing first. Then ask. When she starts dropping smiley face emoticons in her responses it's time to ask. Usually takes 5 to 10 messages in my experience. Edited March 30, 2017 by Jj66 1 Link to post Share on other sites
WaitingForBardot Posted March 30, 2017 Share Posted March 30, 2017 I'm not talking about drawn out conversations over a period of days. I'm talking about engaging in some banter or something. Get her laughing first. Then ask. Yeah I understand your point. I wasn't suggesting that one leads with "let's meet", rather that minimal conversation is better than trying to get to know someone beforehand. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Jj66 Posted March 30, 2017 Share Posted March 30, 2017 Yeah I understand your point. I wasn't suggesting that one leads with "let's meet", rather that minimal conversation is better than trying to get to know someone beforehand. Trying to get to know someone by text is a huge waste of time. It almost always leads to disappointment when reality doesn't match the fantasy you have constructed. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
WaitingForBardot Posted March 30, 2017 Share Posted March 30, 2017 Trying to get to know someone by text is a huge waste of time. It almost always leads to disappointment when reality doesn't match the fantasy you have constructed. Exactly my original point. And we see this very thing frequently here. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
CaliforniaGirl Posted March 30, 2017 Share Posted March 30, 2017 I really think it boils down to people building things up too much in their heads. How can a real person on a real date compare? 6 Link to post Share on other sites
WaitingForBardot Posted March 30, 2017 Share Posted March 30, 2017 Trying to get to know someone by text is a huge waste of time. It almost always leads to disappointment when reality doesn't match the fantasy you have constructed. Just to add that I actually commented on this point before my last few posts but it got auto-moderated. It will show up eventually... And it appeared as I was writing this... ..lol.. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Dis Posted March 30, 2017 Author Share Posted March 30, 2017 Thanks for all the input guys Wtf though?! Are these guys not adults? Can we not be realistic and date as...adults??? Not grown up children? He had such a good game....layed it on so thick He even said something on the date about me that no one has ever picked up on before and it almost...almost made me teary He seemed like a very emotional/intense guy. Most guys dont have that much of an EQ And if when he met me the 'fantasy' was gone...why did he keep up with being so sweet for the entire date??? And after when we both got home??? Link to post Share on other sites
Space Ritual Posted March 30, 2017 Share Posted March 30, 2017 (edited) I had a date with a guy I met on Okcupid. He was texting me off the hook everyday for a week until we meet, pouring on the compliments...almost like he was putting me on a pedestal... it was over the top to say the least I went on the date Monday night. Omg, I thought it went SO well. We really connected on an emotional/mental level. He read me like a book and was SO sweet. Just the things he said really hit home with me and made me feel like I had met someone really special, someone who had a soul like mine He texted me to make sure I got home safe and told me what a great time he had and how gorgeous he thought I was. Then the next day I got a weird feeling. He sent me a good morning text but it wasnt his usual gushy over the top text. I texted back a simple good morning as I usually did Then today...crickets My gut is usually spot on when it comes to dating and I knew he was dropping of the radar. I'm def not chasing after him so it is what it is I just want to know why men (and women) do this. Why do they put on such a show and lay it on so thick only to disappear If I'm not feeling a guy on a date, I'm nice...but I'm certainly not gushing over him because I know I'm not interested. I'm also not putting the blame on myself because I didnt do anything wrong or misrepresent myself Guys I've dated for months or even years have done this. Have acted like they really cared for me and loved me only to disappear or cheat This kind of thing reminds me of the quote, "The biggest coward is a man who awakens a woman's love with no intention of loving her." I dont get it.... I get it. He wanted a piece of ass. He decided that if you weren't gonna jump his bones Monday night or at least Tuesday that he may give it one shot by this weekend. So don't be surprised if you hear from him tomorrow. He would rather just cut to the chase and have the sex scene than go through all the effort of getting to know you. I know that is a bit cynical and disheartening, but OP, you know enough of my posts on LS to know I am never going to be confused with being an International Diplomat, so here goes....lol As much as some people may take offense to this, many men who inhabit dating sites for very long have an huge ability to expect far too much far too quick. They are basically there because they feel their time is running short so they want to make as fast a connection as possible. We as a gender are much more fragile than we will ever admit. Women may be on OLD sites to look for more of a long lasting potential relationship, but let's be honest, men are usually quite happy to go the path of least resistance if they can get laid early n in the process. As I always say: "Women want a lot of things form one guy.,,,and guys want one thing from a lot of girls." If I were in your position I would not waste any more headspace on cricket boy. He is probably swiping on Tinder with one hand and with his dick in the other as of this writing. Edited March 30, 2017 by Space Ritual 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Simple Logic Posted March 30, 2017 Share Posted March 30, 2017 They are one act wonders. No matter who they date, the act the same. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
CaliforniaGirl Posted March 30, 2017 Share Posted March 30, 2017 Thanks for all the input guys Wtf though?! Are these guys not adults? Can we not be realistic and date as...adults??? Not grown up children? He had such a good game....layed it on so thick He even said something on the date about me that no one has ever picked up on before and it almost...almost made me teary He seemed like a very emotional/intense guy. Most guys dont have that much of an EQ And if when he met me the 'fantasy' was gone...why did he keep up with being so sweet for the entire date??? And after when we both got home??? I think if he was hoping for the total fantasy, he wasn't willing to give up on that immediately so he kept trying. But in the harsh light of day... OLD has such a "spin the dial for all those perfect qualities and we will find the perfect email order doll for you" quality to it that it is bound to disappoint. Yes, it takes an adult, or at least a very very realistic mindset, to take OLD for what it is and not imagine you are literally ordering the perfect person to ride off into the sunset with. People aren't a bundle of qualities to select from. They are people. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
bluefeather Posted March 30, 2017 Share Posted March 30, 2017 But how do you know it's going bad? Sorry, I'm trying to understand what the issue is, but am having some trouble. Because he only said "good morning" and did not text you for a day? Maybe he was a little preoccupied that day? Just an idea to consider if it's only been 24 hours and a little bit of texting. This is a reason why I dont like texting.. it is quite easy to misunderstand and misinterpret words. Would be better to talk on the phone. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Dis Posted March 30, 2017 Author Share Posted March 30, 2017 But how do you know it's going bad? Sorry, I'm trying to understand what the issue is, but am having some trouble. Because he only said "good morning" and did not text you for a day? Maybe he was a little preoccupied that day? Just an idea to consider if it's only been 24 hours and a little bit of texting. This is a reason why I dont like texting.. it is quite easy to misunderstand and misinterpret words. Would be better to talk on the phone. Hi blue Ya I totally get what your saying but its a gut feeling...its done Plus he went from texting incessantly to nothing in the past 36 hours I wont be hearing from him again I dont like that massive shift in communication...it doesnt seem stable or reliable to me Link to post Share on other sites
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