No_Go Posted March 31, 2017 Share Posted March 31, 2017 Eh I dated a guy like this. It was years ago, but dates were SO over the top, I still remember them. Like 8 hour dates! Twice. And then crickets. I think it is basically a sociopathic strategy - they don't care about you, they are love bombing you to prove their abilities to 'game' women... and the more smitten you get, the more successful they feel... until they move onto the next victim. I had a date with a guy I met on Okcupid. He was texting me off the hook everyday for a week until we meet, pouring on the compliments...almost like he was putting me on a pedestal... it was over the top to say the least I went on the date Monday night. Omg, I thought it went SO well. We really connected on an emotional/mental level. He read me like a book and was SO sweet. Just the things he said really hit home with me and made me feel like I had met someone really special, someone who had a soul like mine He texted me to make sure I got home safe and told me what a great time he had and how gorgeous he thought I was. Then the next day I got a weird feeling. He sent me a good morning text but it wasnt his usual gushy over the top text. I texted back a simple good morning as I usually did Then today...crickets My gut is usually spot on when it comes to dating and I knew he was dropping of the radar. I'm def not chasing after him so it is what it is I just want to know why men (and women) do this. Why do they put on such a show and lay it on so thick only to disappear If I'm not feeling a guy on a date, I'm nice...but I'm certainly not gushing over him because I know I'm not interested. I'm also not putting the blame on myself because I didnt do anything wrong or misrepresent myself Guys I've dated for months or even years have done this. Have acted like they really cared for me and loved me only to disappear or cheat This kind of thing reminds me of the quote, "The biggest coward is a man who awakens a woman's love with no intention of loving her." I dont get it.... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
WaitingForBardot Posted March 31, 2017 Share Posted March 31, 2017 I suppose it's comforting to tell ourselves that everyone that doesn't click with us has some underlying, fundamental flaw, but I wouldn't agree that it's the way to bet. Sometimes people just don't click and sometimes it takes retrospection to come to that conclusion. As to over-communication, love bombing, whatever you want to call it, doesn't it takes two to carry on a conversation? If a conversation is taking place, you are a willing participant. If someone is over-communicating, is too effusive, whatever, it seems like a simple enough matter to say "let's wait until we meet and continue the conversation in person". Simple enough for me anyway... 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Ronnys93 Posted March 31, 2017 Share Posted March 31, 2017 I suppose it's comforting to tell ourselves that everyone that doesn't click with us has some underlying, fundamental flaw, but I wouldn't agree that it's the way to bet. Sometimes people just don't click and sometimes it takes retrospection to come to that conclusion. As to over-communication, love bombing, whatever you want to call it, doesn't it takes two to carry on a conversation? If a conversation is taking place, you are a willing participant. If someone is over-communicating, is too effusive, whatever, it seems like a simple enough matter to say "let's wait until we meet and continue the conversation in person". Simple enough for me anyway... This actually happened in my situation. Apparently I was "too invested" in the other person and they decided to tell me LATE into the situation instead of communicating this earlier. It ended up with me being hurt but it's so true that it takes two to tango. Link to post Share on other sites
CaliforniaGirl Posted March 31, 2017 Share Posted March 31, 2017 I suppose it's comforting to tell ourselves that everyone that doesn't click with us has some underlying, fundamental flaw, but I wouldn't agree that it's the way to bet. Sometimes people just don't click and sometimes it takes retrospection to come to that conclusion. As to over-communication, love bombing, whatever you want to call it, doesn't it takes two to carry on a conversation? If a conversation is taking place, you are a willing participant. If someone is over-communicating, is too effusive, whatever, it seems like a simple enough matter to say "let's wait until we meet and continue the conversation in person". Simple enough for me anyway... This is a good point. We tend to lick our wounds and be a bit sour grape-y. It is human nature. We have hearts and putting it on the next person is one way to try to heal them. I constantly see bipolar, BPD, narcissism thrown around here like it's an Abnormal Psych convention or something. The one thing that I do think was socially clueless at best, though, and fundamentally disrespectful is any friend but especially a female one (come on) calling during a date as well as him just sitting there taking the call. That would bother me. Link to post Share on other sites
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