What percent of girls/guys do you people find too unattractive to date?

[Cookiesandough]

Strong lol @ asking people to rationalize what they're attracted to and saying they need to bring down their standards. Doesn't work that way, and even if it did, is that how you want to get people to be with you, sheesh. "You won't date me? Come on, you know you're not gonna do better than this. It's die alone or have sex with me, so you might as well as well resign yourself to this."

[Silverstring]

Strong lol @ asking people to rationalize what they're attracted to and saying they need to bring down their standards. Doesn't work that way, and even if it did, is that how you want to get people to be with you, sheesh. "You won't date me? Come on, you know you're not gonna do better than this. It's die alone or have sex with me, so you might as well as well resign yourself to this."

 

Not at all the point of my post if you're referring to me. Most people have no problems finding suitable people to be in a relationship with. Some people struggle, and it's probably a valuable exercise to try to figure out why. Same as if one is struggling with their career, or friendships, or any other part of their life. Introspection is a good thing. I can certainly tell you why I'm attracted to certain people over others, and I suspect most other people can too if they stop and think about it.

[jay1983]

Depends on the location. Dallas has pretty women everywhere, San Antonio doesn't fair as well. Same thing in California. So Cal has beautiful women everywhere Los Angeles, San Diego, Orange County, even the freaking desert. Nor Cal is different.

[Cookiesandough]

Not at all the point of my post if you're referring to me. Most people have no problems finding suitable people to be in a relationship with. Some people struggle, and it's probably a valuable exercise to try to figure out why. Same as if one is struggling with their career, or friendships, or any other part of their life. Introspection is a good thing. I can certainly tell you why I'm attracted to certain people over others, and I suspect most other people can too if they stop and think about it.

 

Not specifically you, but I'd imagine a person that finds very few people dateable and has even the faintest desire to has crossed the bridge of introspection quite awhile ago and found nothing over there.

[Cookiesandough]

I think maybe some introspection as to why you don't find almost any man appealing (assuming you're heterosexual). This falls way outside any attraction preferences for almost everybody on the planet. We are pretty much designed to mate and have babies (whether or you're interested in children or not), so attraction to the opposite sex is natural. You're preferences are not.

 

I think looking at yourself as to why this might be could be helpful. For example, did you see your dad as being "perfect" so not nothing less than your perception will do? Or maybe the opposite, you didn't have a positive male role model so you used the media to create your ideal mate (Disney princes, romantic comedies etc.)? Or maybe you've been so hurt in previous relationships, holding out for "perfect" is a defense mechanism? Or maybe you're self worth is dependent on a very attractive man choosing you?

 

Or maybe something else I haven't thought of. Of course very possible that you're asexual as well. The percentage of people that are asexual almost definitely is higher than the percentage of people that you're attracted to, so based on that, being asexual is a much more likely possibility.

 

 

The reason for why she/he is attracted to what she is one thing you can conjecture at best (e.g attracted to EU men because of an absentee father) Unraveling it to the point it makes one bit of difference is another. I'm attracted to a very few particular men... I could probably take a stab at why. But it won't change that I am. All the appeals to generalization or nature in the world about how I'm an outlier won't get me there. Asexual people are not sexual attracted to anyone(perhaps because of trauma?). If she's sexually attracted to people I don't think she's asexual. I think unless it's significantly interfering with their lives, it's not worth the trouble of contending with as I can only see extensive therapy changing it ( I'm thinking like the rehabilitation of pedophiles).

 

It's just kind of amusing seeing it around on this site. It'd be like me arguing to a good looking homosexual man having trouble finding a match that he needs to look within himself and consider dating me.

Edited April 3, 2017 by Cookiesandough

[Silverstring]

It's just kind of amusing seeing it around on this site. It'd be like me arguing to a good looking homosexual man having trouble finding a match that he needs to look within himself and consider dating me.

 

Well there's having trouble finding a match, and there's only being attracted to 1 out of every 1000 potential partners. And that being said, if struggling to find a partner isn't an issue for them, those people wouldn't be posting on this site. They would be living in blissful singledom. But some people are clearly struggling; they want to be in a meaningful relationship, but they are struggling. The majority of people don't. So trying to figure out why they struggle might be valuable, especially is they really do want to have that special connection that a meaningful, long term relationship can bring.

 

Also, I haven't seen any posts that suggest the people that are struggling should just date them; have you?

[Cookiesandough]

Well, no..I guess not to that extent.

 

And it's just a guess, but I think most of us with the issue of finding very few people we're interested in is that,although it's rare, it's nowhere near impossible. If it were really out of reach I think we'd be more inclined to settle or change.

[CptInsano]

Well, no..I guess not to that extent.

 

And it's just a guess, but I think most of us with the issue of finding very few people we're interested in is that,although it's rare, it's nowhere near impossible. If it were really out of reach I think we'd be more inclined to settle or change.

 

The danger is that it becomes impossible if you combine it with your implied selection criteria. A friend of mine spent 30 years looking for a long-haired artistic type with a love for music. Not a problem, right?

 

But she also wanted that person to be relationship-minded, a vegan or at least a vegetarian, living with her in a very conservative part of the country. Nevermind that she herself looked very conservative and worked for the Catholic church.

 

It's the summary of the expressed criteria, implied criteria and the circumstances that make it tricky.

[JuneJulySeptember]

 

It's just kind of amusing seeing it around on this site. It'd be like me arguing to a good looking homosexual man having trouble finding a match that he needs to look within himself and consider dating me.

 

Probably the most useful thing about this forum is that you get to see how other people think. So ... some people even though they don't find a person off the bat attractive, can still date that person. It's in this thread, stated by several posters, male and female alike.

 

There's degrees of attractiveness/unattractiveness. And women are still women. And men are still men.

 

So, kissing and dating a woman that I find to be mildly unattractive is not the same as taking another guy's c@ck up my @ss, however dashingly handsome he may be.

 

But maybe to other people it is. In which case it's easy. They don't ever need to take dating advice from anybody.

Edited April 3, 2017 by JuneJulySeptember

[Cookiesandough]

Sorry I shouldn't have used that analogy. It was just an extreme to illustrate how it's odd to me...all the shaming women's standards.

Edited April 3, 2017 by Cookiesandough

[thecrucible]

I've always been more into intellect and personality than looks although there is a limit so maybe 10% of men I won't find attractive at all (could be less). I'm not immediately moved by what a man looks like. I'm attracted by guys who aren't wishy-washy, they know who they are and what they want in life. They are confident without being arrogant. And I like guys who are intelligent and have a fundamentally good personality (i.e. not a whiny kind of nice guy).

 

If I'm feeling really selective I do like the tall, dark and handsome type with a medium build but that's a very generic description. If I compare past boyfriends, they all look completely different to each other. No one could suggest I have a type in terms of looks.

[Usename12]

In terms of looks, I have discovered that online, I think only maybe 1 out of 10 or less are women I'd want to message. I think part of it is when you see a list of faces, you compare them, even if it's subconsciously and only a couple bubble up. But IRL, I'm less discriminating about a woman's attractiveness even if they are not a 9 or 10. If I had seen them online next to attractive women, I probably wouldn't have messaged them.

 

I also had a friend who went to college without a ton of attractive women (according to him) and he said he started to be attracted to women who he wouldn't have liked before because that's just who he is exposed to. Interesting.

[ZA Dater]

Not specifically you, but I'd imagine a person that finds very few people dateable and has even the faintest desire to has crossed the bridge of introspection quite awhile ago and found nothing over there.

 

Interesting take on it. I think there is some correlation between those who are attractive themselves and who they find attractive to date and I when mean attractive I mean overall not just physically.

 

I think there is who we WANT to date and who we CAN date and for many people these two don't align. I know what I like for example but I know there is no chance those sorts of people will ever like, accepting that I am not going to simply just settle for what I don't want. Its very much a case of all or nothing which I have learnt to accept.

 

One thing I have never ever understood is why people settle for anything less than what they want, why pretend to like peaches if you actually like pears. I guess desperation sets in.

[WaitingForBardot]

/..snip../

One thing I have never ever understood is why people settle for anything less than what they want, why pretend to like peaches if you actually like pears. I guess desperation sets in.

I think your mistake is in assuming that people settled because you don't see what their partner's attraction is. People seem to use this argument a lot, so they can feel better about not having any success themselves. IMO it just shows a lack of imagination.

 

When I see a couple that seems a bit mismatched, rather than thinking one of them is settling, I look for qualities that make their partner attractive to them. There are always some...

[CptInsano]

I

When I see a couple that seems a bit mismatched, rather than thinking one of them is settling, I look for qualities that make their partner attractive to them. There are always some...

 

And many of these qualities you may not be able to see. There are people who have the ability to show you that what you want is not what you need. It's quite beautiful when that happens.

[BikerAccnt]

This thread is cracking me up. Such tight selection/attractiveness criteria.

 

Maybe it's because I'm older now, but I can find a range of women attractive. Average is attractive to me, as well as the obviously beautiful. Obesity is the only real turnoff for me. And I mean obese, if you have a bit of meat on your bones, I'm find with that! Never thought I would be, but I am now. I guess it supposes what you mean by attractive also.

 

What I am interested in, especially after reading this thread, is what the posters look like. With so many being only physically attracted to the top 5%, I'm wondering if they feel the are worth the top 5%?

 

After all, I've often read and heard from my female friends, that many men have an over inflated idea of how attractive they are to to opposite sex.

[ZA Dater]

I think your mistake is in assuming that people settled because you don't see what their partner's attraction is. People seem to use this argument a lot, so they can feel better about not having any success themselves. IMO it just shows a lack of imagination.

 

When I see a couple that seems a bit mismatched, rather than thinking one of them is settling, I look for qualities that make their partner attractive to them. There are always some...

 

Equally my point still stands that a great many people simply settle for the sake of it.

 

 

I actually have let my own lack of success wash off my back, it neither bothers me nor do I really care to be truthful. Sometimes I meet people I like, many times I don't, when I do meet someone I like I simply just enjoy that moment for what it is rather than hoping oh maybe she likes me.

 

 

Its not really about upper or lower 5% either as someone eludes to, people have specific likes completely unrelated to appearance. For me its intelligence and knowledge coupled to just being able to get along with the person, those two qualities on their own don't make someone completely attractive.

 

 

I think its better to have an idea as to what you find attractive than no idea at all than simply settling for the first person who gives you the time of day, which I am sure happens to more people than would openly admit to it.

 

 

Lets also not forget people tend to have expectations based on past experiences and consciously or not do compare present with past. I maintain I probably met and had the best date about 5 years ago, there was complete attraction, today someone like her is completely unobtainable for me because she has a level of choice and ability to choose I simply do not have.

 

 

Ultimately the only person you need to find attractive is the one you see in the mirror each morning. If you can do that does it really matter if you find anyone else attractive?

[JustGettingBy]

What percentage of women are physically too unattractive for me to date? Very few.

 

What percentage have personalities that turn me off? A bunch.

[Cookiesandough]

Interesting take on it. I think

 

One thing I have never ever understood is why people settle for anything less than what they want, why pretend to like peaches if you actually like pears. I guess desperation sets in.

 

Exactly! And I'll go further and say I've never understood why people would want someone to settle and pretend to like them. That can only go for so long and for as far their want for something other than that person extends. I don't want a guy who doesnt desire me, but is giving me a shot.. What?

 

You see advice here often like, " oh, you're being picky. Give 'average' guys a chance! Your feelings might change."

 

Science has suggested it does not, for most people know within minutes if they're sexually attracted to an individual. I had a policy in OLD. If I couldn't see myself possibly kissing that person in the future just based on photos and what little I could get from profile,I would not bother to responding , I have not the need nor desire to go on dates with guys I'm not attracted to in hope that maybe that will change. It's a waste of both our time. It's never worked for me.

 

 

But of course the desire not to be single is strong enough for a lot of people (read: desperate), or they want kids right now. , or they need $, they'll be more lax and will be with the person even if the attraction isn't really there, I'm sure they can overlook the fact they aren't attracted or even repulsed to an extent.

Edited April 10, 2017 by Cookiesandough

[ZA Dater]

Exactly! And I'll go further and say I've never understood why people would want someone to settle and pretend to like them. That can only go for so long and for as far their want for something other than that person extends. I don't want a guy who doesnt desire me, but is giving me a shot.. What?

 

You see advice here often like, " oh, you're being picky. Give 'average' guys a chance! Your feelings might change."

 

Science has suggested it does not, for most people know within minutes if they're sexually attracted to an individual. I had a policy in OLD. If I couldn't see myself possibly kissing that person in the future just based on photos and what little I could get from profile,I would not bother to responding , I have not the need nor desire to go on dates with guys I'm not attracted to in hope that maybe that will change. It's a waste of both our time. It's never worked for me.

 

 

But of course the desire not to be single is strong enough for a lot of people (read: desperate), or they want kids right now. , or they need $, they'll be more lax and will be with the person even if the attraction isn't really there, I'm sure they can overlook the fact they aren't attracted or even repulsed to an extent.

 

I think the tough part is if you are deemed unattractive then I do understand why people settle for someone willing to give them attention. Perhaps intellectual attraction can grow with time but I am not so sure on that one.

 

I do believe everyone in life has value and has something to learn from, they might not be attractive but that doesn't diminish their worth as people, all too often people lump worth with attraction which isn't true.

 

Ultimately I think we all want someone we like to really like us but reality isn't perhaps so kind. We all meet people we like, that isn't supremely difficult, what is difficult is to feel ok when they don't like us the way we like them.

[Cookiesandough]

I think the tough part is if you are deemed unattractive then I do understand why people settle for someone willing to give them attention. Perhaps intellectual attraction can grow with time but I am not so sure on that one.

 

I do believe everyone in life has value and has something to learn from, they might not be attractive but that doesn't diminish their worth as people, all too often people lump worth with attraction which isn't true.

 

Ultimately I think we all want someone we like to really like us but reality isn't perhaps so kind. We all meet people we like, that isn't supremely difficult, what is difficult is to feel ok when they don't like us the way we like them.

You're right, ZA

I really believe with how vast the world is there is always someone out there who will find you super attractive and they will range from people you find super attractive to people who you don't. Much less of the former of course, but I think that it exists for everyone. The search is just a bit harder sometimes.

 

It's hard to accept when people don't like us back, I know. I struggle with accepting how dating will always be a challenge for me, but I'm not giving up on finding someone I really like and I hope you don't either.

[curiouslysearching]

What percentage of women are physically too unattractive for me to date? Very few.

 

What percentage have personalities that turn me off? A bunch.

 

For me that percentage is pretty high as far as the physical aspect is

concerned and even higher personality wise...

[Lilyana76]

I have been on about 8 dates in the last few months. Out of those 8 only one did i find completely unattractive. The only reason I went out with him is because it was a set up by friends (blind date). Physically not my type. But then he was without manners as well (belching constantly during dinner, and constantly bringing up sex) which further made him unattractive to me.

 

I have also met some very physically attractive people where, getting to know them, they became very unattractive to me. Rude, arrogant, and mean. I think attitude and personality are more important than physical looks.

[GunslingerRoland]

I honestly don't know, I'd have to figure out a scientific way to test this, but I'll make a random guess.

 

For me, I am used to the North American ideal of beauty. I find women of all races attractive, but typically don't find FOTB types of immigrants attractive regardless of where in the world they come from. So that would lower my number. And some people just don't age well because of not taking care of themselves. As I get older that would also lower my number. (If I am considering women in 10 years in either direction of my age let's say)

 

That being said, I like a lot of different looks on women, so I'd still probably say 30%.

[ZA Dater]

You're right, ZA

I really believe with how vast the world is there is always someone out there who will find you super attractive and they will range from people you find super attractive to people who you don't. Much less of the former of course, but I think that it exists for everyone. The search is just a bit harder sometimes.

 

It's hard to accept when people don't like us back, I know. I struggle with accepting how dating will always be a challenge for me, but I'm not giving up on finding someone I really like and I hope you don't either.

 

I think its interesting to turn this topic around and ask what % of people do you find attractive to date. Its much easier to dwell on negative than positive.

 

Can you make yourself attractive, perhaps to an extent, do you need to feel attractive to be happy, debateable I think.

 

What I find attractive, a pretty face. I have had guys laugh at me when I have come up with this but genuinely it doesn't matter if she is super fit if her face isn't one I find attractive its almost no deal.