Is he pulling NC on me... wtf!?!?!??!

[Angeleyez2583]

Ok so my ex broke up with me 5 months over a drunken fight. It was a 2 1/2 year relationship. Anyway, I started working out, tanning and meeting new guys. The ex and I started getting close again. We hung out Monday and he jokes around and calls me a slut (because I've dated a lot of guys since him). We started hanging out again as friends. He always told me how good I looked and was very flirty with me. Last week we had sex twice. I told him it was strictly friends with benefits. He stated someone was going to get hurt. After we had sex he laid there, kissed my shoulder and wanted to hold me. There was some weird connection that I thought I felt when we had sex, but I never let me feelings get in control of my head. We used to talk every day on the phone before that. He knew about my ex bf after him, and then I told him about the new guy. He got all huffy puffy about it. He always makes fun of the new guys. Now he is ignoring me straight out and won't talk to me at all. I don't understand it. He stated he wanted to be friends. Now he finds out about all these guys interested in me, and he ignores me. I can't figure it out. He broke up with me.

[Mary3]

He does not respect you at all and your visit was a Booty Call to him.

[javaespressons]

That's the complete wrong answer-

 

I think he was living in the nastalgie, but not thinking of it so much as a booty-call. If anybody was thinking of it as a booty-call it was you. He on the other hand seems to still want some remnence of a relationship with you.

 

Give him some time to cool off, it may just now be soaking in what he lost.

[fundamental]

Originally posted by javaespressons

That's the complete wrong answer-

 

I think he was living in the nastalgie, but not thinking of it so much as a booty-call. If anybody was thinking of it as a booty-call it was you. He on the other hand seems to still want some remnence of a relationship with you.

 

Give him some time to cool off, it may just now be soaking in what he lost.

 

I agree. He is the one who has feelings for you and he wants more. You're the one who thought of it as the booty call, and he is doing NC because he is hurt.

[Sal Paradise]

Originally posted by fundamental

I agree. He is the one who has feelings for you and he wants more. You're the one who thought of it as the booty call, and he is doing NC because he is hurt.

 

Exactly. I think you should respect his NC unless you want more with him.

[Angeleyez2583]

so how do i find out if he still wants me or not???

[Sal Paradise]

Originally posted by Angeleyez2583

so how do i find out if he still wants me or not???

 

Ask him.

[A Fly onThe Wall]

By leaving him alone .... NC ... If he wants you he knows how to get you ..

 

 

You can't force him...

 

after some time has gone with NC then maybe contact him and see if it moves forward

[smile]

I agree bc thats where I am with my ex. I was willing to hang around and be a buddy and thought maybe sex and being best friends would make him have this hollywood moment of "OH MY GOD I LOVE YOU I SEE IT NOW" but , like you, he never had that. And I , like him, took my leave of the situation.

 

He is probably hurting a lot right now. I am not sure he would tell you he wanted you back bc his pride may be hurt as well. If you are sorry and you want him back I say apologize. Because he is probably hurt and wondering how you could love him and then be able to treat him like a booty call.

 

If you don't want him back, even if you are curious if he does, then stay away. Give him his space because every contact you make with him just proves that he is on your mind and that gives him hope. As much as you may want to make nice and be friends be realistic. It's unfair to expect an ex to be able to do that. Not without wondering if maybe one day you will want him back.

 

He is obviously hurt and he cares about you. The slut comment was probably a bit of pain that you could get over him so quickly with so many guys. Especially if he is unable to even look at an other girl. It's hard to see that your ex is ready to move on when you arent. Then how lame do you look alone and sad while they are whooping it up with every single person around. Makes a person look, and feel, like a chump.

 

So if you want him say so, if you don't then let him go. He needs space. He may want to be able to be your friend bc he does love you , but bc he loves you he may never be capable of just being your friend. Some people have too much pride and that can screw up even the greatest relationships. Good luck.

[javaespressons]

That was excellent- it couldn't have been said better smile.

[Angeleyez2583]

I was doing a lot of thinking last night, and I realized I do miss him. Guys just aren't the same or as fun as he is. We had such a great connection. Even If I told him I wanted something, his male ego would prob kick in, and he'd say something along the lines of "I told you I just want to be friends". Blah. He needs to think with his heart and not his head. What would be an approach to telling him this???

 

so confused!

[Jaime03]

Do you want to be back with him? The only reason he acted the way he did is because he is jealous. Guys are stubborn. (most of them) If they want you back and miss you it is so hard for them to tell you. Him ignoring you b/c of other guys liking you is obvious that he still wants you. You dont want a guy like that anyways. You sound like you have moved on and started a new life why go back or ever get caught up in that stuff. Your much better then that. No matter what he should not have called you a slut. Nothing makes that right. Even if it was a joke or whatever. He wants to have his cake and eat it too. My advice would to go on as you were and not even get caught up in it.

[smile]

I am sorry but you just said he needs to think with his heart and not with his head? I think maybe you need to take that chance.. think with YOUR heart and if you want him say so. Yeh there is a chance he may say no but at least you were honest.

 

Too many people spend too much time waiting for the right moment. There is NO right moment bc we don't know how many moments we have left on this world. Stop playing games with eachother and be honest with yourself.

 

Ok so he called you a slut, he may have been joking he may not have been but if it didnt offend you enough to stop hanging with him then I think its petty to bring up now. Just like digging for reasons why he is the bad guy. I think the truth is you are stuck in a weird place.

 

Its like you have your freedom and you are living it and now he may want you back and its like a HUGE wrench in the works. After someone leaves you the walls that go up are hard to break down. I get it I do.

 

But be honest with yourself. And I say if you are unsure then stay away . Because then he is in for a rollercoaster ride he may not be prepared for. Look you loved this guy once, he isnt just some a**hole you just met. Remember that and try to be true to that.

 

Its easy for us to hurt eachother after break ups and such but there was an honest relationship there and dont ruin it bc of pride or whatever. Sometimes there is no bad guy and no good guy there are just circumstances that keep a relationship from working. Look at the circumstances and think about what you are willing to deal with and make your decison based on that. Not on who broke up with who or who called who a slut. If you love someone that stuff falls away.

 

I dunno thats just my opinion.

[smile95]

ok-it wasnot a booty call. If you knew him for a month, maybe, but you had a LT relationship with him.

 

In my mind, he knew you had other people interested and wanted to feed his ego and see if he could still get you. He did and now he feels he has won and prob got the last word. IT could be anything really as to why he did this.

 

My ex would just stop talking to me for weeks at a time. As soon as he got work that I was dating or someone wanted me.....here he came back. It is an ego thing.

 

I was doing a lot of thinking last night, and I realized I do miss him. Guys just aren't the same or as fun as he is. We had such a great connection. Even If I told him I wanted something, his male ego would prob kick in, and he'd say something along the lines of "I told you I just want to be friends". Blah. He needs to think with his heart and not his head. What would be an approach to telling him this???

 

so confused!

 

I could have written that. scary......

 

I miss my ex too. We were supposed to be "friends" and it did not work. I feel the same. No one compares to him. I always say"we had such a great connection". But as much as it hurts, I have to tell myself.....if we are not together, then the connection must not have been so great on his end. I have learned that 2 people canlove each other, but it takes more than love and a connection to make things work.

[smile]

you're right it does take more than love and a connection to make things work. It takes a willingness to look like a fool and risk it all. If you cant put your pride aside you will never fully feel love, in its best and worst forms.

 

You can say all you want about "he is a jerk" or "he needs to think with his heart and not his head". But you said yourself in your first post, you never let your feelings get in control of your head. WHY NOT? Yeh it can hurt but it can be wonderful too.

 

You have to be honest . I dont know I have just been here and I stayed quiet and walked away with things unsaid. Dont do that . You will so regret it.

 

WHO CARES WHAT HIS INTENTIONS WERE. You will never ever ever be able to just guess and say "yep thats it". You need to talk to him to know. And maybe its not what you want to hear and maybe its a lie. But if you are concerned enough to come here and ask us what we think , it matters enough for you to ask him what he thinks.

 

I am not even commenting on whether or not you want him back.. thats irreleveant here. You have a question and the only one who can truly answer it is him. Deal with HIM, talk to HIM. ask HIM. And let us know how it goes. Good or bad we are here. But the relationship in question is with HIM , not us.

[akira76]

Hey. So, he's upset. Chances are that he is angry, bewildered and frustrated that he can't regain the control over you that he once had. Many guys get upset due to a sense of powerlessness in situations such as yours. To get so close, and then find that the other person is restrictive and closed is hard to take. It's a feeling of losing, and it can be crushing. It's likely that he is avoiding you in the hopes that you will make the move to get back together with him, validating his feelings, and in turn, handing the power back over to him.

 

You should avoid this situation. Move on, and don't lead him on by letting him get close, but not close enough.

[fundamental]

Originally posted by akira76

Hey. So, he's upset. Chances are that he is angry, bewildered and frustrated that he can't regain the control over you that he once had. Many guys get upset due to a sense of powerlessness in situations such as yours. To get so close, and then find that the other person is restrictive and closed is hard to take. It's a feeling of losing, and it can be crushing. It's likely that he is avoiding you in the hopes that you will make the move to get back together with him, validating his feelings, and in turn, handing the power back over to him.

 

You should avoid this situation. Move on, and don't lead him on by letting him get close, but not close enough.

 

Sure, some people would do this to gain control and power but it would be a waste of time. He is avoiding her because SHE took it as a booty call and deep down he didn't. It's his own fault for getting close but the guy should of admit that he still had feelings.

[Angeleyez2583]

Reposting this..

 

 

I guess this is part two of the saga with the ex. We talked on the phone finally yesterday. He came to my town (he lives an hour away) and stopped by my apartment. Anyway, so he puts his arm around me and starts cuddling with me. He kept looking me in the eyes giving me this weird look (hard to explain- like a good like). So anyway, first he started asking me if I wanted to have sex (he was serious) as soon as I said no, he goes.. I really didn't want to anyway. That's when the cuddling began. then we looked eachother in the eyes and just kissed. He says "why'd u kiss me" I'm like.. u kissed me.. (It seemed like he kissed me but I don't know). Anyway, this weirded me out. The feelings were obviously there, but then he pulls the whole. You're making that face. The whole night he kept telling me he knew me better then any guy ever could. THEN.. the most messed up thing of all .. he said.. This is what friends do. I'm thinking in my head, friends don't kiss eachother and friends don't cuddle. WTF.

 

And it seemed like at one point he was testing me. I had plans to go out w/ my friends, but he kept saying, you don't have to go out. I thought u wanted me to come over and hang out..

 

He's too weird.........

[fundamental]

Originally posted by Angeleyez2583

Reposting this..

 

 

I guess this is part two of the saga with the ex. We talked on the phone finally yesterday. He came to my town (he lives an hour away) and stopped by my apartment. Anyway, so he puts his arm around me and starts cuddling with me. He kept looking me in the eyes giving me this weird look (hard to explain- like a good like). So anyway, first he started asking me if I wanted to have sex (he was serious) as soon as I said no, he goes.. I really didn't want to anyway. That's when the cuddling began. then we looked eachother in the eyes and just kissed. He says "why'd u kiss me" I'm like.. u kissed me.. (It seemed like he kissed me but I don't know). Anyway, this weirded me out. The feelings were obviously there, but then he pulls the whole. You're making that face. The whole night he kept telling me he knew me better then any guy ever could. THEN.. the most messed up thing of all .. he said.. This is what friends do. I'm thinking in my head, friends don't kiss eachother and friends don't cuddle. WTF.

 

And it seemed like at one point he was testing me. I had plans to go out w/ my friends, but he kept saying, you don't have to go out. I thought u wanted me to come over and hang out..

 

He's too weird.........

 

He is testing you and playing games... he is too much of a wimp to say what he actually wants. So, if he is causing you any kind of distress, let him go and do not talk with him again.