Only me.

[aileD]

Seriously.

 

Signed up and paid for a marriage retreat weekend. Christian based, learning to communicate better. We leave today. Been excited about it.

 

Got the details the other day. Looked up the hotel today, to get directions.

 

It's the same hotel I found on my husband's credit card bill back when I found out about the affair.

 

This **** only happens to me.

 

I can't get a moment of peace and healing without this affair being shoved in my face over and over again.

 

 

Oh and it's my birthday tomorrow too.

[NotCamelot]

Wow. I feel so bad for you. That may not be a productive retreat.

 

 

I know how I feel, 5 years afterward, every time we have to ride by the hotel where my W met her OM. Even though I am driving, I still watch to see if she looks that direction ( at the hotel ).

 

 

These reminders are really hard to deal with. I don't guess it is possible to cancel or choose a different place?

 

 

And, happy birthday! Please try to have a good one.

[somuchfortheone]

Seriously.

 

Signed up and paid for a marriage retreat weekend. Christian based, learning to communicate better. We leave today. Been excited about it.

 

Got the details the other day. Looked up the hotel today, to get directions.

 

It's the same hotel I found on my husband's credit card bill back when I found out about the affair.

 

This **** only happens to me.

 

I can't get a moment of peace and healing without this affair being shoved in my face over and over again.

 

 

Oh and it's my birthday tomorrow too.

 

 

 

 

 

 

I totally get it. I am happy to hear that y'all are both interested in reconciling. I wish my husband was but he thinks he's found happiness with his OW. I'm so sorry for your pain. I don't think the WS ever truly understand what they put us through. The constant triggers.

[somuchfortheone]

Wow. I feel so bad for you. That may not be a productive retreat.

 

 

I know how I feel, 5 years afterward, every time we have to ride by the hotel where my W met her OM. Even though I am driving, I still watch to see if she looks that direction ( at the hotel ).

 

 

These reminders are really hard to deal with. I don't guess it is possible to cancel or choose a different place?

 

 

And, happy birthday! Please try to have a good one.

 

 

 

 

 

 

WOW - my WH and his OW met at a hotel too...he was working there at the time and she was coming in to apply and ended up getting the job...and I do the same thing. Always look at him to see if he's scoping out the parking lot because she still works there. They are now both divorcing their spouses to be together...

[Lovetoo]

Maybe a chance to rewrite history.

[NotCamelot]

Maybe a chance to rewrite history.

 

I have had that thought. But, I think that it would be too hard to deal with. I am sure that any of us would spend the entire time thinking: did they there, did they here, etc.

[WaitingForBardot]

Falls under the category of you can't make s! like this up! Wow!

 

Focusing on the retreat aspect only, I went to the Catholic Church's Engaged Encounter retreat as a condition of being able to get married in my wife's church. Not being a religious man I was in dread, but it turned out to be a great thing. Rather than simple religious indoctrination, which I unfairly believed it would be, they were really focused on making sure people knew what they were doing, were getting married for the right reasons, and trying to give them the best chance at staying married into the future.

 

If I were having problems in my marriage, their Married Encounter is the first place I'd look to for help. Maybe an option if you can't deal with this one.

[aileD]

Falls under the category of you can't make s! like this up! Wow!

 

Focusing on the retreat aspect only, I went to the Catholic Church's Engaged Encounter retreat as a condition of being able to get married in my wife's church. Not being a religious man I was in dread, but it turned out to be a great thing. Rather than simple religious indoctrination, which I unfairly believed it would be, they were really focused on making sure people knew what they were doing, were getting married for the right reasons, and trying to give them the best chance at staying married into the future.

 

If I were having problems in my marriage, their Married Encounter is the first place I'd look to for help. Maybe an option if you can't deal with this one.

 

 

Yes we are going to a retrouvaille weekend. It's a primarily catholic thing but they have christian ones....think basically not much different other than the priest/pastor running it.

 

H and Ow didn't usually meet in hotels, but when she got kicked out of her moms house he put her up there. Convenient I guess, not to far from his work ...ok stop thinking about it now.

 

And yeah....you can't make this **** up!!!!

 

 

I'm going to make the best of it and have a good attitude. I'll probably have a few snarky comments though. But I'm happy about this. Going to try not to think about it. Point is he's not there with her now. He's there with me. For me. For us.

Edited April 1, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
external link ~T

[aileD]

I totally get it. I am happy to hear that y'all are both interested in reconciling. I wish my husband was but he thinks he's found happiness with his OW. I'm so sorry for your pain. I don't think the WS ever truly understand what they put us through. The constant triggers.

 

I'm sure you're WH will regret it once the affair bubble bursts

(((Hugs)))

[EZNona]

Seriously.

 

Signed up and paid for a marriage retreat weekend. Christian based, learning to communicate better. We leave today. Been excited about it.

 

Got the details the other day. Looked up the hotel today, to get directions.

 

It's the same hotel I found on my husband's credit card bill back when I found out about the affair.

 

This **** only happens to me.

 

I can't get a moment of peace and healing without this affair being shoved in my face over and over again.

 

 

Oh and it's my birthday tomorrow too.

 

 

AileD,

 

That's one of the biggest challenges of getting over an affair/cheating....all the dam reminders of it!!!

 

Praying that you guys have a great weekend and that you, especially, have an even better birthday!

[QuietDan]

Alright.

So, what are the odds that the first room assigned to you two was the last one he and the other woman spent time together in?

[aileD]

Alright.

So, what are the odds that the first room assigned to you two was the last one he and the other woman spent time together in?

 

 

Zero because it's not the hotel!!!! H said he's never been here. There's another hotel down the street.

[dichotomy]

I am so sorry.

 

Along time ago I asked my wife to eliminate us going to places tied to her past. Occasionally she slipped up or forgot. Occasionally I knew but she had forgot so I said no going there.

 

I assume the hotel is where the retreat activities are actually taking place - so even getting a room at a place nearby would mean you would spend time in the building.

 

I would not go - there is no way I could spend a any time in a place like that for any reason and not get upset. But perhaps its also a chance to to face things in a place with help. I hope your husband is very very very considerate.

Edited April 1, 2017 by dichotomy

[BTDT2012]

Would love to hear your thoughts on the retreat when you return.

[gettingstronger]

I avoid entire cities! Our OW traveled, at her own expense to meet my husband on business trips. One day I'll face my demons- someday!

[BTDT2012]

And happy birthday to you!

[wmacbride]

Seriously.

 

Signed up and paid for a marriage retreat weekend. Christian based, learning to communicate better. We leave today. Been excited about it.

 

Got the details the other day. Looked up the hotel today, to get directions.

 

It's the same hotel I found on my husband's credit card bill back when I found out about the affair.

 

This **** only happens to me.

 

I can't get a moment of peace and healing without this affair being shoved in my face over and over again.

 

 

Oh and it's my birthday tomorrow too.

 

That blows, but it could also be an opportunity ( yes, I know that sounds weird).

 

You can use this as a chance to take back some of your personal power. Don't let the A take any more from you. March into that hotel, head held high, arm and arm with your H and enjoy the retreat.

 

Make the hotel into a place where you and your H went to make your M closer, and not the place they had the A.

[ladyj888]

Hello,

 

Well, it's difficult to break the cycle of "bad thoughts" after going through painful experiences, so as a few others have said and even you did, keep your focus on what you've agreed to : reconciliation. As long as you both want and work towards that, the thoughts will leave. Also there is a christian precept of cleaning a room of mess and not leaving it empty, but filling it with positive, God-based principles (thought in this case).

 

Ex. when you think of the "hotel" replace that with a positive memory of you and your husband having been somewhere together that you enjoyed. A personal example is that my husband and I kindled our relationship over learning to dance, but now we don't anymore (and haven't for years), but today I listened to a sad, but beautiful song that rekindled my desire to want to dance with him, like some of the song's words discuss. And I do think I'll suggest tonight that after the kids are asleep, we could dance to the song. He really enjoyed dancing and loves music.

 

And definitely put into PRACTICE what you both learn at the retreat, they can be helpful in rekindling (important word). Do know that God is able to relight a fire, like we can take a small amount of wood or stone and make a spark to start a fire (and especially so when in dire need), it can happen even after the most painful of circumstances. I'll be praying for you both!