BluesPower Posted April 1, 2017 Share Posted April 1, 2017 Today is kind of cathartic day for me. I got to spend the day cleaning up and throwing away all of the stuff that my wife left when she left. It was kind of hard actually, and I am still not finished. I am so glad that she is gone from my house and for the most part my life. It felt good to toss the junk that she left behind. Sometimes when I found a picture of something from our early marriage a little tear would come to my eye. Not for the end of the marriage or for her, I would get a little tear because I was such a stupid moron for staying married to this woman for so long. I just cannot believe that it took so long for me to realize what a horrible person she was. I actually found some old journals of hers when she was in the psych hospital and later therapy. Reading some of that helped me to realize how actually totally crazy she was and still is. I knew she was nuts, I tried to get her help and I tried to be there for her. But I never realize that she really was living in an alternate reality and she never understood anything that was going on around her. What a trip. So anyway, I am just ranting about the Ex. I don't really know way, I just am... 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted April 2, 2017 Share Posted April 2, 2017 A site like this has many purposes, not the least of which is the ability to vent thoughts and feelings that don't really fit anywhere else. I had a similar experience when my ex-wife left. Since she screwed me over so thoroughly, had to give myself permission to feel sad about the time invested and "what could have beens". Good riddance but still bittersweet... Mr. Lucky 4 Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted April 2, 2017 Share Posted April 2, 2017 I think going through and cleaning out the old crap is good for healing. It really helps to put things in perspective. I'm glad you're not too sad about it ending but if you were that'd be okay too. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Marc878 Posted April 2, 2017 Share Posted April 2, 2017 I think its best to do a full purge. The less triggers around the better. You'll move on a lot faster that way. Out with the old and in with the new. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Momof3littleones Posted April 3, 2017 Share Posted April 3, 2017 I think you'll feel better when it's all gone. The fact that you're doing it shows strength. I need to have my sister or friend come over when I'm ready to go through my photos, but not yet because my feelings are still too raw. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author BluesPower Posted April 3, 2017 Author Share Posted April 3, 2017 I read your post honey... You really got a raw deal. Just try to hole your head up, it is not your fault. You will make it through it... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Marc878 Posted April 3, 2017 Share Posted April 3, 2017 When you're through it all take the cast offs and make a big bonfire. Good excuse to drink beer smoke cigars with your buddies 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Telemachus Posted April 3, 2017 Share Posted April 3, 2017 Wounds scab-over. In time, this will become a scar that you don't think about all that often, or at least not negatively. You may already be there. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
OatsAndHall Posted April 3, 2017 Share Posted April 3, 2017 Today is kind of cathartic day for me. Not for the end of the marriage or for her, I would get a little tear because I was such a stupid moron for staying married to this woman for so long. I just cannot believe that it took so long for me to realize what a horrible person she was. I actually found some old journals of hers when she was in the psych hospital and later therapy. Reading some of that helped me to realize how actually totally crazy she was and still is. I knew she was nuts, I tried to get her help and I tried to be there for her. But I never realize that she really was living in an alternate reality and she never understood anything that was going on around her. . I understand where you're coming from. But, for me, my ex-wife's serious instabilities actually give me a little bit of comfort when it comes to the divorce. I felt a great deal of regret and guilt when everything went down as I had never really taken a step back to think about just how screwed up she is. My therapist snapped me out of that thought process in a hurry. I went on a verbal rampage in his office one afternoon as she had p-ssed me off about something. He stopped me and said "I'm overstepping some boundaries here by saying this but it honestly sounds like your ex-wife has one of two specific personality disorders. If she were in her describing these actions or behaviors to me, I would have her diagnosed with either a histrionic or borderline personality disorder." Again, I knew she was unstable but I loved her so it was easy for me to write off her issues and try to "fix" her. But that conversation with my therapist seemed to set my world right again. Link to post Share on other sites
Author BluesPower Posted April 4, 2017 Author Share Posted April 4, 2017 Yes, I understand that... I know that it is unhealthy to feel some of that. But I just loved her so much I thought that I could fix everything. I literally almost killed myself trying to do that. Had a stroke, recovered fully and I can still play, but it scared the hell out of me. For the first time in my life I started to think about myself first, the only time actually. That moment of clarity set the stage for this divorce, I still tried after but it was just never going to work. I have 0 guilt now for anything. And just as I am hitting full stride with the collection of woman that I am seeing, I meet this beautiful 40 YO that has completely rocked my world. I feel like a teenager, it is a complete trip. Have to take it carefully though but it just feels great... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Grapesofwrath Posted May 7, 2017 Share Posted May 7, 2017 Blues: I have not been reading or posting here much lately, but I logged in today and saw this post. I'm sorry to hear of your pain. You are a strong person, and you will survive this test as well. It's exciting to meet someone new who brings those sparkly feelings. But please be kind to that 40 yo friend you have found. It doesn't seem like you are in a place, emotionally, at this moment to create a new relationship with someone that is based on a solid foundation. Some more healing may be in order before you can open your heart to another. Not that you can't let her into your life. Just, perhaps, a gentle reminder to consider her feelings and needs to be sure you can both enjoy the relationship without causing hurt. Wishing you the best. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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