How do you handle loneliness?

[grays]

And what is it, even??? Im not sure what it is thats missing from my life, if anything. Could it be that I'll feel loneliness in anything but a serious long term relationship? I was married for 25 years. Maybe i just got used to that level of intimacy? But Id like to figure how how to not be feeling this way even if Im single.

 

When I think about what Im missing, it seems like its someone who's really got my back whether its to listen to me ramble or give me a shoulder to cry on or just be in my corner. The times that I feel like my loneliness has been addressed (altho just temporarily of course) or satisfied, its been thru physical affection, not sex (i think most of the time sex doesnt address it at all) but actual affection. Thats not that easy to come by, tho. I dont really wanna have a serious LTR, so Im hoping to find a way to quell this feeling without that.

[RatherNotSay]

I know somewhat what you are feeling my friend. Being in a relationship for that long (25 years is quite long) loneliness is a must, you need to start accepting the fact you are alone, and start treating yourself good mate. I'm still there, I feel lonely most of my time, and I feel like I need someone to hug, to cry to, to accept me and love..(whatever) even though I won't admit it.

 

But you need time and to work on yourself. Time alone won't heal if you are not willing to let it heal you from this feeling. It sometimes can be overwhelming, but it passes.

 

Nothing stays forever.

[OatsAndHall]

I went through an unexpected and nasty divorce that really hurt. I went from having a wife and a family to living in my mother's basement. I had grown distant from many of my friends during the marriage as I moved jobs and towns continually for my marriage. I was seriously lonely and depressed.

 

I quit teaching for a year because of all of it but decided that I needed to get back into it. I took a job in a tiny town in an isolated area because it made the most financial sense for me at the time. I have a few friends up here but I certainly don't have the same kind of contact with people that I used to and I get lonely quite often.

 

But, I've learned to accept that loneliness at times and I have also learned to appreciate the friends I have up here and take advantage of the time I get. I've also found ways to alleviate the loneliness when there's no one around: I workout, I go for walks, I immerse myself in work, etc..etc..

 

All and all, this move was painful at first but I'm finally becoming comfortable being alone again and it's been good for me. It was just something that I had to accept and learn to deal with. Loneliness sucks but it gives us all the opportunity to be self-reflective and comfortable in our own skin.

[OatsAndHall]

I should add that I am in a LDR which I am trying to make work but it's bee tough for numerous reasons and I still end up trying to occupy myself consistently.

[Shanex]

I handle it pretty well, on the contrary, I am even acclimated to solitude and like it that way.

 

Outside of job related stuffs, the grocery or the mall, the barber and a couple other things, I am a happy recluse.

 

That said, I was an only child from parents who separated shortly after I was born. Loneliness was then not a choice but a state of affairs. I was still able to make many friends in school then high school until I graduated.

 

These days, I have ~5 close friends who I know that I can reach out to and they will be here for me if needed. Friendship is a give and take concept and if they need me, I am here too.

 

As for relationships, my relative lack of social skills made it difficult. I was always more attracted to loner ladies like me. I don't see myself hanging out in the pubs or clubs every evening. I like more quiet activities, preferably that doesn't involve too many people. Same with the rare parties I still attend.

 

All the best, Grays.

Edited April 2, 2017 by Shanex

[d0nnivain]

Reach out for friends. Get involved in your community to keep yourself busy. Don't isolate yourself. Consider getting a pet.

[preraph]

Don't wait for the right person to come along to give yourself joy and make a nice life for yourself. Go ahead and do that. Get yourself a little house or duplex with a fenced back yard and a doggie door, and get a dog. You will be amazed how much company and comfort they are. Much more dependable than most people!

[DrReplyInRhymes]

Man, when you find the answer to this question, let me know.

 

I mean, I'm fine being alone and doing things by myself. I end up doing things by myself more often than not anyway.

 

But, it has become a bit lonely. Incredibly lonely, actually.

 

I mean, there's really only so many things you can do by yourself. After a while, it kind of drives you insane.

 

(There's a reason why there's strict limits on how many days people can be kept in solitary confinement without mental issues. It's a species thing, not an individual thing, and there's exceptions everywhere.)

[whichwayisup]

And what is it, even??? Im not sure what it is thats missing from my life, if anything. Could it be that I'll feel loneliness in anything but a serious long term relationship? I was married for 25 years. Maybe i just got used to that level of intimacy? But Id like to figure how how to not be feeling this way even if Im single.

 

When I think about what Im missing, it seems like its someone who's really got my back whether its to listen to me ramble or give me a shoulder to cry on or just be in my corner. The times that I feel like my loneliness has been addressed (altho just temporarily of course) or satisfied, its been thru physical affection, not sex (i think most of the time sex doesnt address it at all) but actual affection. Thats not that easy to come by, tho. I dont really wanna have a serious LTR, so Im hoping to find a way to quell this feeling without that.

 

You're missing the companionship of having someone around all the time.

 

Rely on your family, good friends and neighbours that you're close with to support you.

[grays]

Man, when you find the answer to this question, let me know.

 

I mean, I'm fine being alone and doing things by myself. I end up doing things by myself more often than not anyway.

 

But, it has become a bit lonely. Incredibly lonely, actually.

 

I mean, there's really only so many things you can do by yourself. After a while, it kind of drives you insane.

 

(There's a reason why there's strict limits on how many days people can be kept in solitary confinement without mental issues. It's a species thing, not an individual thing, and there's exceptions everywhere.)

 

I actually dont spend a ton of time alone, more than when i was married, of course, but not a ton. Its a rare day that I dont either have my kids with me or have something social going on. But still I get lonely. And I kinda think its independant of how many people are around or if im engaging with others. I love it that my main hobby and obsession is salsa dancing because I can go out and be social any night of the week and always see people i know and meet new people dancing. Bht then sometimes Ill come home after and itll hit me.

 

And there are times that im fine and even happy to be alone. But if im lonely everything just feels ****ty. I almost wonder if its a form of depression, or a manifestation of depression.

[Spring23]

I actually dont spend a ton of time alone, more than when i was married, of course, but not a ton. Its a rare day that I dont either have my kids with me or have something social going on. But still I get lonely. And I kinda think its independant of how many people are around or if im engaging with others. I love it that my main hobby and obsession is salsa dancing because I can go out and be social any night of the week and always see people i know and meet new people dancing. Bht then sometimes Ill come home after and itll hit me.

 

And there are times that im fine and even happy to be alone. But if im lonely everything just feels ****ty. I almost wonder if its a form of depression, or a manifestation of depression.

 

It does sound like depression. That might be something you should look further into.

[truthtripper]

We really mainly communicate animal-style, ie-non-verbally, which makes up about 93%, the remaining verbally, 7%. So yes, physical touch allows us to express much more deeply than words.

 

I was recently watching a show on TV about the powers of eye gazing and how it can effectively combat loneliness.

 

Eye gazing: where people meet up to look each other in the eye | SBS News

[No_Go]

Yeah, very normal after a long marriage. My mom experienced that after my dad died, I still see her struggling, although their marriage was bad.

 

Do you have other people in your lief to rely on? Siblings or adult kids or close friends? They can fill the void quite substantially...

 

When I'm lonely I get into projects. I always have something to write up from past projects, what better time to write than when I'm single ? Sometimes I feel I'm getting too self-sufficient... If I stay single for too long I'll completely lose the desire for a LTR... But maybe that's because i'm introverted big time, I can see how a more extroverted person will struggle.

 

And what is it, even??? Im not sure what it is thats missing from my life, if anything. Could it be that I'll feel loneliness in anything but a serious long term relationship? I was married for 25 years. Maybe i just got used to that level of intimacy? But Id like to figure how how to not be feeling this way even if Im single.

 

When I think about what Im missing, it seems like its someone who's really got my back whether its to listen to me ramble or give me a shoulder to cry on or just be in my corner. The times that I feel like my loneliness has been addressed (altho just temporarily of course) or satisfied, its been thru physical affection, not sex (i think most of the time sex doesnt address it at all) but actual affection. Thats not that easy to come by, tho. I dont really wanna have a serious LTR, so Im hoping to find a way to quell this feeling without that.

[No_Go]

Just saw this post... Yeah, it sounds like a form of depression. It could be worth it to get into some counseling?

 

I actually dont spend a ton of time alone, more than when i was married, of course, but not a ton. Its a rare day that I dont either have my kids with me or have something social going on. But still I get lonely. And I kinda think its independant of how many people are around or if im engaging with others. I love it that my main hobby and obsession is salsa dancing because I can go out and be social any night of the week and always see people i know and meet new people dancing. Bht then sometimes Ill come home after and itll hit me.

 

And there are times that im fine and even happy to be alone. But if im lonely everything just feels ****ty. I almost wonder if its a form of depression, or a manifestation of depression.

[grays]

I dont really have reliable adults in my life, no family at all and my three best friends are all very caught up with their own stuff (understandably, one is a very newly recovering alcoholic and the otber two each have four young children) so I dont see them a whole lot. I have o e friend that I text with almost daily but I almost never see her and one of the others I probably see twice a month tops. I should probably try reaching out more to women that i like. Theres one who lives in my building that i kerp meaning to invite over for dinner. I should just go for it.

 

I had a great therapist that I was seeing through my break up but i had to stop when the divorce became final bc my health insurance changed. I dont really feel like running out and finding another just bc i do t have high hopes of finding a good one. Ive seen several that didnt work for me. But i will think about it, maybe ill warm up to the idea.