d0nnivain Posted April 6, 2017 Share Posted April 6, 2017 Finding & keep a good job are much easier than finding somebody to spend your life with. Make sure you are analyzing the correct criteria when you make this decision. Although we married later in life while I had an established career, my husband was job hopping, going to school on line & delivering newspapers to make ends meet. His earning potential never factored into my decision making because he showed himself to be a hard worker. 10 years later he has a great career & his employment provides us with health insurance. If you love him & respect him and most importantly you are both wiling to do the work it takes to keep a marriage together, the rest is just details & the can be overcome. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted April 7, 2017 Share Posted April 7, 2017 He has never been unemployed. He quit a job once owing to problems with the supervisor but found another job immediately. So, there hasn't been a phase of unemployment in his case. And there has been no instance of physical abuse. He gets ticked off for small stuff but he just shows his impatience and let's go. It doesn't lead to abuse. Then I think just some premarital counseling to avoid any undiscussed subjects that might pop up later on. He might need anger management. Be sure you're in the same mindset about disciplining children and that type thing and that if you're both working, is he willing to do half of the domestic stuff. This is where premarital counseling can help out. It's easier if the counselor brings this stuff up than you do! Link to post Share on other sites
NTV Posted April 8, 2017 Share Posted April 8, 2017 I think for me it is hard to read this situation right because there could be legitimate issues why you two shouldn't marry OR it could be col feet blowing it out of proportion. It's hard for me to tell. You're the one living it. Can you clarify which you think it is? Link to post Share on other sites
Author nmalladi3 Posted April 8, 2017 Author Share Posted April 8, 2017 I think for me it is hard to read this situation right because there could be legitimate issues why you two shouldn't marry OR it could be col feet blowing it out of proportion. It's hard for me to tell. You're the one living it. Can you clarify which you think it is? I am confused about it myself. He's a nice guy but i started fearing whether we will be happy with these differences on a day to day basis. There are days he complains about lot of things and it gets to me big time. If it's done in moderation I can deal with it but on a day where I might be really tired and that's when I start thinking if we are even meant to be together. I know it's cold feet but I wanted to know if it's ok to marry a person with foibles like this. I am someone who looks for things to be perfect, so for me, I am looking for someone to tell me that things will be ok. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted April 8, 2017 Share Posted April 8, 2017 I am someone who looks for things to be perfect, so for me, I am looking for someone to tell me that things will be ok. If you're looking for perfection, I'd suggest avoiding marriage altogether. Successful marriage is all about compromise, consideration and accommodation. If that's not you, or not where you're at in your life, think long and hard before going forward... Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
Author nmalladi3 Posted April 8, 2017 Author Share Posted April 8, 2017 If you're looking for perfection, I'd suggest avoiding marriage altogether. Successful marriage is all about compromise, consideration and accommodation. If that's not you, or not where you're at in your life, think long and hard before going forward I agree. I am ok with compromise and have been accommodating for several issues. He had health issues for over a year and I have been very supportive through out without any expectations . I only wanted him to look at things a bit more positively atleast now when things are getting better at his end. End of the day even I go through several issues of my own at workplace and I just can't listen to his complaints at the end of day sometimes. More so, I see him having a negative outlook for several trivial issues like long lines, traffic etc. and this is what got to me. Link to post Share on other sites
Author nmalladi3 Posted April 9, 2017 Author Share Posted April 9, 2017 If you're looking for perfection, I'd suggest avoiding marriage altogether. Successful marriage is all about compromise, consideration and accommodation. If that's not you, or not where you're at in your life, think long and hard before going forward I agree. I am ok with compromise and have been accommodating for several issues. He had health issues for over a year and I have been very supportive through out without any expectations . I only wanted him to look at things a bit more positively atleast now when things are getting better at his end. End of the day even I go through several issues of my own at workplace and I just can't listen to his complaints at the end of day sometimes. More so, I see him having a negative outlook for several trivial issues like long lines, traffic etc. and this is what got to me. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted April 9, 2017 Share Posted April 9, 2017 More so, I see him having a negative outlook for several trivial issues like long lines, traffic etc. and this is what got to me. Again I see this as cold feet. Less than 2 weeks before your wedding you are contemplating wasting all that money & upsetting all sorts of family because your FI gets impatient in lines? Seems like a trivial reason to throw everything away at this stage. Unless you are saying he goes nuts & starts punching the dash board & you're afraid he'll hit you while upset, think this through. My DH isn't the most patient. Over the years my tolerance for life's annoyances like lines & traffic has helped calm him. As we've grown together we balance each other. Link to post Share on other sites
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