Finding guys to date "irl"

[Sweetfish]

Thank you for your insight, Sweetfish. I'm not sure I understand this "average" stuff. What exactly is average? According to who? And average in what? Basket weaving? I guess I don't see people this way. If I like him, he's not average to me.

 

 

Not mean at all. Quite fair. I want someone who will accept me as I am, but I am realistic enough to see I have a lot of work to do on myself.

 

I don't think I will have to do any of that. As I said, I want to find a nice guy to share my life with, but I don't need to. If my "requirements" lower as time progresses it will occur for reasons other than desperation. The moment I have to lower my requirements because I'm scared to be alone is the moment I know something is very wrong. I am quite fine with being a "cat lady" if the alternative is being lady with a man who doesn't make her happy and she isn't into.

 

 

Frankly, sweetfish, I don't find it comparable. Not having a job is nothing like not having a bf, for me at least

 

 

I'm curious to know what you think an "above average" man is. It would be much easier dispel this notion you have that I want this archetypical "perfect man" than it would be to explain what I'm attracted to since attraction is a very intricate and inexplicable thing, oftentimes.

 

 

Every single point I make, you have a rebuttal to it with little to no meat in the rebuttal. You almost respond like a politician. You clearly stated in the OP post:

 

I have a feeling that most quality, attractive guys are taken.

So what is a quality and attractive guy? I know for a fact good looks is not the most important factor when it comes to women.. So what is attractive and what do you define as quality and we can define what is average and what it not?

 

Because you asked how do you find these people.. and would help the poster to know what your looking for? I can not tell you what a quality attractive guy is and you told me decent isn't good enough.

 

 

 

You are an angel Cookie. I hope your tomorrow is much better

You deserve it

 

 

Cookie is an angel and That all great, but your pretty much ANTI man in every single post you make.. Including the one where you said a man should exclusively pay for a women on a date and its a mans place to pay.

 

This is the entitlement I speak of and covering reality in hugs, kisses, and high fives in the collective does not change reality.

[Cookiesandough]

I'm curious to know what you think an "above average" man is. It would be much easier dispel this notion you have that I want this archetypical "perfect man" than it would be to explain what I'm attracted to since attraction is a very intricate and inexplicable thing, oftentimes.

 

Every single point I make, you have a rebuttal to it with little to no meat in the rebuttal. You almost respond like a politician. You clearly stated in the OP post:

Hahaha

So what is a quality and attractive guy? I know for a fact good looks is not the most important factor when it comes to women.. So what is attractive and what do you define as quality and we can define what is average and what it not?

Good looks are pretty important to me. I mean, step 1. However, taste is subjective.

 

But when I said attractive and quality that wasn't what I was referring to. As I mentioned before, it is someone able to essentially approach and succeed with women IRL (if he wanted to) to the point he doesn't need OLD. He's social, confident, and able to successfully make connections with women he's interested in in the real world. He's not "looking" for anyone, but when he meets someone he likes he goes for it. That's all it meant.

 

 

Because you asked how do you find these people.. and would help the poster to know what your looking for? I can not tell you what a quality attractive guy is and you told me decent isn't good enough.

 

I think I got my answer awhile back. I need to put myself out there more, be around more people, be more social and open, etc. Hopefully itdoes the trick.

 

 

 

Cookie is an angel and That all great, but your pretty much ANTI man in every single post you make.. Including the one where you said a man should exclusively pay for a women on a date and its a mans place to pay.

 

This is the entitlement I speak of and covering reality in hugs, kisses, and high fives in the collective does not change reality.

 

He is not anti man! He's pro woman. He's a gentleman and a lot of people have that traditional view. Doesn't mean they have anything against men.

Edited April 9, 2017 by Cookiesandough

[curiouslysearching]

Hahaha

 

Good looks are pretty important to me. I mean, step 1. However, taste is subjective.

 

But when I said attractive and quality that wasn't what I was referring to. As I mentioned before, it is someone able to essentially approach and succeed with women IRL (if he wanted to) to the point he doesn't need OLD. He's social, confident, and able to successfully make connections with women he's interested in in the real world. He's not "looking" for anyone, but when he meets someone he likes he goes for it. That's all it meant.

 

 

 

I think I got my answer awhile back. I need to put myself out there more, be around more people, be more social and open, etc. Hopefully itdoes the trick.

 

 

 

 

He is not anti man! He's pro woman. He's a gentleman and a lot of people have that traditional view. Doesn't mean they have anything against men.

 

First, thank you Cookie, I feel the same about you and more.

Sweet, I am simply expressing my view and feelings JUST LIKE

YOU DO. Perhaps it is old fashioned but I do believe MEN should

pay when on a date. Frankly, I do not care what you think about

that viewpoint. I like Cookie and do believe she is a very elegant

and exceptional woman....again, that is MY view. I also believe

that she is searching for what IS RIGHT FOR HER and she owes

NOBODY an explanation for what she desires in a man......

[CarbonCopy]

This sense of waiting for mister perfect will leave you inexperience in relationships and too independent to not want to integrate with other people because you will be too comfortable. In reality you are saying you want someone better than average and most people are just simply average. The question I ask you is do you consider your self above average... because from your display of other threads... No above average guy will tolerate the behavior you've displayed in the past unless your currently working on that. Its just not going to happen...(maybe) ugly truth? Mean? Maybe.. but its the truth.

 

You've out market your self because you feel your entitled to the best and unless your a perfect 9 or 10 the best may not look for you.. because the best will get younger and hotter women as you age and as you get older you might have to shave these requirements as you see men will be even more imperfect as you get older or you will be older and be a cat lady and for what?

 

Its almost like saying you will not work unless you get the perfect job and the perfect job may never be there...

 

This is the entitlement I've seen many young women have these days.. Specially, since more women are graduating college than men... there is simply not enough above average men to facilitate the average woman and is exactly why men do not get respond backs on OLD...because they are waiting for the golden ticket... the same guys on OLD are the same guys on the bus stops, train stations, or market store. Men are often called shallow...but it is woman with FAR many more stipulations to even think about talking to a guy.

 

But again I am curious to know what kind of guy your attracted to and what you are looking for.. What are your requirements?

 

What? You sound ridiculous. I feel exactly the same way as cookie - - I'd love to find someone, but if I don't I'm perfectly fine being alone. I'd rather be happy alone than unhappy with someone. It's not about feeling entitled or wanting someone above average. It's about wanting the right person.

[Sweetfish]

What? You sound ridiculous. I feel exactly the same way as cookie - - I'd love to find someone, but if I don't I'm perfectly fine being alone. I'd rather be happy alone than unhappy with someone. It's not about feeling entitled or wanting someone above average. It's about wanting the right person.

 

 

I live in the NYC area. I am young, attractive, and nice. The only men that really ever have the balls to start a conversation are either older men or married lol

Again good luck ladies...

 

 

You are all attractive

Deserve a free meal on men

and deserve only the best or die alone.

 

Good luck to you ladies

[curiouslysearching]

I live in the NYC area. I am young, attractive, and nice. The only men that really ever have the balls to start a conversation are either older men or married lol.

 

That is sad............sorry CC, I do not mean that in a negative manner

towards you.

[curiouslysearching]

What? You sound ridiculous. I feel exactly the same way as cookie - - I'd love to find someone, but if I don't I'm perfectly fine being alone. I'd rather be happy alone than unhappy with someone. It's not about feeling entitled or wanting someone above average. It's about wanting the right person.

 

Finding an ideal lady is not easy either....meeting attractive women is not

difficult but combining the exterior with interior beauty is a difficult proposition

[CarbonCopy]

Finding an ideal lady is not easy either....meeting attractive women is not

difficult but combining the exterior with interior beauty is a difficult proposition

 

Right. I feel like it's like that for everyone though. It's a combination of physical attraction plus emotional/mental attraction. I know I myself am certainly not seeking some male model. I just want someone who I'm attracted to and treats me well, and feels the same way about me.

[curiouslysearching]

Right. I feel like it's like that for everyone though. It's a combination of physical attraction plus emotional/mental attraction. I know I myself am certainly not seeking some male model. I just want someone who I'm attracted to and treats me well, and feels the same way about me.

 

Treating someone well SHOULD GO WITHOUT SAYING....it is really

sad that it doesn't....

[Shining One]

OP, let's look at this from a somewhat different angle. By your standards, 0.2% of men are attractive. Some of those men are already taken, so you have an even smaller percentage to work with. The man must also have the following qualifications:

• Has never used OLD or has any intention of using it
  
• Must approach you first
  
• Must be persistent in his pursuit even when you push him away initially
  
• Meet any other requirements you haven't listed thus far
  

It seems to me the odds are very much stacked against you. You're trying to find the needle in haystack by waiting for the needle to come to you. What are you willing to do in order to shift the odds more to your favor? I'm not suggesting that you change your standards. I'm just saying that if you want to find success, you will likely need to approach the problem differently than you have in the past.

 

I have my own specific requirements that severely limits the women I consider relationship material. I knew they would be difficult to find, so I adjusted my "strategy" in various ways to maximize my chances of finding the women I want. Using the needle in the haystack analogy, I just built a giant magnet and kept stabbing the haystack until I found the needle.

[CptInsano]

It seems to me the odds are very much stacked against you. You're trying to find the needle in haystack by waiting for the needle to come to you. What are you willing to do in order to shift the odds more to your favor? I'm not suggesting that you change your standards. I'm just saying that if you want to find success, you will likely need to approach the problem differently than you have in the past.

 

I agree, if you are that selective then you better be very proactive in finding that person. Otherwise the search may very well be futile. The danger is also that it gives the few people who match he criteria a lot of power over you, because you are unlikely to find somebody else.

 

I mean, Cookie also doesn't sound like somebody I would date even if I was in her age group. And that is fine, we don't need to all be romantically attracted to one another. I do appreciate her honesty in that regard and hope she finds what she is looking for.

 

But in the end you really can't​ tell somebody what they want. I tend to meet a woman I would consider as a spouse about every 2-3 years. That's not very often, but at least it gives me a reasonable chance.

Edited April 9, 2017 by CptInsano

[Cookiesandough]

OP, let's look at this from a somewhat different angle. By your standards, 0.2% of men are attractive. Some of those men are already taken, so you have an even smaller percentage to work with. The man must also have the following qualifications:

.2% ??? Sorry??? Lol. I think you are mixing me up with spiderowl and the bunk math I was doing for her in another thread. I think I find more men attractive than that.

Has never used OLD or has any intention of using it

There are a lot more men who don't use OLD or have used it briefly and said "screw this" than the internet would have you believe. Only like 3% of couples say they meet that way. And according to research, they're more likely to break up. No diss to the ones who've been successful, though.

Must approach you first

Sadly, this is asking too much of a lot of men. This used to be the only way guys could do it. Now they wait til they get home and find you on social media to ask. However, an awesome guy did approach me and get my number at an event Friday night. Not my type, but we'll see how it goes. Confidence is hot. He said he'd call this week.

Must be persistent in his pursuit even when you push him away initially

?????? What????? Are you mixing me up with someone else again? I'm not one of those people who thinks being a stalker is just fighting really hard for your woman.
Meet any other requirements you haven't listed thus far
 

It seems to me the odds are very much stacked against you. You're trying to find the needle in haystack by waiting for the needle to come to you. What are you willing to do in order to shift the odds more to your favor? I'm not suggesting that you change your standards. I'm just saying that if you want to find success, you will likely need to approach the problem differently than you have in the past.

I basicallt want a guy who is my type to ask me out in person.

I think I'm being proactive. I'm getting out more in the community. I hope that helps. If anyone has any other suggestions, I welcome them. Ty.

 

 

I have my own specific requirements that severely limits the women I consider relationship material. I knew they would be difficult to find, so I adjusted my "strategy" in various ways to maximize my chances of finding the women I want. Using the needle in the haystack analogy, I just built a giant magnet and kept stabbing the haystack until I found the needle.

May I ask what you did?

Edited April 9, 2017 by Cookiesandough

[CarbonCopy]

However, an awesome guy did approach me and get my number at an event Friday night. Not my type, but we'll see how it goes. Confidence is hot. He said he'd call this week.

 

Good for you! I've said the same thing - I love it when men approach me, even if I'm not interested in them romantically. It takes a lot of courage and character to do that and I really appreciate it. A guy did that to me once several years ago. We went on a date but definitely no chemistry on my part. But we stayed friends and he's happily married now with a child. So everything worked out.

[curiouslysearching]

Good for you! I've said the same thing - I love it when men approach me, even if I'm not interested in them romantically. It takes a lot of courage and character to do that and I really appreciate it. A guy did that to me once several years ago. We went on a date but definitely no chemistry on my part. But we stayed friends and he's happily married now with a child. So everything worked out.

 

I think that each of you (CC and Cookie) NEED to realize that more

than likely each of you are both TREASURES and that it is the MEN

who are the FORTUNATE one's to meet women like you. Often, treasures

are hidden for a variety of reasons but ultimately discovered and what a

wonder they are once uncovered. The moral being that you both appear

to be very high quality women and the right one will eventually discover

you both. At least, I hope so......we used to have a saying when I was

playing that you are often better to LET BIG PLAYS HAPPEN instead of

trying to FORCE THEM TO HAPPEN.

[curiouslysearching]

And before Sweet posts another regarding my "VIEWS", I do BELIEVE

both of those aforementioned lades are extraordinary. Again, that is

my opinion based on what I have read and an overall feeling.

[Shining One]

.2% ??? Sorry??? Lol. I think you are mixing me up with spiderowl and the bunk math I was doing for her in another thread. I think I find more men attractive than that.

I got the 1 in 500 from another poster earlier in this thread. My apologies. What would you say is a more accurate number for you?

Sadly, this is asking too much of a lot of men.

This, by itself is not asking a lot. It's a combination of your various criteria that decreases your chances. Of course, the same can be said about any combination of criteria.

?????? What????? Are you mixing me up with someone else again? I'm not one of those people who thinks being a stalker is just fighting really hard for your woman.

I got this from the quote below:

Another thing is when guys talk to me, I try to get out of the situation because I get so nervous, instead of continuing the conversation. Bad move? I'd think if they were interested enough to talk to me and I said I have to go they'd still go for my # or something. Idk.

I basicallt want a guy who is my type to ask me out in person.

I think I'm being proactive. I'm getting out more in the community. I hope that helps.

This may or may not help. Without knowing your type, no one can really say. Personally, I think your chances would increase dramatically if you actively went after what you wanted, but that's up to you.

May I ask what you did?

I defined the criteria I was looking for, completed a lot of personal development, used multiple avenues (OLD, in-person approaches, friends, networking events, etc.) to secure a lot of dates, evaluated the women I went on dates with against the criteria I was looking for, and pursued relationships with the ones who made the cut.

[CarbonCopy]

I think that each of you (CC and Cookie) NEED to realize that more

than likely each of you are both TREASURES and that it is the MEN

who are the FORTUNATE one's to meet women like you. Often, treasures

are hidden for a variety of reasons but ultimately discovered and what a

wonder they are once uncovered. The moral being that you both appear

to be very high quality women and the right one will eventually discover

you both. At least, I hope so......we used to have a saying when I was

playing that you are often better to LET BIG PLAYS HAPPEN instead of

trying to FORCE THEM TO HAPPEN.

 

Awe, you are so sweet!! Thank you for those kind words, I needed them. Are you single?! Lol.

[Sweetfish]

.2% ??? Sorry??? Lol. I think you are mixing me up with spiderowl and the bunk math I was doing for her in another thread. I think I find more men attractive than that.

There are a lot more men who don't use OLD or have used it briefly and said "screw this" than the internet would have you believe. Only like 3% of couples say they meet that way. And according to research, they're more likely to break up. No diss to the ones who've been successful, though.

Sadly, this is asking too much of a lot of men. This used to be the only way guys could do it. Now they wait til they get home and find you on social media to ask. However, an awesome guy did approach me and get my number at an event Friday night. Not my type, but we'll see how it goes. Confidence is hot. He said he'd call this week.

 

?????? What????? Are you mixing me up with someone else again? I'm not one of those people who thinks being a stalker is just fighting really hard for your woman.

[*]Meet any other requirements you haven't listed thus far

 

 

I basicallt want a guy who is my type to ask me out in person.

I think I'm being proactive. I'm getting out more in the community. I hope that helps. If anyone has any other suggestions, I welcome them. Ty.

 

 

May I ask what you did?

 

We are trying to give you some realism from many different perspectives and you're pretty much against all of them or so it seems.

 

With your sense and level of rejection of men on a level that only the beyond average will have a chance... its no wonder men do not put in the effort to approach women. You capitalize on the ego boost of being approach and the men get the continous sense of rejection by women not meeting up to standards most people can not achive.

 

This is a sense of entitlement. In reality if you were of equal quality to these men they will come to you as water seeks its own level. So to get quality you have to get quality and sad to say most these men want 8' 9's and 10's and from your other threads the behavior you displayed... that same quality guy will replace you in an instance...

 

He does all the foot work and pays for dates and dinners and you select the best of. No thanks! I rather be awesome from the comforts of my home and if someone sparks my interest we meet for a date and go from there. I personally don't spend my weekends giving other people ego boosts nor my hard earn money and im not in the market to be rejected because they seek Mr.Perfect.

 

This is a digital age and most people have tried or been on OLD. You have stated in previous post you played guys on OLD and ghost them and so-on.

 

Im just curious why as your self who has many imprefection like every one else...including my self demand high quality from others and that they should apporach you and meet all your expectation. Because your a woman? Thats why you date... to see your imprefections so when that great person does come around you are experienced and more polished.

 

This is the trap men fall into... they treat you the way you want... "a sense of entitlement" and they end up putting them on a pedestal and eventually you don't respect them.

 

Didn't you dump your boyfriend twice?

 

You've essentially out market your self and I've seen COUNTLESS women do this and its a lack of fore sight and you know where these women are? In there 30 and up threads thinking every guy wants sex, a loser, or jaded.

[curiouslysearching]

Awe, you are so sweet!! Thank you for those kind words, I needed them. Are you single?! Lol.

 

More than you "needing those words", you DESERVE THOSE WORDS...

and YES....I just believe that when you learn that you are WORTH IT

whether male or female, you are then in a better PLACE.

[curiouslysearching]

We are trying to give you some realism from many different perspectives and you're pretty much against all of them or so it seems.

 

With your sense and level of rejection of men on a level that only the beyond average will have a chance... its no wonder men do not put in the effort to approach women. You capitalize on the ego boost of being approach and the men get the continous sense of rejection by women not meeting up to standards most people can not achive.

 

This is a sense of entitlement. In reality if you were of equal quality to these men they will come to you as water seeks its own level. So to get quality you have to get quality and sad to say most these men want 8' 9's and 10's and from your other threads the behavior you displayed... that same quality guy will replace you in an instance...

 

He does all the foot work and pays for dates and dinners and you select the best of. No thanks! I rather be awesome from the comforts of my home and if someone sparks my interest we meet for a date and go from there. I personally don't spend my weekends giving other people ego boosts nor my hard earn money and im not in the market to be rejected because they seek Mr.Perfect.

 

This is a digital age and most people have tried or been on OLD. You have stated in previous post you played guys on OLD and ghost them and so-on.

 

Im just curious why as your self who has many imprefection like every one else...including my self demand high quality from others and that they should apporach you and meet all your expectation. Because your a woman? Thats why you date... to see your imprefections so when that great person does come around you are experienced and more polished.

 

This is the trap men fall into... they treat you the way you want... "a sense of entitlement" and they end up putting them on a pedestal and eventually you don't respect them.

 

Didn't you dump your boyfriend twice?

 

You've essentially out market your self and I've seen COUNTLESS women do this and its a lack of fore sight and you know where these women are? In there 30 and up threads thinking every guy wants sex, a loser, or jaded.

 

Sweet, I respect your OPINION but don't subscribe to it where she is concerned. I truly believe she simply HAS NOT MET THE ONE and when

she does all the other JARGON will simply be a THING of the PAST.

[Sweetfish]

I think that each of you (CC and Cookie) NEED to realize that more

than likely each of you are both TREASURES and that it is the MEN

who are the FORTUNATE one's to meet women like you. Often, treasures

are hidden for a variety of reasons but ultimately discovered and what a

wonder they are once uncovered. The moral being that you both appear

to be very high quality women and the right one will eventually discover

you both. At least, I hope so......we used to have a saying when I was

playing that you are often better to LET BIG PLAYS HAPPEN instead of

trying to FORCE THEM TO HAPPEN.

 

And before Sweet posts another regarding my "VIEWS", I do BELIEVE

both of those aforementioned lades are extraordinary. Again, that is

my opinion based on what I have read and an overall feeling.

 

 

I am not in a position to determine if these people are treasures or extraordinary. Your beliefs are your beliefs. Its 2017 and you want someone who is a stranger to feed you, buy you drinks, or pay your dates because you think its the right thing to do. After that you will think about continuing to date him if he seems fit. Are your handicap or on disability?

 

You believe your entitled...point blank. That same guy is required to pay for you and the next woman is also entitled for a free meal and the next as well... until he finds the right one? You think these women are treasures and amazing yet have imperfect past and demand amazing or above average men.. is that how it works? If the men exhibit the things that they have done in their "own" past these men would not qualify

 

 

Later in the future you will complain that your man doesn't wash dishes or do laundry and you will ride on the coat tails of feminism and want equality.

 

Thus... you want the perks of the 1950 arch type from men... yet you want the perks of being a woman of 2017 and throw away the 1950 arch type woman. Setting the tone for a traditional relationship because in the beginning it benefits you and later it works against you.

 

You seem to think all women are good and only a marginal of men are worth a dime.

 

I think a marginal of women and men are good and they hardly find each other.. as society gets more fickle and demanding and streamline..

 

50-60 years ago I bet half you guys wouldn't talk this same game when fire wood had to be chopped, a plumber wasn't 10 minutes away, and snow needed to be shoveled and so on. Now everything is streamline and modern many wait for the golden ticket and realize at 35-40 that people are really just people.. normal regular people. You're going to bypass the real genuine ones and the smart women will catch these guys like Pokemon..while your fishing around for something you think is amazing. While as your getting older men, actually become less amazing because what you want has already been taken or divorced or jaded and would rather prefer a quick lay than get into a full blown relationship as statistically men over 35 will reject marriage or will find someone 10 years younger.

[Cookiesandough]

Lol and your beliefs are your beliefs, sweetfish, however outlandish they are. I respect them. I just respectfully, unequivocally disagree .

[Cookiesandough]

Awe, you are so sweet!! Thank you for those kind words, I needed them. Are you single?! Lol.

 

Hahahahaha

[CptInsano]

I think that each of you (CC and Cookie) NEED to realize that more

than likely each of you are both TREASURES and that it is the MEN

who are the FORTUNATE one's to meet women like you. [...]

 

Dude, whatever you are having. I want some!

[Sweetfish]

Sweet, I respect your OPINION but don't subscribe to it where she is concerned. I truly believe she simply HAS NOT MET THE ONE and when

she does all the other JARGON will simply be a THING of the PAST.

 

Doesn't matter... the OP has issues she need to resolve and you masking those problems is not effective or 'right'. Its like feeding a fat kid cookies and cakes and telling him diabetes is a myth.

 

Personally, after her last episode, the WHOLE forum explicitly told her she should not be dating and working on her. She has REJECTED many strangers coming to her aid and spending time reflecting on her last relationship.

Call it jargon.. but if someone has anxiety or any other temperamental issues or "triggers" or has "black" moments it will creep its ugly head in the next relationship. Now she is creating a thread looking for men that are beyond decent or average.

 

You can give hugs, high fives, and ego bumps 10 times over... but the truth is the truth.