Finding guys to date "irl"

[whatdeww18]

Lol and your beliefs are your beliefs, sweetfish, however outlandish they are. I respect them. I just respectfully, unequivocally disagree .

 

Hi Cookiesandough!

 

Wait... What? What happened in these last couple of months?

 

Well this thread has turned into something interesting, yet again. Focusing back on you. What happened to the Cookiesandough that realized she "needed help and scheduled an appointment?"

 

Regardless of the other content of this thread, I again, thought you were taking this time to do work on yourself. Not dating... Your post is like a complete 180 from that massive thread a couple months ago.

[curiouslysearching]

Dude, whatever you are having. I want some!

 

I am having a steady diet of bright sunshine

80 degree weather and a very blue ocean

Today.....thanks for asking and there is plenty to share

[Cookiesandough]

Hi Cookiesandough!

 

Wait... What? What happened in these last couple of months?

 

Well this thread has turned into something interesting, yet again. Focusing back on you. What happened to the Cookiesandough that realized she "needed help and scheduled an appointment?"

 

Regardless of the other content of this thread, I again, thought you were taking this time to do work on yourself. Not dating... Your post is like a complete 180 from that massive thread a couple months ago.

 

I am completely over my ex now, whatdeww18. Took some time and thought to realize that he's that girl's problem, if they're still together.

[curiouslysearching]

I am completely over my ex now, whatdeww18. Took some time and thought to realize that he's that girl's problem, if they're still together.

 

That is a good attitude to have. That reply does make it seem like

you have "issues" now does it? Maybe, you just need a vacation Cookie

you might enjoy the beach who knows but sometimes it is difficult to post

because the sun is so bright like today:eek:

[Cookiesandough]

That is a good attitude to have. That reply does make it seem like

you have "issues" now does it? Maybe, you just need a vacation Cookie

you might enjoy the beach who knows but sometimes it is difficult to post

because the sun is so bright like today:eek:

 

Oh my goodness could I use the beach right now!!!

[curiouslysearching]

Oh my goodness could I use the beach right now!!!

 

I bet the "beach" would enjoy having you there as well

[Bob-the-1]

I am asking the same question as a boy about girls. ;P

 

I don't think any are online anymore. All in real life have kids, and that's that. I think I'm getting my karma done . Age matters too.

[jamili]

I don't think attractive and not-socially-awkward men turn to online dating...ever.

 

This is a bunch of BS lol.

 

Stop thinking of online dating as something you "turn to" went you just aren't "cut out" for regular dating. I know plenty of healthy, attractive, socially-normal men, myself included, who use online dating as sort of a supplement to meeting people organically. I'm sure there are some weirdos on there, as it's the same for the women I come across, but you just have to be better with filtering. I personally will looking through hundreds of profiles and message maybe 1-2 women, tops.

 

Online dating is effective, if you know how to navigate it and filter. I was in a relationship for almost 10 years with a girl I met online, and I know a bunch of people who have met their spouses online - and have very normal, healthy marriages.

 

Be MUCH stricter with your filtering, and have more patience. Also, don't use it as your only option, continue to try to meet people online as well.

 

For meeting people in person, I recommend Meetup.com, where you can meet people in clubs that partake in similar interests and activities. Only problem with those is that it's filled people just prowling for dates and it can feel like a shark tank sometimes. I honestly feel like online dating is a whole lot less stressful, but maybe I've just gotten extremely lucky with it.

[Sweetfish]

I am completely over my ex now, whatdeww18. Took some time and thought to realize that he's that girl's problem, if they're still together.

 

wasn't it YOU that was the problem?

 

I just found this out today through the grapevine. I am the dumper. We were together a year and ended this time last year. He still wanted to try with me. We reconciled for briefly (a couple weeks) late November of last year for a "trial" thing, but I messed it up again. He seemed really broken up about that, but now he has new girl??? I mean, that's what, not even 4 months. I somewhat wanted this to happen. Apparently, it have just started to get "serious" in that they are exclusive. I want to reach out to him SO bad. I have a feeling this is my last change to even have a chance. I'm scared he's going to say "sorry, I'm with someone new." What am I saying. He will certainly say that. And he should. He is no longer mine and hasn't been for awhile. Jesus, what is wrong with me? I'm having a breakdown

You were told countless of time you need professional help by various members who don't subscribe to my beliefs. I will tell you this.. many of the members who do not subscribe to my belief... eventually see my points and its just a hard pill to swallow ....why because real life does not lie. Cookie we have both talked privately and you know I have no intentions of attacking you or destructively criticizing you.

 

Its less than 30 days after your run in with your exe which was a huge display of toxicity, it took you less than a month to do a complete 180? No what you did is tucked away your problems and buried them and eventually the next guy is going to see this same display. Double edge sword.. get a guy who is really good with women and approaches woman in public often and skate on the thin ice that many women will explicitly be attracted to him and when someone better comes along its most often he will trade-up.

 

I see this as an attempt to retaliate from your previous exe rejection of you because of your bad behavior, shifty moods, and dumping him over and over again. Any real healthy person would take the time to work on them selves and learn from these mistakes and it takes months or years yo yield a stronger or better person.

 

Is that a straight up assumption.. Yes it is..

I agree with the other members in you other thread and you should not be dating currently. You took your exe thru the ringer and now shift the blame on him. A lot of men take the blame because many men feel they are required to maintain the attraction in the relationship (because of society IE Corey Wayne) and its much easier to shift the blame to someone who will easily absorb guilt. This is an excellent display of your personal defense mechanism to absolve your self of any wrong doing.

 

Now that you shifted the problems and guilt to the exe.

 

You have market your self even higher and require men of a higher caliber.

 

This is ABSURD and in marketing and business we call this an overvalued stock.

 

The demand for women is so high because men are thirsty for poon. So you see this market and try to put all these rules and stipulation instead of falling for a guy who is just a good decent catch again: You can do that now because men are not worth a dime to women these days...but 50 years ago you wouldn't have this same tone.

 

So the new women of this generation feel entitled to dinners, dates, and being approached and will not put in any effort other than simply existing. You literally said you want to be approach by men and great men.. So in other words by your very existence men should flock to you? I mean am i being outlandish?

 

[curiouslysearching]

wasn't it YOU that was the problem?

 

 

You were told countless of time you need professional help by various members who don't subscribe to my beliefs. I will tell you this.. many of the members who do not subscribe to my belief... eventually see my points and its just a hard pill to swallow ....why because real life does not lie. Cookie we have both talked privately and you know I have no intentions of attacking you or destructively criticizing you.

 

Its less than 30 days after your run in with your exe which was a huge display of toxicity, it took you less than a month to do a complete 180? No what you did is tucked away your problems and buried them and eventually the next guy is going to see this same display. Double edge sword.. get a guy who is really good with women and approaches woman in public often and skate on the thin ice that many women will explicitly be attracted to him and when someone better comes along its most often he will trade-up.

 

I see this as an attempt to retaliate from your previous exe rejection of you because of your bad behavior, shifty moods, and dumping him over and over again. Any real healthy person would take the time to work on them selves and learn from these mistakes and it takes months or years yo yield a stronger or better person.

 

Is that a straight up assumption.. Yes it is..

I agree with the other members in you other thread and you should not be dating currently. You took your exe thru the ringer and now shift the blame on him. A lot of men take the blame because many men feel they are required to maintain the attraction in the relationship (because of society IE Corey Wayne) and its much easier to shift the blame to someone who will easily absorb guilt. This is an excellent display of your personal defense mechanism to absolve your self of any wrong doing.

 

Now that you shifted the problems and guilt to the exe.

 

You have market your self even higher and require men of a higher caliber.

 

This is ABSURD and in marketing and business we call this an overvalued stock.

 

The demand for women is so high because men are thirsty for poon. So you see this market and try to put all these rules and stipulation instead of falling for a guy who is just a good decent catch again: You can do that now because men are not worth a dime to women these days...but 50 years ago you wouldn't have this same tone.

 

So the new women of this generation feel entitled to dinners, dates, and being approached and will not put in any effort other than simply existing. You literally said you want to be approach by men and great men.. So in other words by your very existence men should flock to you? I mean am i being outlandish?

 

 

She is HUMAN....we all get confused and conflicted at times. I think that women of EVERY generation are entitled to be treated like ladies and when taken out on a date a MAN should pay for the dinner, movie or whatever else is done. You referenced "feeding" a lady in an earlier post which frankly sounds ODD to me. I am glad that I can afford to take a lady out and not be worried about "feeding" her....

[basil67]

She is HUMAN....we all get confused and conflicted at times.

 

This is true indeed. But have you read all of Cookie's history? She takes being confused and conflicted to a whole new level.

 

Sweetfish is correct in saying that all different posters who have all different dating views have been unanimous in her previous posts about her need to stop dating and get therapy.

 

I think Cookies has a lot to offer. But before she can give this to a man, she needs to do a lot of work on herself.

[Sweetfish]

She is HUMAN....we all get confused and conflicted at times. I think that women of EVERY generation are entitled to be treated like ladies and when taken out on a date a MAN should pay for the dinner, movie or whatever else is done. You referenced "feeding" a lady in an earlier post which frankly sounds ODD to me. I am glad that I can afford to take a lady out and not be worried about "feeding" her....

 

 

I rest my case.

[curiouslysearching]

This is true indeed. But have you read all of Cookie's history? She takes being confused and conflicted to a whole new level.

 

Sweetfish is correct in saying that all different posters who have all different dating views have been unanimous in her previous posts about her need to stop dating and get therapy.

 

I think Cookies has a lot to offer. But before she can give this to a man, she needs to do a lot of work on herself.

 

Candidly, I have not read all of her posts. From the sampling that I have

read, I found her to be quite interesting and nice. I suppose that I simply caulked up her "wants" to simply being a person (much like any of us)

who was searching for the ideal person. Don't we all probably need to

do SOME work on OURSELVES???

 

As far as men paying for dates, I was simply raised in a very "southern" environment that was very keen on a certain etiquette standard. Being a gentleman and treating ladies with respect and dignity was paramount.

Honestly, I have always considered paying for my dates to be common place and simply how it is....

[Spring23]

 

As far as men paying for dates, I was simply raised in a very "southern" environment that was very keen on a certain etiquette standard. Being a gentleman and treating ladies with respect and dignity was paramount.

Honestly, I have always considered paying for my dates to be common place and simply how it is....

 

I was also raised that women don't pay for dates but I'm in my 40's my guess is OP is in her 20's. I think women do pay for some of the dates now. IDK. In any case if you want to meet a man in the real world which is much better than online (IMHO) they are freaking everywhere. Try going to Lowes and Home-depot or some automotive store to pick up microfiber clothes.

[basil67]

Candidly, I have not read all of her posts. From the sampling that I have

read, I found her to be quite interesting and nice. I suppose that I simply caulked up her "wants" to simply being a person (much like any of us)

who was searching for the ideal person. Don't we all probably need to

do SOME work on OURSELVES???

 

As far as men paying for dates, I was simply raised in a very "southern" environment that was very keen on a certain etiquette standard. Being a gentleman and treating ladies with respect and dignity was paramount.

Honestly, I have always considered paying for my dates to be common place and simply how it is....

 

I also think Cookies has a lot to offer. She certainly gives insightful advice on other posts.

 

While I'm sure we all need to do some work on ourselves, let's not confuse a bit of tweaking of a person who is generally well balanced with the work that a person who has some very significant issues happening. Cookies is going to have a great relationship in the future - but first she needs to do some intensive personal therapy.

 

As far as paying goes? I'm 50, so I was raised with men paying. But that was when a lot of women didn't have the right to equal pay. But times have changed. These days I believe that people should contribute what they can afford regardless of gender.

[CptInsano]

[...]

The demand for women is so high because men are thirsty for poon. So you see this market and try to put all these rules and stipulation instead of falling for a guy who is just a good decent catch again: You can do that now because men are not worth a dime to women these days...but 50 years ago you wouldn't have this same tone.

 

So the new women of this generation feel entitled to dinners, dates, and being approached and will not put in any effort other than simply existing. You literally said you want to be approach by men and great men.. So in other words by your very existence men should flock to you? I mean am i being outlandish?

 

Sorry, but that is nothing new. The maternal side of my family had gorgeous women who had many suitors, and they eventually married for looks and money. My maternal grandmother was a stunner, and she was engaged four times, at least from what I know. I'm sure she rejected many great men.

 

There is no shortage of women overall, but as long as men keep searching for young and attractive women, the stock of these women isn't overvalued at all, if I may use your metaphor. I can't blame them, I would do the same, both in love and business.

 

I'm just lucky that my taste in women is slightly off, which makes it a whole lot easier.

[Sweetfish]

Sorry, but that is nothing new. The maternal side of my family had gorgeous women who had many suitors, and they eventually married for looks and money. My maternal grandmother was a stunner, and she was engaged four times, at least from what I know. I'm sure she rejected many great men.

 

There is no shortage of women overall, but as long as men keep searching for young and attractive women, the stock of these women isn't overvalued at all, if I may use your metaphor. I can't blame them, I would do the same, both in love and business.

 

I'm just lucky that my taste in women is slightly off, which makes it a whole lot easier.

 

I agree with you.

 

And exactly why you see these over 30 and over I can't find a good man threads and it proves a valid point..

[CptInsano]

I agree with you.

 

And exactly why you see these over 30 and over I can't find a good man threads and it proves a valid point..

 

Yes, but you can't tell people what they want. I would have never believed in my early 20s that I would have turn away women now that I'm in my 40s. But even though there is nothing wrong with these women, I know that it just wouldn't work. (I've tried to force it, but it backfired.)

 

Therefore I cannot judge women in a different age group for a type of behavior that I'm exhibiting myself. (Okay, I'm not asking women to pay to take me out)

[Cookiesandough]

I agree with you.

 

And exactly why you see these over 30 and over I can't find a good man threads and it proves a valid point..

 

 

Most of my friends over 30 seem to have an easier time finding a partner than I do. Usually, they are out of one relationship and right into an another. People are going to selective and choosey for as long as they can be. That includes women over 35 rejecting mr. x for mr. x, y, z and complaining about it. It isn't hard to settle. I also haven't seen finding the right person limited to age or gender. Aren't you single, sweetfish?

 

i don't think I wanna contribute in this thread anymore because it seems to have turned to my past relationships. Thanks, everyone, for advice and thanks curiously and basil for the nice words.

Edited April 10, 2017 by Cookiesandough

[CarbonCopy]

Most of my friends over 30 seem to have an easier time finding a partner than I do. Usually, they are out of one relationship and right into an another. People are going to selective and choosey for as long as they can be. That includes women over 35 rejecting mr. x for mr. x, y, z and complaining about it. It isn't hard to settle. I also haven't seen finding the right person limited to age or gender. Aren't you single, sweetfish?

 

i don't think I wanna contribute in this thread anymore because it seems to have turned to my past relationships. Thanks, everyone, for advice and thanks curiously and basil for the nice words.

 

It's very easy to settle. That's why so many people are in bad relationships, lol. They'd rather be with someone than being alone. I get it. But that's not something I want for myself.

[curiouslysearching]

I think some of my posts have not been viewed in a

favorable light and gotten off topic. I want to apologize for

that. Please know that was not intention nor did I mean

to come across As someone who does not value women

(In regards to men being the One's who should pay on dates).

[Sweetfish]

Most of my friends over 30 seem to have an easier time finding a partner than I do. Usually, they are out of one relationship and right into an another. People are going to selective and choosey for as long as they can be. That includes women over 35 rejecting mr. x for mr. x, y, z and complaining about it. It isn't hard to settle. I also haven't seen finding the right person limited to age or gender. Aren't you single, sweetfish?

 

i don't think I wanna contribute in this thread anymore because it seems to have turned to my past relationships. Thanks, everyone, for advice and thanks curiously and basil for the nice words.

 

 

Into one relationship and right into another is the key to that statement. From one to another... isnt that enough to validate my point? After a certain age many men do not want to settle and some of your fanclub members here knows this... yet disagrees.

 

Im telling you how many men are and some women are experience enough and not shallow enough that the not so amazing guy is amazing. That social media and hollywood is projecting a man that can not supply what many young women are looking for.

 

Yes, I am single and a dumper and I am a dumper for the very same reasons you are single, I don't put up with immature or shifty behavior. I do very well IRL and OLD. I have no problem attracting women.

 

Women have put so much fear in men, many fear approaching women. Men are rejected so much they don't even bother...and it reverts back to your PUA thread. Men go on OLD and write great openers, kind, and respectful and get rejected over and over or get zero responses. You your self have posted MANY times that you rejected these men... so i am confused with your continous statements of disagreements. So how much rejection should these guys take? So they search online for answers... reasons and what is the conclusion... being them selves is not good enough. That is what your promoting here... that the odds are stacked againt the normal everyday person and that men spend their days approaching women... Come on? Your watching too many romantic movies.

 

That is what I want the other posters to see.

 

We just talked about PUAs and now your saying you want men to approach you IRL.. many of these guys actually subscribe to PUA and a great guy may simply walk past you and say nothing because you feel entitled that he must approach you in hind sight and you won't. that he isn't worth a damn if he doesnt have the balls to walk up to women. What happen if this guy has balls and simply doesn't care if he is single or not.

 

I know the women who get approach and they are at my LA fitness everyday or they are the women who are humble and talk to men and are not "ice queens" the women that turn around inline at the store and strike conversation. Its a two way street and simply existing will set you up for players, users, and narcs. They will tell you everything you want to hear and play a strong confident imagine while riddle with insecurities.

 

Again good luck and I suggest you start working on you and not sweep your issues under the rug. I asked you this privately and now im asking you openly.

[Spring23]

I know the women who get approach and they are at my LA fitness everyday or they are the women who are humble and talk to men and are not "ice queens" the women that turn around inline at the store and strike conversation. Its a two way street and simply existing will set you up for players, users, and narcs. They will tell you everything you want to hear and play a strong confident imagine while riddle with insecurities.

 

 

I think most of the player/user/pua/MTGOW and other of these strange games happen online way more than in real life. I must admit I read these threads during my housework breaks. I read all kinds of forums and sometimes I add my two cents worth.

 

Any woman in her 20's who is somewhat attractive can meet tons and tons of men in the real world. That's the best part about being in your 20's you're at your beauty peek and you hold all the cards.

 

To the OP don't waste your 20 something years playing games with dudes online. Dress beautiful, do your hair and makeup and be out in the real world A LOT. You need to be going out to parties and socializing more then ever. I was so happy when I met my husband to be I didn't have to go out anymore. LOL.

[CptInsano]

Women have put so much fear in men, many fear approaching women. Men are rejected so much they don't even bother...

 

I did a test about two years ago. I was in a downtown area of a city I didn't know. And instead of using GPS, I was going to ask women if they could give me directions and maybe recommend a restaurant. I talked to about 10 women within a 30 minute interval. Not one reacted negatively.

 

Some women in clubs won't give you a chance, and that's fine. OLD does not necessarily work in your favor, but it's a big world out there, and I hardly find any ice queens.

 

And I am not even talking about the women that actively approach you, and start talking your ear off. I don't see for the life of me what should be so traumatic for men.

Edited April 10, 2017 by CptInsano

[preraph]

Yes, but you can't tell people what they want. I would have never believed in my early 20s that I would have turn away women now that I'm in my 40s. But even though there is nothing wrong with these women, I know that it just wouldn't work. (I've tried to force it, but it backfired.)

 

Therefore I cannot judge women in a different age group for a type of behavior that I'm exhibiting myself. (Okay, I'm not asking women to pay to take me out)

 

I don't want everyone to lose sight of the fact that women are very generous in many other ways and eventually often end up giving more than they're getting back. Just because you expect a man to pay most of the time while dating and certainly early on doesn't mean you won't ever contribute. But it is a test, and it's a valid one, because no one wants to live with a penny-pincher and if you stop life to have a baby, then at that time, you will have to rely on your partner's income so you cant to be sure he has it and will use it on you.

 

Men paying for dates is a good-faith action that lets a woman know I am solvent, I will do what it takes should we stay together to provide if it comes to that.

 

At the same time, it doesn't prevent or mean that the woman wouldn't approve of someone who was frugal rather than penny pinching and cheap, or was on a budget. Finances are one of the biggest reasons for divorce so dating is just one more tool for finding out if you're compatible in that area or not. Again, most women will end up working and contributing much more once the relationship is official and they are married. But why would any woman marry some guy who whines if she doesn't offer to go dutch on the first few dates? If he's like that now while he's on his best behavior, think how bad he'll be if you'd marry him.

 

And women still don't get equal pay for equal work or anything close to it.

 

There is a whole range of what is acceptable as far as spending money while dating, and there is something for just about everyone except the penny pincher who is just like that for no good reason. There are couples who enjoy finding free things to do together, or both look for coupons. Women of my generation were usually going to let the man pay but maybe buy a drink or put the tip down but then after a few dates offer to make a picnic or cook dinner for him. Cooking dinner is not nothin'. It's not the cheapest way to go. A pot roast these days is $12-16. Nothing much is cheap anymore to make a proper big dinner. Additionally, many women (or men) will offer breakfast after a sleepover.

 

A guy who is keeping score of this stuff is simply going to be a miserable human being that no one I know would want to deal with. Bottom line.