Break Up Hurt

[Poppy Still]

Hi, I'm new here but had to find some advise for what I'm going through. Last week I broke it off with a girl I was seeing/messaging for 6 months, pretty much everyday. I've known her for over 10 years but we haven't spoke in years until 6 months ago when she contacted me.

 

Long story short, she is way too intense and wanted more than I could give, she is a very dependent person and I somehow became clingy as well. I found out she is still sort of with her ex and so I ended it.

 

Since then I have been experience extreme pain, more physical pain in my chest and stomach. Sort of like someone is squeezing my insides out. I cannot sleep most nights because of it and the pain is constant. It feels more like withdrawal from drug abuse than anything else. Like I also feel a fuzzyness in my brain.

 

I know when I was seeing her she would make me feel euphoric like my insides were on fire. Now that fire is pain, like I'm burning on the inside. I've tried to wait it out, I've had no contact at all for a about a week now but it doesn't seem to be getting better. I read online that a break up withdrawal is similar to heroine withdrawal and I'm starting to think that's true.

 

Can someone tell me if this has ever happened to them and will it ever ease up? I have a god tolerence for pain but this is so intense so constant that I'm starting to get worried.

 

Many thanks,

 

P

[Telemachus]

A breakup is nothing like heroin withdrawal.

 

You say that you knew her for 10 years, but never spoke for the first 9 1/2 years of that ten years. That makes absolutely no sense. If you didn't speak with her, you didn't know her.

 

Your pain may be very real, but it likely has nothing to do with her. Get yourself checked out. Start with an MD. Don't mention the failed romantic relationship, or he/she will refer you to a psychiatrist or psychologist. Deal with the pain, and not your romantic feelings. It's likely a viral or bacterial infection, if the pain is real.

[hindsight2021]

Hi, I'm new here but had to find some advise for what I'm going through. Last week I broke it off with a girl I was seeing/messaging for 6 months, pretty much everyday. I've known her for over 10 years but we haven't spoke in years until 6 months ago when she contacted me.

 

Long story short, she is way too intense and wanted more than I could give, she is a very dependent person and I somehow became clingy as well. I found out she is still sort of with her ex and so I ended it.

 

Since then I have been experience extreme pain, more physical pain in my chest and stomach. Sort of like someone is squeezing my insides out. I cannot sleep most nights because of it and the pain is constant. It feels more like withdrawal from drug abuse than anything else. Like I also feel a fuzzyness in my brain.

 

I know when I was seeing her she would make me feel euphoric like my insides were on fire. Now that fire is pain, like I'm burning on the inside. I've tried to wait it out, I've had no contact at all for a about a week now but it doesn't seem to be getting better. I read online that a break up withdrawal is similar to heroine withdrawal and I'm starting to think that's true.

 

Can someone tell me if this has ever happened to them and will it ever ease up? I have a god tolerence for pain but this is so intense so constant that I'm starting to get worried.

 

Many thanks,

 

P

 

Hey there friend.

 

I understand what you are feeling. I have felt it during most of my breakups. You are right, the pain of a breakup from a relationship that had such euphoria and intensity to it is very much like a drug withdrawal. There is plenty of research out there that shows that relationships like this light up the same parts of the brain as cocaine would. So in a very real sense, it is withdrawal.

 

Also, emotional pain lights up the same parts of the brain as if you got physically hurt. This is why your heart hurts. That feeling is where the term "broken heart" comes from.

 

A week isn't very long. Maybe this is the first time you felt really in love and maybe that is why it feels this way to you.

 

Give it time. I have been through it many times and there is always another side. Last time it took me 6 months. This time I am going on 4 and still hurting.

 

It will pass. Focus on yourself and loving yourself.

[Kitchen]

As an MD I will confirm that the pain is absolutely like that of drug withdrawal, because love to your brain is like a drug.

 

I'm going through it myself, also been a week. It shall pass.

 

NC will do a bulk of the work for you. Aside from that - stay away from alcohol and drugs, they will only slow down your progress.

 

Just remember, that fire you felt inside, the euphoria, it was largely because of you. There must be something special about you that you were able to generate that feeling; the girl was just a supplement. In due time you will find another supplement, work that magic, and reignite the flame. You'll take your negative experiences and become wiser.

 

Ignore the second post in this thread.

[Poppy Still]

As an MD I will confirm that the pain is absolutely like that of drug withdrawal, because love to your brain is like a drug.

 

I'm going through it myself, also been a week. It shall pass.

 

NC will do a bulk of the work for you. Aside from that - stay away from alcohol and drugs, they will only slow down your progress.

 

Just remember, that fire you felt inside, the euphoria, it was largely because of you. There must be something special about you that you were able to generate that feeling; the girl was just a supplement. In due time you will find another supplement, work that magic, and reignite the flame. You'll take your negative experiences and become wiser.

 

Ignore the second post in this thread.

 

Thanks for this, I think you're right, I have been avoiding alcohol even through the odd glass of red has been needed at some late hours. How about Chocolate? I have been eating more of it to try and ease the cravings but should I stay away from that too?

 

Honestly I don't want to sound too calculated, I do care for this girl and I think she understands that we both have unhealthy attachment issues, she has them deeper I think whereas I was drawn in because I'm in a low part of my life. I cannot be what she wants, I'm too independently spirited and she is too all consuming. It's a shame because I think she has some great qualities but she isn't the type of person that can be alone hense why she needs to hop from one relationship to another.

 

My attachment needs right now stems from uncertainty in my life. I've just started living alone and I'm a bit scared at standing on my own two feet. It probably stems to my issues as a child where I was a bit too clingy to my mother. As I got older I realised this and broke the dependecy there but recenly it has resurfaced because of my lonelyness and fear. Because of that I felt we done alot of 'love bombing' to eachother. I also read that domamine is doubled when you cannot get what you want for a period of time. The antisipation floods more feel good into you basically. Well with her, we were long distance so I think messenging all the time without being able to meet was even more addictive as silly as that sounds which is why I'm suffering these withdrawals now.

 

I'm not saying being with someone is unhealthy but I think only when it's out of choice not some fear based need. So I have to stay away from her until she and I deal with these issues within ourselves.

[SevenCity]

I suffered from severe chest pains after my ex of 7 years left. I thought I was going to drop dead from a heart attack.

 

 

It was so bad I went to the dr and had a bunch of tests done. Nothing was found.

 

It does get better. You just need time.

[SevenCity]

A breakup is nothing like heroin withdrawal.

 

You say that you knew her for 10 years, but never spoke for the first 9 1/2 years of that ten years. That makes absolutely no sense. If you didn't speak with her, you didn't know her.

 

Your pain may be very real, but it likely has nothing to do with her. Get yourself checked out. Start with an MD. Don't mention the failed romantic relationship, or he/she will refer you to a psychiatrist or psychologist. Deal with the pain, and not your romantic feelings. It's likely a viral or bacterial infection, if the pain is real.

 

You've obviously never had someone you REALLY love leave you.