I can't seem to get over my husband cheating

[relationship111]

hello,

 

I will get straight to the point.

 

Last year , my husband confessed that he slept with a girl before we were married and before I conceived our son. I was heart broken by the news but I chose to forgive him , I also asked if that was the only time it had happened and he told me it was , I believed him and accepted his apology.

 

however , a few months down the track , he confessed that there was also another girl that he had slept with. at that time , we were living together , engaged and trying to conceive. Again I got upset and angry , I asked why he didn't tell me about it before and he said that he saw how upset I was at just finding out about 1 girl that he couldn't bring himself to tell me about the other.

 

then again 2 months later , we bumped into an old friend of his that he used to hang out with and who he hadn't seen for a year . she had always been just his mate . we invited her over for a bbq ( I didn't know her all that well) and it was just so awkward . She was rude to me and I felt so uncomfortable in my own home. they spent the whole night chatting and I sware they were flirting , maybe they weren't flirting but it sure felt like it. I felt like the 3rd wheel.

anyway a few nights after the bbq , I asked my husband if anything ever happened with his 'mate' , he denied and denied , however I couldn't stop pushing the subject. so he caved and said that yes he has slept with her but it only happened once before we even moved in with eachother. I forgave him and he promised to never see or talk to her ever again. and he has kept that promise.

 

 

However , a few weeks ago , he told me that he actually slept

with her when were indeed living together , engaged and trying for a baby.

so that brings the total to three women that he has slept with before we were married. I have since asked him if there was anything else and he has confessed that in our 2nd year together he did sleep with another girl.

 

since we have been married he has been faithful , I know this because he only works part - time and on his days off he studies at home. he is such a fantastic dad and he really does make me happy.

 

However , I just cannot seem to stop thinking about how he cheated on me before we were married. I find myself bringing it up with him often and asking why and how could he . I can't keep bringing it up with him because it gets us nowhere and we both just end up really upset.

I don't know what to do , how can I stop thinking about it and how do I stop bringing it up with him daily?

I also have dreams of him cheating on me or leaving me for one of the chicks that he has slept with. I just keep thinking if in a few months or a year down the track will he tell me about more cheating.

can anyone offer any advice on what I should do ? thanks.

[Arieswoman]

relationship111,

Your husband is "trickle- truthing" you.

 

You can only wonder what else he hasn't told you.

 

I think you need to ask yourself if you want to spend the rest of your life with someone who seems incapable of telling the truth.

 

since we have been married he has been faithful , I know this because he only works part - time and on his days off he studies at home.

 

How do you know anything any more? How can you really believe anything that comes out of his mouth?

 

he is such a fantastic dad and he really does make me happy.

 

you say he is a "fantastic dad", so as a "fantastic dad" ask your self what example he is giving to your child?

 

If he makes you so happy, why are you here? The fact is, he's not making you happy is he? In fact he's making you downright insecure, untrusting and miserable.

 

I hate to say this but maybe the time has come to do some snooping and put some kind of a tracker on his car etc.

 

I am sorry you are going through this. x

[Lovetoo]

This is unfortunate. I'd want to make sure he's done telling you things.

 

If he makes you happy and you want to forget, I'd say focus on all the wonderful things. Maybe that can help you not think of the other stuff. Also, think about what it would be like if he weren't in your life.

 

I hope everything works out.

[FoundLove]

I'm so sorry you're going through this.

 

This would definitely be a deal breaker for me.

 

I agree with Arieswoman. I think you should do more investigating. If he cheated while engaged to you, why would he not cheat on you while married...

 

Sending big hugs to you.

[dichotomy]

You need to check (spy) on him now.

 

 

The cheating while your trying to have a baby is disgusting and also a risk to the health of you and the possible baby.

 

Lastly - he brought a cheating partner to your home (recently while married) for a cook out, and chatted her up alone, ignoring you. While not technically cheating it shows a high degree of disrespect and lack of love for you and the marriage. A good loving husband would have contacted that ex lover/cheater and said "please dont come to my home for the cookout - its not right to my wife and marriage" and if the woman still came - he should have ignored her and clung to your side the whole time. Having that woman in your home is so bad.

 

I am sorry - your guy has issues.

[NTV]

Divorced dad's can be great dad's too.

[elaine567]

since we have been married he has been faithful , I know this because he only works part - time and on his days off he studies at home.

 

YOU don't know that, you are just guessing and hoping.

He brought his "mistress" into your home and by her reaction to you and his reaction to her, that "relationship" could well be ongoing.

You won't be the first wife with a baby, whose husband has a "friend" that has stuck with him through his marriage and his subsequent children. Waiting in the wings, taking what she can whenever he can get away.

 

This is the advice given to a man whose wife is likely cheating, you need to follow it to the letter. Cheaters especially ones who have been found out can be very devious and will lie and lie and lie.

Assume nothing.

 

 

1) You have to continue to check her phone bill.

 

2) You have to hide a VAR (Voice activated recorder) probably under the seat of her car.

 

3) You have to put a GPS tracker (hidden) in her car.

 

4) Check all devices, phone, computer, tablet and whatever else she has access to.

 

5) You need access to her work email somehow.

 

6) And most importantly, you really need to hire a PI and have her followed. This will probably be the best way to get the complete truth and the easiest. Unless they are screwing at their place of work.

[aileD]

He didn't seem to have much respect for you then, and he doesn't seem to have that much respect for you even when confessing, does he.?

 

How do you feel about that?

[WilyWill]

The part where he brought his mistress over to flirt with him and insult you is unforgivable. The guy is serial adulterer trash. Dump him and find a guy who can teach your son to be a real man with values and decency.

[Mumbles]

I've got to ask the obvious - why is all this coming out now? Whats possessed your husband to be suddenly truthing you about all this stuff?

 

Is any of it actually true? He's not trying to play some weird game with you is he? Telling you he's some sort of playboy, or was (still is?).

 

If he's really done all this, and probably more as other posters have alluded to, what the hell good was going to come of fessing up now?

 

I find it all a bit odd.

 

You haven't perceived any mental status changes with him recently have you by any chance?

[Ms.Leo]

I'm sorry, but your husband sounds like a serial cheater and a pathological liar. He doesn't sound remorseful for his actions hence why he keeps doing it. He knows you will never leave and will always stick around. If you are thinking about giving him another chance, I would suggest making him take a polygraph test and have him seek counseling. Don't allow him to manipulate you anymore. YOU ARE A STRONG WOMAN!!

[sandylee1]

If all the cheating was history, then why was this woman so rude to you?

 

I suggest you raise the issue of a polygraph and ask if there is any more he'd like to tell you beforehand.

 

For the love of God working part time and studying does not make cheating impossible.

[Mumbles]

For the love of God working part time and studying does not make cheating impossible.

 

Indeed!

 

I've said this before on different threads. Cheating is insanely easy to do. Even if you work full time its no guarantee of anything. A half hour lunch break is all it takes. Heck, 15 minutes in the carpark is enough

 

Part time work means he's in control of his own schedule and opportunities abound.