Is this at all sketchy or am I overreacting

[caputo77]

I recently reconnected with an ex. Last time we talked ended in a big fight and he had ignored the last text I sent him. Details on this old thread: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/618263-his-silence-he-saying-s-over-good

 

I ended up texting him last week. Very short and to the point, just saying it’s been a while and asking how he is. I wasn’t expecting anything really, but he actually did answer, and very positively. He even asked if he could call me which was totally unexpected and we had a pretty pleasant conversation. He wants to set up a time to FaceTime in the coming weeks as well so we can catch up.

 

But…I also found out something else. I don’t know this girl directly, but a friend of a friend apparently really likes him and has insinuated they might date soon but for now “they’re taking it slow”. I do know that they had been texting occasionally and even went to a dance together when I was still in contact with him, but I didn’t think much of it at the time.

 

Anyway, now I feel kind of weird about talking to him again. In our phone call he sounded really glad to hear from me, and was asking me tons of questions to make sure I’m happy where I am and seemed to genuinely care about my wellbeing. He even straight up said “it’s always good to hear that someone you care about is doing well.” This has kind of led me to believe he may still care about me. Which I would be very happy about because I still care about him and would be open to discussing being more than friends again. But at the same time I saw on his snap story that this girl was at his place hanging out with him this weekend, so he’s obviously been spending a decent amount of time with her. He has always had lots of platonic female friends so it’s not super special for her to be at his apartment hanging out on a Saturday night, but I’m unsure of how to move forward with this. I’m insecure so I tend to get paranoid about stuff. Overreacting to simple misunderstandings is pretty much how I ruined the first go. I’d like to think I’ve learned from that experience. But I’m just terrified of getting played. He has no idea I know about this other girl and whatever may or may not be going on there. I am NOT interested in being a fun side project while in reality he may be working on getting serious with this other girl and just drop me in an instant once that happens. But I have no way of knowing if assuming that’s the case has solid basis or is just my insecurity speaking.

 

I feel like “I like him but we’re taking it slow” is pretty ambiguous. He is the type who is kind of oblivious to the fact that girls may interpret a lot of his actions as flirty, so he may not even be consciously giving her signals that he likes her. He’s not a player at all, but he’s very charming and has on more than one occasion accidentally made girls fall in love with him as weird as that may sound while remaining oblivious to the fact that it was happening. I also struggle to believe they would be “taking it slow” considering they only have one semester together till he graduates and at least in my experience he was very forward with me when he decided he was interested in dating me. So, seeing as this info didn’t come straight from his mouth, I could easily see this being a case of him seeing her as a friend while she wants more….and her interpreting his lack of solid move-making to be “taking it slow”.

 

I feel like either way he’s not going to bring it up with me. Obviously if he was interested in her and me at the same time, he’s not gonna mention her to me. But also if she’s just a friend he would have no reason to mention her to me. Should I just straight up ask him if he’s seeing anyone right now when we talk? Or would that make me look completely psycho? I wanna be honest about my hope that we can be together again in the future but I’m afraid, especially now that someone else might be in the mix.

 

Also just to clarify I would obviously not be upset at all if he is considering seriously dating this girl. We have been broken up and not even talking for months and in that time I have also hooked up with other people. I know I could be happy for him if he did in fact find someone else, because even though we were romantically involved it was always primarily based in a strong friendship. I just basically wanna clarify this situation as soon as possible just so I don’t become another one of those sad victims who he obliviously leads on. I’d be crushed down the line if I was lead to believe he cared about me romantically again when that was not the case. I wanna discuss boundaries for our friendship but the extent of them rely on whether or not this girl is a real thing.

[preraph]

He is probably just taking the breakup better than you and has moved on and feels he could be casual with you now and maybe have sex without the relationship and still keep dating other people. Because you reached out to him.