Ggirl888 Posted April 3, 2017 Share Posted April 3, 2017 I have had two affairs with married men.... both have been with my boss at work. (Wow I just realized I must have daddy issues lol). The first affair was love. We were together for over a year. I was engaged and he was married with two kids. We knew each other for years before anything physically happened. He ended up getting downsized and lived in another state so it had to end. Plus the guilt was getting to both of us. But I truly loved him and I like to believe that he loved me (he said he did) but he wanted to stay with his wife for the kids. (His daughter has a heart problem to add insult on top of injury) I broke up with my fiancée and moved out of state for a fresh start.... and then made probably the worst mistake of my life by having another affair with my boss at the new job after about a year. He is a true narcissist, controlling, manipulative and not always a good person. But he seemed too good to be true when his attention was focused on me. He was funny, charming, and seemed to know me. I was lonely since I didn't have many friends in town and I totally fell for him. It ended after a few months once he lost interest. The aftermath was a wreck since we had to interact daily. The affair also went on when his wife was pregnant with their first child. I didn't know she was pregnant until after it started.... Anyway, it's been 3-4 years since the second affair ended. I don't date. I barely go out and have developed a gambling addiction. I think the affairs truly sucked my self esteem and any desire to be in a relationship, because sub consciously I think I believe that no relationship will last anyway. I want to be with someone but am scared of it and the process of even finding someone at the same time. I am writing this post to vent I guess. And to warn anyone in an affair that they are a dead end 99% of the time. I used to read the gloryb forum constantly but seems like it is defunct now. I used to think after reading the posts there (it's similar to this forum) that I would have my happy ending as soon as the relationships ended. But that hasn't been the case.... Thanks for listening... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
curiouslysearching Posted April 3, 2017 Share Posted April 3, 2017 I have had two affairs with married men.... both have been with my boss at work. (Wow I just realized I must have daddy issues lol). The first affair was love. We were together for over a year. I was engaged and he was married with two kids. We knew each other for years before anything physically happened. He ended up getting downsized and lived in another state so it had to end. Plus the guilt was getting to both of us. But I truly loved him and I like to believe that he loved me (he said he did) but he wanted to stay with his wife for the kids. (His daughter has a heart problem to add insult on top of injury) I broke up with my fiancée and moved out of state for a fresh start.... and then made probably the worst mistake of my life by having another affair with my boss at the new job after about a year. He is a true narcissist, controlling, manipulative and not always a good person. But he seemed too good to be true when his attention was focused on me. He was funny, charming, and seemed to know me. I was lonely since I didn't have many friends in town and I totally fell for him. It ended after a few months once he lost interest. The aftermath was a wreck since we had to interact daily. The affair also went on when his wife was pregnant with their first child. I didn't know she was pregnant until after it started.... Anyway, it's been 3-4 years since the second affair ended. I don't date. I barely go out and have developed a gambling addiction. I think the affairs truly sucked my self esteem and any desire to be in a relationship, because sub consciously I think I believe that no relationship will last anyway. I want to be with someone but am scared of it and the process of even finding someone at the same time. I am writing this post to vent I guess. And to warn anyone in an affair that they are a dead end 99% of the time. I used to read the gloryb forum constantly but seems like it is defunct now. I used to think after reading the posts there (it's similar to this forum) that I would have my happy ending as soon as the relationships ended. But that hasn't been the case.... Thanks for listening... I am sorry you are in pain....you can start anew. Do not dwell in the past rather look to your future and make it what you want it to be. You have the power to change your direction and make those experiences yesterday's news Link to post Share on other sites
NTV Posted April 3, 2017 Share Posted April 3, 2017 Have you sought counseling? Link to post Share on other sites
jenkins95 Posted April 3, 2017 Share Posted April 3, 2017 (edited) Just wanted to send you a hug ((((Ggirl888)))) Your first A sounds incredibly similar to mine (as the MM) - even down to the fact that I have a child with special needs. There was love there too, but I never intended to leave my family and never future faked. I don't think she intended to get so deeply involved either, but just to keep things simple. But we were playing with fire - hearts get involved even without you realising and before you know it, you are both in love/addicted. If he said he loved you, I'm sure he did. The thing is, you can love more than one person at once (as I certainly found out) and it's a horrible, selfish situation to get into. My A ended well over a year ago and I think of her often, will never forget her and I wish her nothing but the best for the future. It was the right thing to end it - there was already so much hurt and this would only have increased each day we extended it. I'm sure your first xMM thinks the same of you and holds a place for you in his heart - he seems so similar to me. I can't speak for the second A as it sounds like a very different dynamic. Can I ask. Did you have D-days? How is your mental health generally? Do you still feel despair/depressed/heartbroken? Do you still obsess over what happened? Do you still pine over either of the MMs? Have you had counselling? Are you significantly better than you were 3 years ago? I had D-days, but my wife has been absolutely amazing in taking me back and forgiving me and we are doing as well as can be expected and working hard on our marriage, but will never be the same people again. I totally understand how you feel re the future. But you can have your happy ending! As you said, you stacked the odds well against yourself in both these affairs. We know that these things "work out" in probably less than 1% of cases...and almost all the ones that do work out leave a trail of destruction behind them and this, plus many other factors put a huge strain on the new relationship. But find an unattached man - and there's nothing to stop you! I really hope you get your confidence and hope back and get back out there again. The right person is out there for you...but he won't be committed in any other way to another woman! I would like to echo your warning to others who may be in, or thinking about an A. Please don't do it guys. The pain caused (to you and others) is just on a scale that you can't comprehend when you start. Good luck Ggirl888, you will get there...and please keep posting! We are here. Edited April 3, 2017 by jenkins95 1 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted April 3, 2017 Share Posted April 3, 2017 I think the affairs truly sucked my self esteem and any desire to be in a relationship, because sub consciously I think I believe that no relationship will last anyway. I want to be with someone but am scared of it and the process of even finding someone at the same time. Maybe that has been your problem all along. You first sabotaged your engagement. Then, getting into affairs can be a safe way of opting out of the real dating game. It can't work, it won't work, as he has a wife... It all reinforces your belief that relationships are doomed to fail. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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