palmsand Posted April 3, 2017 Share Posted April 3, 2017 (edited) My brother's long-term relationship just ended, and I find out he immediately plans to start sleeping with a common friend of ours. She had previously rejected me romantically and earlier told him she was not interested either, hypothetically. Of course, now that he's single, she's going for it. I know it's not my place to tell either of them what to do and I won't do that. But if this friend thinks she is preserving our friendship by not sleeping with me(my brother's and my theory) then she has failed. I will not have my nose rubbed in this. As we live together, there is no hiding it. Well maybe I will have my nose rubbed in it, I will not try to stop them but just want them to keep it on the down low. Am I right to feel pissed and write this person off, at least for now? Edited April 3, 2017 by palmsand Link to post Share on other sites
somanymistakes Posted April 3, 2017 Share Posted April 3, 2017 you're... pissed because someone doesn't want to sleep with you but does want to sleep with your brother? I feel like I'm missing something here. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author palmsand Posted April 3, 2017 Author Share Posted April 3, 2017 I'm pissed because she's two-faced and is rationalizing this based on preserving our friendship on top of that. When she said she wouldn't sleep with me it was the truth but when she said the same thing to him it wasn't, apparently. Does she really think I want to be friends and hang out with my brother's f**k buddy? Link to post Share on other sites
somanymistakes Posted April 3, 2017 Share Posted April 3, 2017 So, yes, you're pissed because she wouldn't sleep with you. Look, people often try to give a polite excuse for why they don't want to sleep with someone, especially if they think the person they're talking to might have a nasty temper and react badly to being just told NO. She apparently changed her mind about wanting to sleep with your brother. That happens. You don't have to hang out with them, though, and really it sounds like you shouldn't hang out with her at all because it will make you resentful. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author palmsand Posted April 3, 2017 Author Share Posted April 3, 2017 I do feel resentful but the bigger thing is her claiming to value our friendship while throwing it away. She might not even realize that yet. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted April 3, 2017 Share Posted April 3, 2017 You know, sometimes things just don't go the way you wish they would, and that is the case here. She wasn't interested in you and we have no idea why she changed her mind about your brother, but she did, which is probably temporary. She has been a friend only and now you are resentful. There is a small ethical slilght on her part since she knew you liked her and also now presumably knows she will be snuggling with your brother right under your nose. But this is a small slight, not a huge one. She didn't date you, said friends only, so she's free to date your brother. Not sure why HE isn't the one you're most po'd at since he's the only one who should have any loyalty to you. But him not dating her isn't going to make her want you. She doesn't want you. She probably thinks you can still be friends. I am saying this is why you probably should not have agreed to just be friends when that's now how you felt. Now you're stuck taking the high road here. In one way, I think maybe this is a good thing because it forces you to move on. He was married before, so of course she wasn't going to admit if she had some attraction to him. Anyway, this will probably be over before you know it if you don't create drama they can both feed off of that keeps it burning. Be cheerful and polite and stay busy. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author palmsand Posted April 3, 2017 Author Share Posted April 3, 2017 I think it's worse because it's meaningless, they will be fwb. I'm not angry at him because I understand, I would be at least tempted to do the same thing if the situation was reversed. It's just kind of twisted because he only introduced me to her to set us up, and now it's kind of backfired spectacularly. I think the root of my frustration is that I'm out dating people constantly and expending time and money and not getting very far, while he sits around at home and people that want to sleep with him just appear magically. She is far from the first fwb he has had. I feel like they are rubbing it in that I can't get any, with someone I was interested in to top it off, and expecting everything to be cool. I know they don't want to hurt me but that's what's happening. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted April 3, 2017 Share Posted April 3, 2017 Absolutely you can feel pissed & you have every right to end this friendship. Don't be awful about it; just ease her out of your life. Be careful because if something really takes off between her & your brother, what are you going to do if your former friend becomes your sister in law? As for not rubbing your nose in, express your concerns to your brother, not her. Ask him to keep her away from you for a while & have sleep overs at her place not yours. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted April 3, 2017 Share Posted April 3, 2017 Well, he's probably just better looking, but one day you'll find someone who loves you a lot, IF you don't allow these little things to make you bitter and then let that show to a woman, because bitterness frightens women, just as it does men. So don't let it have power over you. I think it's worse because it's meaningless, they will be fwb. I'm not angry at him because I understand, I would be at least tempted to do the same thing if the situation was reversed. It's just kind of twisted because he only introduced me to her to set us up, and now it's kind of backfired spectacularly. I think the root of my frustration is that I'm out dating people constantly and expending time and money and not getting very far, while he sits around at home and people that want to sleep with him just appear magically. She is far from the first fwb he has had. I feel like they are rubbing it in that I can't get any, with someone I was interested in to top it off, and expecting everything to be cool. I know they don't want to hurt me but that's what's happening. Link to post Share on other sites
Imajerk17 Posted April 3, 2017 Share Posted April 3, 2017 (edited) I understand your frustrations and you can limit yourself to the amount of time you have to be around this girl. But to answer your original question for this thread, no, you have no basis to be angry at anyone, in that no one did you wrong here. This girl and your brother are adults and this girl has no commitment to you, so if she and your brother want to have sex, they don't owe you an apology. Meanwhile, she didn't really lie to you, the "I don't want to ruin our friendship" line or whatever she told you was just to make an awkward situation easier to handle. Or maybe she and your brother just discovered later on that they have chemistry after all. That your brother is so successful with women means that you should be doing what you can to learn from him instead of being pissed at him. Edited April 3, 2017 by Imajerk17 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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