Being accused of cheating by girlfriend

[summerr2017]

You say you love her but you are not crazy about her. I don't know exactly what that means but my Q to you, is how much do you love yourself? Are you really willing to continue to put up with this? If so why?

 

I do love her but theres levels to love.. What I really meant was I can't appreciate my love and grow with her, as her paranoia has put things on hold.. I do love myself but it's just so complicated, you know what it's like.. I'm very thick skinned/ignorant too and usually tend to leave things to the minute..

 

She's asleep right now as it's 4am here in London. But everything I've just expressed and I'm going to be expressing to her first thing tomorrow... Also this may sound ridiculous but I'm going to start watching her moves. Like I'm fully convinced she isn't cheating but maybe I'm just really thick? There's no way just no way. But I'm going hang outside her gym and watch her from a distance (can't believe I'm actually doing this but it's gotta be done).

[frus69]

I do love her but theres levels to love.. What I really meant was I can't appreciate my love and grow with her, as her paranoia has put things on hold.. I do love myself but it's just so complicated, you know what it's like.. I'm very thick skinned/ignorant too and usually tend to leave things to the minute..

 

She's asleep right now as it's 4am here in London. But everything I've just expressed and I'm going to be expressing to her first thing tomorrow... Also this may sound ridiculous but I'm going to start watching her moves. Like I'm fully convinced she isn't cheating but maybe I'm just really thick? There's no way just no way. But I'm going hang outside her gym and watch her from a distance (can't believe I'm actually doing this but it's gotta be done).

 

You have some strange reactions to issues I have to say. When she accuses you of cheating, your solution was handing in your phone and all passwords. When she may be cheating, your solution is "watch her move"?

 

Unless you want to watch her move 24/7 for the rest of 3 months, you arent going to gain any information. Even if she has another man, it's unlikely he will be there in her gym!

 

The problem here isnt that she's cheating, she has many many more problems otherwise. Is cheating the only reason for you to end relationships? This relationship is not worth it even if she is not cheating, sorry to say.

[frus69]

I'm not one who believes that she is accusing you of cheating because she is. Maybe, she is this distrustful because she was cheated on.

 

.

 

It's not that simple. She was hurt when she was cheated on,but she's now twisted and having the urge to cheat on others. I cant analyses the psychology behind it, but I know it's dangers to the relationship. Big red flashing light there. To many people chatting on POF is enough a deal breaker there, even if there is no physical action.

[Space Ritual]

She's asleep right now as it's 4am here in London. But everything I've just expressed and I'm going to be expressing to her first thing tomorrow... Also this may sound ridiculous but I'm going to start watching her moves. Like I'm fully convinced she isn't cheating but maybe I'm just really thick? There's no way just no way. But I'm going hang outside her gym and watch her from a distance (can't believe I'm actually doing this but it's gotta be done).

 

You'll get nowhere with this. She already is in DARVO mode with you.

 

"Deny, Attack, and Reverse Victim and Offender.

 

Spare yourself the Cloak and Dagger and end it.

[d0nnivain]

But I'm going hang outside her gym and watch her from a distance (can't believe I'm actually doing this but it's gotta be done).

 

 

Just break up with her. You have so little trust you are going to spend your lime following her. Yuck. If it has come to that, there is nothing here. What are you holding on to?

[summerr2017]

You'll get nowhere with this. She already is in DARVO mode with you.

 

"Deny, Attack, and Reverse Victim and Offender.

 

Spare yourself the Cloak and Dagger and end it.

 

The problem here isnt that she's cheating, she has many many more problems otherwise. Is cheating the only reason for you to end relationships? This relationship is not worth it even if she is not cheating, sorry to say.

 

What are you holding on to?

 

Hi guys just another update (btw appreciate all the support).

 

In a nutshell, yesterday we made up. We had a really long talk on where things have gone wrong in the relationship etc happy days (everything seemed great and the future seemed bright), HOWEVER...

 

it's been less than 24hours and already she's had a meltdown since then!.. Jesus Christ, basically I was in the bath and left my phone in my bedroom on charge. Whilst in the bath my little brother kept trying to call me simultaneously she was trying to call me!.. Altogether I had 14 missed calls from her and like 4 calls from my brother (in the space of 25mins).. Eventually after I got out the bath I noticed she had been calling me so I answered the phone to her and she literally just kept shouting ''who was you talking too, I couldn't get through, don't call me ever again!'' Man, I was literally shell shocked, had no idea what the hell was happening.. I sent her screenshots of my recent call logs and text messages and explained my little brother had been trying to call me, but she said ''you've edited the names and whatsapp display pictures! I'm not buying it anymore, don't call me ever again''... Man after she said that, I lost my sh*t and told her ''I haven't done nothinggg!! what the hell are you going on about'' then I put the phone down... She's sick!! For months and months she's been trying to make me feel guilty but when in reality it's her with the problem.... Damn. BPD at it's finest or what. I guess you guys where right all along.

Edited April 8, 2017 by summerr2017

[sandylee1]

Don't get back with her no matter what she says. Block her and don't look back.

 

She's a first class lunatic.

[Downtown]

We had a really long talk on where things have gone wrong in the relationship etc happy days (everything seemed great and the future seemed bright)...

Summer, in the same way that many smokers will be seen throwing away their "last pack" periodically, BPDers typically will be seen making dramatic improvements every 6 to 10 weeks. That's the way emotionally unstable people behave -- i.e., they alternate between dramatic declines and dramatic improvements. Remember, even a roller coaster will be seen moving upward half the time.

 

Yesterday we made up.... it's been less than 24hours and already she's had a meltdown since then!..

BPDer relationships are notorious for the makeup/breakup cycle you describe. Like young children, BPDers are very easy to fall in love with and very hard to walk away from. Indeed, walking away from a BPDer can feel like you're abandoning a sick child who desperately needs you.

 

The result is that it is common for the abused partners of BPDers to attempt to leave many times. A BPDfamily survey of about 460 such relationships found that 23% of them went through 10 or more complete breakup/makeup cycles BEFORE finally ending for good. About 40% of the BPDer relationships experienced at least six breakup/makeup cycles before ending. And 73% had three or more breakup/makeup cycles before finally ending. See "Results" at BPDfamily Breakup/Makeup Poll.

[The411]

Hi everyone new to this.

 

Me and my girlfriend have been dating exactly a year today. Over the last 6 months my girlfriend has constantly been accusing me of cheating when I haven't. I would never ever cheat on her...

 

Everyday she's upset and says that I'm selfish.. For example today we met up at a restaurant, everything was going great! When all of a sudden her mood changed because I went to the toilet with my phone. When I came back she was angry because she thought I was talking to girls in the toilet?

 

Also yesterday she was really angry because I was working all day and I never had time to message her, so she blocked and unblocked me on Whatsapp.

 

I feel at times her behavior is absolutely ridiculous. Everything I do and say is taken out of context even the most smallest things.. To conclude, today she texted me ''we should try to fix things, the relationship is so damaged and it's never been like this before. I'll try to be more easy to make it less difficult to fix. Saying and actions are not the same thing believe me.. Please understand how I feel but these thoughts can put the relationship in trouble''

 

In all honesty I'm trying to understand how she feels but at the same time I feel like I haven't done anything wrong?? It's starting to make me feel like the relationship is some sort of 24/7 job. I mean I'll do more things that she wants me to do but I have a life too you know Constantly being called a cheater! I once caught her on that Plenty Of Fish dating application. She did get scared though when I caught her and she said sorry she'd never do that again but at the same time I felt like she felt she was in the right for doing that.. But I forgave her so it's cool because I trust her.

 

She's toxic and likely mentally ill. Get out of this relationship immediately. She's gaslighting you like crazy and playing mind games to make you feel guilty for her atrocious behavior. She will cheat on you if you continue if she hasn't cheated already.

[ML Hammer95]

Mate, my ex was so similar to this and believe me there is no happy ending to this scenario! She is projecting onto you and possibly indulging in some of what she accuses you of. Please don't look back, never contact her again and avoid getting sucked back in! Look back at some of my threads if you need any more support, people like Downtown posted superb on there which I think would benefit you.

 

If there is no trust, there is no relationship.

[fromheart]

Hi everyone new to this.

 

Me and my girlfriend have been dating exactly a year today. Over the last 6 months my girlfriend has constantly been accusing me of cheating when I haven't. I would never ever cheat on her...

 

Everyday she's upset and says that I'm selfish.. For example today we met up at a restaurant, everything was going great! When all of a sudden her mood changed because I went to the toilet with my phone. When I came back she was angry because she thought I was talking to girls in the toilet?

 

Also yesterday she was really angry because I was working all day and I never had time to message her, so she blocked and unblocked me on Whatsapp.

 

I feel at times her behavior is absolutely ridiculous. Everything I do and say is taken out of context even the most smallest things.. To conclude, today she texted me ''we should try to fix things, the relationship is so damaged and it's never been like this before. I'll try to be more easy to make it less difficult to fix. Saying and actions are not the same thing believe me.. Please understand how I feel but these thoughts can put the relationship in trouble''

 

In all honesty I'm trying to understand how she feels but at the same time I feel like I haven't done anything wrong?? It's starting to make me feel like the relationship is some sort of 24/7 job. I mean I'll do more things that she wants me to do but I have a life too you know Constantly being called a cheater! I once caught her on that Plenty Of Fish dating application. She did get scared though when I caught her and she said sorry she'd never do that again but at the same time I felt like she felt she was in the right for doing that.. But I forgave her so it's cool because I trust her.

 

 

You see her on a sex dating site and you trust her?!

 

You're being subjected to emotional abuse and you're allowing it to happen. This woman is not going to change unless she gets therapy and it will take a decade or more for her to stop being abusive.

 

Doing MORE things than she wants you to do? Who is she that she is entitled to ask you to do anything? This is servitude, not a relationship.

 

Once again, you are allowing yourself to be abused here. You get what you tolerate and believe me this will get a lot worse.

[fromheart]

Summer, welcome to the LoveShack forum. The behaviors you describe -- i.e., event-triggered irrational anger, controlling behavior, verbal abuse, frequent temper tantrums and hissy fits over nothing, lack of impulse control, and always being "The Victim" -- are some of the classic warning signs for BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder). .

 

 

I'd say its classic signs of her not being a very nice person.

[fromheart]

But I'm going hang outside her gym and watch her from a distance (can't believe I'm actually doing this but it's gotta be done).

 

 

This is called stalking and is the male equivalent of what she's doing. You are now going down to her level and this will damage you, turning you into a version of her.

 

This woman is not well and her disease is affecting you. The dream of her cheating on you, you laying there at 4am. Thats your mind becoming like her unbalanced mind.

 

You need to get away from her NOW.

 

A long time ago when I was new to this, I had a GF like yours. Sometimes we'd be walking down the street and she'd start swearing at me if another woman looked at me, as it was my fault for dressing inappropriately. I was not allowed to have any female friends. I endured because I 'loved,' her. The caring thing to do would have been to walk away very early on, and tell her to get professional help.

 

I've manned up quite a bit since then, the first sign of mental imbalance that I know from experience will lead to abuse, I'm gone.

Edited April 17, 2017 by fromheart

[smackie9]

Like I said many posts ago....end it and move on.

[Darren Steez]

I feel at times her behavior is absolutely ridiculous.

 

That's your first post.. and yet

 

had no idea what the hell was happening

 

You had a very good idea what was happening but you choose time and again to bury your head in the sand hoping things will miraculously get better.

 

She's just a girl man. Go outside into the street and you'll find the same gender just walking around (it's amazing but..there are other women out there..shocking). Yet you choose to chain yourself to this one chick getting shouted at and stuff.