Husband was being obnoxious and I gave him a dose of the same medicine!

[Mapper71]

Yesterday was H's day off of work and I can usually come home from work and find that he's been drinking and smoking pot rather than doing anything productive, although he did plant the garden yesterday so that was something. Anyways, I get home and I can immediately tells he's had quite a bit to drink because he's kind of slurring his words and being kind of obnoxious, but he thinks he's being funny as usual. Within the hour he gets even more obnoxious and starts being really loud and singing at the top of his lungs and basically just going "Blah blah blah" really loud while he's making dinner. Very unattractive. I was at the end of my rope. He asks me to come and smell what he's cooking, so I go in the kitchen and he keeps going annoyingly "Are you ready for this? Do you think you can handle this aroma?" He takes off the lid and I literally get my face right down in there and that annoys him and he tells me "Don't do that! You practically set your robe on fire". I acted all nonchalant and said "Oh this old thing? Who cares if it goes up in flames." He pulls the pan off the stove and says "There now try putting your arm over it" which I go ahead and do it just to show him that I can be all nonchalant too and he immediately brushes it away going "I didn't think you'd actually do it!" and in the process he spills a bit of boiling water on my foot which didn't really hurt and he starts getting all agitated that I'm acting that way and then gets all serious. Well that shut him up and he started acting normal again!

 

It was a very childish way to handle it, but I was so fed up with his behavior, like I am every time he drinks too much, that I wanted to give it right back to him. So when he acts out of control and stupid he's "just having fun because it's his day off" but when I do it, he immediately gets upset that I'm acting weird and will get all serious and mad at me. Now why is that?? At least it shakes him up and he starts acting normal again.

[OpenBook]

He was cooking dinner?!? Count your blessings woman! :p:D

[aileD]

How often does he get this drunk?

[NuevoYorko]

He was cooking dinner?!? Count your blessings woman! :p:D

After having planted the garden. More than I did with my whole day around the house. Fortunately, my lady is happy for me to have a fun and relaxing day off and I'm not in danger of receiving the obnoxious treatment.

[BaileyB]

It was a very childish way to handle it, but I was so fed up with his behavior.

 

An accurate description of your behavior, including your repeated posts complaining about your husbands behavior.

[Mapper71]

After having planted the garden. More than I did with my whole day around the house. Fortunately, my lady is happy for me to have a fun and relaxing day off and I'm not in danger of receiving the obnoxious treatment.

 

Well when all he does on his days off and after work is sit in front of his damn computer and play video games and drink and smoke when there's 20 different projects that need to be worked on, yeah I get upset! Then if I go out and start doing something, like I did with pulling up disintegrating bricks around our firepit that have been there for a year, he screams out the window "What are you doing? That's not the way to do it, you're just ruining it. If you'd give me some time, I'll come out and do it". Yeah, I've been hearing that for a year, yet you never do. Last night he also told me how he needs to get building that deck out back and his buddy offered to help him. Well, H has no idea how to build a deck even though he's been talking about it for 3 years and has not done one thing but constantly tell me how he has to get that done. Oh, but he tells me before he does that, he needs to build that shed out back for the tools. Yup...been hearing that for 3 years as well. If I could do it, I would, but I can't. Oh and then there's the pond he just HAD to have, but has not maintained it at all and it looks horrible with algae in it and crumbling rocks, but he's going to get right on that as well. Nope...all that gets done is talk.

[BMI03]

Well when all he does on his days off and after work is sit in front of his damn computer and play video games and drink and smoke when there's 20 different projects that need to be worked on, yeah I get upset! .

 

Maybe what you and he think of as needed projects is different. You may have an idea in your head that a new deck is a 'need'ed project, but he may view it as an eventual 'nice to have' which is a goal he likes to keep reminding himself he would like to accomplish, but not one that he is overly stressed about delivering this year.

 

Certainly it should be clear to you that there is a mismatch of how you are both prioritizing them.

 

I love doing the kinds of projects being mentioned here, but I also like my days off. I will chose some of them, even specific vacation times, to tackle projects. But there are others that are those I want to really spend on vacation from work, and someone coming home to tell me I haven't been "productive", especially if I am the kind of guy who is making dinner, put in the garden, and installed a landscaping pond, isn't going to be looked at too fondly. In fact I would probably feel unappreciated, and may even start rattling your chain by talking about projects I haven't done which I know will set you off (not really....but he might?).

 

Just saying, I think you both need to talk and get an understanding of each other's expectations. And that doesn't mean convincing him of yours...it means explaining how you feel, and putting an honest effort into understanding what he means when he communicates 'I need to get to that deck'.

 

You may find your own expectations can be better set, and lead to less disappointment.

[Blanco]

OP, digging further back into your posting history, it's clear that you and your husband are a poor fit and probably never should have gotten married. You've been complaining about him on here for years.

 

Some of it sounds justified, but at some point, you need to actually do something about it. Complaining becomes a pointless, self-indulgent activity if it never leads to any sort of change.

 

People have been telling you for several years that you two at least need some sort of marriage counselling, but it sounds like even that hasn't happened.

 

If you're just here to vent and not actually improve the situation, you should probably clarify in your OP, as it appears many have tried to futility offer suggestions to your many, many complaint threads over the years.

[GorillaTheater]

OP, digging further back into your posting history, it's clear that you and your husband are a poor fit and probably never should have gotten married. You've been complaining about him on here for years.

 

 

Brother Blanco, I think you're one of the best advice-givers around this place, but I disagree.

 

 

I think they're perfect for each other.

[angel.eyes]

Well, I disagree with you GT, and I think you're a perceptive poster...one of my favorites for your combination of humor and insight. At this point, I question reality vs. perception.

 

Mapper, have you considered individual counseling. You complain about and criticize everything about your husband, your co-workers, your "friends" and everyone else around you. I have yet to see you say one positive thing about anybody. To me as an external observer, that suggests a deep-seated unhappiness within.

 

Personally, if my significant other spent his day off fixing the garden and then cooking dinner, I would be thrilled. Playfully talking about his cooking and inviting me to smell the aroma would be part of the fun. He's obviously enjoying himself...and I get dinner!

[BaileyB]

 

If you're just here to vent and not actually improve the situation, you should probably clarify in your OP, as it appears many have tried to futility offer suggestions to your many, many complaint threads over the years.

 

Exactly.

 

And, with all due respect angel.eyes, I think GT was being sarcastic. As my dear mother used to say, sometimes it's best if two people stay together and make each other miserable, than divorce and make two other people miserable...

Edited April 5, 2017 by BaileyB

[angel.eyes]

I guess I'm no longer sure her husband is such an ogre. I mean, everyone she encounters is an ogre??? Really?

 

Not to mention he's cooking and excited about it...But even that deserves criticism, resentment, and anger? Come on!

[Blanco]

OP's husband sounds irresponsible and impulsive, while OP sounds humorless and easily offended and angry at the world. Where they converge is neither seems particularly interested in doing anything to address and change those issues.

[Mapper71]

Maybe what you and he think of as needed projects is different. You may have an idea in your head that a new deck is a 'need'ed project, but he may view it as an eventual 'nice to have' which is a goal he likes to keep reminding himself he would like to accomplish, but not one that he is overly stressed about delivering this year.

 

Certainly it should be clear to you that there is a mismatch of how you are both prioritizing them.

 

I love doing the kinds of projects being mentioned here, but I also like my days off. I will chose some of them, even specific vacation times, to tackle projects. But there are others that are those I want to really spend on vacation from work, and someone coming home to tell me I haven't been "productive", especially if I am the kind of guy who is making dinner, put in the garden, and installed a landscaping pond, isn't going to be looked at too fondly. In fact I would probably feel unappreciated, and may even start rattling your chain by talking about projects I haven't done which I know will set you off (not really....but he might?).

 

Just saying, I think you both need to talk and get an understanding of each other's expectations. And that doesn't mean convincing him of yours...it means explaining how you feel, and putting an honest effort into understanding what he means when he communicates 'I need to get to that deck'.

 

You may find your own expectations can be better set, and lead to less disappointment.

 

Oh I don't even WANT a deck! He thinks he can do it on his own but he has no clue and it will probably look like crap. Just like he HAD to have a garden and a pond, I didn't want either because I knew I'd be the one responsible for the upkeep in the end. Sure enough, the pond went to **** the year after he built it and has done nothing on it for 2 years. He didn't touch the garden last year. I was the one who had to till it, weed it, plant the seeds, water it every day, build trellises for the vines to climb, harvest the food and he rarely even wanted to eat what we got out of it! But he just HAD to have that garden. He built a brick patio like thing in the middle of the yard with a firepit that looks like **** as well, but he swore up and down he knew how to go about building it. The bricks are all crumbling and uneven, there's weeds and moss all over it and we haven't used it at all in 2 years, but he HAD to have it! Oh, then there's the door to the extra bedroom that got damaged when he slammed it against the wall one day when there was an argument with his daughter. We got a new door, which he swore would be no problem to put up but first he wanted to lacquer it. Well that was a complete mess and took forever and said we'd eventually do that to all the other doors, which never happened. He goes to hang the door and can't get it to fit right and started kicking the bottom of it to get it in line and in the process kicked a small hole in it. So now we have a door that looks different from all the other doors in the house with a small hole in the bottom of it that won't close all the way because it's not hung right. Everything he touches ends up making the house look worse and not better, but he doesn't see the need to hire anyone because he thinks he can do it. And in the end, he never seems to want anything to do with it once it's done and built. I can't plant a bush out front by the garage because he keeps telling me he wants to gravel in that area. Well it's been 2 years that you want to gravel it in and it hasn't happened, but meanwhile I can't put a bush in.

 

What I DO want him to do is stuff like clean the garage because 99% of the stuff in it is his and I can't do it because he doesn't want me touching his stuff. Fix his motorcycle that he hasn't touched in 1 1/2 years so he can sell it like he keeps telling me he'll do so he can pay off his debt, clean out his closet with all the clothes he doesn't want, paint the computer room. I don't want these huge project undertakings that will probably not turn out right anyways, I just want a nice, orderly house.

[BMI03]

Oh I don't even WANT a deck!...

 

I changed my mind. Scratch my advice...keep doing what you are doing, call the TLC television channel, and propose a reality show...I'd watch.

[Blanco]

Curious as to why OP got married to this guy in the first place. Doesn't sound like she respects and or even particularly likes him. Guy sounds like he's got his shortcomings, but since I doubt the OP reserves her hateful vitriol just for Loveshack, I'd probably be exhibiting signs of disinterest and depression if I were her husband, too.

[Blanco]

I'm also curious, OP, what you think YOU bring to the marriage. We've heard plenty about the faults and shortcomings of your husband, but what do you add to the relationship? If your posts over the years are any insight, I think we can scratch off loyalty, optimism, compassion, understanding, and accountability.

[angel.eyes]

Exactly! Hence my comment about reality versus perception.

If everything you did just resulted in rancor and contempt year after year, why would you ever bother. At some point anyone would stop trying. I suspect most LS'rs would also be hiding out playing video games, rather than dealing with the constant barrage of vitriol and criticism.

 

Curious as to why OP got married to this guy in the first place. Doesn't sound like she respects and or even particularly likes him. Guy sounds like he's got his shortcomings, but since I doubt the OP reserves her hateful vitriol just for Loveshack, I'd probably be exhibiting signs of disinterest and depression if I were her husband, too.