Mjgon Posted April 4, 2017 Share Posted April 4, 2017 So i got married last May. At that time i was only dating my wife for about two months. We actually ended up eloping to vegas. A few months into the marraige i already started to question it, i have doubts weather or not its going to work out. (This was due to the constant arguing and fighting(not physically) which i know almost every couple argues. I just feel like we were always arguing like every week) Ive noticed im not as happy as i once was. I still have doubts and question it. My wife is a wonderful person she hasnt done anything to lose my trust or hurt me. But i just feel like this isnt what i thought it would be. Im starting to think we rushed this and now im not sure what to do? Is this a common thing for couples who get married to soon to experience? Any advice or insight would be mich apreciated. Thanks Link to post Share on other sites
RecentChange Posted April 4, 2017 Share Posted April 4, 2017 Yes that is very very soon. You STILL do not know her yet. It takesa good year to get to know someone. Early in dating many hit a phase that is called limerence. It's when all those sex hormones, emotions etc run high, putting a rose colored tint on everything. You don't see the flaws, you get blinded by love. After marriage is usually the "honeymoon phase" you two should be in bliss. Yes most couples argue occasionally. A healthy couple should be able to communicate and resolve issues without excessive arguing (my husband and I rarely argue and make a point of resolving issues quickly with no hard feeling). A marriage, especially so soon after the wedding should make you happy, not full of doubt. Ever hear the term only fools rush in? What to do now? Maybe some counseling so that you two can learn how to communicate better. Curious - did you discuss and agree on the major issues before getting married? Kids? Finances? Vision for the future? Household responsibilities? Religion? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
mikeylo Posted April 4, 2017 Share Posted April 4, 2017 In 2 months you got married ? How old or young are you both? In any case, yes,you married waaayyy too quickly. Link to post Share on other sites
central Posted April 4, 2017 Share Posted April 4, 2017 Yes, you married much too soon. My advice is to wait at least 2 years, preferably 3, and live together at least a year, first. Okay, but it's too late to do this right, so now you need to see if you can make things work. I strongly suggest marriage counseling to discuss your issues and learn how to resolve disagreements in a healthy way. This can still work for you both - but you need to learn good habits. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted April 4, 2017 Share Posted April 4, 2017 (edited) im not going to say you married too soon because your marriage isnt over and or broken up ...so it needs i feel my support.......like the poster central wrote i will write..... you are married you need to work on it like all marriages..you made a commitment and all marriages whether you marry early or late...need to be worked at .......and need to be honored and nurtured...so nurture ....do date nights....get to know the woman you are married too let her know you with honesty and transparency..... and try and remember why you married her in the first place.....i actually believe earlier marriages rather than waiting and putting it off have a higher chance of working...personal belief.....divorce rates among people who live together for years before nuptials is actually really high.... i have known people who have married from being childhood sweethearts.... and not made it thirty years down the track....divorce reason...get this .after thirty years.......irreconcilable differences....... time isnt the problem ...effort and commitment is..hard bloody work in other words...constant ...every day......employ those things in your marriage put them to work and add compassion ...unfeigned kindness and understanding honesty patience forgiveness diligence and you will get there.....deb Edited April 4, 2017 by todreaminblue 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mjgon Posted April 4, 2017 Author Share Posted April 4, 2017 So we have been going tomarraige counsling, it has helped for sure. A few details about us. Were both 26 im 6 months older. No kids, we profess the same christian religion, were somewhat active in it. Im a student currently working on my bachleors. We were friends prior to dating for two years. I just feel lost at times i dunno how else to put it. Sometimes the relationship is great than other times im just like i want out. Usually when its going bad. I dunno thoufh i feel like overthink things too. Ugh. I dunno what to do... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted April 4, 2017 Share Posted April 4, 2017 So we have been going tomarraige counsling, it has helped for sure. A few details about us. Were both 26 im 6 months older. No kids, we profess the same christian religion, were somewhat active in it. Im a student currently working on my bachleors. We were friends prior to dating for two years. I just feel lost at times i dunno how else to put it. Sometimes the relationship is great than other times im just like i want out. Usually when its going bad. I dunno thoufh i feel like overthink things too. Ugh. I dunno what to do... keep going to marriage counselling had a yay moment reading that......just do your best and be accepting you will have some hurdles...you can face them together.....call god in to your relationship to strengthen it and guide you.....put him center row....and god will help you face up to issues.... and do your best..........deb Link to post Share on other sites
kgcolonel Posted April 4, 2017 Share Posted April 4, 2017 (edited) M....while i don't recommend this for anyone I'll share my history that may help. My wife and I attended the same middle school and highschool and graduated in the same class however we never even knew of each other. We ran with the same group of friends but never met prior to my graduating college. That said, the night i was introduced to her (she was about to leave on a date with a former ex boyfriend (hadn't dated for 2 years) I was enamored! My buddy that i was hanging out with that night to play tennis asked me what I thought, I told him that if she was half as nice as she was pretty I'd marry her.... Three weeks later we're engaged and six months after that, we're married. Impulsive and poor judgement, absolutely. However, after the honeymoon phase, most all marriages are really rocky for a period the first 5 years. It is at that time you build your foundation and make decisions. Love at this point becomes a choice not an emotion, yes you still cherish and treasure your bride however, you learn to determine what is really important and what has little to no value. Being "right" is a destructive desire, finding a solution becomes critically important to the relationship. Sit with your spouse and tell her how much you truly cherish her and that you want to hear both what she says and what she feels inorder to honor her and the relationship. Never forget to tell her what she means to you. You'll do fine if you do these things and never lie or betray her. KG Edited April 4, 2017 by kgcolonel add key facts 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted April 4, 2017 Share Posted April 4, 2017 S (This was due to the constant arguing and fighting(not physically) which i know almost every couple argues. I just feel like we were always arguing like every week) Trust me, most couples don't suffer from "constant arguing" occurring "like every week" at either the two month mark in dating or marriage. Your situation isn't normal. Keep working at counseling and focus on appreciating your spouse's good qualities. Time will tell... Mr. Lucky 2 Link to post Share on other sites
kgcolonel Posted April 4, 2017 Share Posted April 4, 2017 Also, I tried to edit but wasn't allowed, We celebrated 34 years of marriage last November. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Life lessons Posted April 4, 2017 Share Posted April 4, 2017 2 months???? Yes, I'd say you rushed! How can you possible know someone enough to marry them in a couple of months? I do hope things get better for you! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mjgon Posted April 4, 2017 Author Share Posted April 4, 2017 @mr lucky yeah it was not normal. The arguing has been way less for sure. And we have learned how to communicate better. She is better at it than me of course. But i know we have come a long way. @KG thanks for sharing that it definetly helped i will take her out this week and let her know. @Deb time isnt the problem ...effort and commitment is..hard bloody work in other words...constant ...every day......employ those things in your marriage put them to work and add compassion ...unfeigned kindness and understanding honesty patience forgiveness diligence and you will get there That is precisely what i lack when things get tough i jist want to run. I dont put the effort i should, and i struggle putting in the hard work. I will do my best to begin to apply these principles to my marraige, and make it work. Thank you so much for your hrlp and support. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted April 4, 2017 Share Posted April 4, 2017 @mr lucky yeah it was not normal. The arguing has been way less for sure. And we have learned how to communicate better. She is better at it than me of course. But i know we have come a long way. @KG thanks for sharing that it definetly helped i will take her out this week and let her know. @Deb time isnt the problem ...effort and commitment is..hard bloody work in other words...constant ...every day......employ those things in your marriage put them to work and add compassion ...unfeigned kindness and understanding honesty patience forgiveness diligence and you will get there That is precisely what i lack when things get tough i jist want to run. I dont put the effort i should, and i struggle putting in the hard work. I will do my best to begin to apply these principles to my marraige, and make it work. Thank you so much for your hrlp and support. im really glad you felt support in this thread from posters including me.......i wish you peace and a happy marriage...keep trekkin..dont give up when you get set back.....and happy trails......deb Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted April 5, 2017 Share Posted April 5, 2017 You married too fast & you had unrealistic expectations: you thought marriage was full time effortless fun. Now the cold reality that marriage is hard work & requires compromise is abundantly clear. I was off balance, scared & floundering during the 1st meal of my marriage. It was a huge change. I came at it with more time in then you, knowing it was going to be work. So we worked. We took a communications workshop, which helped, a LOT. Even in Vegas you took vows about marriage being for better or worse, in good times and in bad. Now you get to apply them Do the work. Talk to your spouse. Make time for each other. In essence date. You can recapture a form of that early infatuation & chemistry. If you both make the effort, you will be rewarded with a solid loving lasting relationship. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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