Looking for /experience

[emerica]

Was in a 6 month relationship and she broke it off yesterday. We were long distance (about an hour) so only saw each other once a week, but usually spent the entire day together. We've traveled twice together (Europe and Colorado) and things went well on both trips, although Europe was a little more stressful and there was a little more bickering between us, which she has noted in our talks the past couple months.

 

Things in our relationship seemed to be relatively well. Two weeks ago we had discussed another vacation plan in October when her work is supposed to slow down significantly. We also talked about taking a long weekend soon to go to Hawaii in the next few months. Everything seemed to be fine until a week ago. She was in Vegas and she mentioned that she ran into her ex-fiance on the flight and the meeting was awkward. i don't know much about their relationship but she broke it off with him and said she realized he was the wrong one. This was over 5 years ago. I don't think this was a driver in the decision but the timing does seem more than coincidental.

 

When we talked last night, she said she was overwhelmed by stress from work and was about to have a nervous breakdown and couldn't take on any more stress. She said our distance also wasn't helping and things might have been different if we lived closer. She's currently on an assignment for the next 6 months (and has been on it since July 2016) and has been getting physically sick from the workload.

 

I am going on NC but just curious what those in here think. Any chance I will hear from her, especially after we were talking about future together and we both seemed excited about it just 2 weeks ago?

 

Any advice or experiences would be greatly appreciated.

[EmilyJane]

In my experience women don't usually want space when they are under severe stress and usually what they want from their partner is empathy and support and encouragement in ability to handle things. I've broken up with boyfriends who consistently fail to be supportive and help lighten my load when I'm having a tough time.

 

Are you going no contact in an effort to get her to come back to you?

 

If so totally abandoning her when she's stressed and far from home might not be the best way to achieve it.

[emerica]

Going NC mostly for me. I'm honestly not sure if I will ever hear from her again.

 

I was always supportive of her during this time. I was empathetic to the cause knowing she was working hard and I was trying to do my best to help her. We had this discussion a couple weeks ago at dinner and I told her I wanted to do whatever she needed me to do to be there. I was her shoulder to lean on.

 

We did break up over the phone. She had been pushing off calling for a couple days to meet up face to face but honestly, I couldn't take the not knowing any more so she called. When we ended talking on Monday, she said she was more than happy to meet up next weekend to have a face to face if I wanted and to let her know after thinking about it.

 

PS. She's not away from home. Her assignment is in the same city she lives in. We are an hour apart from each other. She is just on a year-long assignment from her work that has increased her workload tremendously. She always felt stressed when I would come to visit since she had a lot of prep she needed to do before going to work on Monday. The fact that we were only able to see each other on weekends (even though I offered to visit during the week, although it was hard because she would work at night) was a stressor.

Edited April 5, 2017 by emerica

[emerica]

I'm on day 17 of NC and haven't heard anything from her. My psyche was cracking the first 2 weeks, but each day seems to get easier.

 

Since she said she was stressed out from work, my goal was to give it 4-6 weeks of time to de-stress and then reach out just to see how she is. Thankfully I'm feeling much better than a week ago but do still miss her. Any recommendations on what I should do?

[Littlebird95]

If I can just tell you a bit about one of my past relationship. Been with a girl for 5 years, she went in China with her mom and when she came back, we spent 3 days together, planning our whole summer, where we would travel, what we would do, and we were both so excited about it. Then on the 3rd night, she just broke up with me. Tried to contact her for the 1st 2 weeks, she didnt want and I was totally depressed for like 3 weeks straight. Then I decided it was enough and I didnt want to be so awful, so I went NC from there and tried to move on with my life, and I was feeling much better everyday. 3 months later, out of the blue, I received an e-mail from her asking us to be friends, which I replied I wasnt interested in. She then replied there was actually more to it, as she would like for us to meet and see if it could work out. But I didnt want at this point. I was kinda surprised, as I thought I would never hear from her ever again.

 

When I was trying to contact her (I begged like crazy at first), she was always saying there were no chances of us getting back together, although she doesnt know how she would feel 3 months from then, but it was a total no the first 3 weeks. this is when I completely let go of any hopes and start enjoying life.

 

Just to say that you should definitely stick with NC. I actually suck at doing it with my exes but once I do it, i start to feel much better. The reality is, you are not together anymore so you have to move on and feel great by yourself. And as much as I understand your intentions, i'm not sure setting a timer on when you are going to contact her is good. I mean, she already rejected you once, and you actually want to be with her again. If you contact her too soon and she rejects you again, you might just fall back in your healing process and it will take you even longer to heal.

[emerica]

I appreciate the advice. It just really sucks. When they break up out of the blue and with no closure and knowledge of why, it's tough. Especially when it seemed all the right things between us were happening. I've had many breakups and none of them have ever been easy