How to proceed after sex?

[LostHisWay]

Hey, all. Long-time reader, seldom-poster.

 

So I wanted to ask for advice here on what to do about a girl I just had sex with this past weekend. She has a boyfriend, going on three years with him, but we've always had a flirty friendship and I used to crush on her a good bit a year ago. Not as much now, but there's still plenty of attraction.

 

I finally made the move when we hung out one day last week and we kissed for the first time. She kept expressing some regret, but didn't stop until things started to inch their way closer to sex (no pun intended).

 

She stopped us that night from getting any further than dryhumping, but proceeded to text me somewhat regularly over the next few weeks.

 

This past weekend, we finally hooked up all the way on a couple different nights. She expressed regret again after about what she was doing both times, but said on the first night that her boyfriend isn't sleeping with her as often as she would like. I don't know whether to believe that, as she recently went on a week-long trip to Spain with him. On the one hand, it could be true as she did seem to be getting a bit emotional at times when talking about it. On the other, it could be her trying to protect her image in my eyes and lying through her teeth.

 

In any case, she has been texting me sporadically all day every day since and is being very friendly and nice.

 

My question is, what should I do here with regards to talking to her? By no means am I stopping myself from hooking up with other women -- I got with another one this weekend as well -- but should I take the nice approach and continue to text her back? Or should I ignore her every once in a while and act aloof?

 

I know there's positives and negatives with both.

 

If I keep talking to her like normal, she could really enjoy it and grow in her attraction towards me OR eventually find me too available and get tired of having two guys to talk to all day and cut things off.

 

If I ignore her a bit and act aloof, she could either get upset about that and cut things off OR want me more because I'm not giving her my 100 percent attention?

 

I guess it all depends on what I want, but even in that regard I'm not sure. I liked the sex and don't mind it just being that, but I guess I also want to protect myself from getting used to talking to her and bedding her and then having it all suddenly stop one day. Or am I overthinking this all?

 

Help?

Edited April 5, 2017 by LostHisWay

[Darren Steez]

Hey, all. Long-time reader, seldom-poster.

 

So I wanted to ask for advice here on what to do about a girl I just had sex with this past weekend. She has a boyfriend, going on three years with him, but we've always had a flirty friendship and I used to crush on her a good bit a year ago. Not as much now, but there's still plenty of attraction.

 

I finally made the move when we hung out one day last week and we kissed for the first time. She kept expressing some regret, but didn't stop until things started to inch their way closer to sex (no pun intended).

 

She stopped us that night from getting any further than dryhumping, but proceeded to text me somewhat regularly over the next few weeks.

 

This past weekend, we finally hooked up all the way on a couple different nights. She expressed regret again after about what she was doing both times, but said on the first night that her boyfriend isn't sleeping with her as often as she would like. I don't know whether to believe that, as she recently went on a week-long trip to Spain with him. On the one hand, it could be true as she did seem to be getting a bit emotional at times when talking about it. On the other, it could be her trying to protect her image in my eyes and lying through her teeth.

 

In any case, she has been texting me sporadically all day every day since and is being very friendly and nice.

 

My question is, what should I do here with regards to talking to her? By no means am I stopping myself from hooking up with other women -- I got with another one this weekend as well -- but should I take the nice approach and continue to text her back? Or should I ignore her every once in a while and act aloof?

 

I know there's positives and negatives with both.

 

If I keep talking to her like normal, she could really enjoy it and grow in her attraction towards me OR eventually find me too available and get tired of having two guys to talk to all day and cut things off.

 

If I ignore her a bit and act aloof, she could either get upset about that and cut things off OR want me more because I'm not giving her my 100 percent attention?

 

I guess it all depends on what I want, but even in that regard I'm not sure. I liked the sex and don't mind it just being that, but I guess I also want to protect myself from getting used to talking to her and bedding her and then having it all suddenly stop one day. Or am I overthinking this all?

 

Help?

 

Nah you try to come off as some sort of player but you're clearly over thinking this, and this relationship because you clearly don't just want sex but a relationship is doomed because this chick is a cheater

 

And you think she's just talking to you and this dude? How do you know she doesn't have other dudes as well?

 

You can't wife a cheater bro. Not in the slightest.

[burnt]

What should you do?

Neither of the two options you listed.

 

Don't think of your next "move", don't analyze which move will benefit you the most--love, relationships, and intimacy matters are not games.

 

What are YOUR intentions with this girl? That is the first question you need to ask yourself.

 

1. If you want a real long term relationship with her, then have an open 100% honest conversation in person (not by texting) about what you want and what she wants. Either she will stick with her bf or will end things with him to be with you as your loyal partner.

 

2. If you want to just have her as a fun FWB, then stop now and cut all contact with her; she has a bf, so you should find someone else single.

[aileD]

Why did you pursue her if you knew she was in a relationship?

 

Just leave her alone

[Jj66]

What should you do?

Neither of the two options you listed.

 

Don't think of your next "move", don't analyze which move will benefit you the most--love, relationships, and intimacy matters are not games.

 

What are YOUR intentions with this girl? That is the first question you need to ask yourself.

 

1. If you want a real long term relationship with her, then have an open 100% honest conversation in person (not by texting) about what you want and what she wants. Either she will stick with her bf or will end things with him to be with you as your loyal partner.

 

2. If you want to just have her as a fun FWB, then stop now and cut all contact with her; she has a bf, so you should find someone else single.

 

You might be right if you remove the word I've highlighted in bold.

[BaileyB]

Don't play games, it's really not a good plan.

 

Remember, she has a boyfriend. That should have been enough for the two of you to keep it friendly...

 

But if, she ditches her boyfriend and you decide to date... What do we know about this girl so far? She has cheated on her boyfriend with you... remember that, in the future...

[Jj66]

 

Remember, she has a boyfriend. That should have been enough for the two of you to keep it friendly...

 

They're not married.

 

Unless they are living together in some sort of pseudo-marriage, girlfriend and boyfriend are mere suggestions.

 

As for going after women with boyfriends, you might find they are much easier. You don't have to fear rejection because they are supposed to reject you. It's not even the smallest blow to the ego when they say no. Many of them use the I have a boyfriend excuse as their only defence. They start thinking to themselves, if I didn't have a boyfriend I'd be all over it. Once you have breached that outer boyfriend defense you have a very willing participant. No need for any more pursuit. She was already chasing you but using the boyfriend wall as an excuse not to act on it.

 

Once you've broken through the (often very thin) boyfriend wall, that's when you see her character. Does she make a choice or does she try to have it both ways? The one who wants it both ways is the cheater you don't want to be involved with.