My GF kissed another guy

[2morrowneverknows]

Hey everyone,

 

I know these questions have been asked a hundred times, but it's always different when you're in the hot seat! so just wanted to canvas opinion..

 

My GF (28) of 6mths+ and I (31) were out for a birthday party at the weekend, we'd all been drinking, all happy drunk, but nobody's smashed, just all having a good time, starting to dance around

 

I saw her dancing with a friend of a friend as I went outside on the deck with a pal so he could smoke. When i got back she came up to me and said she'd kissed a guy...

 

Exact words were 'I gave him a big fat snog" (snog = pash.. french kiss, tongues). She looked really guilty and said it again "we were just dancing and I gave him a big fat snog, I'm so sorry"

 

I said "FFS.. what are you doing" she saw the reaction, shock, disgust maybe? in my expression and tried to make me feel better by re-enacting it...!!! grabbing me round the neck and forcefully pulled me in for a kiss for 2 or3 seconds, no tongues with a comedy "Mwwwwa" noise at the end.. "it was just like that"

 

I called BS saying that's not a big fat snog (she's an awful liar even in unimportant circumstances and I saw that expression), then she re-enacts it on me again.. I still said BS, that's not what you said

 

Anyway, she was very remorseful, talked me out of being mad, and I half assed accepted her apology saying we'd talk about it again. I've yet to bring it up and it is gnawing at me. The fact that *she initiated it*.. kicks home.

 

Do I believe her? not completely, from what she initially said and the actions (now I can re-live that in my head, thanks!) which I see as backtracking.

For that to happen they must have been dancing differently from what I saw as I went outside.

 

I could get in touch with the guy but would he give me the truth? Am I over reacting anyway?

 

My normal response would be if your GF/BF initiated then there are problems, maybe finish it, at least there are problems. All circumstances are different.

 

Yes she confessed straight away, but still feel I don't know the whole picture, but neither do I want to do anything rash... I may be wrong and I can be cynical!

 

How would you handle it? Any outsider perspective is welcome, thanks

[d0nnivain]

I think she has poor impulse control while under the influence. I doubt it meant anything emotionally.

 

 

I'd let this one go because she came to you moments afterwards but I would keep my eyes open. I'd tell her this was unacceptable & you expect it will never happen again. If she behaves this way all the time when she drinks, perhaps she is not as committed to your relationship as you would prefer. You then have choices.

 

 

When I was younger, one of my favorite ways to flirt was to "steal" a guy's hat & wear it around. Once I got into my 1st serious relationship that impulse would be strong to go back to my flirty ways but I always stopped myself & thought how it would look to my BF. Oooh my fingers often itched to grab those hats but I resisted. After a while I stopped wanting to do that. Now I only misappropriate my husband's hats.

 

 

People can learn self control even while drinking.

[crossingbridges]

It doesn't sound good and I feel like she didn't feel guilty at all. She initiated the kiss, how would she react if a hot guy would initiate a kiss on her?

 

I would tell her this is never appropriate and you expect this to not happen again. Keep your eyes open, if she continues this behavior I'm afraid she is not trustworthy for a LTR.

[kendahke]

She is doing damage control before someone else comes to you and said they saw her French kissing another man.

 

One thing is for certain: when your girlfriend drinks, she acts impulsively with whomever is in close proximity. She probably needs to stop drinking if she can't control herself.

 

What you do depends upon how badly you need her as a girlfriend, how badly this bothers you and if her kissing another guy, no matter what the excuse or circumstances, is OK or not to you. I suppose you're going to be a "silent irate"* with her, but that is only going to lead to bitterness down the road if you cannot, today, forgive her for what she did and move on and never allow yourself to think about it again, provided you elect to stay with her. Are you certain that you can do that? Will you be able to trust her out of your site when liquor is in play?

 

Also, some stern consequences need to be applied if you think this behavior is inappropriate--otherwise, this is her new normal and she knows what to say/how to act to get the hook back in your cheek.

 

 

 

*a silent irate is someone who fumes in silence and never addresses the problem or speaks up--they just avoid the matter in favor of just staying mad all the time. It's destructive to both you and the other person because you're driving your own blood pressure up being mad, the other person thinks you've gotten over whatever transgression they've committed and when it bursts forth from the pressure of the lid being kept on, they tend to dismiss it by saying you need to get over it. You don't get over a mountain by being mad that it's there.

[Rockdad]

No doubt in here some will have very opposing views to mine. Coming from an affectionate free spirit type person I wouldn't make a big deal out of it. They didn't throw down and have sex, it was a kiss. I view it that way as I am secure in myself and don't have jealous bones.

 

I've told my wife if there is something that brings happiness to your life go for it. And I mean anything. She enjoys the fact she lives in freedom and not the fear of trouble or drama. She does the very same for me.

 

Your girlfriend has apologized and yes maybe lightened up the facts a bit to spare you, herself and avoid drama. What good is going to do for you if you make a thing of it?

[Space Ritual]

How would you handle it? Any outsider perspective is welcome, thanks

 

By her controlling her drinking a little better.

 

What you saw was not remorse pal, it was regret because she knew if she didn't tell you she kissed the guy when you went outside someone else would have. Pure damage control.

 

In your shoes I'd have walked right out of that place and let her find a ride to anywhere but my house,but I am not you, so I will dispense advise based on you not wanting to end it yet.

 

How you view it is your business. It however is not like she is 18.

 

Look you have only been together for 6 months. If this is the first screwup then i could understand if you don't see it as a deal breaker. But if you are going to play it like that, then in no uncertain terms you have to let her know that is Strike #1

 

I'd go with the rule of threes with this chick.

 

Practice the rule of threes — One lie or broken promise may be a misunderstanding, two lies may involve a serious mistake, three lies — the individual is not trustworthy. Stay away from that individual.

[WaitingForBardot]

She saw something she liked and she made her play. Maybe the kiss wasn't what she had hoped or maybe the guy wasn't interested, so she came back to you.

 

Not sure I'd walk away if this was the first inkling of any trouble, but I'd definitely have my eyes open in the future.

[coolheadal]

Hey everyone,

 

I know these questions have been asked a hundred times, but it's always different when you're in the hot seat! so just wanted to canvas opinion..

 

My GF (28) of 6mths+ and I (31) were out for a birthday party at the weekend, we'd all been drinking, all happy drunk, but nobody's smashed, just all having a good time, starting to dance around

 

I saw her dancing with a friend of a friend as I went outside on the deck with a pal so he could smoke. When i got back she came up to me and said she'd kissed a guy...

 

Exact words were 'I gave him a big fat snog" (snog = pash.. french kiss, tongues). She looked really guilty and said it again "we were just dancing and I gave him a big fat snog, I'm so sorry"

 

I said "FFS.. what are you doing" she saw the reaction, shock, disgust maybe? in my expression and tried to make me feel better by re-enacting it...!!! grabbing me round the neck and forcefully pulled me in for a kiss for 2 or3 seconds, no tongues with a comedy "Mwwwwa" noise at the end.. "it was just like that"

 

I called BS saying that's not a big fat snog (she's an awful liar even in unimportant circumstances and I saw that expression), then she re-enacts it on me again.. I still said BS, that's not what you said

 

Anyway, she was very remorseful, talked me out of being mad, and I half assed accepted her apology saying we'd talk about it again. I've yet to bring it up and it is gnawing at me. The fact that *she initiated it*.. kicks home.

 

Do I believe her? not completely, from what she initially said and the actions (now I can re-live that in my head, thanks!) which I see as backtracking.

For that to happen they must have been dancing differently from what I saw as I went outside.

 

I could get in touch with the guy but would he give me the truth? Am I over reacting anyway?

 

My normal response would be if your GF/BF initiated then there are problems, maybe finish it, at least there are problems. All circumstances are different.

 

Yes she confessed straight away, but still feel I don't know the whole picture, but neither do I want to do anything rash... I may be wrong and I can be cynical!

 

How would you handle it? Any outsider perspective is welcome, thanks

 

Leave it be! You know it happen now be a man get it out of your system. Drunken women do all sorts of crazy things. What you going to do about it just nothing okay. If you want to be with her still then forget the entire matter. Why go down that path now. Cause more issues in your relationship with her. Trust me just forget it for now. But if it happens again you have the right to object and then you can go on the war path with her. That's the second option here. The first option let the first snog go.. Trust me it's better to let that go, if you love this girl?

[doyathinkso]

Don't half-assedly accept apologies in haste.

 

Stay cool. Be cool. Let her feel the chill of failing the relationship interview.

 

Hope your next girlfriend works out better.

[harrybrown]

She would not have a problem then of you going out with someone and having a kiss.

 

So does she have any cute friends she would like you to kiss?

[SevenCity]

Don't half-assedly accept apologies in haste.

 

Stay cool. Be cool. Let her feel the chill of failing the relationship interview.

 

Hope your next girlfriend works out better.

 

Yep - this.

 

Next time it will be her being so drink she gave a guy a bj.

 

She is untrustworthy. That's your answer.

[todreaminblue]

ok

 

 

that's pretty horrible....alcohol is scientifically proven to lower inhibitions and make you do things you would not do sober ......you hav eno real moral compass o rif you do it goes spastic......

 

i stopped drinking because when i drank no matter how happy i was after two i could not stop there because i just kept going.....i didnt drink to dance...already a dancer i can dance sober ...i drank because i wanted to get drunk.....and forget for a while...and what would happen is i would try to run onto roads and get hit by trucks.....or i would skinny dip at night in shark infested beaches and hope one ate me.....or i would smash a beer bottle and go somewhere alone and carve myself up...because i was too numb to care or control myself.........i never cheated on a partner or french kissed a guy.....but...for the reasons stated above .....i dont drink ....alcohol is death to me....all i can say is god wants me here......i dont know of many paraletic drunks who cant stand properly who go swimming in shark infested beaches make it....or women who fall alseep on train lines and not get run over........or face mac trucks and not get hit.....but sooner or later ...i feel ...god would have said ..ok come home.....im tired of saving your life...if i had continued to drink

 

 

whether or not your gf was doing damge control or not ....the fact is she realized she had done damage enough to come clean straight away......sh eshouldnt drink...she has a problem with control and her inhibitions..i am guessign she si actually maybe a shy person when she doesnt drink.....dont approach th eguy who was with her

 

he probably didnt even know who she was.....or that she was taken and if he was drinking too his inhibitions would have been lowered as well.....he didnt cheat on you..she did.....your gf needs to realize when she drinks she has issues that could cause a relationship breakdown...and needs to adjust what she drinks or the best solution tell her dont bloody drink...if you drink...maybe you should stop too in support......

 

ill make a bet right here right now..if she continues to party and drink...she will have sex with soemoen else other than you...you wont go to a party once and she will she will get drunk and break her commitment to you ...and at the time it wont even register to her the damage is done until after.......

 

showing how she kissed this guy to you...man...childish...mwaaaah...are you serious........you both need to behave like adults with alcohol consumption and if you cant dont drink.....abstain.....or at least dont get wasted either one of you.....my ex when he drank would black out especially rum...he beat the living crap out of me in that state.....the next night when he came home from work......

 

he took one look at me sat on the couch and cried his eyes out..he did a number on me.....i was feeding my boys as he looked at me.....and they said dad why you cryin...dont you like mums dinner..mum wont make you eat it.......eh said your mums dinner is the best...(he never hit me again)..alcohol destroys families.....and people will go nahhh its fun ...its cool ..it actually isnt when you have problems with alcohol..many people do .....alcohol kills people....and relationships...dont know the stats.....i am assuming they would be higher than drugs...because for one you can get it 24 7....legally...and its cheap as piss.....sometimes at the right parties you dont even pay for it....until the next morning when you are throwing your guts up.....

 

 

your gf has a problem that will escalate......trust me...she might not beat you to a pulp.....but she will probably cheat on you...and speaking from experience ...cheating is worse......make a change...help her too too...

or

see you soon on here in another thread..........i wish you peace....alcohol free peace...both you and your gf........deb

[DrReplyInRhymes]

I would have looked around the room of friends, and being slightly drunk, probably kissed one of the prettier girls (consequences withstanding) in front of her.

 

Then turned to her and said "Oh god, I'm sorry!"

 

I mean, if you're friends, what's the harm? Just have fun and do what feels right.

[Poutrew]

It wasn't just a slurpy snog, man. It was a long, drawn out kiss with her hungry tongue taking its time exploring the guy's mouth, looking for particles of party food caught between his teeth for her to steal. She only stopped when she eventually noticed others at the party staring at the tip of her tongue poking out of the guy's anus, and figured the info would eventually get back to you... How do I know this? I wasn't at this particular party, but we've all seen the drunken behavior of others at parties like this, and think to ourselves, "I'm glad she isn't my girlfriend..." I don't know if I'd be so quick to write off her bad behavior. You're lucky - she has allowed you to catch a glimpse of her true self. I'd walk away before those drunken kisses become something much, much worse...

[Marc878]

Next time you're at her house give her sister a nice long wet one.

 

Just tell her it didn't mean anything you were just trying to be friendly.

[smackie9]

Hah doesn't anyone see it?? She's a drama queen. She did it to make the OP jealous and hoped he would punch out the guy in her honor so she can feel needed/special. I have seen this attention crap before. She did it on purpose to get a reaction.

 

OP get out now.....this won't be the last time she pulls something like this.

[d0nnivain]

Hah doesn't anyone see it?? She's a drama queen. She did it to make the OP jealous and hoped he would punch out the guy in her honor so she can feel needed/special. I have seen this attention crap before. She did it on purpose to get a reaction.

 

 

Possibly but I'd prefer to see a pattern of behavior before leaping to that conclusion. One tipsy kiss. . . If it never happens again, move past it. If the OP gives her a second chance & she blows it, there is no looking back.

[Darren Steez]

I do love the let it go, but if it happens again..

 

ffs it shouldn't happen in the first place but here's the thing..

 

You're at a party, your chick says she necks another man..you didn't go and talk to this guy? How do you know it really happened?

 

I'd be more concerned that your first port of call is a forum and not actually going and talking to the man whom your gf kissed.

[zeeohsixer]

OP, see that big yellow handle between your legs that says 'PULL TO EJECT'? Pull it now.

[act00]

This is not something I could tolerate.

 

It's almost as if she was throwing it in your face - look at me, I can get other guys! It almost seems like damage control because of her poor impulse, but then she decided, "Let me demonstrate," and I have no idea how this was supposed to make things better.

 

If this other guy landed his lips on her, and she pulled away, fine...tough to handle, but she was the victim of an unfortunate circumstance.

 

If he made a move on her and she reciprocated, full tongue...no...no, no, no.

 

She initiated this kiss, and that's WORSE!

 

I am female and if my man did this, I would not brush it aside because he was drinking...oopsie. I would not discount his behavior in any way, shape, or form. If he can't control his behavior with alcohol on board, where will his pecker end up, let alone kissing, let alone flirting?

 

She cheated on you, in public, with you a mere few feet away. I don't know if six months into a relationship, if it's worth pursuing further. If she cared about you, she wouldn't have snogged another man in the first place, but giving you a full play-by-play, more than once, is rather cruel. Do you want to create a life with someone so cruel and impulsive?

[kendahke]

Seriously? I wouldn't wait around for her to do this a second time, which she will because she's been able to scale this without messing up her hair. I don't give people a second chance to make a public fool out of me in front of people I know.