Confusedandscared1 Posted April 5, 2017 Share Posted April 5, 2017 Hi, So i found out shortly after i got married that my husband had been meeting women before and after we got engaged. This hurt. He confessed to just two women but i can't let go of the thought "were there more?" Then we went to a party and my friend came up to me and informed me that she had seen that he still had an active dating profile up. I rolled it off my shoulder thinking that he just hadn't deleted the profile. I checked and it had said that he was active that day. I confronted him about both these things and he said that he was meeting women because his family was telling him to be sure that i was the one that he should marry and then he said that the reason he had the dating profile is because he likes the attention that he was getting from other women. Like it was just something for him to pleasure himself to. Then we went to a party and he tried getting me to do a threesome with another woman. I kissed her and immediately felt sick and wanted to go home. He wanted to stay, so my sister picked me up and took me home. Leaving him there. Well the next morning he tells me he cheated on me with the other woman. Just recently we were on vacation and i snooped. I looked in his phone and found pictures of a naked girl in a camera folder labeled "kik". I found out kik is something that people can log on to and meet and sext and talk. He said it was just material for masturbation. But in my mind im thinking "but wouldn't they want you to send some too or even just dirty words back?" Honestly I am not innocent. A few years ago i kissed another man while drunk and vulnerable. I know that isn't an excuse. I immediately told my husband about this. but now im texting this guy a lot. Please no judgement. My husband hasn't every fully trusted me from the beginning. Making it very hard to feel that i was okay in our relationship. He says he loves and cares about me and i feel the same way. but now its hard to imagine a future with him. Due to other things in our relationship it makes me scared for the future with him. (not contributing to family life) We have talked about divorce a lot but it hurts so much thinking that i am hurting him that much. I have fantasized about single life. I feel like im no longer myself and im just in a body doing day to day tasks. This is my first ever serious relationship that i have had, i had many semi serious relationships before i met my husband. Link to post Share on other sites
somanymistakes Posted April 5, 2017 Share Posted April 5, 2017 All of this basically sounds like your husband has no interest in being faithful and you generally feel miserable. Is there any thing actualy GOOD about your relationship? 4 Link to post Share on other sites
RecentChange Posted April 5, 2017 Share Posted April 5, 2017 So he is a serial cheater and at this point has so little respect for you that he doesn't even try to hide it. He's not going to change, you know that right? Your choices are to divorce or accept the fact that your husband will sleep with anyone he feels like sleeping with, whether you like it or not. Do you have kids? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted April 6, 2017 Share Posted April 6, 2017 Honestly I am not innocent. A few years ago i kissed another man while drunk and vulnerable. I know that isn't an excuse. I immediately told my husband about this. but now im texting this guy a lot. Please no judgement. My husband hasn't every fully trusted me from the beginning. Why should he? You haven't been worthy of trust. I never understand why couples like the two of you get married. Since you both seem determined to act as though you were single, why burden yourself with the responsibilities of a spouse? Mr. Lucky 3 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted April 6, 2017 Share Posted April 6, 2017 Seems neither of you are respecting your marriage vows. Two wrongs don't make a right. Either sit down and talk it out, go to marriage counseling and fix things, affair proof your marriage and grow together as a couple, or divorce. to go on as things are now is going to hurt both of you in the long run. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted April 6, 2017 Share Posted April 6, 2017 This relationship is seriously unhealthy. If this is your first serious relationship, you need to know that this is not healthy for you and that there are men out there who will be loving and faithful to you. Don't worry about hurting your husband... He is a serial cheater, he will find another woman by the end of the week. Do what you need to do to be healthy and happy. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Empathetic Posted April 6, 2017 Share Posted April 6, 2017 Why should he? You haven't been worthy of trust. I never understand why couples like the two of you get married. Since you both seem determined to act as though you were single, why burden yourself with the responsibilities of a spouse? Mr. Lucky Mr. Lucky, please remember that if they are posting here it means they are looking for help and could possibly be in a fragilestate. We want helpful advice not criticism or rude and condescending comments. And to you dear confusedandscared1, are you happy? Is this something you can get over and accept your husband for? Accept him for himself or if it isn't something you can live with, get a divorce. Find your happiness. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
NTV Posted April 6, 2017 Share Posted April 6, 2017 Sorry you're in this situation. Where do you want to go from here? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
WarriorBabe Posted April 6, 2017 Share Posted April 6, 2017 Sounds as if neither of you have respect for the marriage/relationship. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted April 6, 2017 Share Posted April 6, 2017 Empathetic, welcome to LS. And to you dear confusedandscared1, are you happy? Let's agree to disagree. I think the OP is better served by pointing out that, when it comes to happiness, she's been her own worst enemy. You don't find marital satisfaction by tolerating cheating - or engaging in it yourself... Mr. Lucky 2 Link to post Share on other sites
NTV Posted April 7, 2017 Share Posted April 7, 2017 Mr. Lucky, please remember that if they are posting here it means they are looking for help and could possibly be in a fragilestate. We want helpful advice not criticism or rude and condescending comments. And to you dear confusedandscared1, are you happy? Is this something you can get over and accept your husband for? Accept him for himself or if it isn't something you can live with, get a divorce. Find your happiness. When are you going to post your story? Link to post Share on other sites
burnt Posted April 7, 2017 Share Posted April 7, 2017 Mr. Lucky, please remember that if they are posting here it means they are looking for help and could possibly be in a fragilestate. We want helpful advice not criticism or rude and condescending comments. Empathetic, welcome to LS. Mr. Lucky's comment is indeed harsh, but it IS helpful as well. Ironically enough, it is actually necessary to be criticized sometimes for the opening poster (OP) to realize what she is doing wrong. She is in an unhealthy dysfunctional relationship dynamic and it is crucial that she examines why she is enabling herself and her husband to to act as disrespectfully to each other and themselves. We can all cheer the OP up by saying pleasant things, but will that help her discover what she needs to change in HERSELF? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
harrybrown Posted April 7, 2017 Share Posted April 7, 2017 (edited) Why do they give up so much that is so precious for so little? The addicts come to mind. drug or sex. Edited April 7, 2017 by harrybrown edit Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted April 7, 2017 Share Posted April 7, 2017 Mr. Lucky, please remember that if they are posting here it means they are looking for help and could possibly be in a fragilestate. We want helpful advice not criticism or rude and condescending comments. And to you dear confusedandscared1, are you happy? Is this something you can get over and accept your husband for? Accept him for himself or if it isn't something you can live with, get a divorce. Find your happiness. Stop telling people what to post. This is a public forum and you are not the moderator. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted April 7, 2017 Share Posted April 7, 2017 OP, since you don't want judgement I am not going to judge your husband either. Link to post Share on other sites
aliveagain Posted April 7, 2017 Share Posted April 7, 2017 Sounds like your both in an open marriage. Just my opinion but I think you should make it official or end it. Neither of you have enough respect for boundaries to be married. Couples that want to be married to each other don't act like this. Why waste anymore time with someone you don't want to commit to? Don't bring children into this mess, it's complicated enough. I don't see this relationship ending well. Sounds like your both young enough to find real happiness, it doesn't sound like it will be with each other. Talk to a lawyer, find out your options, discuss them with your husband, choose a path. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Superchicken Posted April 10, 2017 Share Posted April 10, 2017 I agree with most posts here. You made your bed earlier in your marriage, and now you can sleep in it !. You threw the first boomerang, and now its hit you in the back of the head when you weren't looking. Doesn't feel good, so think about how your husband felt. Before it gets any worse, do some damage control, and discuss it with him. Good or bad, it would be better in the long run. It is fixable, still. Ted. Link to post Share on other sites
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