artfreak Posted July 28, 2005 Share Posted July 28, 2005 I need advice regarding trust. My wife and I have been married 4 years. She is a wonderful lady, but I fear that we have a serious problem regarding trust. We recently were discussng our relationship, and how I have been getting frustrated with her always being defensive and lacking any trust in me. We recently discovered this lack of trust came from her past. It may sound childish, but she has always had a hard time trusting people she cared about, in fear of being rejected or loosing them. So now she puts up walls and has devloped a severe lack of confidence. The irony in this is , her fear of rejection is killing our marriage. I tell her all the time, that she has nothing to fear, I love her and have given myslef to her 110%. My worst fear is that she may never get over her fears or lack of trust. I know I can hear it now....if you knew she was like this why did you marry her? Well, I must admit, as soon as she gave me an ultimatum (which probably came from her fear of being used or rejected), I knew I didn't want to lose her. She truly is the most amazing lady I've ever known. So I proposed "assuming" we would grow closer in time. Well, in the past 4 years, she hasn't changed much. Now I fgeel like the most lonely guy. I feel closer to our dog becuase at least he trust me. She wants to work on her lack of trust and fears, but the most frustrating thing about the whole situation is that I've given myself to her, and I don't know what else I can do. I tell her that there are no grey areas in trust. It's black or white: Either you trust somone or you don't. Link to post Share on other sites
MWC_LifeBeginsAt40 Posted July 28, 2005 Share Posted July 28, 2005 Even if she has every reason to trust you, what is she being defensive about? Are you going out with the guys without her? Going out without telling her where? Does she always need to know where you are and what you are doing? If so, then I say good for her. She is your wife and she should know where you are and what you are doing. When you are apart for any length of time have you discussed ahead of time when/where to check in with each other? Or is it a basic insecurity about your future together? Does she think you may end up not wanting the same things as her? Then you need to talk about what you both want in the future and when. Make a plan. Just some suggestions. Link to post Share on other sites
Author artfreak Posted July 28, 2005 Author Share Posted July 28, 2005 We don't have any of those problems. In fact we get along great. The area we are lacking in is being close and intimate. She does not share her feelings with me, or have any confidence in her sexuality. I reasure her all the time, and encourage her to "let go". But she tells me she has this fear of opening herself to others. I don't know what she is being deing defensive about? She has been hurt (like all of us) in past relationships, but she just can't let it go. She is afraid to get close to anybody..even me her husband. What do I do? Link to post Share on other sites
dgiirl Posted July 28, 2005 Share Posted July 28, 2005 If she really wants to work on her trust issues, and this stems from something from her past, she should go to counselling. If you've given her no reason to mistrust you, and are, as you claim, an open book, then this is something deeper and will only get worse if you both ignore it. The fact that you see it as destroying your marriage makes it a serious issue and both of you should work on it to resolve it. I think counselling would be a great start for both of you. Link to post Share on other sites
smile95 Posted July 30, 2005 Share Posted July 30, 2005 at least if you try counseling, you will always know you tried Link to post Share on other sites
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