Savannah2 Posted April 6, 2017 Share Posted April 6, 2017 I think I have serious abandonment issues possibly related to my relationship with my father. I didn't have a close relationship with him and he was for the most part emotionally distant with me growing up I never heard him say the words I love you to me. My parents dicirced when I was in college. My father cheated on my mom and married his OW. I think I've always had issues with my relationships with men and needing them to validate me and love me. Does anyone have any insight on this? My MM is taking another job and the thought of him leaving me had caused such tremendous anxiety I haven't been sleeping and eating. Link to post Share on other sites
Spring23 Posted April 6, 2017 Share Posted April 6, 2017 I think I have serious abandonment issues possibly related to my relationship with my father. I didn't have a close relationship with him and he was for the most part emotionally distant with me growing up I never heard him say the words I love you to me. My parents dicirced when I was in college. My father cheated on my mom and married his OW. I think I've always had issues with my relationships with men and needing them to validate me and love me. Does anyone have any insight on this? My MM is taking another job and the thought of him leaving me had caused such tremendous anxiety I haven't been sleeping and eating. If you want to deal with your abandonment issues then a good place to start is to begin to let the anger turn to grief. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted April 6, 2017 Share Posted April 6, 2017 Your relationship with your father may have laid certain foundations. (And if you're old like me, your experience is quite normal). But when you identified those foundations, you should have been able to create a new way to think. In short, your relationship with your MM is now on you. It's not realistic to believe he'd always be there for you. Link to post Share on other sites
Spring23 Posted April 6, 2017 Share Posted April 6, 2017 In short, your relationship with your MM is now on you. It's not realistic to believe he'd always be there for you. It order to have an affair the mind needs to "suspend disbelief" like when watching a movie; therefore, she's not in a realistic mindset. She's here making threads about a man who isn't her husband. She attached herself to a unreliable partner and now is feeling the pain of that fact. Her ability to reason has been compromised. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
aileD Posted April 6, 2017 Share Posted April 6, 2017 Your mm is a replacement for your dad. Think of it. He gives you some of what you have craved emotionally. Validation. But he also keeps you at arms length and is a cheater. Just like your dad. Maybe mm isn't your problem but only the symptom. Are you in therapy? 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Savannah2 Posted April 6, 2017 Author Share Posted April 6, 2017 I have terrible taste in men. My expectations husband, when I was dating him for a year, was engaged the entire time we dated for s year and I had no idea. He actually ended up marrying her and getting the marriage quickly annaled and then came to me and told me everything and guess who took him back with open arms? Yep. This girl. We dated and married for fove years. Didn't work out shockingly. So many people told me i was crazy to take him after he lied to me for a year about being engaged. But I did because again I had to have him... when though I knew there were major red flags. Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted April 6, 2017 Share Posted April 6, 2017 I would strongly suggest that you find a good counsellor who could help you to deal with some of these things... You deserve to find happiness and love. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Lovetoo Posted April 6, 2017 Share Posted April 6, 2017 It's called anxious attachment. Or preoccupied or love addict. And you are drawn to love avoidant attachment style. You can YouTube this. And google this. It is common. Love addict. I'll find some videos and articles and link them. There's is a really good book I read excerpts from and plan to read the entire thing soon. Link to post Share on other sites
Kat Keller Posted April 7, 2017 Share Posted April 7, 2017 I think I have serious abandonment issues possibly related to my relationship with my father. I didn't have a close relationship with him and he was for the most part emotionally distant with me growing up I never heard him say the words I love you to me. My parents dicirced when I was in college. My father cheated on my mom and married his OW. I think I've always had issues with my relationships with men and needing them to validate me and love me. Does anyone have any insight on this? My MM is taking another job and the thought of him leaving me had caused such tremendous anxiety I haven't been sleeping and eating. What you are going through is very normal for many adults who were abandoned in their childhood. It's extremely common for females abandoned by their fathers to seek their comfort and self worth in a man due to "Daddy issues". It's not a healthy practice but a very common one. I'm sorry your childhood was marred by your father's abandonment. At this point in your life, I think getting some professional help to deal with your abandonment issues may behoove you. Clearly, these issues plague you if you've gotten to the point of not being able to eat nor sleep due to extreme anxiety over the mere possibility of being left by your MM because he may be move on in his career. Another thing to do is discuss this with your MM because maybe if he knows that you are struggling that he will be able to comfort you and assure you that a change in job status doesn't mean he's leaving you. Have you found out what his exact plans are IF he lands this new job? You two could talk it through and play out scenarios of how you'd navigate maintaining your relationship in conjunction with his new job. Finding a good therapist to help you work through your abandonment issues would be doing yourself a great service so that you can move forward in your life without making a man's opinion or want of you the barometer for you own self worth. You should be the person who defines you to yourself because at the end of the day it's your life. I wish you success in finding the best approach to healing for you. Link to post Share on other sites
Spring23 Posted April 7, 2017 Share Posted April 7, 2017 I have terrible taste in men. My expectations husband, when I was dating him for a year, was engaged the entire time we dated for s year and I had no idea. He actually ended up marrying her and getting the marriage quickly annaled and then came to me and told me everything and guess who took him back with open arms? Yep. This girl. We dated and married for fove years. Didn't work out shockingly. So many people told me i was crazy to take him after he lied to me for a year about being engaged. But I did because again I had to have him... when though I knew there were major red flags. Here is a good link: http://http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/07/13/daddyless-daughters-standards-mistake-define_n_3587142.html Link to post Share on other sites
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