Is boredom a marriage killer?

[maga]

Married 10 years, together for 14 years. Got together when we were 17 years old, currently 31. Virgins when we got together. No other lovers (at least to my knowledge). Sex 3-5 times a week consistently. No kids (by choice). I am an attractive woman. I exercise regularly, 5’5 -120lbs; hour glass figure. He is extremely intelligent, and I was always “just a pretty girl”. He was awkward and insecure, but he has grown and matured and found his manly security. Now he is confident and attractive.

 

I found out 6 months ago that he was in the beginning of an emotional affair. He was practically in love with her. I confronted him and stopped it, (at least to my knowledge). Went to a few counseling sessions to help get my thoughts in order. He swore up and down that he loved me and didn’t plan on having anything come from it other than pure “conversation”, blah, blah, blah.

 

Men…..if you are bored with your woman, what are the odds that you’d stray?

 

My husband is far more intelligent than I. I was just a pretty face. Now I am aging…..I still have a great figure and a cute face, but what are the odds that he will stay interested? I work, cook, clean, and ask for sex often.

 

He says that opposites attract, but when there are other woman who can relate better to in depth conversations about philosophy, science, politics, etc…..and I am just the cute girl he married…..where does that leave me?

[d0nnivain]

I am a woman but boredom happens. It's not good but it can be fixed.

 

 

Do something for your DH. Cook a romantic dinner. Eat by candlelight. Weather permitting, have a picnic.

 

 

If the money is available, buy some new lingerie or take a trip together.

 

 

Come up with interesting topics of conversation. Don't just rag on each other or talk about housework. Play together. Ask about his day & be genuinely interested. Praise him. Flirt with him.

 

 

The way to a man's heart isn't just through his stomach. It's through his ego. Make him feel sexy & desirable.

[UpArrow]

You didn't mention him with anything inferring fondness or affection you hold for him. Given your resentment for his lack of respect I think your relationship is well into deep systemic failure.

[Blanco]

The way to a man's heart isn't just through his stomach. It's through his ego. Make him feel sexy & desirable.

 

Pretty much this. Maybe it's shallow and not the most healthy trait to carry, but darn if it's not true.

 

I haven't been with my one ex in more than two years, but I still vividly remember several small compliments she threw my way over the years and how rejuvenated they would make me feel.

[GorillaTheater]

I've said before around here that other than a moment here and there, only boring people are bored. If this is his problem, then it's just that: his problem. You didn't sign up to be his entertainer.

[central]

I've said before around here that other than a moment here and there, only boring people are bored. If this is his problem, then it's just that: his problem. You didn't sign up to be his entertainer.

 

It sounds like he fixed that problem to the detriment of his wife, though. Now, if she can't be interesting on the intellectual level in an area that interests him, she can still be interesting by convincing him to do things together. That may be travel, for example - go places and do things that challenging for him, such as taking the lead in navigating a different culture and language. The key is to do something different, together.

[Woggle]

I get bored sometimes with things in life unlike many people I don't blame my wife. She is not my scapegoat for everything life throws at me and neither should anybody else treat their spouse that way.

[RecentChange]

Just a pretty face?

 

Does he respect you? YOU as a person, not your body, but your mind and your soul? Surely you have more to offer than a nice body and wifey duties.

 

What brought you two together? What common interest do you have?

 

I agree, if conversation and intellect do not match, try to make experiences together.

 

What does your daily / weekly / monthly life look like? Do you go on trips, dates, make special plans for the two of you?

 

After 14 years, my marriage needed a shake up, we had become complacent, routine and a bit boring. A concerted effort to be more spontaneous, take more trips, more date nights, enjoy new experiences together really helped us reconnect (hey and we are childless by choice too! Beauty is it gives you this kind of freedom).

 

Now, here is where I am going to be Debbie Downer. I don’t usually boost about it, but it is relevant here. I have an IQ that is in the ninety nine percentile. My husband’s is in the ninety eighth. For me, having a partner that is my intellectual equal is extremely important. We share similar thought process, we can discuss matters on equal footing. I have learned when it comes to a partner, I lose respect for a man who is not as intelligent as I am. It’s not that I think I am better than them, it’s that I become frustrated.

 

Is he bored with you, or is he having a hard time deeply connecting with you?

[JuneL]

Just a pretty face?

 

Does he respect you? YOU as a person, not your body, but your mind and your soul? Surely you have more to offer than a nice body and wifey duties.

 

What brought you two together? What common interest do you have?

 

I agree, if conversation and intellect do not match, try to make experiences together.

 

What does your daily / weekly / monthly life look like? Do you go on trips, dates, make special plans for the two of you?

 

After 14 years, my marriage needed a shake up, we had become complacent, routine and a bit boring. A concerted effort to be more spontaneous, take more trips, more date nights, enjoy new experiences together really helped us reconnect (hey and we are childless by choice too! Beauty is it gives you this kind of freedom).

 

Now, here is where I am going to be Debbie Downer. I don’t usually boost about it, but it is relevant here. I have an IQ that is in the ninety nine percentile. My husband’s is in the ninety eighth. For me, having a partner that is my intellectual equal is extremely important. We share similar thought process, we can discuss matters on equal footing. I have learned when it comes to a partner, I lose respect for a man who is not as intelligent as I am. It’s not that I think I am better than them, it’s that I become frustrated.

 

Is he bored with you, or is he having a hard time deeply connecting with you?

 

Do these percentiles refer to the conventional IQ test?

[Mr. Lucky]

He says that opposites attract, but when there are other woman who can relate better to in depth conversations about philosophy, science, politics, etc…..and I am just the cute girl he married…..where does that leave me?

 

Were you a plain Jane brainiac, he'd have the excuse of being tempted by a "cute girl".

 

If someone wants to cheat, they'll find a reason...

 

Mr. Lucky

[harrybrown]

where does this leave you?

 

He is lucky that you are still around.

 

be nice if the spouse would ever initiate.

 

and be sure and let him know how lucky he is and he better behave.

 

How would he like it if you had an A?

Edited April 6, 2017 by harrybrown
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[NTV]

What I look for most in in a romantic relationship boils down to attention. (Yes sexual attention is included in that lol). ultimately that's what I want most. I don't even need a lot of it.

 

Boredom is irrelevant if I get that.