Am I worrying for no reason

[coolheadal]

Couple more days and I see him. Now I don't even talk to him sometimes for the whole day, with him just texting me once. He still says he can't wait to see me. I'm really confused if I should address how I feel when I get there or just leave it alone. I'm just thinking what if he changed because of miscommunication. How do I know the fine line between be patient or don't be foolish because he's not into me :'(

 

I have read all of this until this entry.. You have answered your own question at the end.. What you have here is just friends. You need to listen to what he tells you and stop being in denial and living in a delusional state of mind.

[LovelyRose]

I fly tomorrow night to see him. I will attempt to talk to him based on how he treats me when I get there. I have to make sure we end it well if that's the way to go. He's part of my family so I will see him again for sure. I don't want any awkward moment with him next time I see him at family functions.

 

But a big part of me is still hoping for the best that we can have a nice talk and figure things out. Whatever happens, I am ready and life goes on. I know I wont have any regrets and what if questions, because I've done my part.

[ExpatInItaly]

Has he been more talkative the last couple days?

 

I do wish you the best for your visit with him. Hopefully things make more sense between you once you have the chance to speak face-to-face.

[LovelyRose]

Thank you for that. I really appreciate it. This week I talked to him twice. Last Monday and yesterday. But the excitement and joy is really not there anymore. Pretty much all he says is that he is tired and needs to nap. The chats are also limited. He doesn't even reply half of the time. So I also limited my messages to him.

 

When I ask for a pic he used to send one right away if he's not sending it on his own. I haven't asked for one but today I did and he sent me a sticker instead.

 

I told him yesterday I'm sad because I feel I'm slowly losing him. He responded that its only couple of days until he sees me. He also mentioned yesterday he will be busy until tonight to get everything done so he can focus on me on Friday.

 

So I still feel the interest there. But maybe friends with benefit mentality now rather than dating. I'm not interested with fwb setup. If that's what I want i can have one right here even more without spending money. Ugh!

[ExpatInItaly]

His low contact could be a way of managing down your expectation for this visit. That's not to say you won't have a good time together but I think he's trying to indirectly send the message that you two aren't more than friends right now.

[LovelyRose]

I'm having cold feet about going:(

I will go to end it properly. Yes it's very clear I am just a friend. It hurts so much right now. Good thing I have a very thick skull. Because Every time I fall, there's no one there to catch me.

[LovelyRose]

So I went to see him this weekend. I didn't have any courage to talk to him about what I have been feeling. He was absolutely wonderful. From the minute he picked me up at the airport to when he dropped me off. He still didn't talk much but he was very atentive of me, making sure I am well taken care of. Even remembered little details that I like and have forgotten, but he turned around and got it for me.

 

We didn't do much but its ok. We spent a lot of time cuddling..I mean just us laying and holding each other. Something he said he hasnt done in a very long time. He didn't let go of me even when we were driving around. I would have met his sister whom he's very close with if she was available. He invited her to join us for dinner but she couldn't make it.

 

I never really wanted to end it. I just want answers and on my trip there his actions are enough answers to know where I would be next. Ill just again, take it day by day. Open my heart, keep an open mind and trust myself that I know my limitations if something really is terribly wrong.

 

With his past horrible experience, I know it won't be easy for him to just be totally open to someone. Wish me luck guys!

[ExpatInItaly]

Glad it went well, OP.

 

See what the next few weeks bring now that you're back home and let him come to you.

[justwhoiam]

Wish me luck guys!

 

Hi Lovely Rose,

 

If you end up things with him, you'll have good luck. If you don't, I'm not so sure.

 

I wonder why the where-we-stand talk came after having sex with him and not before. I mean had he told you right away: I'm not ready to have a girlfriend or a steady relationship in my life, it would have been just wise for you not to be intimate with him and keep a friendly attitude towards someone who doesn't want you other than as a sex partner. You said that FWB is not your kind of deal, well, I hope next time you investigate about a guy's intentions before jumping to sex.

Things didn't click. It happens when you date a guy from around the corner, the more so with someone far away.

[LovelyRose]

Thanks guys!

 

At JustWhoIAm,

 

Thanks for your input. However, I'm not too sure if you read or understood full my thread. My whole confusion and concern was if he was losing interest.

 

Before we met and had physical contact we were both very clear I'm not in this just for fun or sex. To make it short, we are still getting to know each other and exploring each other. We are exclusively dating but not in that very serious stage where we have the label of bf/gf.

 

My trip over the weekend answered a lot of my questions and got rid of a lot of my fear and confusion without really talking to him but just by simply how everything went.

 

I'm ok now except I miss him more and more each day. We are planning for my next trip over there at his expense. I just take it day by day now and really,going to do my best not to freak,out right away. Now that I understand him a little bit more. He starts two new classes next week so,I expect to talk to him less again.

[justwhoiam]

I'm not too sure if you read

I did.

 

or understood full my thread

I did.

 

My whole confusion and concern was if he was losing interest.

He did lose interest and it is very apparent.

 

Before we met and had physical contact we were both very clear I'm not in this just for fun or sex

Do you understand what happened? That didn't stop him. But then you made it clear again afterwards... in person, and reality hit him. And as I mentioned, probably things didn't click. He's now choosing between something and nothing. But how good is it for you? Not much, but you will know about that only later on.

 

For now, you are allowing this to happen even if he told you clearly "he's not ready to have a gf yet".

He willingly slowed down contact after your first meetup.

When you tried to spice it up, he didn't respond to it.

He stopped using the lovey nickname he gave to you previously.

His behavior towards you changed.

He's not being playful.

He stopped being as sweet as before.

"He said he needs to refocus now on his goals" (and his excuses for all of the above are feeble).

 

In turn, you reassured him saying "all I want is for us to be happy with each other with no expectations". But for how long? You are fooling yourself. You already have expectations! If he starts being an amoeba with you, you're just gonna be let down.

"But the excitement and joy is really not there anymore. Pretty much all he says is that he is tired and needs to nap. The chats are also limited. He doesn't even reply half of the time."

You asked him a picture, he sent you a sticker.

"I will go to end it properly. Yes it's very clear I am just a friend." That's what you said on April 20.

 

After your visit, you said: "We didn't do much but its ok."

 

Did you hear his sister directly, with your own ears, say she couldn't come for dinner?

 

Now, after reading all this, who didn't fully understand here? Are you being objective? You're finding excuse upon excuse, when you know deep down something's off.

 

I'm not sure exactly why you are accepting this, at such a very early stage after just one meeting.

Edited April 27, 2017 by justwhoiam

[LovelyRose]

Hi. We are ok and I'm happy. Just like what the others said, we set the bar super high during our getting to know phase where we talked endlessly. It wasn't sustainable, it was true. We were so high from the excitement that we weren't really that focused on our daily responsibilities. He realize this before I did because his job is more demanding than mine on top of his classes.

 

The adjustment period was hard and confusing for me. I approached him aggressively in the beginning causing him to feel overwhelmed.

 

He didnt lose interest. All the nonstop talking just caught up to him. Imagine only sleeping for few hours every single day. He was really exhausted and I put too much pressure on him. So now I have adjusted and learned to just relax and take it day by day.

Yes I was actually holding his phone when the sister called and I was next to him the whole time they were talking.

 

I'm seeing him again next Saturday, he bought me ticket ready. I am more expressive compared to him. But when we are together I really felt that he is really in to me. Long distance is hard. But now I have adjusted that we don't chat much anymore and talk once or twice a day only. But we are back in track of being focused on our life goals.

 

We are at a stage now where we know each other's daily routine too well and comfortable with each other that nonstop talking isn't necessary. Its only hard because I miss him all the time. But its fun too because now we look forward to our next get together.

 

I said I just want us to be happy with no expectations because I was worrying too much before and it was too much for him. I want us to just focus on each other being happy and not what label we have. We don't have bf/gf label but very clear that we are only seeing each other.

 

This isn't easy for me because I can't get enough of him but I also just focus on ME and enjoy the freedom I have to do whatever I want here.

 

Oh he still calls me all the lovey dovey nicknames just not as much. Like I said, we are in a different phase now. I follow my instincts. I don't know what tomorrow brings but right now I am happy. If I see or feel something I dont like I learned to be calm and approach it in a mature and proper way.

 

Thanks for all the input