How can I get over the past?

[Gundam]

So me and my friends from HS*have formed a group chat to stay in touch a new months ago. However, the thing is, there is this guy in our circle who's part of the chat and I don't like him since he would make disgusting incest jokes about me and my brother, stole money from us one time and spoiled a movie for me which I was really looking forward to just for the hell of it. I would normally get over it, but he doesn't even feel bad for doing any of this stuff and he's said he has no regrets for doing this stuff before. He is part of the group chat and I want to tell him I don't like him, but I don't know how. I remember all the times he was a jerk and it makes me mad honestly but part of me feels like I am clinging to the past or something. In general, the group would roast each other, which looking back at it, was just dumb and hurtful as it got out hand as it basically just allowed straight up bullying at time. As well, this other guy was pretty mean to me but now he's mellowed out and stopped for a long time and I guess we've mellowed out, but part of me feels resentment as he never said sorry formally. I guess I feel jealous because he was more outgoing and left the group for another and he seemed like he was having the time his life. I feel bad as I never properly stood up for myself back then. I am sorry for how long this is, but any advice on how to deal with it.

[truthtripper]

Most people find it difficult to spontaneously deliver appropriate comebacks, fail to say the right thing at the right time. It's usually, "I should have said this or done that" or are disappointed that they remained quiet etc. The person who cracked the incest joke sounds like he needs therapy. It's not too late to let him know you were offended. If you still see him regularly, just be honest about your feelings to him. Be polite and to the point. He will either respect your feelings and apologise or become defensive, perhaps cracking a further inappropriate joke or ridiculing you in some way. If the latter occurs, don't worry, you gave him a chance to say sorry and you stood your ground. You will also have learnt that he's a bully and to keep your distance from him.

 

You didn't mention why the other guy upset you, but just use the same approach as above and you will find out whether to keep friends with him or not.

[Mr Scorpio]

I am sorry for how long this is, but any advice on how to deal with it.

 

 

Either: (1) chalk it up to immaturity on his part and forget about it or (2) begin plotting your revenge.

[Gundam]

Let me elaborate:

 

So I am a first year student at UNI and I admit, haven't exactly been totally social(pretty introverted and shy). Back in HS, I did get teased and made fun of lot by my friends(hindsight i should've left but you know the whole people say, oh it's a joke and I wish I did leave earlier) There was this one guy who did it a lot and time to time but he eventually stopped and it did stop as well. Anyway, that guy left the group to become 'cooler' and hang out with other people. See the thing is, I did feel jealous of him due to that( he even got a gf) alongside kind of holding a grudge against him for all the teasing(he never formally apologized). Even now, he still post pics online and seeing it, it makes me feel jealous still and just mad, that this guy was a jerk and look where he got now with a huge crowd of friends still. I know I should move on but I am having trouble doing it. Any advice?

[preraph]

I honestly think the best thing you could do is never to talk or chat with him directly. Let him know that way. Then if you are doing nothing to talk to him directly or responding to anything he says, and he does try to attack some way, everyone else will see that you did nothing to provoke it. So do that.

[d0nnivain]

I don't think you have to get over it. Does the chat have a block feature? If so use it on him. No explanation needed. If it doesn't never engage directly accept if he sincerely moves to apologize or if he is present threat.

 

 

I don't think there is a need to tell him why unless he asks. He knows what he did. The jokes & spoiling the movie I could chalk up to immaturity, maybe even hypothesize that he had a crush on you & thus liked teasing you but stealing is another matter entirely. Simply steer clear.

[Gundam]

I want to tell him off for being such an ******* though. Should I?

[Gundam]

I honestly think the best thing you could do is never to talk or chat with him directly. Let him know that way. Then if you are doing nothing to talk to him directly or responding to anything he says, and he does try to attack some way, everyone else will see that you did nothing to provoke it. So do that.

 

Should I tell him why I am mad at him and explain it?

[Ronni_W]

I want to tell him off for being such an ******* though. Should I?

Should I tell him why I am mad at him and explain it?

No, don't tell him anything and don't do anything to him...physically or mentally-emotionally.

 

The guy was a bully when he was young. You said that he has stopped his childish ways and juvenile/hurtful behaviour, meaning that he has changed and grown up.

 

You do have to get over it because you've got an old, outdated image of him in your head; he isn't that person anymore.

Adults need to get to a point where they can forgive children, and that's what you're currently dealing with -- you have to forgive him for what he did when

he was a child...even though he was a dysfunctional child.

 

To overcome and heal from your feelings of jealousy and the impact of having been bullied as a child, the likeliest easiest and most effective and efficient way is to

see a psychotherapist or a faith-based counselor to help you.

[ChanSummary]

Don't look back..you can never turn back the time, isn't it? Try to focus on today and for the future what would you become . Your weakness from the past does not define you who you are today. Show to everybody especially the guy who always bully you from High School days. When you see each other show to him that you are different now with strong personality.