MM ends affair, OW tells wife and apologizes....Update after years

[HeartbrokenDec29]

Its been about 3 months of NC with xMM and yes i told his wife after he ended it to finally seal the deal permanently. Read in other posts created by me. I dont regret it one bit. I get to live the life i deserve and i have been very happy and doing just fine. Life looks beautiful from where i stand. I have many good days and few bad days but definitely i dont cry anymore though i still have some questions but i know they will resolve with time.

 

Just curious to know the experiences of OW and most especially comments from the MM if they contacted their affair partner months/years down the line after all the DDays to be friends or start up the affair again after the OP told on the MM

 

Also, if there are any MMs out there who did a lot of soul searching and ever sincerely went back to apologize to the AP months/years down the line. If any.

 

I will appreciate honest, encouraging and respectful comments and look forward to knowing your experience.

[basil67]

Why would a MM or MW apologise to an AP? After all, they were a knowing partner in crime. The only one they owe an apology to is their husband/wife.

 

And I would imagine that the married partner would curse the AP till the end of time if they told the betrayed husband/wife. Absolutely no hope of future friendship there.

[anika99]

I would think a truly remorseful and apologetic MM would no know that no good could come from contacting the OW months or years after the affair has ended. That would be disrespectful to both the OW and the BS. A truly remorseful MM would let the OW move on without his interference in her life, while respecting his wife.

[aileD]

Here's my honest answer:

 

He's not going to apologize or be your friend. Ever. And you should stop wanting him to be because he is a toxic person in your life.

 

If you are happy and moving on like you say you are, then do it. Move on and don't look back.

 

He didn't care enough about his wife to stay faithful and he didn't care enough about you to apologize for ....what? For allowing you to help him cheat on his wife?

[WarriorBabe]

Its been about 3 months of NC with xMM and yes i told his wife after he ended it to finally seal the deal permanently. Read in other posts created by me. I dont regret it one bit. I get to live the life i deserve and i have been very happy and doing just fine. Life looks beautiful from where i stand. I have many good days and few bad days but definitely i dont cry anymore though i still have some questions but i know they will resolve with time.

 

Just curious to know the experiences of OW and most especially comments from the MM if they contacted their affair partner months/years down the line after all the DDays to be friends or start up the affair again after the OP told on the MM

 

Also, if there are any MMs out there who did a lot of soul searching and ever sincerely went back to apologize to the AP months/years down the line. If any.

 

I will appreciate honest, encouraging and respectful comments and look forward to knowing your experience.

 

1. If you're doing just fine, why are you concerned with him contacting you again? Would you enter into an A with him after telling his W?

 

2. Are you really happy in your life or are you at a place where your past actions no longer affect the person you are today?

 

3. Have you apologized to his W for the role you played in her marriage or is the apology owed just due you?

 

4. In your other posts you stated The ex married lover took me through a whirlwind of Ups and Downs.

 

If her put you through so much, why would you want him to contact you?

 

5. You also stated, I went through episodes of attempted suicide on many occassions one where i found myself in the hospital, he even blamed me at some point for not givng his family attention..

 

Since you were at such a low point in your life, why would you want the apology from him or to even see him?

 

6. You also stated, 4 months ago, i was done and ready and asked him not to contact me again after a big fight. i had started listening to the bible and getting bk on track and seeing my life without him and cut off contact with him…

2 months later he comes apologizing and stating he is sorry and he will get his act right and told him we could be friends but im done dating a married man(i should v cut off all contact but i tried to be mature and nice and gave him audience) i begged(emphasis on the begging) him to go work things out with his wife and that i will like to be celibate.

At some point he asked if i will be ok with him dating someone else while we were friends and i told him i will rather he works things out with his wife but if that was wat he wanted to do i cant stop him but eventually one thing led to another and i found myself in the same cycle as we got back together again.

 

Why would you want to continue hurting yourself over a man who obviously is concerned with himself and no one else?

[HeartbrokenDec29]

1. If you're doing just fine, why are you concerned with him contacting you again? Would you enter into an A with him after telling his W?

 

2. Are you really happy in your life or are you at a place where your past actions no longer affect the person you are today?

 

3. Have you apologized to his W for the role you played in her marriage or is the apology owed just due you?

 

4. In your other posts you stated The ex married lover took me through a whirlwind of Ups and Downs.

 

If her put you through so much, why would you want him to contact you?

 

5. You also stated, I went through episodes of attempted suicide on many occassions one where i found myself in the hospital, he even blamed me at some point for not givng his family attention..

 

Since you were at such a low point in your life, why would you want the apology from him or to even see him?

 

6. You also stated, 4 months ago, i was done and ready and asked him not to contact me again after a big fight. i had started listening to the bible and getting bk on track and seeing my life without him and cut off contact with him…

2 months later he comes apologizing and stating he is sorry and he will get his act right and told him we could be friends but im done dating a married man(i should v cut off all contact but i tried to be mature and nice and gave him audience) i begged(emphasis on the begging) him to go work things out with his wife and that i will like to be celibate.

At some point he asked if i will be ok with him dating someone else while we were friends and i told him i will rather he works things out with his wife but if that was wat he wanted to do i cant stop him but eventually one thing led to another and i found myself in the same cycle as we got back together again.

 

Why would you want to continue hurting yourself over a man who obviously is concerned with himself and no one else?

Obviously it seems as if you intentionally skipped the curiousity part. Whoa what a keg of questions and quite amazed you went through all ths effort to analyze my story even though i have stated my intention never to go back but i dont need to justify that to you cos obviously you have a whole lot to offload off your mind

 

it so sad to see people so judgemental when all i asked is to know people's experience with things like that. Every individual has his/her unique way of healing and learning from experiences they have encountered. so what exactly is your problem.

 

You dont own this forum and i have every right to be curious as a living human being. i dont owe you an explanation and it is quite abstract and unfortunate of you to read , assume and conclude that you know what i am thinking and i wana go back.

 

if you cant share an experience you have had, pls move forward to other post. No negativity entertained here!

 

Oh yes i am happy but wondering now if you wish me otherwise.

[HeartbrokenDec29]

Here's my honest answer:

 

He's not going to apologize or be your friend. Ever. And you should stop wanting him to be because he is a toxic person in your life.

 

If you are happy and moving on like you say you are, then do it. Move on and don't look back.

 

He didn't care enough about his wife to stay faithful and he didn't care enough about you to apologize for ....what? For allowing you to help him cheat on his wife?

I never asked for his apology neither am i expecting one. I asked because even though its similar to my story, i see in this forum alot xOW stating how things ended badly but not so much updates about what happens years down the line even when they have healed and moved on. You cant possible demonize everyone! I will like to believe some people feel sorry for the pain they have caused their AP.

 

Im in the stage of forgiving all and This is not about me going back to my xMM or my relationship with him. I have found peace with myself. Its about just learning generally from other people's experience and story. Gosh! is it that people dont read?!!! Or you guys are quick to just down anyone who doesnt go along with your school of thought or is not like you.

 

I have every right to ask any question and i dont think i need anyones approval for that. If you dont have an experience to share... Pls move along!

[HeartbrokenDec29]

Why would a MM or MW apologise to an AP? After all, they were a knowing partner in crime. The only one they owe an apology to is their husband/wife.

 

And I would imagine that the married partner would curse the AP till the end of time if they told the betrayed husband/wife. Absolutely no hope of future friendship there.

Thank you for your school of thought! Any experiences?

[stillafool]

It just seems from your post that you are still holding on to hope that he will someday contact you again which shows that you are still not over it. You should be indifferent by now but everyone heals at a different pace. I wouldn't hold my breath for an apology if I were you because he probably feels he deserves one too. Just continue moving forward and try not to think about him.

[HeartbrokenDec29]

It just seems from your post that you are still holding on to hope that he will someday contact you again which shows that you are still not over it. You should be indifferent by now but everyone heals at a different pace. I wouldn't hold my breath for an apology if I were you because he probably feels he deserves one too. Just continue moving forward and try not to think about him.

Oh maybe it may come off to people as that but trust me. I dont need it. I just read alot of threads similar to mine and noticed a trend and im just asking questions for learnings.

 

Of course i am still healing but i am quite happy as well. Its trouble off my back, a clean conscience and a fresh start. But thats not even the point here.

 

Its just about learning. Many people come to the site to complain and heal and you never see updates of further encounters in future.

 

Its quite wrong to deduce/assume i hope for an affair again. Trust me i have learned!

[PhillyLibertyBelle]

That will never happen. You broke the mistress code and blew up his life. You created a situation where he can blame you. You're the enemy. He can release himself from guilt because in his mind all the fallout is your fault.

 

He probably thinks you should apologise to him, if he ever wants to hear from you agin which seems unlikely

[HeartbrokenDec29]

That will never happen. You broke the mistress code and blew up his life. You created a situation where he can blame you. You're the enemy. He can release himself from guilt because in his mind all the fallout is your fault.

 

He probably thinks you should apologise to him, if he ever wants to hear from you agin which seems unlikely

Erm thanks. Point of correcton there is no crap like mistress code! Obviously people form all sorts of paradigm. A wrong is a wrong. I was definitely wrong in dating him but nothing else. My apology to his wife still remains till today, will be forever sorry and i did the proper thing whether or not she is MMs wife. Do we not meet strangers every day we offend and apologize to. I totaly have found peace with my story..

Now i know better, i do better!

 

Like everyone here, we all have a curious mind to know things and all i have asked is peoples experiences.... Why all the analysis about what i think/what im thinking of doing with xMM.

 

My past mistakes is not what is asked to be analyzed here. Just wana know peoples experience based on trends here

[PhillyLibertyBelle]

Erm thanks. Point of correcton there is no crap like mistress code! Obviously people form all sorts of paradigm. A wrong is a wrong. I was definitely wrong in dating him but nothing else. My apology to his wife still remains till today, will be forever sorry and i did the proper thing whether or not she is MMs wife. Do we not meet strangers every day we offend and apologize to. I totaly have found peace with my story..

Now i know better, i do better!

 

Like everyone here, we all have a curious mind to know things and all i have asked is peoples experiences.... Why all the analysis about what i think/what im thinking of doing with xMM.

 

My past mistakes is not what is asked to be analyzed here. Just wana know peoples experience based on trends here

 

I didn't analyse anything. I'm actually being ironic about the mistress code.

[PhillyLibertyBelle]

I didn't analyse anything. I'm actually being ironic about the mistress code.

 

You asked a hypothetical question inviting opinions or anecdotes. I gave mine. Sorry it's not what you wanted to hear

[NTV]

I can't speak but as a betrayed husband, which I know is not the audience you're looking for but I do think my response may help answer part of your question. ...

 

If I found out my ww ever contacted an affair partner I would divorce her immediately. She only gets one second chance and she's lucky to have that.

If she were to contact them to restart the affair I would go nuclear because in my mind there's no way someone can see the pain I went through the first time and still do it again unless they are a monster. And I don't need my kids around a monster.

 

If she were to contact them to 'apologize' I would either assume that was a guise to restart or that she cared so little about me that she would risk divorce for that I would still divorce her as soon as possible.

 

She has no legitamite reason to contact either guy she cheated on me with. But I do. I have every right to beat their face in and piss on their grave and leave flyers at their church. Why? Maybe I'm territorial. Maybe I hold a grudge. Maybe I think they knew that was a risk and did it anyway so they deserve my justice. Maybe I have let go of my anger. Maybe it's never leaving. Or maybe I'm just a jerk. I can't tell anymore and that's kinda scary to me.

 

But what I can tell you is that if his wife knows stay far far away and hope he never does reach out.

 

And if they reached out to a apologize to her? That's a declaration of war in my book. I would unleash my wrath.

 

Those are my honest feelings if that were to happen in my situation. I know how that might come across to you but I hope you find it helpful.

 

now time some deep breathing exercises lol

[Grammie]

Its been about 3 months of NC with xMM and yes i told his wife after he ended it to finally seal the deal permanently. Read in other posts created by me. I dont regret it one bit. I get to live the life i deserve and i have been very happy and doing just fine. Life looks beautiful from where i stand. I have many good days and few bad days but definitely i dont cry anymore though i still have some questions but i know they will resolve with time.

 

Just curious to know the experiences of OW and most especially comments from the MM if they contacted their affair partner months/years down the line after all the DDays to be friends or start up the affair again after the OP told on the MM

 

Also, if there are any MMs out there who did a lot of soul searching and ever sincerely went back to apologize to the AP months/years down the line. If any.

 

I will appreciate honest, encouraging and respectful comments and look forward to knowing your experience.

 

Respectfully, your responses haven't been very respectful to others. They are sharing their views/comments. You didn't say "only those with this exact experience need respond".

 

Yes, many, many years ago, a separated man who I dated, whose separated wife had called me, tried to reengage communication with me (approximately 5 months after I ended the relationship). I declined, told him I wasn't interested and he persisted. I ignored his messages after that. Months later, I was dating and my then boyfriend (now husband to responded to final attempt to reengage me. My boyfriend stated I had told him I was not interested in reengaging with him and he was to leave me alone. That was the last I heard of him (and it was 20 years ago).

[RecentChange]

I have been a betrayed wife, and I have cheated. We are reconciled.

 

If my husband EVER contacted his AP again I would go nuclear. Just NO. No F'ing way.

 

And here is where I am going to be a bit harsh. I trust that he never would because she never meant that much to him. She was a crutch in a low point. He likes his life now, and wouldn't risk it for his old "other" woman.

 

And me - I cheated with a married man. Hahahah yeah no, he would never reach out to appolgize and I would never expect it. Unlike me he never had a D Day, but still, I know my place - and I am certainly not in his thoughts or concerns any more (unless you are talking about masterbation fodder).

 

Affairs are not things to revisit, or "make right". They are cancers, which once cut out, you hope to never see or have to deal with again.

 

People who have the ability to compartmentalize, to lead dual lives - they generally do not pine about the past, and I am going to go out on a limb and say that they are selfish enough not to really give a rats a$$ about those they damage in their wake.

 

Again, I am saying this as someone who has done it.

[HeartbrokenDec29]

Respectfully, your responses haven't been very respectful to others. They are sharing their views/comments. You didn't say "only those with this exact experience need respond".

 

Yes, many, many years ago, a separated man who I dated, whose separated wife had called me, tried to reengage communication with me (approximately 5 months after I ended the relationship). I declined, told him I wasn't interested and he persisted. I ignored his messages after that. Months later, I was dating and my then boyfriend (now husband to responded to final attempt to reengage me. My boyfriend stated I had told him I was not interested in reengaging with him and he was to leave me alone. That was the last I heard of him (and it was 20 years ago).

Thanks but I don't agree with not being respectful. My statement was clear about curiousity and experience. I didn't ask for anyone's opinion of my situation, I've dealt with the feelings of that.

 

I see on this site Everytime people ask a question people just assume and talk down on people for asking those question like they can't and even question and feel angered on why they will feel how their feeling. You will agree that's not so encouraging cos as it is said. The site is for support. It's not proper. I just believe if this site is what it is people should be able to ask questions.

 

I only asked 2 questions and ended with knowing people's experience..That's all.

 

But thanks for sharing yours. Good talk

[aileD]

Thank you for your school of thought! Any experiences?

 

I was reading between the lines of your post. If I read too much into it, my apologies but doesn't seem like I was the only one.

[goodyblue]

It happens. I have heard many stories on here of MM that come sniffing around. Usually it's not to be friends though, it is to restart the affair.

 

I don't understand why people get so attacky about how horrible MM is and what a bad person you are, either. I mean, most of the people who are on this forum as BS are still married to their cheater. So why is their cheater so much better than the guy you were entangled with?

[HappyAgain2014]

I don't think he will contact you. You told his wife so if he's still married, he won't risk you telling her again.

 

I disclosed and wouldn't expect to ever hear from xMM again. He knew I was done and I'm not a person who looks back when I'm done. Besides, I've gotten married and I think he'd know that fairly easily so it's safe for him to assume I've moved on.

[WarriorBabe]

Obviously it seems as if you intentionally skipped the curiousity part. Whoa what a keg of questions and quite amazed you went through all ths effort to analyze my story even though i have stated my intention never to go back but i dont need to justify that to you cos obviously you have a whole lot to offload off your mind

 

it so sad to see people so judgemental when all i asked is to know people's experience with things like that. Every individual has his/her unique way of healing and learning from experiences they have encountered. so what exactly is your problem.

 

You dont own this forum and i have every right to be curious as a living human being. i dont owe you an explanation and it is quite abstract and unfortunate of you to read , assume and conclude that you know what i am thinking and i wana go back.

 

if you cant share an experience you have had, pls move forward to other post. No negativity entertained here!

 

Oh yes i am happy but wondering now if you wish me otherwise.

 

Every action has a consequence.

[PhillyLibertyBelle]

It happens. I have heard many stories on here of MM that come sniffing around. Usually it's not to be friends though, it is to restart the affair.

 

I don't understand why people get so attacky about how horrible MM is and what a bad person you are, either. I mean, most of the people who are on this forum as BS are still married to their cheater. So why is their cheater so much better than the guy you were entangled with?

 

Pure truth!

[basil67]

Thank you for your school of thought! Any experiences?

 

Only that I had a couple of affairs in my previous marriage. It didn't occur to me to apologise to the partner. They knew the situation and were keen to be involved....

[road]

It happens. I have heard many stories on here of MM that come sniffing around. Usually it's not to be friends though, it is to restart the affair.

 

I don't understand why people get so attacky about how horrible MM is and what a bad person you are, either. I mean, most of the people who are on this forum as BS are still married to their cheater. So why is their cheater so much better than the guy you were entangled with?

 

Pure truth!

 

Not truth.

 

The reality is there is never going to be a reason for the BH to forgive

the OM. His marriage to be recovered will never require the BH to

forgive or even to stop hating the OM.

 

Now for the BH to recover his marriage he has to get past the anger

and hurt his WW caused. That is the motivation for the BH.

 

The OM can never do anything to get the BH to forgive him. The OM

can never provide the motivation to do so.