MM ends affair, OW tells wife and apologizes....Update after years

[somanymistakes]

But the post you're replying to doesn't have anything to do with forgiving the Other Man?

[goodyblue]

Not truth.

 

The reality is there is never going to be a reason for the BH to forgive

the OM. His marriage to be recovered will never require the BH to

forgive or even to stop hating the OM.

 

Now for the BH to recover his marriage he has to get past the anger

and hurt his WW caused. That is the motivation for the BH.

 

The OM can never do anything to get the BH to forgive him. The OM

can never provide the motivation to do so.

 

This makes absolutely no sense. Are you replying to the right thread?

 

Just in case you are, know that the bulk of OW don't expect the BS to forgive them. In fact, they are a non entity for most.

[NikonRN]

I do agree that OW/OM are frequently thrown under the bus here. I also agree that although you said you were happy...just reading the print, it seems you had some glimmer of hope for future contact. The only way I could imagine any future contacti is if one of the parties were working some form of 12 steps and felt some atonement/absolvement/forgivenesses was needed somewhere.

[NTV]

It happens. I have heard many stories on here of MM that come sniffing around. Usually it's not to be friends though, it is to restart the affair.

 

I don't understand why people get so attacky about how horrible MM is and what a bad person you are, either. I mean, most of the people who are on this forum as BS are still married to their cheater. So why is their cheater so much better than the guy you were entangled with?

 

My ww isn't any better. Never said she was. And I can guarantee I've said harsher things to her than anyone here. I just got to find a way to put up with her if I wanna see my kids every day.

 

Plus this is really dismissive of all the hard work folks have put in to get to a place where they wouldn't cheat again. Or the folks that spend the time and energy to work it out with their bs. There's a lot of folks who worked hard to get to a better place here.

 

I didn't say what I did to be an attack on her mm or herself. It was an explanation of my feelings so that this poster could see what the likely scenario is in her mm's house at the moment.

[BTDT2012]

I was an AP, before the days when everyone had cell phones. I ended it, there was no DDay.

 

My WH has no desire to apologize to his AP, as she willingly engaged in the affair. She is a reminder of a time of which he is deeply ashamed. I don't hate her, and I don't want an apology from her. If he ever contacts her for any reason, I will be done, and he knows that.

[HeartbrokenDec29]

I was reading between the lines of your post. If I read too much into it, my apologies but doesn't seem like I was the only one.

Yes you read too much in between! Thank you

[Whoknew30]

The only time a married man is going to apologize to the OW is bc one he lied about being married or two...he wants to sleep with her again.

 

The reality, a OM or OW deserves absolutely nothing. & yes I speak from experience. It shouldn't one's be in their head to wonder if it's happened bc every situation is different.

 

It's great to vent about feelings in a situation to where one has made bad decisions & looking for advice but when someone asks a question that's in a certain situation, it's insulting people intelligence to say "I was just asking bc"....obviously you're asking bc you must be wondering if it's possible.

 

You told his wife, & I can't speak for him, only from my experience. Had my other man told my husband, not only would I not apologize...I would have cared a less if he literally fell off the face of the earth & never would have ever thought of him again, while putting a 100% effort into saving my marriage. Which I did without my OM telling but at least I don't look at him with animosity.

[aileD]

Not sure what a MM has to apologize for. Unless he lied about being married, the OW KNEW HE WAS MARRIED. Did he lie and future fake? Sure, but OW already know he's capable of lying because he's a cheater. IM not saying it's okay to treat anyone horribly, but you get what you sign up for I guess. It's kind of like buying a TV from a person who you are aware stole that TV and then expecting an apology and a refund when the TV turns out to be crap. Why should anyone have to apologize for getting into a situation they knew was amoral, wrong, and hurting a marriage. MM isn't owed an apology from OW and OW isn't entitled to an apology from MM either.

 

Really the only one owed an apology is the unknowing party.

Edited April 11, 2017 by aileD

[wmacbride]

I guess he situation could be looked at in different ways.

 

The mm contacting the former ow to apologize might do more harm than good. If she's moved on, it might dredge up a lot of hurt. I don't see how that helps anyone.

 

If the ow really needs an apology/explanation to move on, I don't think they'll really ever get one. Having contact from the mm might not be very helpful.

 

The best course of action seems to be to live your life, be happy, and let him fade away.

Edited April 11, 2017 by wmacbride

[cocorico]

If the ow really needs an apology/explanation to move on, I don't think they'll really ever get one.

 

I often wonder about this. Those OW who post here about meeting up with xMM post DDay for "closure" seldom report feeling resolved. Usually it seems to raise more questions than it answers.

 

I'm not sure what might constitute a satisfactory explanation- if the MM is (or reports being) unhappy with the decision to stay with the BW, is that a victory or a defeat? Yes, he's unhappy (therefore, the OW might reason, the BW is the "lesser" fit) but he's still chosen to be there. He'd rather be with someone who makes him unhappy, than with me. Or, he reports being happy. The OW feels angry, trivialised, a mere distraction during a downtime in his M, discarded when his attention shifted. Her true love a mere trinket.

 

He still wants her, but can't have her - leaving aching unresolved tensions to persist with the slenderest sliver of hope. Or he no longer wants her, cursing her to remain unloveable, runner up, always the bridesmaid but never the bride.

 

He apologises for hurting her - she forgives, and falls in love againmwith his graciousness. Or she doesn't, and feels outraged at his insensitivity, the intensity dredged up yet again.

 

I'm not sure there is a winning combination here in any of these options.

[georgia girl]

My guess would be that while we are still healing and grieving, there are lots of questions and unresolved emotions. That's why there is this great allure of "closure." Once fully healed, we no longer care and the questions suddenly seem to have very logical answers, which absent emotion seem patently clear. Then, we realize closure truly comes from within and it's about processing our feelings and thoughts, not someone else's.

 

OP, it seems as though you have started this journey of healing and grieving. The farther down the path you go, I believe the less these questions and the need for an apology will mean to you. Indifference is glorious, but you can't speed yourself there. My wish for you is as much peace and joy as you can find on this path.

[WakingUp]

My guess would be that while we are still healing and grieving, there are lots of questions and unresolved emotions. That's why there is this great allure of "closure." Once fully healed, we no longer care and the questions suddenly seem to have very logical answers, which absent emotion seem patently clear. Then, we realize closure truly comes from within and it's about processing our feelings and thoughts, not someone else's.

 

OP, it seems as though you have started this journey of healing and grieving. The farther down the path you go, I believe the less these questions and the need for an apology will mean to you. Indifference is glorious, but you can't speed yourself there. My wish for you is as much peace and joy as you can find on this path.

 

This has been my experience... thank you so much for putting it into words.

[HeartbrokenDec29]

The only time a married man is going to apologize to the OW is bc one he lied about being married or two...he wants to sleep with her again.

 

The reality, a OM or OW deserves absolutely nothing. & yes I speak from experience. It shouldn't one's be in their head to wonder if it's happened bc every situation is different.

 

It's great to vent about feelings in a situation to where one has made bad decisions & looking for advice but when someone asks a question that's in a certain situation, it's insulting people intelligence to say "I was just asking bc"....obviously you're asking bc you must be wondering if it's possible.

 

You told his wife, & I can't speak for him, only from my experience. Had my other man told my husband, not only would I not apologize...I would have cared a less if he literally fell off the face of the earth & never would have ever thought of him again, while putting a 100% effort into saving my marriage. Which I did without my OM telling but at least I don't look at him with animosity.

It would have been nice and appreciated if you had talked about your experience and moved on but for the mere fact that you think you are a mind reader and assume to know what I’m thinking I will respond to you.

 

“The reality, a OM or OW deserves absolutely nothing. & yes I speak from experience. It shouldn't one's be in their head to wonder if it's happened bc every situation is different.” – This is a statement of the character of you it doesn’t speak for everyone and I only asked to know experiences and im sorry to say the least but its unattractive. The fact that someone slept with a married man, does it mean they deserve nothing because they have caused you pain. while You are not in the dynamics and quite frankly you have no idea what the MM could have done to the OW. Even if he was not married and they weren’t dating he could have done the same just being friends with them. Now my question for you is, the fact that the OW makes a mistake, does that justify bad treatment by the MM? And this question goes out to question how better we all as humans think we are because we old a better /wpuld i say a upheld position in a particular situation. The hostility I perceive from your post is that because people have made bad choices they deserve every bad thing that must have happened in the affair, whether it’s the OW or MM?. why do you think you have a right to say what anyone should think or not think?

 

‘It's great to vent about feelings in a situation to where one has made bad decisions & looking for advice but when someone asks a question that's in a certain situation, it's insulting people intelligence to say &I was just asking bc&....obviously you're asking bc you must be wondering if it's possible.’- I personally think its sad that you think peoples intelligence is being insulted cos I don’t even know you and you don’t know me and its quite sad that you will be starting something up in here .Of course, I will read up similar stories to mine and the fact that I asked a question doesn’t mean Its because I want an apology.. its quite unfortunate that you have assumed in this manner. Did it ever occur to you that people heal in different ways and people learn from their mistakes in different ways and other peoples experience and well as your own grounded principle might be a guide as well to forestall any future mistake just by telling it. Quite frankly, I don’t think it did, cos if it did you would have realised that for some persons whether you make a mistake or not they will try to be better versions of who they were before. You might want to read up the reasons why I asked from the thread. I think you are actually being the one very insulative and the fact that you think someone on the internet who doesn’t even know you is trying to play on your intelligence speaks a lot about you.

 

 

Which I did without my OM telling but at least I don't look at him with animosity.-Is there supposed to be a lesson in this statement? For your information, there is no rule in this world or God made that says never apologize to the wife or tell. Do you think I care about my MM having animosity towards me? Of course I don’t, that’s his choice. You don’t know the full story of everyone so it will be nice not to judge/keep talking about how people should think or not!

 

For any BW or any other person that come up to my thread to try to talkdown or make me feel bad for asking a question, try somewhere else. Does it ever occur to some BWs that come up to the OW/OM forums that some OW actually feel remorseful and don’t want to go down that road again. I will ask whatsoever questions I want to about peoples experiences, its not up to you to tell me how to ask it or tell me what I hope for or think. I own my mistakes a 1001%. Am I sorry for telling the Wife? NO I AM NOT! Because I did something morally wrong. And quite frankly apologizing for a wrong you have done to someone is encouraged on religious grounds read a bible if you have one, so no human who is imperfect just as much as me should come setting some invisible rule that doesn’t exist. Whether its an affair or not, I would forever stick to being that person who makes a mistake and is willing to apologize for it immediately I realize it and not make that same mistakeagain! By my experience being the OW I have been humbled and quite frankly I love I who I am evolving to be! Any BW who tries to make me feel bad for having an affair is just wasting their time. I already have felt the wrongness and feelings associated with it. Iv made the mistakes, iv learnt from it and im willing and deserve a better life! No one can or will make me feel guilty forever for making a mistake!

[HeartbrokenDec29]

Not sure what a MM has to apologize for. Unless he lied about being married, the OW KNEW HE WAS MARRIED. Did he lie and future fake? Sure, but OW already know he's capable of lying because he's a cheater. IM not saying it's okay to treat anyone horribly, but you get what you sign up for I guess. It's kind of like buying a TV from a person who you are aware stole that TV and then expecting an apology and a refund when the TV turns out to be crap. Why should anyone have to apologize for getting into a situation they knew was amoral, wrong, and hurting a marriage. MM isn't owed an apology from OW and OW isn't entitled to an apology from MM either.

 

Really the only one owed an apology is the unknowing party.

Actually I interprete your statement as it being its ok to treat people badly. You said and I quote "you get what you signed up for". So it boils down to this. If xmm was single and treated his girlfriend badly by doing the same things he did to hIS OW in an affair. Would you say the girlfriend got what she signed up for? I'm sure you won't

 

Let me share a bit of my story you are not aware about. xMMs wife was the other woman in his first marriage. Now will it be justified for me to say she got what she signed up for? Definitely NOT! Does it mean I did good thing dating someone's H, no it doesn't! She knew she was dating a cheater as well. But does it mean she deserves to be cheated upon with me aiding her husband? Definitely not! I remember how forgiving she was and it cud be she realised there was a reflection of her in me and knowing she married her husband through the same means! irrespective, No one deserves to be TREATED BADLY OR lied to the OW, MM or B'S!

 

I guess by your post my xMMs wife deserves to give an apology to his first wife!

 

The truth is I see myself as the lucky one who learnt a lesson before it was too late and will never go back! I was the one who got a fresh start while showing remorse for the hurt I have caused her! My xmm was still lieing to her til the very end!

[aileD]

Actually I interprete your statement as it being its ok to treat people badly. You said and I quote "you get what you signed up for". So it boils down to this. If xmm was single and treated his girlfriend badly by doing the same things he did to hIS OW in an affair. Would you say the girlfriend got what she signed up for? I'm sure you won't

 

Let me share a bit of my story you are not aware about. xMMs wife was the other woman in his first marriage. Now will it be justified for me to say she got what she signed up for? Definitely NOT! Does it mean I did good thing dating someone's H, no it doesn't! She knew she was dating a cheater as well. But does it mean she deserves to be cheated upon with me aiding her husband? Definitely not! I remember how forgiving she was and it cud be she realised there was a reflection of her in me and knowing she married her husband through the same means! irrespective, No one deserves to be TREATED BADLY OR lied to the OW, MM or B'S!

 

I guess by your post my xMMs wife deserves to give an apology to his first wife!

 

The truth is I see myself as the lucky one who learnt a lesson before it was too late and will never go back! I was the one who got a fresh start while showing remorse for the hurt I have caused her! My xmm was still lieing to her til the very end!

 

 

Yeah his wife kind of does owe an apology to his first wife. I would agree with that.

 

Nowhere did I state it was okay to treat people like crap. I said if one knows what they are getting Into, then why demand an apology? Why not move on with your life and do better next time instead of staying emotionally meshed in the Mm and affair by wanting an apology??

 

That's what I see a lot of here in the OW forum. And maybe it stands out to me because I'm a BS and not an OW, but many OW say and want to be out of the A....but when it happens, they do things to draw themselves back into it. Or allow mm to do things to draw them back into it.

 

Sometimes people need a little reality check. For example, if your mm cheated don his first wife, with his second wife and cheated on his second wife with you.....why would you think it would be any different with you? Maybe looking into yourself on why he looked like an attractive option would be more constructive then staying entwined with things like apologies.

Edited April 14, 2017 by aileD

[wmacbride]

Can someone else give a person "closure"?

 

What does that really even mean? If it's defined as being able to to finally walk away from a situation and feel good about it, or at least be able to put a full stop at the end of emotional pain, I don't see how someone can give that to someone else.

 

Also, if an ow does ask her ex mm questions will the answers really help,or will they just lead to more questions?

 

I once read that if someone is having trouble allowing themselves to let go when a relationship ends is treat the former relationship partner as if they have moved to Mars. One has no way of communicating with them, so anything unsaid will always remain that way. As hard as it can be, if someone can accept that, they can begin to move forward.

[William]

Got a report on this, did a quick scan and noted the lack of current involvement with a committed person so moved to GRD and will provide a topic check:

 

Just curious to know the experiences of OW and most especially comments from the MM if they contacted their affair partner months/years down the line after all the DDays to be friends or start up the affair again after the OP told on the MM

 

Also, if there are any MMs out there who did a lot of soul searching and ever sincerely went back to apologize to the AP months/years down the line. If any.

 

Feel free to add your experiences with the topic. Thanks!

[wmacbride]

op,

I am not fully sure of you exact situation, but I do hope you aren't waiting for "closure".

 

Give that gift to yourself. Don't waste anymore time waiting for him.

[Whoknew30]

It would have been nice and appreciated if you had talked about your experience and moved on but for the mere fact that you think you are a mind reader and assume to know what I’m thinking I will respond to you.

 

“The reality, a OM or OW deserves absolutely nothing. & yes I speak from experience. It shouldn't one's be in their head to wonder if it's happened bc every situation is different.” – This is a statement of the character of you it doesn’t speak for everyone and I only asked to know experiences and im sorry to say the least but its unattractive. The fact that someone slept with a married man, does it mean they deserve nothing because they have caused you pain. while You are not in the dynamics and quite frankly you have no idea what the MM could have done to the OW. Even if he was not married and they weren’t dating he could have done the same just being friends with them. Now my question for you is, the fact that the OW makes a mistake, does that justify bad treatment by the MM? And this question goes out to question how better we all as humans think we are because we old a better /wpuld i say a upheld position in a particular situation. The hostility I perceive from your post is that because people have made bad choices they deserve every bad thing that must have happened in the affair, whether it’s the OW or MM?. why do you think you have a right to say what anyone should think or not think?

 

‘It's great to vent about feelings in a situation to where one has made bad decisions & looking for advice but when someone asks a question that's in a certain situation, it's insulting people intelligence to say &I was just asking bc&....obviously you're asking bc you must be wondering if it's possible.’- I personally think its sad that you think peoples intelligence is being insulted cos I don’t even know you and you don’t know me and its quite sad that you will be starting something up in here .Of course, I will read up similar stories to mine and the fact that I asked a question doesn’t mean Its because I want an apology.. its quite unfortunate that you have assumed in this manner. Did it ever occur to you that people heal in different ways and people learn from their mistakes in different ways and other peoples experience and well as your own grounded principle might be a guide as well to forestall any future mistake just by telling it. Quite frankly, I don’t think it did, cos if it did you would have realised that for some persons whether you make a mistake or not they will try to be better versions of who they were before. You might want to read up the reasons why I asked from the thread. I think you are actually being the one very insulative and the fact that you think someone on the internet who doesn’t even know you is trying to play on your intelligence speaks a lot about you.

 

 

Which I did without my OM telling but at least I don't look at him with animosity.-Is there supposed to be a lesson in this statement? For your information, there is no rule in this world or God made that says never apologize to the wife or tell. Do you think I care about my MM having animosity towards me? Of course I don’t, that’s his choice. You don’t know the full story of everyone so it will be nice not to judge/keep talking about how people should think or not!

 

For any BW or any other person that come up to my thread to try to talkdown or make me feel bad for asking a question, try somewhere else. Does it ever occur to some BWs that come up to the OW/OM forums that some OW actually feel remorseful and don’t want to go down that road again. I will ask whatsoever questions I want to about peoples experiences, its not up to you to tell me how to ask it or tell me what I hope for or think. I own my mistakes a 1001%. Am I sorry for telling the Wife? NO I AM NOT! Because I did something morally wrong. And quite frankly apologizing for a wrong you have done to someone is encouraged on religious grounds read a bible if you have one, so no human who is imperfect just as much as me should come setting some invisible rule that doesn’t exist. Whether its an affair or not, I would forever stick to being that person who makes a mistake and is willing to apologize for it immediately I realize it and not make that same mistakeagain! By my experience being the OW I have been humbled and quite frankly I love I who I am evolving to be! Any BW who tries to make me feel bad for having an affair is just wasting their time. I already have felt the wrongness and feelings associated with it. Iv made the mistakes, iv learnt from it and im willing and deserve a better life! No one can or will make me feel guilty forever for making a mistake!

 

First off I was the WS first & long term.

 

In the Bible (as I've taught Sunday school for 10 years) one is suppose to confess to God or their religious leader...no where it says that one needs to confess to the actual person bc sometimes confessing in certain situations brings more pain to who one wronged. Your confession was all based on your feelings, not really the BW...which is still extremely selfish behavior. You could have gone to church, confessed & cut all contact off with MM. that would have been a real stop of bad behavior. Had MM ended up with you, where would this guilt have been? Guilt seems easy when one didn't get their way.

 

 

I never once said anything personal & did speak about my situation as a WS...no I would never apologize to my OM if he had called my H...what about that statement is hard to comprehend?...it specifically pertains to the question at hand.

 

One doesn't get a pat on the back bc they apologize for a wrong...one isn't owed forgiveness from the person you wronged. So in the situation at hand, its not anyone trying to make you feel bad...it seem to be the truth that is making you feel bad...if honesty makes someone feel bad that's their issue & their alone.

 

I had to face truths during my A & healing only took place when I learned not to follow a selfish "all about me" logic. Good luck in your journey of trying g to figure out the same.

[HeartbrokenDec29]

First off I was the WS first & long term.

 

In the Bible (as I've taught Sunday school for 10 years) one is suppose to confess to God or their religious leader...no where it says that one needs to confess to the actual person bc sometimes confessing in certain situations brings more pain to who one wronged. Your confession was all based on your feelings, not really the BW...which is still extremely selfish behavior. You could have gone to church, confessed & cut all contact off with MM. that would have been a real stop of bad behavior. Had MM ended up with you, where would this guilt have been? Guilt seems easy when one didn't get their way.

 

 

I never once said anything personal & did speak about my situation as a WS...no I would never apologize to my OM if he had called my H...what about that statement is hard to comprehend?...it specifically pertains to the question at hand.

 

One doesn't get a pat on the back bc they apologize for a wrong...one isn't owed forgiveness from the person you wronged. So in the situation at hand, its not anyone trying to make you feel bad...it seem to be the truth that is making you feel bad...if honesty makes someone feel bad that's their issue & their alone.

 

I had to face truths during my A & healing only took place when I learned not to follow a selfish "all about me" logic. Good luck in your journey of trying g to figure out the same.

Well you are free to have your perception. Seems you have good behaviour all figured out! Either way, i do not regret telling her! Plus you dont know the full story so id save you the trouble.

 

The guilt had always been there from day 1 till the very end, i didnt start with the full story so i dont expect you to get it! By the way, i always told MM to work things out with his wife and tried to break it off a couple of times cos of this same old guilt you think i never had. At the time he did what he did cos he knew i had started moving on and i told him i will break up with him and he constantly said to me he could see my mind was no longer in the affair. He didnt break up with me cos he was doing the right thing, he broke up cos he was losing already but just wanted to be seen as the person that ended it.

 

The only wrong i did was to condone the cheating and sneaking which i truly regret.

 

Never asked for your pat. quite frankly, i dont need it. I also did not say at any point in time she owed me forgiveness! ( where are you getting all these absurd opinions from?) The truth cos you say so right? Okay

 

Pointless saying anything further to you.

[HeartbrokenDec29]

op,

I am not fully sure of you exact situation, but I do hope you aren't waiting for "closure".

 

Give that gift to yourself. Don't waste anymore time waiting for him.

No i'm definitely not. Ever since last year my life has been brought to light. No more hovering darkness! Thanks for the advice though. I appreciate!

[wmacbride]

No i'm definitely not. Ever since last year my life has been brought to light. No more hovering darkness! Thanks for the advice though. I appreciate!

 

Good. I'm glad that you have been able to move on, and I hope that your new life is treating you wonderfully:)

[Whoknew30]

Well you are free to have your perception. Seems you have good behaviour all figured out! Either way, i do not regret telling her! Plus you dont know the full story so id save you the trouble.

 

The guilt had always been there from day 1 till the very end, i didnt start with the full story so i dont expect you to get it! By the way, i always told MM to work things out with his wife and tried to break it off a couple of times cos of this same old guilt you think i never had. At the time he did what he did cos he knew i had started moving on and i told him i will break up with him and he constantly said to me he could see my mind was no longer in the affair. He didnt break up with me cos he was doing the right thing, he broke up cos he was losing already but just wanted to be seen as the person that ended it.

 

The only wrong i did was to condone the cheating and sneaking which i truly regret.

 

Never asked for your pat. quite frankly, i dont need it. I also did not say at any point in time she owed me forgiveness! ( where are you getting all these absurd opinions from?) The truth cos you say so right? Okay

 

Pointless saying anything further to you.

 

In the future if you don't want someone's opinion...don't post on a public forum.

 

Also the logic, "if someone says something one doesn't agree with or like, turning into they think they're perfect" is extremely narcissist, immature & selfish logic...which is counter productive in any situation.

 

Truth is, if you have to call someone to "stop" you're own behavior is infact immature. Never said I was perfect, but as an adult I've learned the lesson "one can't blame anyone else for their own actions".

 

You didn't "enable an A" you were very much part of it. Enabling is allowing something, being an active player in a situation is beyond enabling

[Superchicken]

Opinions are just that.

Every single one has worth, just depends on how you decipher, mix and dice them.

Everyone has the right to make judgement, because we live in a civilized world, with basic rules and standards. Morality is a learnt, and a taught attribute to anyone. Some view this as very important, and, from the hundreds of posts, some view them as an option.

 

 

I am very crucificial (New word, leave me alone) to those that blatantly "Stray" lets say, and then for some reason, the bubble bursts, and its "Damage control".

 

 

I was going to point out the "You shouldn't have done this" "Or That", but your not with a spouse (I Hope). So in your case, I say, love is the greatest enemy and friend to ANY relationship. Problem being, you need to have the right amount and have it directed correctly.

You unfortunately got involved with the wrong dude.

Fell head over heels, and crossed the line. He felt differently about the whole thing (Geez, why didn't that surprise us guys).

You must have known this wasn't going to work out in the back of your mind. Yes, there was hope, and I'm still waiting for my red wagon from Santa.. But you knew.

I'm glad you told the BW, but man, it was to burn him (Which he deserves). Not to free your soul...

Bottom line is you are back on track to rebuilding your life, and I wish that you take the baggage you have created, and in the future, look back at it when you are in a loving relationship, and remember your mistakes.

I do mine, and I will never be that person again.

Betrayal is an awful, awful feeling. Leaves scars permanently, and destroys many lives. I still remember mine when I was 20, like it was just last week.

Good luck, you need to take flack, and keep moving forward.

All these will harden your backbone, and make you stronger.

Oh god, how corny that last line was, made me sick , but I hope you get the jist of it

 

 

Ted.

[HeartbrokenDec29]

In the future if you don't want someone's opinion...don't post on a public forum.

 

Also the logic, "if someone says something one doesn't agree with or like, turning into they think they're perfect" is extremely narcissist, immature & selfish logic...which is counter productive in any situation.

 

Truth is, if you have to call someone to "stop" you're own behavior is infact immature. Never said I was perfect, but as an adult I've learned the lesson "one can't blame anyone else for their own actions".

 

You didn't "enable an A" you were very much part of it. Enabling is allowing something, being an active player in a situation is beyond enabling

Hopefully, at some point in time you will move on cos iv definitely moved on from where you are at! I wish you the best with your Great wisdom!