"Everything you need to know about exes" - let's discuss

[SpecialJ]

It may be related to attachment style theory. I don't think the different types of secure and insecure attachment styles break down evenly across gender, and it likely impacts how one handles a breakup just as much as how one handles a relationship.

[Altair0770]

Why can't I edit the OP? The typos are killing me :sick::sick:

[Altair0770]

I was thinking about how to respond to breadcrumbs... hmmm.

 

"Who is this?"

 

(may be serious because I delete numbers)

 

"Hello. I'll get back to you later. I'm with someone now"

 

"go **** yourself"

 

[Pumpingiron34]

I think woman are more vulnerable to infatuation over love. Think about it. Most cases a woman is the one that wants to get married, have kids, and settle down when they are in the honey moon stage. They in most cases are the ones that tend to try to mold their man into their fantasy boyfriend, and eventually their boyfriend doesn't mold into that (because it's impossible to change people unless they want to themselves, but most women that try to mold their boyfriend into that perfect fantasy).

 

As men, we don't really like to give up our interests. I myself was fairly interested in politics in the previous election. Although me and her agreed politically, she kept stating "I don't take politicians". Because of her I tried to mold myself into not giving a damn about politics, but it was something I was fairly interested in.

 

Unfortunately, society and media kind of shape and stereotype both men and women. Women are supposed to be thin, beautiful, and a princess, based on how society tries to mold us. Men are suppose to be muscular, clean, and a white knight in shining armor.

 

Especially in young women, they fall for their fantasy and infatuation, fooling themselves that they think they're actually in love. Once they've been with their molded boyfriend, and don't feel the fantasy is going to be in this person, they find someone else that could be their fantasy.

 

Obviously men do that too, but in most cases, it seems the woman tries to mold their man into something they're just not, despite the man being everything they could possibly be. The man treats them like the princess and they take complete advantage of it.

 

Men seem to be able to walk away more easily as a dumper. Women tend to think that it's okay to dump someone, go and be with the new guy, and believe the dumpee will stick around forever.

 

If your ex is a pretty girl, they will have their fanbase. They will always assume their fanbase will stick around because they're pretty (and some guys just can't walk away, and haven't developed strong enough feelings to be hurt that their interest is banging someone else. They think it'll eventually be their turn).

 

If you dated someone like that (that has a fanbase). Walk the **** away and never look back. They're bad news. BUT if you DO want them back because you lost your balls in the relationship, it's imperative that you walk away regardless. Once that pretty girl loses a fan they will eventually do whatever they can to reclaim that fan by any means necessary. The whole "want what you can't have syndrome". They will continue to relationship hop until they grow old and lose their beauty because they'll realize they can't mold their boyfriends into their fantasy.

 

Girls that know they're attractive are dangerous. And often also have some mental issues. Not worth the beauty when their personality is toxin.

 

EDIT: I would agree it's more personality than gender, just more females have this personality. When there is a hot guy, girls go and talk to their friends and giggle, so the hot guy doesn't really get that attention. When there is a hot girl, guys have no issue letting that female know about it. Hence why there is the term attention wh*re

 

 

I've HEARD that the NC rule is more effective for a man to use than a woman. Not sure the reason why. It seems that girls sometimes do believe that the dumpee will come crawling back, and when the dumpee doesn't, they wonder what the hell and get curious. Women are a LOT more nosey than men. Men meanwhile may miss the dumpee, but walking away is just easier. Most come back because they don't have a fanbase (men generally don't) and realize that it's better to be in a relationship than have your little buddy go dry.

 

Dam this was good on so many levels, it really really dead on sounds like my exgirlfriend to the point that its almost kinda scary.

[Altair0770]

Trust me it feels good when you let go of that and they're miserable because they let go of one person. And the best part is when they move on to some other dude the cycle repeats. Alone and lost forever always looking for perfection without realizing THEY are the problem.

 

Just got out of a therapy appointment. My therapist brought up a good point. We see break-ups, subconciously, as unfair. Despite that I don't want my ex because she's garbage, I still am angry and pissed. Guess I'm hoping for breadcrumbs so I can unleash my anger at her. But it'd be like talking to a red house and telling it to turn brown.

[jamili]

Trust me it feels good when you let go of that and they're miserable because they let go of one person. And the best part is when they move on to some other dude the cycle repeats. Alone and lost forever always looking for perfection without realizing THEY are the problem.

 

Just got out of a therapy appointment. My therapist brought up a good point. We see break-ups, subconciously, as unfair. Despite that I don't want my ex because she's garbage, I still am angry and pissed. Guess I'm hoping for breadcrumbs so I can unleash my anger at her. But it'd be like talking to a red house and telling it to turn brown.

 

Don't hope for breadcrumbs, and, if you get them, try to hold back your emotions and not get angry. Trust me, I was quite pissed when my ex sent me breadcrumbs... considering she dumped me under the accusation that I kept in communication with an ex before her... and that's exactly what breadcrumbs are lol. An ex's hypocrisy will definitely get the blood boiling.

 

But, if you react in that way, she will just get validation that breaking up with you was the "right" decision. I think the best course of action, even if you hate them, is to stay NC. Silence speaks louder than words.

[Altair0770]

Don't hope for breadcrumbs, and, if you get them, try to hold back your emotions and not get angry. Trust me, I was quite pissed when my ex sent me breadcrumbs... considering she dumped me under the accusation that I kept in communication with an ex before her... and that's exactly what breadcrumbs are lol. An ex's hypocrisy will definitely get the blood boiling.

 

But, if you react in that way, she will just get validation that breaking up with you was the "right" decision. I think the best course of action, even if you hate them, is to stay NC. Silence speaks louder than words.

 

I have a friend that will take care of me if I ever receive breadcrumbs. Honestly I think I won't hear from her ever again. And I'm okay with that. But I somehow doubt she's okay with me being gone forever.

[Bromeo]

I have a friend that will take care of me if I ever receive breadcrumbs. Honestly I think I won't hear from her ever again. And I'm okay with that. But I somehow doubt she's okay with me being gone forever.

 

Honestly, who cares what our exs think? Yours, mine, and jams all treated us like throwaway junk, so go find someone who won't.

 

In the height of immaturity, after a month of nc mine sent a song link to little big towns better man, which is about a "brave" woman running away from an abusive man. And if only I was a better man. Right....

 

I never laid a finger on her in two years. During a fight, I told her she needed to sleep somewhere else. I meant on the couch. She went to a parking lot, and sent me pictures of her sleeping there.

 

Jesus I'm an idiot. Lol

[jamili]

Honestly, who cares what our exs think? Yours, mine, and jams all treated us like throwaway junk, so go find someone who won't.

 

In the height of immaturity, after a month of nc mine sent a song link to little big towns better man, which is about a "brave" woman running away from an abusive man. And if only I was a better man. Right....

 

I never laid a finger on her in two years. During a fight, I told her she needed to sleep somewhere else. I meant on the couch. She went to a parking lot, and sent me pictures of her sleeping there.

 

Jesus I'm an idiot. Lol

 

Oh boy, drama queen lol, i never knew that part of the story.

 

My brother i know its cliche but you dodged a major bullet

[Altair0770]

May have dodged bullets but it's still crappy being shot at.

 

I don't care what my ex thinks at all. I however would be happy to know she's miserable. And I just have a feeling she is, especially after the last time.

 

I'm thinking about entering the dating scene again shortly. I've been on a few dates but never really progressed to anything, just more so FWB if anything. I just don't want to make someone a rebound. I'd hate being in the position as a rebound, so I wouldn't want to put someone in that position. Plus if I find someone good, and am not over my ex... that would be the worst.

[Ronnys93]

Me and my ex decided to be friends. He does most of the reaching out now, but I know that he will eventually heal himself up and move on to other things and I should too. I'm glad I'm there to be supportive but I also know that realistically the "being friends" thing will likely never pan out to us ever getting back together. He's a good man and I hope that somewhere deep down inside we can rekindle that relationship in the future. Don't think NC is the answer for this one, but I'm glad we're at least actually friendly to each other.

 

Awesome post on exes though, the breadcrumb thing is trippy, but it makes sense. As the dumper of one of my previous relationships, I can definitely say that I was the one who threw breadcrumbs. Pretty situation to be in, gotta make smart decisions.

[Altair0770]

Best of luck to you and your new friend.

[Bromeo]

Oh boy, drama queen lol, i never knew that part of the story.

 

My brother i know its cliche but you dodged a major bullet

 

I'm sad to say this wasn't the only such incident of its kind. I could go on, but it doesn't matter at this point. All in the past now.

 

Amazing that normal women, and normal relationships are boring by comparison. lol

[Migraine Boy]

YOU SHOULD NEVER BREAK NC WITH YOUR EX IF YOU WERE DUMPED AND STILL LOOKING TO RECONCILE

 

Now you may be thinking that "hey, I should send this one letter letting them know I still love them, care about them, and if they change their mind to let me know".

 

Oh ****...I'm gonna need some Neosporin for the mark this just left on my back

 

(Edit - apologies...new to the forum and didn't know cursing wasn't allowed)

Edited April 11, 2017 by Migraine Boy

[Ronnys93]

Best of luck to you and your new friend.

 

Thanks! I appreciate it.

[Altair0770]

Oh ****...I'm gonna need some Neosporin for the mark this just left on my back

 

(Edit - apologies...new to the forum and didn't know cursing wasn't allowed)

 

I won't dwell on it too much if it was early in the NC stage.

 

Begging and pleading doesn't necessarily hurt, it doesn't increase our chances and prolongs any moving on/reconciliation.

 

But I could be wrong. Still wondering if me coming back for 2 months to pull her out of her own hell hurt my chances. It definitely delayed it.

[DontBreakEven]

I don't believe it personally. I'm on day like... jeez... 62? Lost count. Haven't had any breadcrumbs but she's a fearful lad. Last time around she was miserable. "Losing people sucks". I had a good laugh at that one. You don't lose what you throw away. Don't worry too much about it being 6 months. In my time of being a whiny, depressed dude I researched success stories. Most people that say "I got back with my ex after 2 months NC, but we broke up 6 months later" are because no issues were addressed and the ex was likely just jealous or lonely at that time.

 

I'd rather, if an ex ever came back to me, it'd take awhile and they date around a bit and see that the grass isn't always greener. Plus by that time I get to humbly laugh while they beg for me back. Well actually at that point I wouldn't give a damn.

 

Exes are like dogs. Once they see another one pissing in their territory they go snooping around wondering what's up. It's why it's literally a bitch to deal with.

 

A few years back, an ex broke up with me and came back 2 months later. We got back together. Moved in together. Got a dog. I bought her a ring. 6 months later she left and never came back. Haven't heard from her since and never will. She's married now.

 

So, yea, you're about on point with that one.

 

Same exact issue was there that had been there to begin with. We got back because she still wanted me around, because yes, she was lonely, and things weren't going well for her. I gave her an ultimatum to either be with me for real or not, and so she went with it. Honeymoon lasted about 3 months tops.

[Altair0770]

A few years back, an ex broke up with me and came back 2 months later. We got back together. Moved in together. Got a dog. I bought her a ring. 6 months later she left and never came back. Haven't heard from her since and never will. She's married now.

 

So, yea, you're about on point with that one.

 

Same exact issue was there that had been there to begin with. We got back because she still wanted me around, because yes, she was lonely, and things weren't going well for her. I gave her an ultimatum to either be with me for real or not, and so she went with it. Honeymoon lasted about 3 months tops.

 

 

Damn man that's rough. Sorry to hear that. I'm over the 2 month mark but I doubt my ex will ever reach out because she's a weak person. Can't blame her for that though.

 

Honestly I had a long talk with a co-worker today who is a very smart gentlemen. Unfortunately my ex is a narcissist. Her father left her at a young age, and cheated on his mom while they were still married. Got engaged while still married with a different lady and tends to blame my ex on a lot of his problems. She hates him, but he's family. My ex also was viciously assaulted at a young age and has severe PTSD. Since we met online, I was everything she wanted until I triggered her (not knowing she has PTSD. It's easy to leave things out when behind a screen). Because of me becoming a trigger, EVERYTHING fell apart. She didn't tell me for 3 months what the issue was, which threw me into depression. Because her mother is so clingy towards her and treats her like a princess, she wants a fairy tale, and that is why she is a narcissist. She's use to getting what she wants. When she doesn't, she just cries to get attention, LITERALLY.

 

I spent a long time in recovery debating if I should go and beat the living piss out of the two that did this. I demanded names and she gave me them. I found them (it's so easy with social media these days). I'm not going to do anything, my ex isn't worth it. But I wanted to hunt them down like dogs so bad. Not just for what they did to her, but what they did to us. I was painted as something I'm not.

 

However, PTSD simply has no cure. And she is choosing to pretend it doesn't exist rather than confronting it. Everytime I told her I was there to help, she ran. I learned you can't force help on people.

 

I see many times here on these forums "I spent 6 months recovering, txted my ex and went back to square one". It's the same exact thing with PTSD. Getting re-triggered can set you back all the way to square one, despite any recovery or therapy.

 

My plan with her was to come back, and be a friend. Basically throw all the advice I put here out. All I wanted was the door to be open to reconciliation as she progressed. But instead she developed feelings for someone else online. So, I'm not going to put my life on hold to help someone I cared so much about to help her do something that would badly hurt me. I told her this when I came back after she dumped me. If she finds a new love, I'm gone. Thus, I am now gone.

 

I say all this because I was gone for 2 months. When I came back, everything was going fine up until she started developing feelings for someone else. I guess she thought it was okay to put me in the backseat thinking I'd be perfectly okay with that. Stupid mistake on her part. 2 months simply isn't enough time to fully change for the better and reconcile.

 

At least in the end of all this, I saved her life. Without me, she would never have gone to therapy and never be on the road to recovery. I do pity her, but only that. One day when people dump her because of her numerous red flags and flat out torturing herself by starting relationships she knows she shouldn't be in, she will look back and remember the one that fought so hard to help her live the dreams she wanted. Unfortunately, it is now too late. I have no interest in being in a romantic relationship with her. I also have no interest in ever, EVER being a friend. I am not garbage, and she treated me as disposable.

Edited April 12, 2017 by Altair0770

[Sweetfish]

Damn man that's rough. Sorry to hear that. I'm over the 2 month mark but I doubt my ex will ever reach out because she's a weak person. Can't blame her for that though.

 

Honestly I had a long talk with a co-worker today who is a very smart gentlemen. Unfortunately my ex is a narcissist. Her father left her at a young age, and cheated on his mom while they were still married. Got engaged while still married with a different lady and tends to blame my ex on a lot of his problems. She hates him, but he's family. My ex also was viciously assaulted at a young age and has severe PTSD. Since we met online, I was everything she wanted until I triggered her (not knowing she has PTSD. It's easy to leave things out when behind a screen). Because of me becoming a trigger, EVERYTHING fell apart. She didn't tell me for 3 months what the issue was, which threw me into depression. Because her mother is so clingy towards her and treats her like a princess, she wants a fairy tale, and that is why she is a narcissist. She's use to getting what she wants. When she doesn't, she just cries to get attention, LITERALLY.

 

I spent a long time in recovery debating if I should go and beat the living piss out of the two that did this. I demanded names and she gave me them. I found them (it's so easy with social media these days). I'm not going to do anything, my ex isn't worth it. But I wanted to hunt them down like dogs so bad. Not just for what they did to her, but what they did to us. I was painted as something I'm not.

 

However, PTSD simply has no cure. And she is choosing to pretend it doesn't exist rather than confronting it. Everytime I told her I was there to help, she ran. I learned you can't force help on people.

 

I see many times here on these forums "I spent 6 months recovering, txted my ex and went back to square one". It's the same exact thing with PTSD. Getting re-triggered can set you back all the way to square one, despite any recovery or therapy.

 

My plan with her was to come back, and be a friend. Basically throw all the advice I put here out. All I wanted was the door to be open to reconciliation as she progressed. But instead she developed feelings for someone else online. So, I'm not going to put my life on hold to help someone I cared so much about to help her do something that would badly hurt me. I told her this when I came back after she dumped me. If she finds a new love, I'm gone. Thus, I am now gone.

 

I say all this because I was gone for 2 months. When I came back, everything was going fine up until she started developing feelings for someone else. I guess she thought it was okay to put me in the backseat thinking I'd be perfectly okay with that. Stupid mistake on her part. 2 months simply isn't enough time to fully change for the better and reconcile.

 

At least in the end of all this, I saved her life. Without me, she would never have gone to therapy and never be on the road to recovery. I do pity her, but only that. One day when people dump her because of her numerous red flags and flat out torturing herself by starting relationships she knows she shouldn't be in, she will look back and remember the one that fought so hard to help her live the dreams she wanted. Unfortunately, it is now too late. I have no interest in being in a romantic relationship with her. I also have no interest in ever, EVER being a friend. I am not garbage, and she treated me as disposable.

 

 

Alt, I agree with everything you have said. I also agree with your description of what women as far as a fairly tails want. However, its true that men fall into this trap of a fairy tail and that's being her superman or prince.

 

Though I view you as very self aware and intelligent. Many red flags were given to you and like me and other men have fallen into the trap of trying to FIX the relationship. Many other posters here who are women do not understand that many of the men here are battling women with deep emotional issues, riddle with anxiety and the reason why they are dating you is for a quick fix to the low self esteem and anxiety. Its always written off as the women feeling have changed and not that it is not a deep mental problem and the boyfriend was used as a emotional tampon or sucked the resources out of him with no regards to his investment in the relationship because her feeling out weight everything to effortlessly jump to the next.

 

They feel that men are suppose to sacrifice their money, time, and emotions so therefore its not in the equation many times in breakups because it eases the guilt. yet, when men do it to women we are the walk dead and scum and etc.

 

The point of time when they are with you, they think the best guy they can get is YOU! Everything is all find until she normalizes and takes you for granted. As I stated in another thread in this fairy tail she will feel "entitled" entitled to roses, dinners, romance, a wedding , and a wed ring. If she doesn't get those things timely and with in her vision you become less valuable. She moves to PLAN A with the "oh, it just didn't work out with me and the last guy"

 

You said women are trying to mold their men... well this is where guys have created this beta/alpha situation and I think the essence of it is to avoid this molding processes as essentially she will mold the attractiveness out of you and move on to the next. Its almost like a test of strength and leader ship that many women subconsciously do not understand and eventually she needs another stronger man to resolve her low-self esteem and continue her fairly tail.

[nowhereboy]

And the best part is when they move on to some other dude the cycle repeats. Alone and lost forever always looking for perfection without realizing THEY are the problem.

 

Wow you just summed up my ex perfectly.

[Gene Clark]

Damn man that's rough. Sorry to hear that. I'm over the 2 month mark but I doubt my ex will ever reach out because she's a weak person. Can't blame her for that though.

 

Honestly I had a long talk with a co-worker today who is a very smart gentlemen. Unfortunately my ex is a narcissist. Her father left her at a young age, and cheated on his mom while they were still married. Got engaged while still married with a different lady and tends to blame my ex on a lot of his problems. She hates him, but he's family. My ex also was viciously assaulted at a young age and has severe PTSD. Since we met online, I was everything she wanted until I triggered her (not knowing she has PTSD. It's easy to leave things out when behind a screen). Because of me becoming a trigger, EVERYTHING fell apart. She didn't tell me for 3 months what the issue was, which threw me into depression. Because her mother is so clingy towards her and treats her like a princess, she wants a fairy tale, and that is why she is a narcissist. She's use to getting what she wants. When she doesn't, she just cries to get attention, LITERALLY.

 

I spent a long time in recovery debating if I should go and beat the living piss out of the two that did this. I demanded names and she gave me them. I found them (it's so easy with social media these days). I'm not going to do anything, my ex isn't worth it. But I wanted to hunt them down like dogs so bad. Not just for what they did to her, but what they did to us. I was painted as something I'm not.

 

However, PTSD simply has no cure. And she is choosing to pretend it doesn't exist rather than confronting it. Everytime I told her I was there to help, she ran. I learned you can't force help on people.

 

I see many times here on these forums "I spent 6 months recovering, txted my ex and went back to square one". It's the same exact thing with PTSD. Getting re-triggered can set you back all the way to square one, despite any recovery or therapy.

 

My plan with her was to come back, and be a friend. Basically throw all the advice I put here out. All I wanted was the door to be open to reconciliation as she progressed. But instead she developed feelings for someone else online. So, I'm not going to put my life on hold to help someone I cared so much about to help her do something that would badly hurt me. I told her this when I came back after she dumped me. If she finds a new love, I'm gone. Thus, I am now gone.

 

I say all this because I was gone for 2 months. When I came back, everything was going fine up until she started developing feelings for someone else. I guess she thought it was okay to put me in the backseat thinking I'd be perfectly okay with that. Stupid mistake on her part. 2 months simply isn't enough time to fully change for the better and reconcile.

 

At least in the end of all this, I saved her life. Without me, she would never have gone to therapy and never be on the road to recovery. I do pity her, but only that. One day when people dump her because of her numerous red flags and flat out torturing herself by starting relationships she knows she shouldn't be in, she will look back and remember the one that fought so hard to help her live the dreams she wanted. Unfortunately, it is now too late. I have no interest in being in a romantic relationship with her. I also have no interest in ever, EVER being a friend. I am not garbage, and she treated me as disposable.

 

Story of my life! Your case seems really close to what happened to me.

 

My ex also has a severe case of PTSD (her dad passed away when she was very young and she also suffered abuse within her family)

And yes, I triggered her... probably more than once and that took her back to square one in terms of her emotional involvement.

 

She seemed to have no control over the way she felt about certain things.

No wonder I felt constantly insecure about her feelings for me. In spite of that, I too was incredibly supportive and did my best to make it work.

 

It's reassuring to find that there's a pattern with people in this condition, that I was in a tight spot from the start and very few people would have known how to handle such a troubled relationship.

[Ronnys93]

So I thought the friend thing would work out. I thought that I could be there to support my ex as a friend and just not let it affect me. I was absolutely wrong. He was texting me again and I started getting the rush and excitement of the crush feeling again. And then a few days ago the text messages stopped, and low and behold I was back to square 1 wishing for a text message to hear from him.

 

Today I sent him a lengthy email letting him know that right now at this moment, I'm not able to separate my feelings from romantic to friendship. I let him know that I will be going on to work on myself as he is going on to work on himself and that he should focus and so should I. I let him know that I will come back to him when I feel that I am absolutely ready to continue the friendship, but from here on out I am going to go no contact. He text me letting me know that he figured that I couldn't separate my feelings and it was good of me for being honest and to be up front if I needed space. I also let him know that if we were to ever try again, that things would be much different and he would have to earn my heart instead of me just giving it to him. But after today I wont be speaking to him until I feel that I have moved on. It's going to be SO hard for me. I'm already kind of wishing I never sent the email but I know it was necessary for me to heal.

Edited April 12, 2017 by Ronnys93

[Altair0770]

Alt, I agree with everything you have said. I also agree with your description of what women as far as a fairly tails want. However, its true that men fall into this trap of a fairy tail and that's being her superman or prince.

 

Though I view you as very self aware and intelligent. Many red flags were given to you and like me and other men have fallen into the trap of trying to FIX the relationship. Many other posters here who are women do not understand that many of the men here are battling women with deep emotional issues, riddle with anxiety and the reason why they are dating you is for a quick fix to the low self esteem and anxiety. Its always written off as the women feeling have changed and not that it is not a deep mental problem and the boyfriend was used as a emotional tampon or sucked the resources out of him with no regards to his investment in the relationship because her feeling out weight everything to effortlessly jump to the next.

 

They feel that men are suppose to sacrifice their money, time, and emotions so therefore its not in the equation many times in breakups because it eases the guilt. yet, when men do it to women we are the walk dead and scum and etc.

 

The point of time when they are with you, they think the best guy they can get is YOU! Everything is all find until she normalizes and takes you for granted. As I stated in another thread in this fairy tail she will feel "entitled" entitled to roses, dinners, romance, a wedding , and a wed ring. If she doesn't get those things timely and with in her vision you become less valuable. She moves to PLAN A with the "oh, it just didn't work out with me and the last guy"

 

You said women are trying to mold their men... well this is where guys have created this beta/alpha situation and I think the essence of it is to avoid this molding processes as essentially she will mold the attractiveness out of you and move on to the next. Its almost like a test of strength and leader ship that many women subconsciously do not understand and eventually she needs another stronger man to resolve her low-self esteem and continue her fairly tail.

 

just waht I needed to hear (no I'm not being sarcastic). I felt guilty for not being her friend until I read this, and now I feel great again. I just had her face pop into my head. The look she gave me that will never leave my mind. It was the saddest face I've ever seen. Just typing this makes me want to throw my laptop across the room.

 

You are right. I gave my all to her. She surrounds herself with men online that would do anything just to get their dick touched, and she doesn't understand when she's flirting or not.

 

She will continue her cycle constantly. She even said to her friend she knows she needs to stay away from relationships for awhile. **** me for believing that. Instantly I pull her out of hell and she jumps at the first guy she has "feelings" for. Infatuation my dear.

 

I am glad I got this experience though. Tons of red flags I ignored because I was attracted to her, and we connect on so many levels. We WOULD be great friends, but she just takes advantage of everyone, and doesn't are about other peoples feelings unless those feelings are negative towards her. Most of all, I learned a lot about myself. That I WILL be a good boyfriend/husband, and anyone would be lucky to have me.

 

My mind says "You are so much better off without her". My heart says, "the next person you love won't be her".

[Altair0770]

Story of my life! Your case seems really close to what happened to me.

 

My ex also has a severe case of PTSD (her dad passed away when she was very young and she also suffered abuse within her family)

And yes, I triggered her... probably more than once and that took her back to square one in terms of her emotional involvement.

 

She seemed to have no control over the way she felt about certain things.

No wonder I felt constantly insecure about her feelings for me. In spite of that, I too was incredibly supportive and did my best to make it work.

 

It's reassuring to find that there's a pattern with people in this condition, that I was in a tight spot from the start and very few people would have known how to handle such a troubled relationship.

 

I'm still trying to figure out if we're lucky to be in this position or not. Part of me thinks its better because we know that they won't be able to be involved with anyone else for a very long time, if ever. My ex was sexually assaulted as a child, and instantly lost tons of weight due to the anxiety. Let me be very clear that I'm not grateful at all that she was assaulted and has PTSD. EVERY SINGLE DAY I have thoughts of slicing "cho-mo" in the foreheads of those terrible people. But does it make healing easier? I don't know. But I know I did my part by telling her to go to therapy, and she's on the road to recovery. I do feel guilty, because I think she went because I told her if she doesn't, there is no hope for us, and if there is no hope for us, I disappear. But then I remind myself it's 100% her decision to have ended the relationship and let me go forever.

 

The other part is, there may just never be a chance at reconciliation. *I* am the trigger. She may never be able to see me in person and not have a rush of anxiety. Let alone ever have that romantic relationship. Luckily, I don't have an interest in one. Who knows about further down the road.

[Altair0770]

So I thought the friend thing would work out. I thought that I could be there to support my ex as a friend and just not let it affect me. I was absolutely wrong. He was texting me again and I started getting the rush and excitement of the crush feeling again. And then a few days ago the text messages stopped, and low and behold I was back to square 1 wishing for a text message to hear from him.

 

Today I sent him a lengthy email letting him know that right now at this moment, I'm not able to separate my feelings from romantic to friendship. I let him know that I will be going on to work on myself as he is going on to work on himself and that he should focus and so should I. I let him know that I will come back to him when I feel that I am absolutely ready to continue the friendship, but from here on out I am going to go no contact. He text me letting me know that he figured that I couldn't separate my feelings and it was good of me for being honest and to be up front if I needed space. I also let him know that if we were to ever try again, that things would be much different and he would have to earn my heart instead of me just giving it to him. But after today I wont be speaking to him until I feel that I have moved on. It's going to be SO hard for me. I'm already kind of wishing I never sent the email but I know it was necessary for me to heal.

 

I'm sorry that happened to you. I hate to say this, but don't heal to be friends with him. You'll never heal. Focus 100% on you, not him. And just be cautious, you may feel over it, and then it hits you like a truck that you have feelings for this man. It's near impossible to be friends with an ex.