"Everything you need to know about exes" - let's discuss

[Tiga]

I've heard in Russia there is a lack of men so the dynamic changes. I believe biology plays a part - women are wired to get the best mate possible so they can have offspring that have the best chance of survival. This is wired in and often not realized.

 

However, everywhere else it boils down to options. Women realize they have options so they know they won't be alone for very long.

 

Think of it like having a very marketable job. You would have no issue leaving one even if you don't have another lined up (but as you pointed out women often do). However, if your skill set doesn't lend itself to many jobs or there are tons of people with the same skillet you tend to hold onto the job you have.

 

Women are also emotionally smarter then men. They realize the best way to get over someone is to get under somebody else. As a result, they will keep male orbiters around and when things go south with you they pull them in closer and make the transition much less painful. Before you know it she's dating the guy that was "Just a friend".

 

They also are used to dumping guys and have a much better support system. People will find it perfectly acceptable if a woman bursts into tears at work due to a breakup (even if SHE initiated). Same isn't true for guys and your friends will tell you to "'Man up and get over it". Women's friends will comfort and support them much more than a guy's friends will.

 

The other part is the way a woman's mind vs a guy's mind works. Most women base decisions on emotion whereas most men base decisions on logic. A woman will leave you because of how she "feels". They struggle internally with the decision for months or even years and finally come to acceptance - then they tell you about it.

 

Guys will stay longer because they think "She's got x, y, and z and it's hard to find s girl with these qualities. So instead of trying to find another I'll put up with what I don't like"

 

Being a guy has some advantages - like we can't get pregnant, we don't get labeled by the number of partners we've had, etc. But overall women have the advantage in matters of the heart.

 

Sucks, but what can you do?

 

 

I feel like there is something wrong with me by reading this post. I am a woman and I have always been the one trying and never giving up until I really see that I have to because of the treatment I was getting, unfair and rejected. I have dumped before but had really good reasons to (not oh my emotions changed, he did something terrible) only to feel guilty and loved him so much and returned to my ex, wrong decision, then he left me and I was heartbroken. That was only one of my 3 heartbreaks. I feel like I have a man's mentality then, I don't break up with someone Inlove unless they were cheaters, abusers and etc. i fight for the relationship but it has gotten me nowhere. I also am very faithful, And I dont rebound/hook up with another guy after my break hos. I just can't. Everyone else tells me I need to but I cant. I can't just be with someone if my heart loves someone else so deeply. I feel like I would be giving my body away to a stranger and I would feel like a slut. I am very picky and cautious and I need to heal and cry it out before even thinking about another guy. Plus I never look for potential candidates, there are plenty but I always feel like the right guy will come along. Am I weird?

[metrognome]

I feel like there is something wrong with me by reading this post. I am a woman and I have always been the one trying and never giving up until I really see that I have to because of the treatment I was getting, unfair and rejected. I have dumped before but had really good reasons to (not oh my emotions changed, he did something terrible) only to feel guilty and loved him so much and returned to my ex, wrong decision, then he left me and I was heartbroken. That was only one of my 3 heartbreaks. I feel like I have a man's mentality then, I don't break up with someone Inlove unless they were cheaters, abusers and etc. i fight for the relationship but it has gotten me nowhere. I also am very faithful, And I dont rebound/hook up with another guy after my break hos. I just can't. Everyone else tells me I need to but I cant. I can't just be with someone if my heart loves someone else so deeply. I feel like I would be giving my body away to a stranger and I would feel like a slut. I am very picky and cautious and I need to heal and cry it out before even thinking about another guy. Plus I never look for potential candidates, there are plenty but I always feel like the right guy will come along. Am I weird?

 

Thisssss. I'm exactly the same which seems to be unusual for a female. Committed and a fighter which makes being dumped so much harder because I know it's going to be a long long long long time before I can even smile at a different male.

[Chilli]

amen to the whole "over analyze". Before I could tell the person that I don't want any updates, they dropped the, "she didn't pursue said interest". I know that's BS. I do think she got dumped, rejected, or the guy didn't fit the fantasy.

 

It also sucks that I had to use skype for the first time in nearly a year. My ex was on my contact list and her status was depressing. Things you'd think I want to hear, but all it makes me realize is I'm not over my ex like I'd like to be. I'm an empathetic person. I feel terrible for her, and likely will for a very long time.

 

But I have to remember none of this means **** if she hasn't come back to me. And I have to remember who she really is, and it's not who I fell in love with.

 

Take it from me - any udpates, good or bad, can mess with your mind.

 

l feel terrible for mine too. Because l know any future relationship can't last and at 48, she can't afford that anymore, l feel so bad for her.

And that again her man has bailed on her and after the last one , l really worry if deep down she can survive this.

 

lt's a different totally thing to yours though and she would love to get married. she wanted us to marry. l know deep down getting married would be a dream come true for her, she wants forever.

but l'm so scared for her because l know her ways will only drive him away to in the end.

but she doesn't understand her ways and their effect on her man and their effect on her ex, and me.

l really fear that she'll just be in for more of it.

l fear she'll maybe have another 5 or 10yr thing with the next one only to end up alone and broken again in her late 50s by then.

yet her good sides are many and she has sooooo much to offer, such a shame.

[Altair0770]

Alright if you're reading this, out of curiosity, I'd like your opinion. Yes or no question.

 

Is it strange my ex is still stalking my social media daily after 3+ months? I just don't understand why. I have not made any contact or anything with her. Not even peaked at her social media. It was just out of the blue that I found out she's stalking my social media.

 

It's killing me because it always felt like, both times, after about a month she ended up way worse than I was. She wants me so badly in her life, won't commit, but fears ever reaching out to me. I did post on social media after the breakup (like 2 days while venting) that I hate her. Truly did at the time. But I don't want to waste a chance at reconciliation because she's scared.

 

Maybe she's just curious.

 

This isn't eating me up inside. I don't feel worn out anymore. I'm just wondering if there's something behind this or not.

[Sweetfish]

Alright if you're reading this, out of curiosity, I'd like your opinion. Yes or no question.

 

Is it strange my ex is still stalking my social media daily after 3+ months? I just don't understand why. I have not made any contact or anything with her. Not even peaked at her social media. It was just out of the blue that I found out she's stalking my social media.

 

It's killing me because it always felt like, both times, after about a month she ended up way worse than I was. She wants me so badly in her life, won't commit, but fears ever reaching out to me. I did post on social media after the breakup (like 2 days while venting) that I hate her. Truly did at the time. But I don't want to waste a chance at reconciliation because she's scared.

 

Maybe she's just curious.

 

This isn't eating me up inside. I don't feel worn out anymore. I'm just wondering if there's something behind this or not.

 

 

She is looking for her replacement

[Altair0770]

So curiosity then?

[Ronnys93]

So curiosity then?

 

Possibly even desperation.

[Sweetfish]

So curiosity then?

 

She want to see if a new girlfriend in town.

[Altair0770]

But why? Curiosity? Jealousy?

 

This woman broke up with ME. I wanted to make it work, and she knew that. She said no, so I took the high road and did what was best for me. She didn't want to block me, but I told her to do so. She didn't want me to remove all mutual friends, but I did so.

 

It's been 3+ months, and daily she stalks my social media. Not ONCE have I peaked at hers. Not once have I asked about how she's doing. I've been very clear about anyone that has any contact with her that I do *NOT* want to know *ANYTHING* about her.

 

It's been 3+ months since I last SPOKE with her, we have been broken up since early October. The first go around she was stalking too.

 

So what happens if I *did* have a new girlfriend? Would she be, "oh okay" and stop? Would she freak out and txt me a billion times? This is all just confusing. I thought I was for sure done with this woman but here she is peaking non-stop at my social media. Even when there was no way to even see anything about me.

[SerPundnes]

But why? Curiosity? Jealousy?

 

This woman broke up with ME. I wanted to make it work, and she knew that. She said no, so I took the high road and did what was best for me. She didn't want to block me, but I told her to do so. She didn't want me to remove all mutual friends, but I did so.

 

It's been 3+ months, and daily she stalks my social media. Not ONCE have I peaked at hers. Not once have I asked about how she's doing. I've been very clear about anyone that has any contact with her that I do *NOT* want to know *ANYTHING* about her.

 

It's been 3+ months since I last SPOKE with her, we have been broken up since early October. The first go around she was stalking too.

 

So what happens if I *did* have a new girlfriend? Would she be, "oh okay" and stop? Would she freak out and txt me a billion times? This is all just confusing. I thought I was for sure done with this woman but here she is peaking non-stop at my social media. Even when there was no way to even see anything about me.

 

How do you know she has been stalking you all this time?

[Sweetfish]

But why? Curiosity? Jealousy?

 

This woman broke up with ME. I wanted to make it work, and she knew that. She said no, so I took the high road and did what was best for me. She didn't want to block me, but I told her to do so. She didn't want me to remove all mutual friends, but I did so.

 

It's been 3+ months, and daily she stalks my social media. Not ONCE have I peaked at hers. Not once have I asked about how she's doing. I've been very clear about anyone that has any contact with her that I do *NOT* want to know *ANYTHING* about her.

 

It's been 3+ months since I last SPOKE with her, we have been broken up since early October. The first go around she was stalking too.

 

So what happens if I *did* have a new girlfriend? Would she be, "oh okay" and stop? Would she freak out and txt me a billion times? This is all just confusing. I thought I was for sure done with this woman but here she is peaking non-stop at my social media. Even when there was no way to even see anything about me.

 

 

You are thinking logical and logical thinking will confuse you.

 

The event that transpired were uncontrollable on her end. She does not have FULL control of her emotions. So when she said No No No.. that was at that POINT in TIME.

 

Now she may regret it... but most often women will determine something transpired because it was "meant to be" or because they fear the "pain" of getting hurt again due to their inability to control her emotions.

[Chilli]

How old are you guys.?

 

l might be a mile off here so take it with a grain of salt but l think she's wishing she did let herself try with you two , and open that door.

 

But like l say , l might be a mile off.

[Altair0770]

I called her a ****ing whore on Twitter, where she spies on me. Do I regret it? Any wounded animal let's out a howl when they've been hurt. My question is IF you guys are right, how do I get her to reach out? I said that stuff RIGHT after she rejected me.

 

I'm 27, she's 23. I just want to know why she's looking through the peephole of her closed door. Nobody will come knocking unless invited back in.

Edited May 15, 2017 by Altair0770

[Altair0770]

Man you guys killing me with your slow replies haha

[jamili]

Altair- It's most likely just curiosity. She dumped you, you went hard NC, and she's experiencing life without you - just as you detailed in your original post. It doesn't mean she wants you back, at this point at least. People are nosey and curious.... especially Exes. You should make all your social media stuff private, so that she cannot spy on you.

 

Keep NC. Until she is wanting you back, there is no reason to even think about entertaining her or contacting her in any way. Let her spy and wonder all she wants, and try not to let it worry you too much.

[Altair0770]

But what if she's scared to contact me in fear of rejection, or because she thinks I hate her because I said those nasty things?

 

I just don't get it. 3 months on and she's still snooping at my social media. I don't want to set it to private, Twitter is useless if it's private. Literally. The way I use it is to communicate with a broad audience and small town celebrities. I often communicate and get tweets back from basketball players, radio show hosts, and the like but most don't follow back. For me to communicate with them, which I like doing, I can't have my Twitter on private. I tried that, and it was so boring. I'm not going to let my ex dictate my entertainment.

 

I just don't get why she's consistently checking my Twitter.

 

Either she's struggling to let go of me (she did REALLY want me in her life, just not as a relationship) or something, I don't know. But she should know by now, after stating it many times, I don't want a friendship at all. Either she regrets breaking up, or she hasn't let go of being friends.

 

I just don't want to miss an opportunity of reconciliation because she's scared.

[Altair0770]

No one knows x.x lol

 

Oh well, continuing no contact. Curse this damn hiccup.

[penelopeanne]

my ex sent the break up email then was liking my pics on instagram 2 days later.

social media is a strange place and i keep trying to disconnect from it for now.

but then i go back on and i creep and feel worse.

 

(not much advice here, sorry, just relating)

[Altair0770]

my ex sent the break up email then was liking my pics on instagram 2 days later.

social media is a strange place and i keep trying to disconnect from it for now.

but then i go back on and i creep and feel worse.

 

(not much advice here, sorry, just relating)

 

Mine wanted me to be in her life forever as a friend, really really bad. I said nope and told her to block me on everything. "Do I have to block you?" Yep, your choice.

 

Now she's just viewing my profile through a second account. I strongly suspect she's been doing it this entire time.

[penelopeanne]

so bizarre! how can you tell? (maybe you can on twitter? i have never been on it)

[Altair0770]

so bizarre! how can you tell? (maybe you can on twitter? i have never been on it)

 

First there was a private account liking some of my tweets (private meaning I can't see who it is).

 

Second I filter people through my block list. When I set my account to private she did the same thing nearly immediately. When I set my account to not be private after about a few weeks to a month, she did the same thing nearly instantly. When she couldn't see anything I posted because I was private, she was still checking up on it.

 

My brother says she can't let go, but doesn't want the commitment. Guess its a loss for both of us, when she could have made it a win.

[Altair0770]

I've decided to take a week off of Twitter. Not post anything, not really view anything unless Trump nukes North Korea or something. Think this might be the best option.

[penelopeanne]

I've decided to take a week off of Twitter. Not post anything, not really view anything unless Trump nukes North Korea or something. Think this might be the best option.

 

i think this is wise. i just deleted instagram off my phone for the 100th time and i am determined to leave it be, at least for a bit.

if i go on it i will creep. same with fb. it is doing me NO GOOD.

you too, you don't need to see your ex creeping.

i got an email in my promotion inbox at 5am from my ex via his work email about something relating to it, (maybe because im on the mailing list, but it was from his personal email), and i noted that immediately it made my stomach upset. just seeing his name.

got to have this online space or else the healing wont happen.

can we write to each other if we feel the urge to go back on?

[jamili]

But what if she's scared to contact me in fear of rejection, or because she thinks I hate her because I said those nasty things?.

 

Entirely possible, and my ex probably falls into this same category so i understand. However, if someone will be OK with losing you forever simply because of pride or a fear of rejection.... then is that someone you really want to be with?? If she is so ready to let simple pride or fear get in the way of being with someone she truly loved... then the relationship would be so frail that it wouldn't even last anyway. If pride is top priority then that person will neverbe able to have a successful, happy relationship.

 

She had the balls to dump you, dont think she's incapable of having the balls to admit she wants you back. You are making excuses for her.

 

What you want is a woman who:

 

1. Would never let you go in the first place, and

 

2. Would toss pride or fear or rejection aside to get you back if she lost you.

 

Anything less and GOOD LUCK making that relationship last. The slightest wind will destroy it again. She's got to really WANT you back, for real, and actually TRY.

 

Do you value yourself? She doesnt value you enough... she tossed you away, and now "spying" on your social media, and suddenly you think that's good enough for you to crawl back to her?? C'mon Altair... she's gotta put more effort in than that. We, as a species, value things that require effort or work. If she doesnt have to put in ANY effort to get you back, she will just take you for granted all over again, and dump you again.

 

Dude... you need to reread everything you wrote in your original post on page 1 of this thread. Read it again and again, don't lose sight of the clarity you had when you wrote it. Have some self respect, and stay NC. If she wants you for real you will get more than "spying" on your Twitter account.

 

Further, i am NOT convinced she wants you back at this point. Nosey curiosity does not equal reconciliation. Not even close! For reference: My ex wanted to watch movies with me, cook dinner with me, see my new place, breadcrumbed me for 5 months, asked about my job, opened my mail, spied on my social media and asked her friends about me.... and it meant nothing... she didnt want me back, because when i would reach back, she would disappear or pull away, and when I demanded she come clean about her breadcrumbs , she went ghost. This is just an idea of how anything short of conspicuously saying she wants to reconcile could very likely mean NOTHING.... especially mere spying on your ****.

 

I dont think either of you are ready for reconciliation at this point. You dont seem over here or moved on, and either does she will all the spying. You both need to completely move on if you are to have any serious, lasting reconciliation sometime in your future. That doesn't appear to be the case here.

 

The tone of your posts has changed significantly as of lately, and i know how you feel because ive been there and im a few months ahead of you. There is a low point in NC around the 6 month mark where part of your brain regresses to the early NC days. Maybe its the realization that you will probably never see or talk to your ex again, and the shock that, despite the hope that you harbor deep in your heart, she hasnt made any moves. This milestone is tough to climb over, but its just a hump.

 

You need more time, more NC. You need to get to the point where her spying on your **** doesnt even interest you in the slightest because you dont care, and she needs to get to the point where she isnt spying on you anymore because she's over it too. Before then, dont even attmept contact or reconciliation because its too early.

[BG1]

Staying away from Social Media, in this case twitter is always a good idea, will give you clarity of mind and you will be able to spend your time in something else. When my ex broke up with me I didn't get on my Instagram for 1 month and I didnt get into facebook for weeks. It helped.

 

Altair in case you haven't seeing it I'm leaving here a link to a book I read: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/general/general-relationship-discussion/623784-getting-over-break-up-manual (as jamilli mentioned I think there is a change in your perception or perspective about this, remember that focus in yourself is the best you can do and whatever our ex is doing should not define what we had, who we are or is our business, otherwise you will feel like you are stuck).

Edited May 17, 2017 by BG1