"Everything you need to know about exes" - let's discuss

[Altair0770]

Narcissist does get thrown around a lot, and is difficult to diagnose.

 

There are those that have NPD as an actual disorder. I believe there is a spectrum, and my ex is high on the extreme side, but likely not enough to have the disorder. I think she's capable of letting a source walk away, but then again, she did easily discard me. Where as she has a new source now.

 

I think we all have a little bit of narcissism in us. My father is one. My sister lost a really close friend, who was also her boss, to a freak accident. She's been crying for weeks about it. My dad's response to his own freaking daughter? "I get it was her friend but sheesh, I've lost people too and I got over it". My father also likes to talk trash about his own children, and will sometimes give the silent treatment to us, like he's doing to my brother. Granted, my brother is a bit of a douche at times, but my dad won't even speak to him. He does randomly ask me if I spoke to him.

 

I also sense my mother lacks any empathy. She told me instantly after the breakup "this is ridiculous, get over it". Yeah, my parents suck lol. Granted I don't think she's ever once been dumped.

 

Ironic how both my parents show signs of narcissism but I've always been very empathetic and giving...

 

Does my ex have NPD? I don't think that extreme, but extreme enough that she needs people, isn't afraid to use them, and is worried about her image when she hurts someone, rather than how they're feeling.

[Ronnys93]

Narcissist does get thrown around a lot, and is difficult to diagnose.

 

There are those that have NPD as an actual disorder. I believe there is a spectrum, and my ex is high on the extreme side, but likely not enough to have the disorder. I think she's capable of letting a source walk away, but then again, she did easily discard me. Where as she has a new source now.

 

I think we all have a little bit of narcissism in us. My father is one. My sister lost a really close friend, who was also her boss, to a freak accident. She's been crying for weeks about it. My dad's response to his own freaking daughter? "I get it was her friend but sheesh, I've lost people too and I got over it". My father also likes to talk trash about his own children, and will sometimes give the silent treatment to us, like he's doing to my brother. Granted, my brother is a bit of a douche at times, but my dad won't even speak to him. He does randomly ask me if I spoke to him.

 

I also sense my mother lacks any empathy. She told me instantly after the breakup "this is ridiculous, get over it". Yeah, my parents suck lol. Granted I don't think she's ever once been dumped.

 

Ironic how both my parents show signs of narcissism but I've always been very empathetic and giving...

 

Does my ex have NPD? I don't think that extreme, but extreme enough that she needs people, isn't afraid to use them, and is worried about her image when she hurts someone, rather than how they're feeling.

 

 

Yeah, my therapist also said that we ALL have traits of narcissism in us. However some more than others, and obviously some with the actual disorder. I think my ex falls within a very slight spectrum. I think he has more avoidant personality traits and he's been emotionally neglected/invalidated as a child. The harder I pushed his feelings for deep connection the further he pulled away until he couldn't take it anymore.

 

I would watch out for that. It's likely that she will eventually one day try and enter your life again. True narcs are notorious for this, regardless of how disposable you may seem right now. She may get tired of her new play toy and come right back, or at least try. You're stronger though.

 

I myself am very empathic and we are likely targets for narcissists in relationships because of how easily we give ourselves to other people and attentive to their needs whether that be physical or emotional. So we're very very easy to get taken advantage of.

[Altair0770]

Yeah, my therapist also said that we ALL have traits of narcissism in us. However some more than others, and obviously some with the actual disorder. I think my ex falls within a very slight spectrum. I think he has more avoidant personality traits and he's been emotionally neglected/invalidated as a child. The harder I pushed his feelings for deep connection the further he pulled away until he couldn't take it anymore.

 

I would watch out for that. It's likely that she will eventually one day try and enter your life again. True narcs are notorious for this, regardless of how disposable you may seem right now. She may get tired of her new play toy and come right back, or at least try. You're stronger though.

 

I myself am very empathic and we are likely targets for narcissists in relationships because of how easily we give ourselves to other people and attentive to their needs whether that be physical or emotional. So we're very very easy to get taken advantage of.

 

Unfortunately not just in romantic relationships. I have friends that come to me whenever they're lonely. Whenever they aren't feeling that way, they disappear for awhile. They return when they need the favor again.

 

I've done NC rule sub-conciously on some friends. I just get tired of making the effort. Eventually after a month or so they reach out like "hey where you been?" and sure enough need money, a shoulder to cry on, or anything like that.

 

I don't think my ex will reach out anytime soon. Nor do I want her to. She had her chance and blew it. One day maybe she will realize what she once had, but if she's a true narc, she won't unless she needs a pick-me-up.

 

I'm about to enter a project that may make me known throughout the world. Not a celebrity at all, but someone with some notoriety. At least that's the goal. Unfortunately my "disappearing act" will have to end if I want to accomplish goals in my life. I'm okay with that. If she sees me and comes around, I have the power. If she sees me and doesn't, then it won't bother me in the slightest, because I don't know anything about her, and I'm happy that way.

 

Heck she may do what she always does - try to find ways to make herself the victim.

[Sweetfish]

I wasn't referring to games, I was referring to avoiding women with low self esteem.

 

 

Again and I will say it loud and clear. Avoid MEN AND WOMEN with low self esteem. If that's your fix.. that is on you.

 

Seen too many men offer the world to these girls and become disposal because of this low self esteem. Her feelings 9 out 10 times will triumph your loyalty and respect. Have low self esteem? fix it and then get into a relationship. What so hard about that?

[Ronnys93]

Again and I will say it loud and clear. Avoid MEN AND WOMEN with low self esteem. If that's your fix.. that is on you.

 

Seen too many men offer the world to these girls and become disposal because of this low self esteem. Her feelings 9 out 10 times will triumph your loyalty and respect. Have low self esteem? fix it and then get into a relationship. What so hard about that?

 

It's unfortunate but I do have to agree with this. Almost any thing that you do for someone with low self esteem seems to bounce back. You literally almost go nowhere. There's a spectrum to this of course, many of us are self conscious, but the ones that have extremities here really shouldn't be in a relationship until they get some therapy or find their self worth.

[Ronnys93]

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-freedom-change/201505/come-here-go-away-the-dynamics-fearful-attachment

 

This explains my ex completely actually.

[SpecialJ]

@Altair, it actually is a common response for someone raised close to narcissistic family members to come out empathetic and giving. It can happen because the child gets conditioned to be extremely sensitive to the narcissists' moods and desires, often in front of his/her own needs, as a coping mechanism to prevent criticism or other abuse. It isn't the only possible outcome for the child of narcissists (narcissist family members can also create a narcissist child), but again, growing up to be an empath in that situation (likely with some boundary issues) isn't uncommon.

[Altair0770]

Hey ya'll. Sorry I was on a business trip for awhile but finally got home. Ahh good old bed.

 

Anyways, no updates besides a small indirect contact. Found out my ex has been spying on me all along. I cut off that source. 100% disappeared. Did a lot of self reflection and feel much better. Hope it's not temporary.

 

Maybe it's a false sixth sense, but I have a feeling my ex is about to break. Having been in a relationship with her, and knowing her better than anyone else (even more than her mom), I just sense she's about to break.

 

But I also told myself I want to start looking to serious date someone when I get back from this trip. Starting tomorrow I'm going to put myself out there.

 

I've also come to terms that she is indeed a narcissist. Having thought about it, and just all the experiences, I have no doubt she's a full blown narcissist. I've analyzed selfish friends that others have called narcissists and they can't compare.

 

I'm excited to talk to my therapist in about a week to see her opinions on it.

 

Being a victim of a narcissist is tough. I spent so long putting blame on myself for what happened. Being the one that triggered her. Blame myself because who asks a girl to go on a walk around a swamp when it's getting dark? I'll always regret that, but the outcome wouldn't have changed. After all, if she did come down here, she would have been triggered irregardless.

 

I didn't turn out to be her prince charming, but I know from all this I'm a damn good person. I thought me and her had so much in common, but personality wise, we are so far apart. I always said it was her loss, and I'm really starting to believe it. I know she'll be miserable. I don't need to do anything, not even pray (despite that I'm atheist). Not even hope. You reap what you sow.

[BG1]

Hey ya'll. Sorry I was on a business trip for awhile but finally got home. Ahh good old bed.

 

Anyways, no updates besides a small indirect contact. Found out my ex has been spying on me all along. I cut off that source. 100% disappeared. Did a lot of self reflection and feel much better. Hope it's not temporary.

 

Maybe it's a false sixth sense, but I have a feeling my ex is about to break. Having been in a relationship with her, and knowing her better than anyone else (even more than her mom), I just sense she's about to break.

 

But I also told myself I want to start looking to serious date someone when I get back from this trip. Starting tomorrow I'm going to put myself out there.

 

I've also come to terms that she is indeed a narcissist. Having thought about it, and just all the experiences, I have no doubt she's a full blown narcissist. I've analyzed selfish friends that others have called narcissists and they can't compare.

 

I'm excited to talk to my therapist in about a week to see her opinions on it.

 

Being a victim of a narcissist is tough. I spent so long putting blame on myself for what happened. Being the one that triggered her. Blame myself because who asks a girl to go on a walk around a swamp when it's getting dark? I'll always regret that, but the outcome wouldn't have changed. After all, if she did come down here, she would have been triggered irregardless.

 

I didn't turn out to be her prince charming, but I know from all this I'm a damn good person. I thought me and her had so much in common, but personality wise, we are so far apart. I always said it was her loss, and I'm really starting to believe it. I know she'll be miserable. I don't need to do anything, not even pray (despite that I'm atheist). Not even hope. You reap what you sow.

 

I'm wondering what has changed or how you can tell you are ready to get back into the dating scene. A part of me want to be out there, even tho I don't want to date seriously, but at the same time, I don't want to have that feeling of external validation. As I feel I can still learn from not pursuing this and focus my time on myself.

 

I reckon that interiorising that she was a narcissist it helps you move on and gives you closure. In my experience, I will try to mostly focus on the red flags and things you didn't like about her so you can see that coming next time if you ended up following a pattern. In my case, during the last two months I've been reading quite a lot and I believe she was a co-dependent and I levelled meaning that I was exhausted emotionally during the relationship, leaving my priorities aside.

 

We both have come out from our break up feeling that we did what we could to save it and that we did the right thing, that's something I think its very important. I rather prefer to fail than to have open questions about what if.

 

Keep it up, you are on dealing with this in a healthy way and healing is the priority. Now that you put her down on the pedestal, (it takes time and it's hard because it's assuming we were wrong about who our partner really) you will be able to see things from a different perspective. I think the next part will be accepting who she was and then forgiving her (I still can't do that in my case but hope it will happen at some point).

[Altair0770]

Forgiving her would be the hard part. What she did was very awful. I'm not one to hold grudges, but since she is a narcissist she simply cannot understand what she did wrong, because I'm going to assume in her vision she tried everything to make it work. It's essentially like people that beg and plead for months, thinking they are doing everything right but doing everything wrong. In this situation, she thinks playing the victim when she was the monster is enough to think she did everything right.

 

The ways I'm getting over her is identifying those red flags and coming to terms.

 

Granted, my situation may be much different. I met her online, was with her for 2 days, and she became the worst person imaginable after I got back from those 2 days. She doesn't process empathy, and was so caught up in her own feelings that she just wanted me to disappear completely. I also have been thinking about how a "second chance" would work. I realize I have no need to change. There is a reason she begged me to stay and was hesitant to let me disappear. There's a reason she was far worse (and probably still is) than I ever was after the breakup. I'm not assuming she'll ever text me, and if she does, I highly doubt it'd be for reconciliation. More for begging me to be her friend so she has one more source of supply when she's depressed and miserable.

 

I didn't have sex with her, we never kissed, and we never really did anything good in person. It was all online. The issue was talking about all the things we wanted to do in person. People talk about raising a family and kids and stuff and then when that fantasy is gone they latch onto it. It may have been online, but my fantasy was just getting to know this person in person. But the romantic things we talked about, like cuddling up and watching a movie, are what triggered her. I was walking into the trap of a PTSD narcissist that was way over her head and had no idea what she was getting into.

 

The hard part is forgiving her. Some of the things she said... defending her enemies against me when I stood up for her. Bashing my physical appearance after saying I was handsome. Lying to her friends about what really happened. Telling me she didn't want me to hurt myself because SHE doesn't want that burden on her. Mocking me in front of a community I created. Trying to control me. It'll take a long time to forgive her for that. The good news is it doesn't dominate my thoughts.

 

Just about 3 months into NC. My focus is on my goals in life. Accomplishing things I want to do that I can do by myself. Getting involved in more activities.

 

I feel I'm ready to date someone. I saw a lot of pretty girls on my trip, some more pretty than my ex. My main issue is I don't want to use someone else as a rebound. I've seen a lot of threads of people here having their girlfriend/boyfriend leave them for their previous ex, and not realizing they are a rebound. I don't want to put someone else in that position. The last thing I want to do is enter a relationship and not realize the new person is simply a rebound.

 

I've always heard you should wait at least 3 months, dumper or dumpee, before entering a relationship again. I'll start off slow and then see what's out there.

Edited April 26, 2017 by Altair0770

[Sweetfish]

Forgiving her would be the hard part. What she did was very awful. I'm not one to hold grudges, but since she is a narcissist she simply cannot understand what she did wrong, because I'm going to assume in her vision she tried everything to make it work. It's essentially like people that beg and plead for months, thinking they are doing everything right but doing everything wrong. In this situation, she thinks playing the victim when she was the monster is enough to think she did everything right.

 

The ways I'm getting over her is identifying those red flags and coming to terms.

 

Granted, my situation may be much different. I met her online, was with her for 2 days, and she became the worst person imaginable after I got back from those 2 days. She doesn't process empathy, and was so caught up in her own feelings that she just wanted me to disappear completely. I also have been thinking about how a "second chance" would work. I realize I have no need to change. There is a reason she begged me to stay and was hesitant to let me disappear. There's a reason she was far worse (and probably still is) than I ever was after the breakup. I'm not assuming she'll ever text me, and if she does, I highly doubt it'd be for reconciliation. More for begging me to be her friend so she has one more source of supply when she's depressed and miserable.

 

I didn't have sex with her, we never kissed, and we never really did anything good in person. It was all online. The issue was talking about all the things we wanted to do in person. People talk about raising a family and kids and stuff and then when that fantasy is gone they latch onto it. It may have been online, but my fantasy was just getting to know this person in person. But the romantic things we talked about, like cuddling up and watching a movie, are what triggered her. I was walking into the trap of a PTSD narcissist that was way over her head and had no idea what she was getting into.

 

The hard part is forgiving her. Some of the things she said... defending her enemies against me when I stood up for her. Bashing my physical appearance after saying I was handsome. Lying to her friends about what really happened. Telling me she didn't want me to hurt myself because SHE doesn't want that burden on her. Mocking me in front of a community I created. Trying to control me. It'll take a long time to forgive her for that. The good news is it doesn't dominate my thoughts.

 

Just about 3 months into NC. My focus is on my goals in life. Accomplishing things I want to do that I can do by myself. Getting involved in more activities.

 

I feel I'm ready to date someone. I saw a lot of pretty girls on my trip, some more pretty than my ex. My main issue is I don't want to use someone else as a rebound. I've seen a lot of threads of people here having their girlfriend/boyfriend leave them for their previous ex, and not realizing they are a rebound. I don't want to put someone else in that position. The last thing I want to do is enter a relationship and not realize the new person is simply a rebound.

 

I've always heard you should wait at least 3 months, dumper or dumpee, before entering a relationship again. I'll start off slow and then see what's out there.

 

I am glad you clearly see what happened in your own relationship and others simply cannot identify these red flags and take the full acceptance of breakups often.

 

In a way you cannot see her as a BAD person... but a person riddle with problems and you got caught up in those problems. You pretty much suffered from narcissist abuse and it will leave a scar because you will be blind sided to how a person was a mirage or not truly exposing their true self, but a false image you attached to.

 

The person you fell in love with maybe be gone and is why you cannot go back.

[Altair0770]

I am glad you clearly see what happened in your own relationship and others simply cannot identify these red flags and take the full acceptance of breakups often.

 

In a way you cannot see her as a BAD person... but a person riddle with problems and you got caught up in those problems. You pretty much suffered from narcissist abuse and it will leave a scar because you will be blind sided to how a person was a mirage or not truly exposing their true self, but a false image you attached to.

 

The person you fell in love with maybe be gone and is why you cannot go back.

 

Yeah... it does suck. I really did love her false self, but... whatever. There's better people out there. Just glad I can finally put a name to what happened to me.

 

I talked to my buddy today who has always been the dumper in his relationships. He also let me in on a secret that he was diagnosed with GAD.

 

Basically I agree with him. Everything is on a spectrum when it comes to mental health. Be it depression, Autism, NPD, PTSD, Anxiety... everything is on a spectrum. He had PTSD after his brother and father passed from cancer. He still has it, but he was so low on the spectrum that it doesn't bother him. Meanwhile my ex... he claims that the PTSD was irrelevant. I do agree, but I also think she has severe PTSD. She had such a physical switch when she was diagnosed. Went from a normal looking person to a child. She looked much more like an adult at 18 than at 22. When I first saw her, the knowledge that she was molested popped into my head instantly, but quickly faded. I guess I can say I helped her there, by telling her to get her ass to therapy, but unfortunately I don't think she'll ever understand that she's a narcissist.

 

I think she could be diagnosed with NPD based on my experiences with her. I know her better than anyone else and having experienced that Narcissist abuse first hand, I can now see clearly that she's garbage.

 

I'll always feel empathy for her, and I don't blame her for being a narcissist, but I have to care for myself at some point too, and realize that although it may not be her fault, it's still who she is. She didn't have a good life growing up. All she has to do is cry and her mom will come rushing to her to give her what she wants. Her mom didn't raise her correctly at all, but she didn't have a father present to balance it out and raise her correctly. Add onto the fact she has PTSD and people hurt her really bad... it just aint a happy story, and her story won't have a happy ending because all she knows is how to care only about herself, but wants some perfect prince to come rescue her from her sad life.

 

I am trying to forgive her. My therapist did say that she feels once I do, I'll be over it and ready to move on. I don't ever get sad anymore. I don't ever sigh that this happened. I just get angry and want to scream at her. But I won't, even if she texts me. I think I'm ready to meet someone new. I feel I'm the closest I've been to finding myself again since that trip to go see her. And I'm really happy about that.

 

No contact works wonders my friends. Eventually you'll start realizing that you weren't as happy as you thought in that relationship. Eventually you'll start realizing your self-worth. And I can say, non-egotistically, that my ex made the worst decision of her life by letting me go. Now someone else will get to experience everything I have to offer, and they will be a lucky woman. And now, with all the knowledge from this previous relationship, hopefully I'll find the right person forever.

[MeadowFlower]

Have low self esteem? fix it and then get into a relationship. What so hard about that?

 

 

For some people that may be likened to saying fix world poverty, what's so hard about that.

For me, I'd rather be with someone who has some low self esteem than to be with someone who has good self esteem but is mean and hard in nature.

But each to their own view.

[Altair0770]

Man today was rough and I don't know why. I just felt like I had all the energy sucked out of me.

 

Maybe it's coming to terms with the fact I fell in love with someone that doesn't exist. Maybe it's the idea that even if she came back begging, I would have to say "no", knowing it would end the same way.

 

Maybe it's the guilt and always that doubt that she's actually a narcissist, and I somehow just messed up. But then again, I've read this is normal for people after narcissist abuse.

 

Looking back, I was blinded by love the entire time I communicated with her. She's damn good at manipulation. The entire time I thought I was doing something wrong, but then people tell me how I was doing everything right and she was the problem. But like a typical narcissist, she's so easily able to get someone new. That doesn't bother me, since I know what that poor bastard has coming. But everyone betrayed me, just accepted her words of "I didn't have as strong of feelings" and questioned nothing despite seeing how bad she treated me, how all of a sudden she was all over to me to completely devaluing me. All the people I put in so much effort to make it so they were able to come together... just betrayed me.

 

Then there's that one bitch that shamed me so many times. Made me feel so awful that any criticism of my ex I got bashed for, despite me being the victim all along. "It's not her fault she has PTSD". Nope, but it's her fault for how she treated me.

 

I feel like a fool for so long wasting my energy on trying to help her, trying to be there for her, and actually caring for someone that used me to gain status. I feel so foolish putting all the blame on the two people that molested her. I still do want to maim them for what they did, but I'm learning more and more each day that PTSD had very little to do with it. It was all because she is a narcissist. Because her perfect fantasy picture of me became a reality and she didn't like it for whatever reason. She knew who I was. I didn't lie about a thing, but once her fantasy was over, we were over.

 

I hate to admit it, because it makes me feel weak. Narcissistic abuse is very challenging. I see people here begging for their ex back, being miserably depressed, but after awhile you just accept that you don't love your ex anymore and are ready to move on. Narcissistic abuse? Feels way different. Feels like no matter who I date next, I'll always be metaphorically looking over their shoulder, questioning everything. Afraid to move at any speed besides slow in fear the person could be a narcissist. Afraid to put my heart out there for someone because this girl took it, sucked the blood out of it and then threw it on the ground and tried to make me feel like an abuser.

 

The love bombing... I felt like I was a God. I felt like king of the world. My best friend once said "you guys will break up eventually". When he said that I said, "no way, we are just perfect for each other". Now I have to hang my head and say he was right. Of course he was right, he's been right about everything so far. I truly never thought we would break up.

 

But now I see the real her. What a monster. What a terrible person. I'm glad to know she'll be miserable and depressed her entire life. I'm glad I didn't get sucked into that relationship more than I did.

 

But god does it hurt. Knowing I was treated so badly right when I thought me dreams were coming true. That I found the perfect woman in my life and was finally going to meet her. The girl that after 2 months talked about kids and marriage. Looked for apartments in my area the day before my flight. Sucked me in so fast like a typical narcissist, then made me feel like I was some horrible monster for triggering her when I had no idea she had PTSD.

 

Prince charming aint ever coming Sweetheart. You had your best chance, and you nearly killed him. A deserving princess will get this prince. You deserve to be locked in the dungeon.

[Thinky]

Let's forget our exes and give up on relationships. Let's all go join a monastery.

 

That sounds like a good plan haha

[Ronnys93]

At this point me and my ex are on good solid ground. I let him know that I'm not chasing him and that if he ever wants to work on the relationship we can. So we are "friends" but I only let him reach out to me and I respond when I feel like it. He says our communication during the relationship was amazing and that he feels like we had a great foundation. We worked out a lot of the kinks that we had in our relationship and if he's ever ready we MAY cross that bridge again. (I personally would never beg or ask for him back, he's the one who broke it off with me) I'm glad that we are able to do that/talk that way. The issue is definitely his attachment issues because of the way he was raised. It's unfortunate, but at least he is aware of them now and working towards improving. I doubt we WILL get back together as he'll probably move on and find someone else, but that gives ME more power to move on and find someone who will invest that time in the relationship like I invested mines. I really appreciate this thread for letting me vent and even some of the advice given here. That monastery idea sounds mighty promising lol!

Edited April 28, 2017 by Ronnys93

[MeadowFlower]

That sounds like a good plan haha

Oh yea! Haha. Let's do it! *starts packing*

[findingsomeonespecia]

not sure if this is the right place to post this but here goes

 

i met my ex in september on a business trip. 2 hour flight, but crossborder. she was everything i wanted in a girl, small, beautiful, sexy and very funny.

 

we hit it off right off the bat, became friends, and confessed our love to each other. the week i was there, she made me feel welcome more than anyone else ever had done, and said that i was special and exactly what she is looking for in a guy. this was in september. she took me everywhere, all on her dime.

 

we planned to see each other in november. we talked everyday. texted non-stop, phone conversations till both of us went to sleep. she would text me good morning, send me sexy pics, and everything.

 

saw in her november and it was an awesome weekend. saw her parents and extended family members and friends as well. got their blessings and everything was perfect and we planned to see again during christmas time.

 

in december she sent me a bday gift, but i screwed it up by blowing it in her face. this was the start of the downfall. we got into a fight, we argued, and i apologized and things seemed to go back to normal after a week or so.

 

saw her christmas time, we were together for a whole week, everyday non stop. professed our love for each other again, and we started talking about becoming more serious. who will move where and so on.

 

i come back in january, we talk normal for a few weeks, then we got into an argument about who is moving where. she said she plans to go back to school, and will be taking class, and want to progress in her career, so she wants me to move there and support her. i told her thats fine, but that i also do need to upgrade in my field and not sure how everything will transition over to where she lives. I don't know if she took this is a sign that I don't want to move or that I am not interested as this was the start of the withdrawal phase.

 

at this time, she also got a job and well became distant. we had plans to meet valentines but due to her new job, she couldn't make the time cause she doesnt want to already ask for days off. I sent her valentines roses and a card, but never received anything from her. we were fighting a lot as well. communications was becoming an issue as she claimed she is too busy between taking classes, working long hours and that she doesn't have much time to talk. I took it as a sign of not interest and told her that all she has to do is tell me when she is free so at least we can make some for each other. She would say ok, but never follow through.

 

So she became distant, cold and was withdrawing herself from me. But she would never admit to it. she would take longer to text, refuse my calls and so on. However, if she called or texted, i had to be ready and available, simply because i wasn't as busy as her. I thought this was unfair and told her that, except she wouldn't agree. which caused more issues between us.

 

So it was at the advice of some friends that i decide to go see her blind and surprise her for her bday. This totally backfired, as when she saw me, she got mad, said i told you i don't have time to meet, and you can't show up like this unannounced. needless to say, that i barely saw her the whole time i was there, and she barely communicated as she was working.

 

so back to my home country, i try to become just as distant but she would still call and text, and get angry that i wouldn't text her back or call her back at an appropriate time. we end up arguing about this again, and we don't talk for few days. she breaks the NC and says that she can't have a relationship with someone that doesn't check up on her or contact her. i said she is busy and didn't want to bother her but she said that is an excuse as i did it before. at one point she even said that she is too old for games and that if i can't pick up her calls then i should never contact her again.

 

so i said ok fine, i'll contact her more. except it would end up the same way as in she would take hours/days to respond, and i would have no idea if she was actually at work or ignoring me on purposes. she would still text but very far and in between.

 

so i finally got fed up, told her that it takes two person to make a relationship, and that i gave her time and space and she cant even respect me enough by getting back to me at a reasonable time. I finally got the balls to tell her never contact me again. and blocked her for a week. I also want to add that sometime in feb i deleted her from snapchat cause she wouldn't reply, but then when i added her again she didn't respond to my request.

 

after a week, when my emotions wore off and i am less mad, i unblocked her but i never made another attempt of contacting her. It has been 2 weeks since the last time i sent her a text. I miss her a lot, and i am not sure how it ended up like this. from being in love to hating me in a span of months. I feel at a loss as to what exactly went wrong. we went from planning a future together, to nothing at all and i am completely heartbroken.

 

Unsure if she will ever get back to me or not. But i don't know why i still have hope, after all the disrespect from her.

 

Sorry again if this is the wrong place, but i keep blaming myself. if only i didn't argue with her over stupid things, if only i didn't seem needy or whine about her not contacting me, we would still be together.

[Sweetfish]

For some people that may be likened to saying fix world poverty, what's so hard about that.

For me, I'd rather be with someone who has some low self esteem than to be with someone who has good self esteem but is mean and hard in nature.

But each to their own view.

 

You're taking this to a whole different spectrum. Some form of low self esteem is normal. We are talking about low self esteem that you are walking on egg shells.

 

Your're walking on eggshells because the person knows the other person is trigger happy, unpredictable, or riddled with anxiety. Your investment in the relationship will be swiftly erased because they value them selves more than you.

[Altair0770]

You're taking this to a whole different spectrum. Some form of low self esteem is normal. We are talking about low self esteem that you are walking on egg shells.

 

Your're walking on eggshells because the person knows the other person is trigger happy, unpredictable, or riddled with anxiety. Your investment in the relationship will be swiftly erased because they value them selves more than you.

 

Yep. My ex had no empathy for dumping me. She only cared about how the entire community viewed her for her decision. She instantly ran far from the community for a few days to her old sources of supply.

 

I know my ex is sad that I'm gone. I know her all too well. But she's sad that I'm not there for her, not because I'm gone, if that makes sense.

 

If you feel your relationship is one sided and you're worried about what response you're going to get when trying to communicate, leave that relationship before it leaves you.

[Bromeo]

I find this more appropriate for Altairs thread thread than my own.

 

I subscribe to Quora, a question and answer site covers a wide scope of issues.

 

The following question, ironically was posted in my email:

 

"How does one actually get over their ex?"

 

Check out this response from a student at the university of Utah:

 

"You have to be truly, really, totally, 100% sick of their **** before you can start the process.

 

If you are still texting and meeting up and getting back together, you aren't ready yet. You have to really really want out, and believe you deserve better.

 

Then, you simply go ‘no contact’. Do not see, hear, taste, touch or smell your ex for any reason. Do not pick up items you left over there. Do not respond to their texts. Avoid places you know your ex will likely be. No contact means no contact.

 

Simple, yes. Easy? Hell no.

 

You will have days where you will literally have to sit on your hands to keep from reaching out or responding. You will miss your ex. Your will doubt yourself. You will hate the big empty hole in your life where your ex used to be. Expect it to suck for a while. This part is really hard, and takes dedication and faith in your future.

 

It does get better. The hole gets smaller and smaller as new people enter your life. Each day hurts a little less. Eventually it doesn't hurt anymore.

 

That's how it's done. It's hard, but it is so much better than being someone else's ego stroke and part-time toy."

 

That last sentence is the key. I was so fed up with mine, I just wanted to be done with the games.

 

What an insightful, and thoughtful answer.

 

Of course I am not trying to threadjack. Lol

[la74219]

I find this more appropriate for Altairs thread thread than my own.

 

I subscribe to Quora, a question and answer site covers a wide scope of issues.

 

The following question, ironically was posted in my email:

 

"How does one actually get over their ex?"

 

Check out this response from a student at the university of Utah:

 

"You have to be truly, really, totally, 100% sick of their **** before you can start the process.

 

If you are still texting and meeting up and getting back together, you aren't ready yet. You have to really really want out, and believe you deserve better.

 

Then, you simply go ‘no contact’. Do not see, hear, taste, touch or smell your ex for any reason. Do not pick up items you left over there. Do not respond to their texts. Avoid places you know your ex will likely be. No contact means no contact.

 

Simple, yes. Easy? Hell no.

 

You will have days where you will literally have to sit on your hands to keep from reaching out or responding. You will miss your ex. Your will doubt yourself. You will hate the big empty hole in your life where your ex used to be. Expect it to suck for a while. This part is really hard, and takes dedication and faith in your future.

 

It does get better. The hole gets smaller and smaller as new people enter your life. Each day hurts a little less. Eventually it doesn't hurt anymore.

 

That's how it's done. It's hard, but it is so much better than being someone else's ego stroke and part-time toy."

 

That last sentence is the key. I was so fed up with mine, I just wanted to be done with the games.

 

What an insightful, and thoughtful answer.

 

Of course I am not trying to threadjack. Lol

 

 

I think I'm there too Bromeo. Took me a few months to see the light, but I'm almost a week no contact and didn't respond to a text from her for the first time ever. It's progress I guess. I just can't do it anymore. The back and forth is torture.

[MeadowFlower]

 

 

If you feel your relationship is one sided and you're worried about what response you're going to get when trying to communicate, leave that relationship before it leaves you.

Cringe. One-sided relationships suck.

[Bromeo]

I think I'm there too Bromeo. Took me a few months to see the light, but I'm almost a week no contact and didn't respond to a text from her for the first time ever. It's progress I guess. I just can't do it anymore. The back and forth is torture.

 

Took me months. Three months rock solid nc, and I'm feeling like my old centered self again. You truly have to love yourself, and be tired of their Shiite to be able to wrestle back some dignity. Lol

[Altair0770]

Yeah. They say "distance makes the heart grow fonder". For me it's "Distance makes the mind wake up".

 

I'd strangle my ex if I could. Well not really, but honestly I just am trying to get over any anger and let that go. I don't want anything to do with that terrible person, but then again, some people develop PTSD from narcissistic abuse.

 

I'm over her. I don't love her. I don't care about her at all. I dont think of her and go "oh I wish it could be" anymore. When I think of her the only thought I think of is, "what a ****".

 

It has helped considerably, but there are still days where it's hard to be happy because you took a knife in the heart. Maybe it's different for people that didn't date a narcissist. I wouldn't know.

 

But I do know you HAVE to want to get over your ex to move on. Unfortunately, there is a very long period of where we wish nothing more than to have our ex reach out, no matter how hard we try, and no matter how much we know that it won't do anything for us.

 

It's easy to stick to NC when you block them on everything and delete any possible way of communicating with them. Even if I wanted to reach out, I couldn't. I don't know her number and it's been deleted. I also told her to block me on everything. She cried and begged to not have to, but I told her to and I did the same. Set everything to private. She could be dead right now, and I wouldn't know. I could get hit by a bus, and she wouldn't know.

 

It takes time, and I just wish people would realize that here on this forum. it DOES get better if you TRUST the process. There is no miracle cure. And there WILL be somedays where you feel you're finally over it and can move on, and then a few days later it all rushes back to your head and you want to punch a wall. Eventually the roller coasting steadies.