How can we date, if made to be 'all serious'

[BadFrequency]

Really, I blame a lot on media and tv.. how it changed our behaviors.

 

I used to be "me". Now I'm not. Now I'm like all of you. In fact, everyone is like each other. We're all the same.

 

And this ISN'T how it was supposed to be. I'm angry, upset. Mad. But at who?

 

Can't point the finger at anyone to blame.

 

But I get it. Don't get mad. Otherwise, women are going to see you like the man who doesn't get it.

 

Real men all go find a date and drink a beer and hang with other guys and shuuuuut up.

 

 

And root for teams or something.

 

 

But ignore, avoid, all those "real" issues best left for men who look good in suits while talking on TV.

 

 

 

Cause after all, the only thing that really matters is that .jpg or .mpg.

 

 

Your picture, your video, DEFINES you.

 

 

How sad is that.

 

 

Yet that's the world we live in?

 

 

It's made it all the way up to the highest of the highest office. You know what that is. I don't even need to say it.

 

 

And to think, that all began in some 16 year old's bedroom in 1995 on AOL 1.0 on a dial up 56.k modem.

 

 

The power of the online "pic". You know, just like the first time you seen that chicks boobs....

[preraph]

Time to allocate most of your time out in the real world away from the internet. Right where you live is usually still the best place to find the right person. There's exceptions, like if you need to move to find your niche or your tribe because you have special interests in life.

 

Turn it off more and make plans every week to go do something in real life and take up a new interest and get out under the sky.

 

It's true internet has put us in a box and it's just getting caught up in someone that looks right to us, but that is no basis for a real relationship and it trains us to a very narrow focal point of just physical attraction. If that time was spent in the real world, we'd focus in a broader lense and find value dispersed more evenly over a field of common interests, personality and it would give us a broader range of what we found attractive.

 

It's all up to you. Just turn it off and get out and go do it: go to the zoo, to a game, go bowling, go the arboretum, walk in the park, take your dog to the dog park. There are endless ways to connect.

[ZA Dater]

I have eluded to similar in the past. I think you always must be who you are just strive to be the best version of you.

 

 

Apparently so much in life is derived from the validation of others, one must ask why? Like yourself, do things you enjoy and embrace your interests.

 

 

Sometimes I feel that and I am guilty of this too, that people define themselves by their ability of not to find a partner. Yes, we would all love to have a partner, have that amazing person but life isn't just about that. For years I had endless pressure applied to me, the shunned of society, the jokes of people, the disapproving looks when I go to events/dinners on my own. There is life simply being you, irrespective of your ability to date or not.

 

 

Sure believe in your dream, in the pursuit of anything that important but see the steps as areas you can enjoy, that pretty girl smiling at you enjoy that, that nice conversation, enjoy that. Perhaps focus less on the end goal and more on the actual journey.

 

 

I agree the world has become for the most part a lot of people who sell themselves out to lesser or greater degrees in order to attract others, how much you choose to do this is your decision and probably relates to how badly you want someone. Me, I'd like to believe there are people who want any authentic person rather than a conformist fake one.

 

 

There is a lot of good advice to be had, its how your apply it that matters and for what its worth I suggest taking OLD as seriously as one would take a trip to the store, see it for what it is, that being a highly superficial platform.

 

 

In my opinion you need to accept who you are because when you aren't great at dating its easy to feel hopeless, don't be, only you feel like that and at the end of the day, few people really care enough to try and make you feel better, harsh but mostly true in my experience.

[preraph]

^ I agree with the above. And would just add that it's important to not wait until you meet someone to begin enjoying life. I know some are raised to believe you don't really plunge into life until you're matched up (or that's the way they perceive it anyway because maybe they have married parents who do everything together). But even in order to become interesting, you need to pursue interests on your own and explore the world on your own and not just keep your face down in a smartphone trying to find someone to do it with. You need to complete yourself and make yourself happy before you are really likely to attract a mate and make someone else happy.

[ZA Dater]

^ I agree with the above. And would just add that it's important to not wait until you meet someone to begin enjoying life. I know some are raised to believe you don't really plunge into life until you're matched up (or that's the way they perceive it anyway because maybe they have married parents who do everything together). But even in order to become interesting, you need to pursue interests on your own and explore the world on your own and not just keep your face down in a smartphone trying to find someone to do it with. You need to complete yourself and make yourself happy before you are really likely to attract a mate and make someone else happy.

 

 

I think self contentment is actually a vital part of life, the last few weeks have taught me that. Depending on your circumstance there are lots of ways to partly get ride of loneliness. I am there for others, listen to them, try help them where I can and through that I get a sense of belonging.

 

 

You don't need to drastically change your life but you need to look at things differently, that walk in the park, enjoy the scenery, enjoy the ducks, forget you don't have anyone next to you and there are couples around. If you live life feeling out of it all the time you are just going to be sad all the time, I know this very well.

 

 

We all wish we had someone or have had someone to love, its the most human of emotions but you simply cannot let that emotion take over your life. Society gives us an idea, a warped one that that of what relationships are and people try to tailor their lives to live up to that fantasy.

 

 

I met someone, well actually I have known her a long time, she can have her pick of guys but it was nice to sit and have coffee, just me and her, chat generally and it wasn't a date but it was nice. If you start to look at things like that, the positives then you might find the small successes can fill some of the void you are feeling. Yes, people here will say "oh you should have chatted her up, should have asked her out and you need to be dominant to be seen as a sexual being" for me it wasn't about that it was about having a nice chat and enjoying someone's company.

 

 

We have a lot in common in terms of upbringing and moral values but I know I wont ever be dating material for her but it was still a great chat and the attention was nice.

 

 

See the small steps as positives and not the whole pictures as negative.

[Dtrain2EtOWN]

Really, I blame a lot on media and tv.. how it changed our behaviors.

 

I used to be "me". Now I'm not. Now I'm like all of you. In fact, everyone is like each other. We're all the same.

 

And this ISN'T how it was supposed to be. I'm angry, upset. Mad. But at who?

 

Can't point the finger at anyone to blame.

 

But I get it. Don't get mad. Otherwise, women are going to see you like the man who doesn't get it.

 

Real men all go find a date and drink a beer and hang with other guys and shuuuuut up.

 

 

And root for teams or something.

 

 

But ignore, avoid, all those "real" issues best left for men who look good in suits while talking on TV.

 

 

 

Cause after all, the only thing that really matters is that .jpg or .mpg.

 

 

Your picture, your video, DEFINES you.

 

 

How sad is that.

 

 

Yet that's the world we live in?

 

 

It's made it all the way up to the highest of the highest office. You know what that is. I don't even need to say it.

 

 

And to think, that all began in some 16 year old's bedroom in 1995 on AOL 1.0 on a dial up 56.k modem.

 

 

The power of the online "pic". You know, just like the first time you seen that chicks boobs....

 

You are right. We can't find each other anymore. Stupidity leads. Sponge Bob is the last cool thing on TV I recall. I disconnected when I could find no rational for the Kardashian Show. I google for Colbert when I get really low. Stephen Colbert practicing smile therapy to combat egregious disparity. I wish the world wasn't so beautiful. Loosing the means to explore bothers me most. I so would go it alone. Too late.

[Mysterio]

My take is this. I have always gone out and done things by myself or with friends.

 

So for example. If Heart or Def Leppard/Aerosmith come to my town. I will go by myself or with a friend. I am living my life. Its just that I get frustrated that when I make an effort to aquire Love in my life. There is always some sort of obstcle.

 

My male friends that are happy in relationships. Thinking about whats worked for them. They let the women more come to them and they did nothing much to make it happen. So if I want to meet a special lady. I have to let the universe bring her to me and work from there. When I look back at my life. Thats how a lot of great romantic relationships have worked for me. None were great when I was the driving force.

[coolheadal]

Really, I blame a lot on media and tv.. how it changed our behaviors.

 

I used to be "me". Now I'm not. Now I'm like all of you. In fact, everyone is like each other. We're all the same.

 

And this ISN'T how it was supposed to be. I'm angry, upset. Mad. But at who?

 

Can't point the finger at anyone to blame.

 

But I get it. Don't get mad. Otherwise, women are going to see you like the man who doesn't get it.

 

Real men all go find a date and drink a beer and hang with other guys and shuuuuut up.

 

 

And root for teams or something.

 

 

But ignore, avoid, all those "real" issues best left for men who look good in suits while talking on TV.

 

 

 

Cause after all, the only thing that really matters is that .jpg or .mpg.

 

 

Your picture, your video, DEFINES you.

 

 

How sad is that.

 

 

Yet that's the world we live in?

 

 

It's made it all the way up to the highest of the highest office. You know what that is. I don't even need to say it.

 

 

And to think, that all began in some 16 year old's bedroom in 1995 on AOL 1.0 on a dial up 56.k modem.

 

 

The power of the online "pic". You know, just like the first time you seen that chicks boobs....

 

It has to be serious otherwise what even bother to date them? Just hang out have a quickie and be done. What do you want to do with these girls. Today we are in a digital age and Women rule it online.

[reeseyummy]

I totally get it. You are frustrated with the online dating scene. With online dating it's about the photo/video, and so easily to find the next one with another swipe. But on the other hand, just means that no one is special anymore. People come and go, not 100% satisfied with this one? Just swipe another one.

 

But... if you focus on the bright side of modern technology, you're get to invest very little time to find a partner. And when others can judge you, you can judge them too. If you don't like this one, and it's not worth your time, just hit the next one till you find a good match. With online dating it's like a numbers game... I haven't succeeded, not limiting my dates to only online dating, but will continue, just to stay fresh in the game, haha. Good luck.

[Imajerk17]

Huh?

 

This thread is just so bizarre. I know plenty of people who are themselves and who aren't "made to be all serious" who are dating fine and having fun.

 

Take off your tin-foil hat OP. Get out in the world OP and see for yourself. We aren't all forced to be sheep as you seem to be implying.

Edited April 15, 2017 by Imajerk17