definitely over with MM [UPDATED: Just Friends?? Or impossible?]

[sandylee1]

I wouldn't be too sure about that though. I mean, there is at least one coworker--former or current--who knows. And last but not least, MM may end up coming back when you least want him to.

 

What I feel is truly sad is that you have gotten into the habit of being deceitful, of covering things up.

 

Bolded for emphasis. It's so very true. It's easy to think nobody will ever find out... But you'd be surprised what a small world it can be.

 

Just recently a coworker of my husband's brought his OW to my husband's party in place of his wife... Then another friend recognised the OW as a teacher at her son's school.

 

Not great for a teacher's reputation or that of any other professional and a potential partner could also have an issue with.

 

Remember.... Six degrees of separation

[reed1971]

How are things going lost girl?

[lostgirl87]

How are things going lost girl?

Well I am a little hesitant to write this but since I can't private message you, here it goes:

 

We have filed for his divorce! It was VERY rocky for a few weeks and to be honest, I am still a little unsure of how this is going to go but at least the first step has been taken. We are "dating" but trying to not be too out there. He has moved in to his old house that his mom is now living in and we are looking at places to possibly move in together in a few months. The wife hasn't been served and I am getting nervous that she is purposely avoiding being served just to be complicated. I find myself constantly checking the court website to see if the sheriff's entry of service has been added :/

 

I figured once he moved out and filed that I would feel good but honestly, I am all over the place. I am afraid that he will go back to her, I am afraid that he will want to date other people, I am afraid that our baggage may keep us from working out. It's just a scary time. Having said that, most of the time, I am happy. I can't get enough of him and it looks like he feels the same. We are happy. I am trying not to overwhelm him b/c I am sure he's grieving the end of the marriage despite the fact that he's happy with me.

 

So again, I am all over the place lol. He and I are great when it's just he and I and we don't have to think about all the other stuff, i.e. the divorce, our families, trust concerns, etc. Now that we finally have our chance, I am hoping we can get through this. Only time will tell.

 

I wish I had stopped to realize that him filing for divorce wouldn't be the end of our troubles. If anything, it was the beginning of the real hard stuff ha. Either way, I am glad we are at this point and can finally be "us".

[lostgirl87]

Why could you not wait to see him until his divorce is final?

 

You are in for a serious roller coaster ride.

 

She can be served any time - I'm sure she's home at night, right?

 

What's he waiting for?

He's not the one serving her- the sheriff is. The divorce is filed (only been a little over week) so we're waiting on service.

Edited September 19, 2017 by lostgirl87

[Trip2TheSky]

Well, I'm not sure of whose side I should be on, but after 32 pages I've come to like the OP a little bit, despite her decisions.

 

I hope everything works out for the best with everyone involved. I try to understand all sides and even things I could never fathom doing myself.

 

Everyone has a reason and justification for their actions.

 

I hope he really does love you and is fair to both you and his wife.

 

I actually like all of you and after being on almost every relationship forum out there, I'd say I'm best suited for this one.

[lostgirl87]

Well, I'm not sure of whose side I should be on, but after 32 pages I've come to like the OP a little bit, despite her decisions.

 

I hope everything works out for the best with everyone involved. I try to understand all sides and even things I could never fathom doing myself.

 

Everyone has a reason and justification for their actions.

 

I hope he really does love you and is fair to both you and his wife.

 

I actually like all of you and after being on almost every relationship forum out there, I'd say I'm best suited for this one.

Aw thank you! That's nice.

 

Yes he's being more than fair with her- she's keeping everything including the money in their joint account and since she wants to keep her car, he will be helping her with the monthly payment (even though she makes more money than he does) and once it's paid he will sign the title over to her.

 

And yeah I hope he really loves me too lol although I don't doubt the love at this point. Just a matter of "is love enough?" right now. I know he feels bad for hurting her and a small fear of mine is that the guilt or familiar love will send him back to her. But I know him pretty well and if he weren't sure about this, he wouldn't have moved home and he definitely wouldn't have filed. I mean he put it off this long!

 

But time will tell. Thank you again for your well wishes!

[K.K.]

Everything you said about being afraid of him going back to her or even dating other people now that he's moved out is what went through my mind too if my ex MM ever would've really left his wife.

 

I'm scared for you and not sure how it's going to play out but I just wanted you to know that I wish you the best of luck

with this, lostgirl.

 

Keep updating.

[whichwayisup]

What do you mean "WE filed for his divorce"?

 

Until you actually see signed and legal documents, nothing has changed.

 

Tell him to come to you when it's final and has proof.

[reed1971]

Hi Lost Girl,

 

I have followed your story and admired the way you have conducted yourself on this forum.

 

For what it is worth I am really happy to hear that things are progressing. I know there is a long road ahead, and probably quite a few obstacles to face... but lets be honest ALL relationships face obstacles.

 

I think this forum is amazing and it is great to listen to others advice and opinions, but when all is said and done no one really knows except you... every single situation is different, an no one has walked in your shoes.

 

I am a believer that love should be honoured where it is found, and sometimes that involves walking a difficult path.

 

You seem to me like a smart and insightful woman, and I'm glad you doing what you feel is right for you.

 

Please keep posting... I really wish I could private message you too!

 

x

[lostgirl87]

What do you mean "WE filed for his divorce"?

 

Until you actually see signed and legal documents, nothing has changed.

 

Tell him to come to you when it's final and has proof.

I say "we" b/c we drew everything up together and went to the courthouse together to file it.

 

After she is served, the divorce could be final in a month. Our state does uncontested divorces pretty quickly. He and I have been in each other's lives for almost the entire

time so it makes no sense to leave him or cut him out now that he's finally filed.

[lostgirl87]

But why are YOU checking online - why isn't your MM keeping you up to speed about when it gets served?

 

And stop saying WE - you aren't him - he is the one married to her.

 

She is considering them as "we".

 

Until he's divorced - there really is no we, as in you and him.

 

You will save yourself a LOT of heartache if you step completely away until his divorce is final.

 

IF this is love he will wait until he's a free man and get counseling in the meantime. He needs it - think about it - he's been cheating and now he's getting divorced. He needs time to process the last relationship and put it to rest. Learn what he's done wrong and learn how to not do that again.

 

Trust within the relationship will be difficult without processing and professional help.

 

I wish you the best but please make decisions in your best interest for the long term best outcome.

I check for 2 reasons:

1) as an attorney, I know the process and what to look for. to be honest, I don't even know if he knows how to check the case status online since not all counties allow it

2) I don't want to constantly ask him or talk to him about this with him. I want to focus on he and I and enjoying the fact that we can now see and talk to each other whenever we want.

 

I don't care what she considers as "we". He and I are "we" as well. "We" is a pronoun used to describe oneself plus another, or others. I think you're reading too much into my use of the word "we".

 

Like I said above, the divorce process in our state is fast. This should be an uncontested divorce since they have no property other than furniture and some money in a joint account and she's keeping everything. There are no kids, no alimony issues. This is what they've agreed to, there's nothing to fight about or over and now it's just a matter of her signing. I'm not leaving him now that he's finally filed. I can't leave him alone now knowing he did this at least partially for us. I'm trying to not be too intense- we spend a lot of time together but I also encourage him to go and be with friends. I let him know he doesn't have to spend all of his time with me. He's getting used to being on his own again and I need to get used to having him available a lot more than he was before. There's a lot of change going on but so far, we're doing ok.

 

Counseling may occur in the future. I want couples counseling primarily to improve our communication with each other. Im the type to want to talk everything out and fix it right away. He's the type to want to step away and not deal with it right away. He's improved a lot- he still needs a few hours after a "disagreement" to cool off but he will eventually talk the problem out with me and we move on. Honestly I don't think he will do solo counseling. Probably for the same reasons I didn't enjoy it. But we did agree that we'd go together for us. But one thing at a time...we'll get there eventually and things will progress they way they should.

[lostgirl87]

Everything you said about being afraid of him going back to her or even dating other people now that he's moved out is what went through my mind too if my ex MM ever would've really left his wife.

 

I'm scared for you and not sure how it's going to play out but I just wanted you to know that I wish you the best of luck

with this, lostgirl.

 

Keep updating.

Yeah the doubts suck but after this long I think it's only natural to have some fears especially after everything we have been through. Sometimes I think "this is too good to be true...something bad is eventually going to happen". But I think that's a normal fear given the situation.

 

Most days I feel like we'll be ok. From the day he seriously said "I want to file", things have been good. He always said that when he made that decision it would be definite and so far that's proven to be the case. But ya never know lol.

 

I appreciate the well wishes!

[lostgirl87]

Hi Lost Girl,

 

I have followed your story and admired the way you have conducted yourself on this forum.

 

For what it is worth I am really happy to hear that things are progressing. I know there is a long road ahead, and probably quite a few obstacles to face... but lets be honest ALL relationships face obstacles.

 

I think this forum is amazing and it is great to listen to others advice and opinions, but when all is said and done no one really knows except you... every single situation is different, an no one has walked in your shoes.

 

I am a believer that love should be honoured where it is found, and sometimes that involves walking a difficult path.

 

You seem to me like a smart and insightful woman, and I'm glad you doing what you feel is right for you.

 

Please keep posting... I really wish I could private message you too!

 

x

Thank you so much!!

 

Yes it has been a difficult road and I'm not proud of the way that we got here but I'm proud of our love. Ideally, we would have met under different circumstances but those weren't the cards we were dealt. I know my love for him is real and genuine. I felt that his love for me was also real and genuine despite the things that were going on and that's why I continued to fight for us and tolerated way more than any woman ever should for a man. But at the end of the day, here we are. So yes, it was hard, it was hurtful but if going through all of that means I end up with this man that I'm so in love with, then it was worth it.

 

The obstacles aren't over by any means but now we get to face them together as a couple and I'm excited for that. This is what I've wanted for over a year and a half and I'm hopeful that we can make it. One day at a time...

 

Thank you agaIn for your well wishes and your kind message. Start posting more so we can private message! Lol

[elaine567]

My worry here is that history will repeat.

He obviously married a woman who was eventually above him in earning capacity, but he showed his resentment by cheating on her.

You are another "higher powered woman" as you are an attorney and when at one point you backed off for a moment he then cheated on both you AND his wife, with your assistant, the assistant he lost his job over as they were clocking each other in and out... he's a real class act...

Is she still hanging around?

 

You are an attorney, he didn't even go to college, he says he doesn't understand the "big words" you use.

How long do you really think he will put up with that, before he will again "punish" you by finding another woman?

 

Sorry and I know love is supposed to conquer all and I hope it works out for your sake, but I am not sure exactly why you have chosen to stick with this guy?

[Birdies]

Hi lost girl. I'm glad to hear there of been steps taken to get yourself out of this limbo, and to get his wife's out of the limbo that she's been in too. That's great! However, as someone who is gone down this very road and is in a relationship with my former MM, I would advise you not to be too closely involved in the process. Let him deal with his divorce on his own, while serving as an ear and a shoulder to cry on when he needs it.

 

And my strongest advice would be NOT TO MOVE IN WITH HIM until he's fully divorced, he has had time to let the dust settle and the drama from his divorce subside, he has had time to to REFLECT on the divorce and heal from it, and you have been able to re-establish your relationship as dating partners, not affair partners. I know it feels like fate and soulmates and you can weather anything together and true love, so why not rush into cohabitation - but this is the worst thing you can do if you want a long and successful R together.

 

What is the rush in moving in? Is it because you can't wait to start your real life together? If so, WHY can't you wait? That's what teenagers think about their first love, and we know how that almost always turns out. Is it - if you're being honest with yourself - because you think it increases the chance that you will have him and keep him for good, that it will be harder for him to back out?

 

He needs time to process wrecking his marriage and to learn how to be alone again. He can't do that if he jumps into a quasi-marriage with you, as good as it might feel. And if he can't process what happened, he is definitely not going to learn why it happened and most importantly, the steps needed to grow and change so that it won't happen again in the future. Relationships that begin as As have a very low statistical probability of working out. You're a smart girl, I hope you consider that you should do everything in your power to increase those odds.

 

My former MM and I are still madly in love and take great joy in our life together. But it's HARD too. We both destroyed people we loved and ruined a lot of other relationships with our selfishness. We also needed to re-establish who we are as individuals outside of our former relationships. Your MM will need to do this too, and it will be harder for the two of you than for us because you are not going through the same phases as he is. You really need to give him time and some space to do this, while you date and rebuild your relationship from the ground up.

 

No matter how much you love each other, your actual R is going to feel different than your A. And that's a good thing! That intensity and limerance and obsession can't last, and a real partnership is a million times better. But wait to see what your actual R looks like before you make major life decisions about it. Good luck to all three of you.

Edited September 20, 2017 by Birdies

[Birdies]

Counseling may occur in the future. I want couples counseling primarily to improve our communication with each other. Im the type to want to talk everything out and fix it right away. He's the type to want to step away and not deal with it right away. He's improved a lot- he still needs a few hours after a "disagreement" to cool off but he will eventually talk the problem out with me and we move on. Honestly I don't think he will do solo counseling. Probably for the same reasons I didn't enjoy it. But we did agree that we'd go together for us. But one thing at a time...we'll get there eventually and things will progress they way they should.

 

He's a conflict-avoidant type, right? Which is how he got caught up in an affair while married - trying to ignore and avoid his problems at home by burying his head in the sand (aka another woman). And then unable to make a decision about whether to stay or go, and how to be honest with her about his cheating, for what... Years?

 

It would trouble me greatly that he is not recognizing those tendencies and addressing it and figuring it how to cope with life's problems in a better fashion, with the help of a professional. Again, I say this as someone who has also gone through literally this ENTIRE PROCESS in the last 1.5 years.

 

I really hope things work out for you guys. It makes all the pain and suffering and guilt more tolerable, when at least you know that something loving and true came from it. I hope you think about the issues I'm bringing up here. Ignoring the hard and difficult stuff and hoping it resolves itself is what got him (and me, and my MM) into all this trouble in the first place. If that doesn't change, you're setting yourself up for failure.

[Imajerk17]

But why are YOU checking online - why isn't your MM keeping you up to speed about when it gets served?

 

And stop saying WE - you aren't him - he is the one married to her.

 

She is considering them as "we".

 

Until he's divorced - there really is no we, as in you and him.

 

You will save yourself a LOT of heartache if you step completely away until his divorce is final.

 

IF this is love he will wait until he's a free man and get counseling in the meantime. He needs it - think about it - he's been cheating and now he's getting divorced. He needs time to process the last relationship and put it to rest. Learn what he's done wrong and learn how to not do that again.

 

Trust within the relationship will be difficult without processing and professional help.

 

I wish you the best but please make decisions in your best interest for the long term best outcome.

 

Well, I think the OP has already made it abundantly clear with her actions that she doesn't really plan on taking any advice. You know, "true love" and all that

 

Here is hoping that the same tendencies that got MM to cheat on his wife, don't get MM to cheat on OP when things finally calm down and stop resembling "Romeo and Juliette". Best wishes to them

Edited September 20, 2017 by Imajerk17

[BTDT2012]

lostgirl87, I hope you get your happily ever after. And rather than couples counseling, encourage him to get individual counseling, lest you find yourself in the position of his wife in the not so distant future. Birdies has offered you some excellent advice.

[lostgirl87]

Hi lost girl. I'm glad to hear there of been steps taken to get yourself out of this limbo, and to get his wife's out of the limbo that she's been in too. That's great! However, as someone who is gone down this very road and is in a relationship with my former MM, I would advise you not to be too closely involved in the process. Let him deal with his divorce on his own, while serving as an ear and a shoulder to cry on when he needs it.

 

And my strongest advice would be NOT TO MOVE IN WITH HIM until he's fully divorced, he has had time to let the dust settle and the drama from his divorce subside, he has had time to to REFLECT on the divorce and heal from it, and you have been able to re-establish your relationship as dating partners, not affair partners. I know it feels like fate and soulmates and you can weather anything together and true love, so why not rush into cohabitation - but this is the worst thing you can do if you want a long and successful R together.

 

What is the rush in moving in? Is it because you can't wait to start your real life together? If so, WHY can't you wait? That's what teenagers think about their first love, and we know how that almost always turns out. Is it - if you're being honest with yourself - because you think it increases the chance that you will have him and keep him for good, that it will be harder for him to back out?

 

He needs time to process wrecking his marriage and to learn how to be alone again. He can't do that if he jumps into a quasi-marriage with you, as good as it might feel. And if he can't process what happened, he is definitely not going to learn why it happened and most importantly, the steps needed to grow and change so that it won't happen again in the future. Relationships that begin as As have a very low statistical probability of working out. You're a smart girl, I hope you consider that you should do everything in your power to increase those odds.

 

My former MM and I are still madly in love and take great joy in our life together. But it's HARD too. We both destroyed people we loved and ruined a lot of other relationships with our selfishness. We also needed to re-establish who we are as individuals outside of our former relationships. Your MM will need to do this too, and it will be harder for the two of you than for us because you are not going through the same phases as he is. You really need to give him time and some space to do this, while you date and rebuild your relationship from the ground up.

 

No matter how much you love each other, your actual R is going to feel different than your A. And that's a good thing! That intensity and limerance and obsession can't last, and a real partnership is a million times better. But wait to see what your actual R looks like before you make major life decisions about it. Good luck to all three of you.

 

Hey Birdies, thank you very much for taking the time to write me and to include your personal experience with your partner. First, I am glad that you and him are doing well! I am SO excited to have the "boring" stuff with my guy. I am excited to order pizza and watch funny movies in pjs on Friday night, I am excited to run errands with him. I can't wait to be "normal". I am ready to lose the intensity- I want stable, I want consistent, I want something real. And I wouldn't have gone through all of this over the last 19 months if I wasn't 100% sure that I could have all of that with him. At the end of the day, what he and I have is a genuine friendship and we simply enjoy each other. It's just a plus that we also "fit" romantically and I am thrilled that things appear to be coming together.

 

Now having said that, let me address your warning of us moving in together and the concern about why I may me rushing it. Moving in together isn't something we would do this year. I was thinking more along the lines of next spring but since I was considering possibly buying a place, that's why I have started looking and yes, we have seriously discussed living together. He appears to be more level-headed and is thinking more like you are: he needs time to be on his own and make sense of all of this, we need to date out in the open and spend real time together, we need to meet and interact with each other's family and friends and so much more. I have expressed concern that he may want to use that as an excuse to date other people and he has said that is the farthest thing from his mind. That he wants to date me exclusively but to jump immediately into something so serious may be a recipe for disaster and he wants us to work and become a family. But in due time. Clearly, I have trust issues/concerns. I don't think it's b/c of him per se. It's the situation. I can't help but think that now that I am finally getting everything I have wanted, that it's all going to be taken away from me. I mean, how many times do you really get your happily ever after?? Especially as a former mistress.

 

You would be correct in your assumption that me jumping the gun on moving in is to have him more tied to me I hate myself for even thinking that way! Like I said above, I am terrified of all of this being taken away and I am grasping for some form of security. In my mind, if he wants to live with me, then that's pretty secure. It should be enough that he wants to divorce, that he wants to exclusively date me, that he is willing to fight the uphill battle with my parents. But I guess after 19 intense months, it's hard to just turn off all the doubts. Clearly I need to work on things too before these insecurities ruin us. We need to date each other and develop a healthy, stable relationship before progressing and I appreciate this post b/c I finally admitted my real thought process to myself. I actually discussed this topic with him today after reading your post this morning and he and i had a great conversation about it. He tried to reassure me that he wants me and a life with me but we need to do it right b/c he wants this to last.

 

 

He's a conflict-avoidant type, right? Which is how he got caught up in an affair while married - trying to ignore and avoid his problems at home by burying his head in the sand (aka another woman). And then unable to make a decision about whether to stay or go, and how to be honest with her about his cheating, for what... Years?

 

It would trouble me greatly that he is not recognizing those tendencies and addressing it and figuring it how to cope with life's problems in a better fashion, with the help of a professional. Again, I say this as someone who has also gone through literally this ENTIRE PROCESS in the last 1.5 years.

 

I really hope things work out for you guys. It makes all the pain and suffering and guilt more tolerable, when at least you know that something loving and true came from it. I hope you think about the issues I'm bringing up here. Ignoring the hard and difficult stuff and hoping it resolves itself is what got him (and me, and my MM) into all this trouble in the first place. If that doesn't change, you're setting yourself up for failure.

 

Yes he is definitely conflict avoidant and I told him this months ago. He is aware of it and that's why us communicating in a better, healthier way has been our biggest concern (aside from him being married lol). He has improved significantly over the last few months but we could both do better. I need to chill and not over analyze or over discuss everything and he needs to discuss more.

 

I am aware of the issues that he and I have and I am not naive enough to think that everything will work out just because we love each other. I know it will require work and it won't always be easy but I believe we are both willing to do it. You bring up extremely valid points and I don't disagree with anything you have said. Thank you again for offering your extremely valuable input and experience to help this lost girl lol.

[minimariah]

What do you mean "WE filed for his divorce"?

 

imagine someone - who wasn't even a dot on the radar yesterday - filing for YOUR divorce. better yet! imagine marrying such a weakling that he needs someone to actually ASSIST him with the divorce, wanting to leave his own marriage. how do these people even BREATHE without someone assisting them?

 

this entire thread is so fascinating to me. just... fascinating!

[lostgirl87]

imagine someone - who wasn't even a dot on the radar yesterday - filing for YOUR divorce. better yet! imagine marrying such a weakling that he needs someone to actually ASSIST him with the divorce, wanting to leave his own marriage. how do these people even BREATHE without someone assisting them?

 

this entire thread is so fascinating to me. just... fascinating!

Good one. B/c people don't ever hire divorce attorneys. Why would he pay someone when I could easily do it?

 

Don't be ridiculous.

Edited September 21, 2017 by lostgirl87

[reed1971]

imagine someone - who wasn't even a dot on the radar yesterday - filing for YOUR divorce. better yet! imagine marrying such a weakling that he needs someone to actually ASSIST him with the divorce, wanting to leave his own marriage. how do these people even BREATHE without someone assisting them?

 

this entire thread is so fascinating to me. just... fascinating!

Given that lost girl is an attorney it makes sense that she would help him file for divorce.

 

When we love someone we help out where we can, especially if we have a particular skill set that will help them.

[lostgirl87]

Given that lost girl is an attorney it makes sense that she would help him file for divorce.

 

When we love someone we help out where we can, especially if we have a particular skill set that will help them.

Exactly!! I don't see how anybody is confused or questioning that. He's not the first person to see an attorney to properly file a divorce. It just so happens that his girlfriend is an attorney.

[Eight]

My only advice at this point would be to take a giant step back, as I think a few others have said.

 

The issue I would have in doing ANYTHING related to his and his wife's divorce is that you have a vested interest in the outcome. You are a player in this game.

Even if I were an attorney, I'd say to my MM, you go on figure it out. Plenty of men do.

 

He seems to have a thing about being in relationships with more powerful women than he is; not to mention he's conflict avoidant. He needs to grow a pair and man up. Not have his girlfriend helping him, no matter how convienient that would be.

 

"The woman I'm leaving you for, who I had an affair with, is helping me file my divorce papers from you." Can you imagine hearing that as his wife? I'd say good riddence, she can take care of you. Maybe it's just me, but jeezus, that sounds in even worse taste than the affair in the first place. He's not your kid and I think you are using the excuse that you can help him and it's just easier when really you want to expedite the process as the primary reason. I'm not saying I blame you, but I don't think it's the best approach.

 

If you hold something too hard you may end up killing it. Like how children sometimes will squeeze an animal too hard because they love it so much.

 

Step back. Slow down. Let him take control for once in his life. At this point you don't need to push him anymore. He can take the reins of his failed marriage and divorce. He needs to do it all on his own so that somewhere down the line he doesn't look back, rewrite your history together and blame YOU for his failed marriage.

 

I do wish you luck and patience. I hope you both find some clarity and peace at some point and that it all works out for everyone involved.

[lostgirl87]

My only advice at this point would be to take a giant step back, as I think a few others have said.

 

The issue I would have in doing ANYTHING related to his and his wife's divorce is that you have a vested interest in the outcome. You are a player in this game.

Even if I were an attorney, I'd say to my MM, you go on figure it out. Plenty of men do.

 

He seems to have a thing about being in relationships with more powerful women than he is; not to mention he's conflict avoidant. He needs to grow a pair and man up. Not have his girlfriend helping him, no matter how convienient that would be.

 

"The woman I'm leaving you for, who I had an affair with, is helping me file my divorce papers from you." Can you imagine hearing that as his wife? I'd say good riddence, she can take care of you. Maybe it's just me, but jeezus, that sounds in even worse taste than the affair in the first place. He's not your kid and I think you are using the excuse that you can help him and it's just easier when really you want to expedite the process as the primary reason. I'm not saying I blame you, but I don't think it's the best approach.

 

If you hold something too hard you may end up killing it. Like how children sometimes will squeeze an animal too hard because they love it so much.

 

Step back. Slow down. Let him take control for once in his life. At this point you don't need to push him anymore. He can take the reins of his failed marriage and divorce. He needs to do it all on his own so that somewhere down the line he doesn't look back, rewrite your history together and blame YOU for his failed marriage.

 

I do wish you luck and patience. I hope you both find some clarity and peace at some point and that it all works out for everyone involved.

Yeah you're right about a few things. I'm a controlling person by nature and this relationship has mostly been out of my control so I may be trying to regain it now. Yes I want this expedited. I could stand to be less present and intense so I'll agree with you on that.

 

As far as the divorce stuff, I'm not listed as his attorney on record. He's pro se. All I did was make sure he had everything he needed so there wouldn't be any issues.