definitely over with MM [UPDATED: Just Friends?? Or impossible?]

[HereNorThere]

You don't have to date a married person to meet a siren, trust me. I've fallen for the same trap you guys have with a perfectly single girl.

 

They lure you in with their stories of unhappiness and mistreatment. Then they introduce some kind of obstacle that can be overcome and finally you two can ride off into the sunset. It's a very familiar feeling, like you're the first person who gets them and they're the first person who ever gets you. Suddenly you fall intoxicated, almost manic with the fantasies, jealousy, whatever. What you don't realize is that behind the scenes, the other person is mimicking you. Your frame is stronger than theirs and they start mirroring it back to you. They're chameleons, wolves in sheep's clothing, whatever. Do they realize they're doing it? Probably not but it's irrelevant. A person with that weak of a "self" will eventually betray you. It's lots of fun having a robot until someone else starts programming your robot.

 

Part of the hook is the obstacle. Whether they're with someone else, depressed, emotionally unavailable, etc. In a normal relationship, if things are going south, you just call it incompatibly and move on. In these, there's a constant push pull, because you falsely believe there's some sort of problem you can solve.

[lostgirl87]

Today started as a rough day. I woke up feeling sad and needy but thanks to HereNorThere's posts, I powered through! Spent the day with family and my pups and enjoyed my day. Then, it almost came crashing down...

 

A YouTube message from MM linking back to some sappy "can't stop thinking about you/I want you so much" songs. I listened to the songs and got a little sentimental then I got MAD! After all this effing BS he's pulled the last few weeks, does he really think some damn SONGS are going to work? I mean at least write me an effing song. Come to my home and serenade me from outside my window! Do some work. Show some effort. That's just lazy. Sending damn links. Idiot.

 

I didn't respond and I have no desire to respond. I'm legitimately mad. D1ck.

[HereNorThere]

You've open my eyes and expanded my capacity for empathy. Please, try your hardest to extend the same open mindedness to me.

 

I am not saying that what you and OM had wasn't real. I am not diminishing your connection, the time spent, your feelings, his feelings or the fact there was genuine love there. I've been there and it's I know it's real or at least as real as anything we perceive being humans with human emotion.

 

Lostgirl, I'm telling you this from the bottom of my heart and you will never convince me otherwise. Your fOM is a covert narcissist. Are you familiar with the term? Nearly every single thing you've written about him fits the definition.

 

Covert narcissism is different than what we think of when the word narcissist gets thrown around. We think Trump, Kim and Kanye, you know, the usual suspects. The covert narcissist outward displays and even believes they have your best interests in mind. They will tell you exactly what you want to hear, project kindness, altruism, and genuine, even sincere care about your feelings.

 

The problem is that their outward emotional projection doesn't line up with their actions. No matter what you think or how you feel, at nearly every point throughout your thread, when he had the chance to protect you and your feelings, he chose his own needs over yours. That's the narcissism. That he thinks his hurt is sooooo special. Guess what, it's not. It's mostly self inflicted and he needs to quit twisting the knife. He knows he's hurting other people and still continues. He knew he put you in the hospital, still continued to contact. He knew he made you sacrifice your integrity in front of your parents, still continued to contact you. And with how open ended you've left things, he will continue to contact you, no.freakin.doubt. Lostgirl, someone who really loves you doesn't put you in this position. He may love you but it's definitely not enough. It's definitely not more than himself.

 

I promise you, you are still on the hook. The dopamine-serotonin-oxytocin-vasopressin neurotransmitter cocktail takes a lot longer than this to wear off. You don't realize it because the very thing you use to detect this type of thing is what's affected. Just because your antivirus alert isn't detecting it doesn't mean you're not hacked. Listen to your thread posters, we know what's up. We're not on hook the with this jerk.

 

You need to detox so you can see things clearly. Please tie yourself to the mast and give him NO WAY POSSIBLE to contact you. I know you don't want to change your number or email address, trust me, I get it. Tough, you're smart, figure it out. No more breadcrumbs from this a$shole. You can turn off the ability to receive calls any unknown numbers and things like that. You could port your current number to Google Voice and let you Mom or trusted friend set the password to it so they have to be with you to check it. Send his known addresses straight to spam. Hell, at this point just tell him that you'll forward each email he sends to his wife. You have to dead this relationship by any means necessary.

 

You aren't out of the woods. Not even close. We'll be able to tell once you start gaining your objectivity back. For know, you need some barriers, real barriers. And you need to give up your loyalty to this guy and see him for who he truly is. I promise, there will be a day you look back and think "damn, that cat on the Internet was so right." You are worth more than this. Do not accept his meager offering of a life filled with sadness and betrayal.

Edited May 30, 2017 by HereNorThere

[lostgirl87]

You've open my eyes and expanded my capacity for empathy. Please, try your hardest to extend the same open mindedness to me.

 

I am not saying that what you and OM had wasn't real. I am not diminishing your connection, the time spent, your feelings, his feelings or the fact there was genuine love there. I've been there and it's I know it's real or at least as real as anything we perceive being humans with human emotion.

 

Lostgirl, I'm telling you this from the bottom of my heart and you will never convince me otherwise. Your fOM is a covert narcissist. Are you familiar with the term? Nearly every single thing you've written about him fits the definition.

 

Covert narcissism is different than what we think of when the word narcissist gets thrown around. We think Trump, Kim and Kanye, you know, the usual suspects. The covert narcissist outward displays and even believes they have your best interests in mind. They will tell you exactly what you want to hear, project kindness, altruism, and genuine, even sincere care about your feelings.

 

The problem is that their outward emotional projection doesn't line up with their actions. No matter what you think or how you feel, at nearly every point throughout your thread, when he had the chance to protect you and your feelings, he chose his own needs over yours. That's the narcissism. That he thinks his hurt is sooooo special. Guess what, it's not. It's mostly self inflicted and he needs to quit twisting the knife. He knows he's hurting other people and still continues. He knew he put you in the hospital, still continued to contact. He knew he made you sacrifice your integrity in front of your parents, still continued to contact you. And with how open ended you've left things, he will continue to contact you, no.freakin.doubt. Lostgirl, someone who really loves you doesn't put you in this position. He may love you but it's definitely not enough. It's definitely not more than himself.

 

I promise you, you are still on the hook. The dopamine-serotonin-oxytocin-vasopressin neurotransmitter cocktail takes a lot longer than this to wear off. You don't realize it because the very thing you use to detect this type of thing is what's affected. Just because your antivirus alert isn't detecting it doesn't mean you're not hacked. Listen to your thread posters, we know what's up. We're not on hook the with this jerk.

 

You need to detox so you can see things clearly. Please tie yourself to the mast and give him NO WAY POSSIBLE to contact you. I know you don't want to change your number or email address, trust me, I get it. Tough, you're smart, figure it out. No more breadcrumbs from this a$shole. You can turn off the ability to receive calls any unknown numbers and things like that. You could port your current number to Google Voice and let you Mom or trusted friend set the password to it so they have to be with you to check it. Send his known addresses straight to spam. Hell, at this point just tell him that you'll forward each email he sends to his wife. You have to dead this relationship by any means necessary.

 

You aren't out of the woods. Not even close. We'll be able to tell once you start gaining your objectivity back. For know, you need some barriers, real barriers. And you need to give up your loyalty to this guy and see him for who he truly is. I promise, there will be a day you look back and think "damn, that cat on the Internet was so right." You are worth more than this. Do not accept his meager offering of a life filled with sadness and betrayal.

Yeah I've noticed some things about him that made me consider he has some narcissistic traits. He always tries to act like he's being logical and cares so much to do the right thing and always considers other people before himself. However if that were the case, this situation wouldn't have gotten as far as it did. That's not to say I'm blameless but I've never tried to pretend that my concern is doing the right thing or putting others before me lol. I'll admit I was straight up selfish and was only concerned with what would make me happy. I didn't pay any mind to his wife. I don't mean that to sound like I'm heartless and didn't care about her or her feelings- I just didn't think about her. Not until this all blew up and I realized how hurt she was and how awful she must have felt knowing he was continuing to contact me.

 

I was under the impression that you can't prevent blocked or unknown numbers? I contacted my carrier and they said I couldn't.

 

I did try the "leave me alone or I'm telling your wife" thing. That's how the most recent drama happened. He's actually stayed away after that other than these video links.

 

I'm not trying to act like I'm out of the woods. It's only the beginning. I'm not accepting anything from him. I didn't respond and don't want to respond. He hasn't tried to call so I'm hoping he doesn't. But if he does I am pretty confident that I can ignore that "no caller id" call. It's all I can do right now. Read and reread the posts on here whenever I'm feeling weak and focus on me.

Edited May 30, 2017 by lostgirl87

[HereNorThere]

Under settings - messages - turn on "filter unknown senders." Then don't look in the unknown senders list later, lol. Hey, it's better than nothing. You can also enable settings - Do not disturb - thrown all your contacts into the favorites, and only allow favorites.

 

You have to want this. Get creative.

[HereNorThere]

I don't think you're evil or anything like that. I do think you've temporarily suspended some of your empathy because you've been on the roller coaster. I do think think it will come back once you detox.

 

I also think you're engaging in a form of ego-preservation. Like, you know how you're supposed to feel, but you aren't really feeling it. I mean, that's somewhat understandable. Whether you realize it or not, this jerk stole a lot more of your self worth than you're giving him credit for. I'm not going to kick you when you're down, but you have definitely dissociated with some of your normal, rational self. Please, take my word for it and fight to get YOU back. You're better than this and you know it.

 

I think if anything, your writing has been more positive and upbeat lately. There's still a lot to deal with but we'll cross that bridge when we get there. Just make escaping him and real NC a real priority. You have to get his boot off of your neck before you can make progress and grow.

 

P.S. - If he's calling from unknown numbers, save that unknown number entry from your recents callers as a contact. Then block that contact. I think that would work?

Edited May 30, 2017 by HereNorThere

[lostgirl87]

I don't think you're evil or anything like that. I do think you've temporarily suspended some of your empathy because you've been on the roller coaster. I do think think it will come back once you detox.

 

I also think you're engaging in a form of ego-preservation. Like, you know how you're supposed to feel, but you aren't really feeling it. I mean, that's somewhat understandable. Whether you realize it or not, this jerk stole a lot more of your self worth than you're giving him credit for. I'm not going to kick you when you're down, but you have definitely dissociated with some of your normal, rational self. Please, take my word for it and fight to get YOU back. You're better than this and you know it.

 

I think if anything, your writing has been more positive and upbeat lately. There's still a lot to deal with but we'll cross that bridge when we get there. Just make escaping him and real NC a real priority. You have to get his boot off of your neck before you can make progress and grow.

 

P.S. - If he's calling from unknown numbers, save that unknown number entry from your recents callers as a contact. Then block that contact. I think that would work?

Ah yeah I've done all that on the phone lol. I thought you meant there was a way to actually block private calls from coming in at all. He usually calls from completely private numbers so there's no way to add and block those. He hasn't called thoigh so it's all good.

 

I never imagined a man, especially a married man, would have flipped my world like this and caused me to go against everything I believe in and everything I've wanted for myself. It's almost scary!

[HereNorThere]

Ah yeah I've done all that on the phone lol. I thought you meant there was a way to actually block private calls from coming in at all. He usually calls from completely private numbers so there's no way to add and block those. He hasn't called thoigh so it's all good.

 

I never imagined a man, especially a married man, would have flipped my world like this and caused me to go against everything I believe in and everything I've wanted for myself. It's almost scary!

 

 

Yup, it's amazing how fast we can fall down the rabbit hole. Been there, done that. That's why we have to be very selective about who we let in.

 

See, this is what I want to hear. That's the sound of you leaving the fog. I know for a fact that you didn't go to law school thinking "One day I want to be some married flunky's sidechick in a crazy Jerry Springeresque relationship." (Did I just make a new word?) You got caught up. Seriously, don't be too hard on yourself. This happens to everyone at some point. Maybe not with a married person, but like I said previously, a person doesn't have to be married to be poison.

 

You are at 0 days of no contact, remember that. What's it gonna take to get you to 5, 15, 30, 90 days? If he successfully contacts you, that's a reset. The ego kibbles will keep you on the hook. The fastest way to detox is complete NC and good a distraction.

 

Stay strong and be kind to yourself. There's plenty of time in the future to reflect on what's happened here. Right now is simply not the time to ruminate on it.

 

Here's some ideas on blocking unknown contacts. Maybe one of them will work for you. How to Block Unknown Callers on iPhone & iPad It looks like from the instructions and comment section that if you actually copy and paste the words unknown contact into a contact, you can block it. I'll try messing it with it here in a bit when I get a free moment. Ugh, overslept and now I'm behind at work. However, it is SUCH a beautiful day here in Denver, OMG. Sending hugs your way.

[reed1971]

How are you today lostgirl.... i've been following your thread and am thinking about you. it is such a hard time...

[S2B]

Has it ever occurred to you that he just barely keeps you hooked... just in case his wife someday/some year decides to divorce him?

 

It's like you're his "just in case she leaves me" gal... I hope you end his hopes of you being his backup plan.

[lostgirl87]

How are you today lostgirl.... i've been following your thread and am thinking about you. it is such a hard time...

To be completely honest, I'm not doing that great. At least not today. I have moments/days where I feel good. I can handle not taking to him and the fact that it's over. Then there are other days where all I want to do is cry and I walk around with a knot in my stomach. I'm so ready to not feel this way. I want to get over him and not dwell on this anymore but it's hard. I really thought we were going to make it. I thought he loved me.

 

I've said this a million times but the hardest part for me is the loss of our friendship. He was everything to me. The first and last person I talked to every day. Everything that happened in our day we shared with each other. It's really hard. I miss him more than I ever thought I could miss someone. Sometimes i just want to show up at his job and hug him. I don't want to feel this way anymore ?

[lostgirl87]

Has it ever occurred to you that he just barely keeps you hooked... just in case his wife someday/some year decides to divorce him?

 

It's like you're his "just in case she leaves me" gal... I hope you end his hopes of you being his backup plan.

Yeah I can see that. But honestly he's barely talked to me. I'm pretty sure he wants to be completely done with me which is fine I guess. If he's not going to be with me fully then nothing is best.

[reed1971]

Im sorry to hear that lostgirl. I'm having one of those days too... my situation is very similar to yours... and like you I thought we were different and that we were going to make it.

It is such an empty feeling... and when you are in it it can feel like it will never ever leave. I just try to keep reminding myself that this will pass, like everything does eventually, and I know that the only way to the other side is to go right through the middle and feel the pain. But today I just wish the pain would go away. I long to feel happy, carefree and full of life again.... I'm sure we will both get there. It is nice not to feel so alone

Rach

[donbar]

Not that it's any consolation, but I was the MM and I feel exactly the same.

[Vivir]

Lostgirl, Reed, Donbar... after so long allowing this type of empty feeling to come through and really feel it, I have found that I sometimes actively force myself to think about something else when it comes up. If the feeling is very strong and I feel very bad, I just go with it - that's when the sad breakup music is helpful. If the thoughts are not accompanied by distraught feelings, I actively try to change the subject in my mind. Even if I have to think about something as simple as a possible rearrangement of my living room furniture or the shower curtain I should've replaced two weeks ago...

 

There are so many layers sometimes of processing the end of an A. Right now, I have found that the person I am especially angry with is myself. For a woman who thinks too much, I should've been able to think my way to avoiding this situation. But that didn't happen.

 

This week, I am feeling much better than the last three weeks. I have been more objective. I screamed out last weekend, HE USED ME!! And then I calmly said to myself, "Well, if we're being honest, you used him, too..." I have to own that.

 

Over the next few days, the 30-day mark of full on NO CONTACT will arrive.. not LC, but full on NC. I have decided on an event that is a physical manifestation of this person being out of my life, and it includes a massage and a chemical peel.

[jenkins95]

Lostgirl just read your recent updates and felt you deserved a (((hug))). I feel your fragility and vulnerability through your posts, but at the same time you're being so brave. You are great - you can do this - I promise! x

 

Like Donbar, I was an MM and I concur that there are no winners in affairs. My wife and I are reconciling and it's going well, but I feel like a shell of the man I was. It's also had a big cost to my wife and I'm sure the OW too. I wish her all the very best. We will get there. We all will, with each other's support.

 

Some great support in this thread guys - keep them coming.

.

Edited June 2, 2017 by jenkins95

[reed1971]

Lostgirl, Reed, Donbar... after so long allowing this type of empty feeling to come through and really feel it, I have found that I sometimes actively force myself to think about something else when it comes up. If the feeling is very strong and I feel very bad, I just go with it - that's when the sad breakup music is helpful. If the thoughts are not accompanied by distraught feelings, I actively try to change the subject in my mind. Even if I have to think about something as simple as a possible rearrangement of my living room furniture or the shower curtain I should've replaced two weeks ago...

 

There are so many layers sometimes of processing the end of an A. Right now, I have found that the person I am especially angry with is myself. For a woman who thinks too much, I should've been able to think my way to avoiding this situation. But that didn't happen.

 

This week, I am feeling much better than the last three weeks. I have been more objective. I screamed out last weekend, HE USED ME!! And then I calmly said to myself, "Well, if we're being honest, you used him, too..." I have to own that.

 

Over the next few days, the 30-day mark of full on NO CONTACT will arrive.. not LC, but full on NC. I have decided on an event that is a physical manifestation of this person being out of my life, and it includes a massage and a chemical peel.

Thanks for your post Vivir.... it was really nice to hear that someone is feeling a little better after a month. Like you I am trying to not fight the feelings... to feel them... let them come and let them go. And like you I am an over-thinker... I should have been able to avoid this situation if I had just opened my eyes.

 

But the reality is I am a trusting person. While I know this can lead to heartache and people taking advantage of you it is a quality I am mostly proud of. I sense you are the same.... and I hope that does not change.

 

While it would be wise for me to be a little more discerning in the future, I will not give up hope that there are thousands of beautiful trustworthy and single people out there.

[Eight]

 

I've said this a million times but the hardest part for me is the loss of our friendship. He was everything to me. The first and last person I talked to every day. Everything that happened in our day we shared with each other. It's really hard. I miss him more than I ever thought I could miss someone. Sometimes i just want to show up at his job and hug him. I don't want to feel this way anymore ?

 

I can so relate to you. I felt this way too. At first. Wrote the same thing in my journal. And honestly, I never thought in a million years I'd regret the whole thing the way I do now. Like Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind; I would erase it. It wasn't friendship. It was a codependent, selfish ever lasting scaring experience that I will never be able to rid myself of. I compromised my integrity and my soul. That's not love or friendship. No matter which way you spin it. I felt like he and I were soulmates. Seriously. I felt like I lost my soulmate. I certainly lost myself.

 

I am willing to bet as time goes on, and it seems to take FOREVER, with one step forward and then a couple steps back every so often; but I bet you will start to see it for what it was. I see my affair as a mixed up, perverted, deceptive soul sucking time in my life. A "friendship" at the cost of my soul. At the cost of hurting others. F that. It sucks, but you will get there. One day at at time, it will fade...

[reed1971]

Just wanted to let you know I am thinking of you Lostgirl.

[lostgirl87]

Hello again everyone-

 

I figured I'd check in and give a little update. Not much has changed. We haven't talked in person or over the phone. Almost a week ago there was a quick email exchange but nothing other than that.

 

MM had responded to an email I sent when I was in my super down & weak moments and essentially said that he doesn't hate me and never will, that it just has to be this way b/c he has to do this blah blah. I made the mistake of responding and said that I understood and that it's ok and that I'm glad he doesn't hate me. Here's where I got very stupid: I told him to not feel bad, that I don't want to go back to what we were doing and that I am even dating so he has no need to feel badly for me. Well he responded saying "Then do me a favor and focus all your attention on your boyfriend. Talk to him go out with him hang out with him but don't reach out to me. Go hit him up and be with him".

 

It genuinely wasn't my intention to upset him. I said that to reassure him that I was fine and wasn't trying to start our relationship back up. Oops.

 

Moving on: several months ago, the wife made some comments about MM and I's friendship. From that point, he blocked me on facebook. Late last week, after the emails, I see his name pop up on a mutual friend's comments. I know for a fact that I was blocked just days before that so I know he unblocked me for a reason. Now, I am ashamed to admit this and I can only imagine the judgment and attacks I will get for this but I got very petty. I went out over the weekend with friends and added photos and made them public. I KNOW! I am so ashamed! How childish can I be!?

 

I know he continues to open emails from me. And I know it's him b/c it's usually during work hours and I get the location of where the person is who opens it on my app. I know everyone will say to block him and not care but I haven't gotten there yet. His number is blocked but that's about it. He hasn't actually reached out to me so that's helped. I haven't emailed him since a day or 2 after that exchange so that's something.

 

I know I am not handling this in the best or healthiest way but this is my process. It's not my first breakup. I've gotten over people before. I just need to do it my way and one day I will get there. I feel better knowing that he is thinking of me enough to re-read my old messages. I also feel better knowing he felt the need to unblock me to try and see what I was up to after those emails. I just like knowing that he's feeling this too. That he hasn't been able to move on as easily as it seems.

 

SO that's really all I have in terms of updates.

 

As far as how I am actually feeling? I have good days and bad days. I have days where I wake up and I am ok with what's happening. I KNOW it needs to happen. this should have happened a long time ago. Even if he and I were to have ever had a future, he had to wrap up the marriage. There was no way to do that with me being in his life. Most days I don't cry. I stay away from looking at pictures of him/us or listening to sad songs or anything that reminds me of him. As long as I stay away from those things I can make it through the day feeling good and with no tears.

 

But then there are the bad days - the days where I wake up and feel like I can't breathe b/c he is gone. Days where it seems like hours have gone by but it's only been 15 minutes. Days where I obsessively relive our last conversations and overthink any little thing. But luckily, the good days outweigh the bad. Most of the time I can snap myself out of it and get back to my life.

 

I truly love him and I know what we had was real. But I don't think he's ruined me or that I will never move on from him. I experienced a lot of great things with him and learned a lot about myself. I know that if I ever get married and get cheated on, I wouldn't be able to forgive b/c knowing my husband did what MM did with me would be soul-crushing and having been on the other side, I could never look at my husband the same way. I have learned what things to look out for and that red flags should not be ignored in the beginning. I learned that I have the capacity to love and fight for that love but I also learned that one should never sacrifice oneself for that love.

 

I'll recover. It's just one day at a time...

Edited June 8, 2017 by lostgirl87

[S2B]

Stop emailing him.

 

You're embarrassing yourself by any contact with him!

[lostgirl87]

I did stop...if you read above, i said I haven't contacted him since a day after we emailed each other. in response to his email. How is that embarrassing myself?

[Jemima1234]

Hello again everyone-

 

I figured I'd check in and give a little update. Not much has changed. We haven't talked in person or over the phone. Almost a week ago there was a quick email exchange but nothing other than that.

 

MM had responded to an email I sent when I was in my super down & weak moments and essentially said that he doesn't hate me and never will, that it just has to be this way b/c he has to do this blah blah. I made the mistake of responding and said that I understood and that it's ok and that I'm glad he doesn't hate me. Here's where I got very stupid: I told him to not feel bad, that I don't want to go back to what we were doing and that I am even dating so he has no need to feel badly for me. Well he responded saying "Then do me a favor and focus all your attention on your boyfriend. Talk to him go out with him hang out with him but don't reach out to me. Go hit him up and be with him".

 

It genuinely wasn't my intention to upset him. I said that to reassure him that I was fine and wasn't trying to start our relationship back up. Oops.

 

Moving on: several months ago, the wife made some comments about MM and I's friendship. From that point, he blocked me on facebook. Late last week, after the emails, I see his name pop up on a mutual friend's comments. I know for a fact that I was blocked just days before that so I know he unblocked me for a reason. Now, I am ashamed to admit this and I can only imagine the judgment and attacks I will get for this but I got very petty. I went out over the weekend with friends and added photos and made them public. I KNOW! I am so ashamed! How childish can I be!?

 

I know he continues to open emails from me. And I know it's him b/c it's usually during work hours and I get the location of where the person is who opens it on my app. I know everyone will say to block him and not care but I haven't gotten there yet. His number is blocked but that's about it. He hasn't actually reached out to me so that's helped. I haven't emailed him since a day or 2 after that exchange so that's something.

 

I know I am not handling this in the best or healthiest way but this is my process. It's not my first breakup. I've gotten over people before. I just need to do it my way and one day I will get there. I feel better knowing that he is thinking of me enough to re-read my old messages. I also feel better knowing he felt the need to unblock me to try and see what I was up to after those emails. I just like knowing that he's feeling this too. That he hasn't been able to move on as easily as it seems.

 

SO that's really all I have in terms of updates.

 

As far as how I am actually feeling? I have good days and bad days. I have days where I wake up and I am ok with what's happening. I KNOW it needs to happen. this should have happened a long time ago. Even if he and I were to have ever had a future, he had to wrap up the marriage. There was no way to do that with me being in his life. Most days I don't cry. I stay away from looking at pictures of him/us or listening to sad songs or anything that reminds me of him. As long as I stay away from those things I can make it through the day feeling good and with no tears.

 

But then there are the bad days - the days where I wake up and feel like I can't breathe b/c he is gone. Days where it seems like hours have gone by but it's only been 15 minutes. Days where I obsessively relive our last conversations and overthink any little thing. But luckily, the good days outweigh the bad. Most of the time I can snap myself out of it and get back to my life.

 

I truly love him and I know what we had was real. But I don't think he's ruined me or that I will never move on from him. I experienced a lot of great things with him and learned a lot about myself. I know that if I ever get married and get cheated on, I wouldn't be able to forgive b/c knowing my husband did what MM did with me would be soul-crushing and having been on the other side, I could never look at my husband the same way. I have learned what things to look out for and that red flags should not be ignored in the beginning. I learned that I have the capacity to love and fight for that love but I also learned that one should never sacrifice oneself for that love.

 

I'll recover. It's just one day at a time...

 

Stay strong and keep going. I totally get the liking the fact he doesn't find this totally easy - and actually I think you are doing remarkably well. Be proud of each step you are taking. I wish I was where you are - and beyond!!!

[Starswillshine]

3 steps forward, 2 steps back is still forward progress. It will take awhile before you don't care about what he is doing. Healing isn't linear. Just keep moving forward.

 

You got this.

[lostgirl87]

Stay strong and keep going. I totally get the liking the fact he doesn't find this totally easy - and actually I think you are doing remarkably well. Be proud of each step you are taking. I wish I was where you are - and beyond!!!

 

3 steps forward, 2 steps back is still forward progress. It will take awhile before you don't care about what he is doing. Healing isn't linear. Just keep moving forward.

 

You got this.

 

Thank y'all both so much! It's so nice when I get actual support. This is definitely a process and there is nobody out there who has ever gone through a breakup, ANY breakup, and not had a few setbacks.

 

If at first you don't succeed, try again