definitely over with MM [UPDATED: Just Friends?? Or impossible?]

[whichwayisup]

I'm familiar with the ethics rule and no, I'm not bordering on any ethical violations. It is not an issue for an attorney to assist a friend or family member. I am not acting as his attorney or doing things for him. He wanted to make sure he filed a proper complaint, included what he needed to in the separation agreement (assets and debts) and used me as a resource. We went together to file during a lunch break. We were meeting for lunch anyway and he asked if I wanted to go with him and I did.

 

I don't see why it's a problem? I didn't force him to file, it was his choice. I'm an attorney and have handled dozens of divorces so why would he pay someone else when he has me? It is no different than hiring an attorney to handle a divorce. The difference is he's not throwing away 100s of dollars. Yes I'm the woman he cheated with and is now dating but we aren't defrauding any one. I did the exact same thing any other attorney would have done. I did exactly what I would do if it were a member of my family or a good friend.

 

It could take days to months to have someone served depending on the situation. Sometimes people don't have a current address and have to locate a person or a defendant is evading service. In this case, she was served on Tuesday.

 

Bolded, would his soon to be ex wife feel that way? Feel that you didn't have any influence over any their finances? etc

[S2B]

As much as I love this forum this is why I am reluctant to tell my story as it seems one little part of it gets pulled out, and the next thing you know someones professional ethics is being questioned! My understanding is that that was not the point of this forum.

 

From what I can see LG, like many of us, likes to help people, especially we people we love. Sure all of us have to have boundaries.... but when we have a particular skill set we are much more likely to help out.

 

From what I glean LG is just helping him out... not representing him.... not putting a gun to his head... just helping him navigate through a difficult process. I do not know the process in her area, but in Australia even the simplest of legal paperwork can be daunting to people... especially when they are emotional.

 

Is it unethical for a Dr to point their partner in the right direction? Talk to them about who to is best to see, help them understand their symptoms, or the effects of their medication? Or do they just say sorry... ask your doc when you see them next week? Or a psychologist to try to help their partner when they are down... especially if they don't want to get help, or can't afford to?

 

When we have a skill set that can help people we love we use it appropriately... to suggest that LG is being inappropriate or unethical is ridiculous.

 

It was a question posted for her to clarify - which she did.

 

Stop making it something that didn't happen.

[Birdies]

Legally isn't that a conflict of interest?

 

No. She's not *his* attorney. You can file on your own. He's not paying her. She's not representing him. Her name is not associated with the filing at all.

[aileD]

Bolded, would his soon to be ex wife feel that way? Feel that you didn't have any influence over any their finances? etc

 

If his wife is smart, she will have her own attorney check out every detail of everything (as every person served should) .......regardlesss of who helped him file but especially since it was OW.

[reed1971]

It appears to be a technicality but don't you see you are bordering on ethics here?

 

You were not asking her about whether it was ethical, you said that it was bordering on unethical and the question you posed was could she see that!

[lostgirl87]

She was served two days ago. Okay, maybe I missed that update.

 

What has her reaction been since then?

Don't know. I don't believe he has heard from her. I don't ask about her or if they have talked.

[lostgirl87]

Bolded, would his soon to be ex wife feel that way? Feel that you didn't have any influence over any their finances? etc

 

To be 100% honest, I don't really care what she thinks- I can't control that. But since you're so concerned about this, I'll let you know that she is keeping the furniture and the money in the joint account, which is really all the property they have together. They have no kids. He agreed to pay half of her car note each month until it's paid off. The debt was divided 50/50 which I didn't like b/c it was mostly acquired by her and she makes more money than he does but it's not my divorce so my opinion is irrelevant. He almost took it all on and I did object to that so 50/50 isn't bad at all.

[lostgirl87]

Thank you reed! You're so right about how people want to jump all over one little thing. I had no idea offering legal advice to my boyfriend was such a sin! You made some great comparisons and they're accurate. Anyone with a particular skill is sought out by family or friends whenever they encounter that issue- doctor, attorney, mechanic, etc. We all get it lol. That's the plus of knowing someone in the field!

 

I would like to know Your story though so if you ever decide to face the judgment from BSs who like to come on this side of the forum to berate us, I'll be here to advise, provide support and hear ya out

[reed1971]

Thank you reed! You're so right about how people want to jump all over one little thing. I had no idea offering legal advice to my boyfriend was such a sin! You made some great comparisons and they're accurate. Anyone with a particular skill is sought out by family or friends whenever they encounter that issue- doctor, attorney, mechanic, etc. We all get it lol. That's the plus of knowing someone in the field!

 

I would like to know Your story though so if you ever decide to face the judgment from BSs who like to come on this side of the forum to berate us, I'll be here to advise, provide support and hear ya out

Thanks LG

 

The crazy thing is I have been the the BS. I was married for 17 years, 3 kids and he left for another woman. He never paid maintenance and barely had anything to do with the kids (totally his choice).

 

The thing is I never once blamed the OW. I believe in putting responsibility where responsibility lies... and it lay with him not the OW. He was the one who made vows to me, he was the one who betrayed me, he was the one who abandoned his children. I was always polite and respectful to her and we are still friends till this day. We aren't close friends, but she is a lovely person.

 

Of course then I unknowingly become the OW... he was separated... in Australia you have to be separated for one year before you can file for divorce. By the time I realised they were trying to make things work still it was 6 months in and I had feelings for him. Nothing is ever as simple as it seems, especially when it comes to love and emotions.

 

I'm not condoning it, but I'm just saying its painful for both the BS and the OW/OM, and of course the MM/MW. I also think it is possible to give advice and support while staying out of judgement. Many people appear able to do that on here... but there are many who can't. I admire the strength of people who chose to tell their story in detail.

 

Sorry I hope this is not hijacking your thread.

Edited September 22, 2017 by reed1971
adding another line

[OWAmy]

There are some great people on here and some people who mean well, but never been in an affair or affected by one. Not sure they offer that much.

 

I can understand why BS come on here , because you only have to look at the Infidelity Section. Harsh and unforgiving over there. Has a real masculine feel to it.

[OWAmy]

The only thoughts I can offer are ones to slow down. When my partner was going through his divorce I bowed out. That actually speeded the whole process up and whilst it was an amicable divorce and one they both wanted there was still some animosity when it came to the division of wealth and months afterwards of her lashing out. I'm a sensible woman now though - realised it was between them and whilst offering support I never bad mouthed his ex Wife or did anything that come back and bite me from either him or her.