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Newly married but have paid sex with another man


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Guys, would you want to know or rather not know?

This marriage is being held together on false pretenses at the moment, you are not the person your husband thinks he married. Given that, even if you choose to not tell him, it will most likely not end well.

 

In my opinion, you have no choice but to tell him, if nothing else, for your own integrity. However, you will have to face the consequences, because if it were me, I'd leave you.

 

That's not necessarily a bad thing, both of you can start over, he can get someone he trusts and you can work on yourself and become the kind of spouse (should you decide to remarry) that will honor your vows.

 

Should he decide to stay together, it could take years to regain trust, and the trust he has in you now, may not ever be regained.

 

Best of luck to you.

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Hi Nelliestarz

 

You asked an unusual question here. I can totally understand why people are unhappy with your situation. However, having said that, I can't help but kind of worry about you and what you're going through.

 

You are worried about security, how your husband isn't forthcoming about your household finances, your lack of job etc...but in all that fretting, you resolved your issues with prostitution.

(note: I'm not against prostitution, I'm all for a legalized and safe platform for sex workers)

 

This makes me wonder what's really going on here? Do you know why your husband doesn't reveal his financial situation to you? Have you burned him in the past with your spending or financial expectations? Have you lied about money or made him feel like a cash dispenser? Is his secrecy his way of protecting his finances from you somehow? Do you think he senses that you want to stay jobless and freeload off him?

 

Or

 

Are you actually stuck in a downward spiral of high expectations and low self-esteem? Are you stuck in a disruptive frame of mind which makes you feel like you need a man to take care of you? Or that you somehow deserve to be given a free exit from the real world, without carving out a career or creating something for yourself, to sustain yourself, your integrity and your new family?

 

You sound like someone who is terribly stuck in a no self-esteem warped thought pattern. You want a husband to take care of all your future financial issues and also a man who is prepared to f___k you for a fee. Do you have an unhealthy view of men? Are they only there to supply you with money and security?

 

I sense here that you want to hold your husband to emotional ransom too. You want to hurt him for not giving you security. You had an abortion due to uncertain finances and then you slept with a man for money - you are basically abusing your body to find money - and also to punish your man for not giving you what you want.

 

This is why I have mixed feelings here with you and your story. To me you sound as if you have serious emotional (possibly psychological) issues which should be resolved professionally. You also sound dangerously like a narcissist, who blames men for not rewarding you in cash with what you want. (sorry to say that, but it does seem that way)

 

Right now, I think you are totally f____king up your life and I'm sorry that's happening to you. But, sadly, you're also damaging your husbands life. You don't really love a man that you persistently blame for your issues. Perhaps you're most upset by the fact that you want to hurt your husband by telling him the truth, yet you can't afford to burn your cash cow? Is the frustration of not being able to have a dramatic outburst making you annoyed?

 

Advice? Address your emotional issues now with a therapist. Tell your husband the truth. Tell him it's your fault and not his - and sincerely mean it. Then begin picking up the pieces of your life and begin healing in a way that makes you realize that you really should have a real purpose to your life, other than scamming money from men. You don't have to stay stuck like this.

 

It may all seem harsh, but your perspective sounds very skewed right now. I hope you find healing and realise how to redirect your sense of this world.

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