Finances and marriage when you're older

[Popsicle]

I was wondering how older couples who get married when they are older (say over 30 yo) and both already established financially handle their finances together. What I mean by established is that when they met neither is hurting for money and they have their own residences and personal finances already set up. Anyone experience this and what did you do? How did you combine the two finances or how did you handle it? What worked best for you? I am looking for answers from people who have been through this already, not conjecture or future projection, nor would comments from people who got together when they were younger would be helpful.

 

Thank you for your thoughts!

[Simple Logic]

I was wondering how older couples who get married when they are older (say over 30 yo) and both already established financially handle their finances together. What I mean by established is that when they met neither is hurting for money and they have their own residences and personal finances already set up. Anyone experience this and what did you do? How did you combine the two finances or how did you handle it? What worked best for you? I am looking for answers from people who have been through this already, not conjecture or future projection, nor would comments from people who got together when they were younger would be helpful.

 

Thank you for your thoughts!

 

You can maintain separate accounts and divide up who,pays what if you want. What ever works for both of you.

[dichotomy]

Well my wife came in with some financial issues, but a good steady paycheck. I had the home.

 

We kept separate accounts. The home stayed in my name for a long time and was considered premarital assets. Until we renovated an added on later - at the time she cosigned onto the new loan.

 

We did not cosign any credit cards or loads together for a long while after marriage. Separate.

 

I paid almost all the bills out of my account - at the end of the month she writes a check for her "Share" of mortgage and regular utilities and bills. Its based on her percentage of income - the percentage of regular bills.

 

If she had a home - I think I might have asked her to sell and pay down my mortgage with it - enter into joint ownership, or we would have both sold out homes and bought a new one together.

[todreaminblue]

Well my wife came in with some financial issues, but a good steady paycheck. I had the home.

 

We kept separate accounts. The home stayed in my name for a long time and was considered premarital assets. Until we renovated an added on later - at the time she cosigned onto the new loan.

 

We did not cosign any credit cards or loads together for a long while after marriage. Separate.

 

I paid almost all the bills out of my account - at the end of the month she writes a check for her "Share" of mortgage and regular utilities and bills. Its based on her percentage of income - the percentage of regular bills.

 

If she had a home - I think I might have asked her to sell and pay down my mortgage with it - enter into joint ownership, or we would have both sold out homes and bought a new one together.

 

sounds solid......and a good system....deb

[Popsicle]

Well my wife came in with some financial issues, but a good steady paycheck. I had the home.

 

We kept separate accounts. The home stayed in my name for a long time and was considered premarital assets. Until we renovated an added on later - at the time she cosigned onto the new loan.

 

We did not cosign any credit cards or loads together for a long while after marriage. Separate.

 

I paid almost all the bills out of my account - at the end of the month she writes a check for her "Share" of mortgage and regular utilities and bills. Its based on her percentage of income - the percentage of regular bills.

 

If she had a home - I think I might have asked her to sell and pay down my mortgage with it - enter into joint ownership, or we would have both sold out homes and bought a new one together.

 

Sounds good. Thanks for sharing.

[d0nnivain]

Frank talk & full disclosure are required.

 

 

We got a pre-nup. It took about a month to get all the numbers together & arrange the disclosures. We were forced to talk about all the money issues. Our pre-nup was expensive because it was customized. We took the standard & crafted it to fit ourselves because we had different needs & issues. It was tough to slog through all of that on top of wedding planning but it was so worth it.

 

 

Two principles guided our interaction:

 

 

1. Marriage is about love but divorce is about money

 

 

2. We both preferred to discuss (& a bit of arguing about) money when we were in love & in a mood to compromise. It would have been so much worse trying to deal with all of that on the brink of divorce when we practically hated each other & were competitive with one another.

 

 

We set up rules about spending, including personal caps -- as in no one spouse can spend more than $x without first talking to the other spouse. That rule has been modified over the years because neither one of us goes crazy. Plus I was doing the family holiday shopping & he didn't want to know the details, only that it was handled. So it worked.

 

 

For us the way we earn money changes the dynamic. He gets a steady pay check but I'm self employed. He pays the mundane stuff: mortgage, bills etc. I pay for the fun stuff: vacations, new cars, second home etc. because I get large chunks of cash infrequently. Although we each have separate "fun money accounts" & retirement plans, we both can see the amounts the other has. The household check book is a joint account; he routinely deposits. I do when I can which isn't often.

 

 

The biggest key no matter your age is transparency. No hiding money or spending.

[WaitingForBardot]

Married at 32 & 31, both already established and financially independent. From day one, all of our assets have been pooled. Well, except for my wife's off-shore accounts that she doesn't think I know about... ..lol..

 

Each of us gets a personal spending allowance based on our percentage contribution to overall household income; everything else is pooled in joint accounts. All household, vacation, and a few personal expenses (for example work clothing, supplies) are paid from the joint accounts. Our personal funds can be spent on anything we want without the others approval. Any joint fund expenditures have to be approved by both of us. Further, to aid transparency, I do all the budgeting and financial tracking, and my wife writes all the checks.

 

This has worked well for 30+ years, although it did become a little complicated when I retired. We don't want to start drawing my retirement funds yet due to the tax consequences so for the last few years (and for several more to come) my contributions to the joint accounts have been almost non-existent. This has led to a bit of friction when I've wanted to make large purchases that previously would have been covered by my spending allowance, but it hasn't been a big problem since neither of us are frivolous with money.

[clia]

We kept our personal accounts and continue to have our paychecks deposited into our personal accounts. We each pay for all our own personal expenses from our personal accounts -- i.e. clothes, personal items, toiletries, stuff related to our individual hobbies, nights out with our friends, our own car payment, etc. We don't have any rules surrounding how much we can each spend from our personal accounts -- it's at our own discretion.

 

We set up a joint account when we got married, where we each contribute a set amount each month. That money is used to pay the mortgage, utilities, insurance, any "big" home related expenses, savings, travel.

 

Aside from the above, we track our joint expenses each month using an app, including who pays for what. (We like to use certain credit cards to get the points. As of now, we do not have any joint credit cards -- we just continued on with our individual cards that we both had.) This is all our joint stuff, like groceries, eating out, gifts, entertainment (i.e. season tickets, theatre, other parties and events, etc.). The app makes it really easy to track and figure out, with the added bonus of letting us see clearly what we are spending our money on. Then at the end of the month, we zero it out and split the cost.

 

This has worked well for us, but we have very similar spending habits and salaries.

[Spring23]

I was wondering how older couples who get married when they are older (say over 30 yo) and both already established financially handle their finances together. What I mean by established is that when they met neither is hurting for money and they have their own residences and personal finances already set up. Anyone experience this and what did you do? How did you combine the two finances or how did you handle it? What worked best for you? I am looking for answers from people who have been through this already, not conjecture or future projection, nor would comments from people who got together when they were younger would be helpful.

 

Thank you for your thoughts!

 

I'm in my 40's and have been married only once and have been married for a significant period of time. Hope my husband lives forever.

 

I have a VERY traditional marriage. Once we got married everything was combined. Also, in the beginning of the marriage I worked for several years. Now I'm a stay-at-home-wife, which I believe is a new trend.

 

We got married in our early 30's so I make your age mark.

Edited April 10, 2017 by Spring23

[cocorico]

We have both previously been M, and both have kids from previous R but none together. We each own a house (in different countries). We got an antenuptial contract, essentially keeping our estates separate but in a day-to-day basis we do what's sensible. In his country, he earns more than me, so takes care of more of the running expenses. In my country, I have assets and use those likewise. In practice, it gets blurred - he paid for upgrades to my house, I bought some furniture for his - but our bottom line is not to do anything you might feel resentment about later. And it's worked for us so far.

[Popsicle]

Very interesting and helpful replies. Thanks folks. Keep them coming.

[viatori patuit]

Just who the heck determined 30 is "older"?

 

Hell, I would kill to be 40 again.

[central]

A few considerations come to mind when combining finances. Yes, there is the day to day stuff about paying bills, whether money is totally joint, totally separate, or somewhere in between.

 

 

If you have kids or business or assets, it gets more complex. You may need a prenup to ensure premarital assets get distributed according to your wishes in case of divorce - or in case of death. A will can address some of these issues - by setting up a trust for the surviving spouse, and rules for use of that money and who inherits later (or perhaps some is distributed to children of the deceased immediately). It can get complicated, and that rapidly gets harder when you have multiple issues to address.

 

 

We kept separate accounts and have a joint account for most things. Our wills create trusts for the survivor spouse to live on if needed, with amounts above a threshold distributed to children immediately - any remainder when the second spouse dies (or remarries) gets distributed from the trust.

 

 

We may revisit this soon to adjust things for our current circumstances and goals.

[Popsicle]

Just who the heck determined 30 is "older"?

 

Hell, I would kill to be 40 again.

 

It wasn't meant to call someone "old" but rather an age picked to designate when someone might be more settled financially.

[viatori patuit]

It wasn't meant to call someone "old" but rather an age picked to designate when someone might be more settled financially.

 

Just having some fun. Interesting how people change their perception of old as they age.

[beatcuff]

we have been married 'forever': 20+ years. we have a single joint bank account BUT we both have separate credit cards (our name only) same with the cars (and their loans, if any). why? if you pass (die) and you are the 'real' owner of the credit card, it is closed. worse the survivor could have difficulty getting another if they have 'no credit score'.

 

while all major purchases are discussed they can be brief: 'my car needs tires'; 'ok'.

[georgia girl]

I was wondering how older couples who get married when they are older (say over 30 yo) and both already established financially handle their finances together. What I mean by established is that when they met neither is hurting for money and they have their own residences and personal finances already set up. Anyone experience this and what did you do? How did you combine the two finances or how did you handle it? What worked best for you? I am looking for answers from people who have been through this already, not conjecture or future projection, nor would comments from people who got together when they were younger would be helpful.

 

Thank you for your thoughts!

 

Popsicle,

 

My husband and I got married in our early 40s. We both had houses, retirements, assets and thankfully, very few liabilities. Additionally, no two people ever make the same amount of money and we were both very fixated in contributing "a little more" than our fair share. Thus, figuring out how to do this was complex.

 

The first thing we did was pick a house. Mine was in the city and completely renovated, but he had acreage and a larger house. We chose his. (I refused to sell both houses and buy a together house because there is an associated cost with it, but for some that may be an acceptable solution..)

 

Then, we met with a financial planner and discussed when we wanted to retire and what assets we both had. The planner helped us come up with a strategy.

 

From there, we had a number of conversations on how to combine income. In the end, we created a family account from which we paid all household bills, saved for renovations and travel, etc. Then, we each kept "mad money" accounts. We don't take a lot of money - around $1,000 a month apiece - but that is individual money we both have to spend as we wish. The other person gets no say in our own mad money. That gives each of us the ability to self-determine our own "treats". (No one wants to ask for $100 to buy a pair of fun shoes. ?)

 

It works for us. Over time, you realize you identify more and more as a couple than as individuals but the mad money is awesome to allow us to keep some individuality.

 

Good luck! GG