joel Posted July 28, 2005 Share Posted July 28, 2005 i don;t now why as a guy we have to do everything, take the inititave to talk to the girl, wonder if she is intrested, and if she is ask her out and we might even get rejection and face embarassment. i mean as a guy i have to do a lot of work. all the girl has to do is give the guy a couple of glances to show she is interested and thats it oh ya and dress up and look nice-makeup, nice clothes. i think its a lot of work especially if ur a shy guy like myself. it helps a lot when u have a girl who likes knows she likes a guy and ask him out and initiate. i myself have had girls looks at me, check me out but never once did i have a girl ask me out or even flirt -that be the case at 24 asian guy i never had a gf or dated b/c of my shyness and quiteness. tell u the truth i probably missed like 5 chances in HS and college combined just due to cluelessness of the signs girls give out(always looking at me, sayin hello, give me pat on the lap,) and not nowing what to do, shyness, quietness- i mean if the gal had found me attractive -why didn't she ask me out or initiate. these days i have changed- i have a freind who is a girl now, i am also talkin-well small talk to girls as before when i was in HS and in my very earlt 20's i wouldn't even go up and talk to a girl, all i have to do now is ask for a gal's numberwhich i have done ,and ask her out which i haven't had a date yet. i did go out with a gal from one of my classes ,but wasn't attracted to her at all-more like a friend date and practice wise for myself. i can tell u this its sooo frustrating. tell u the truth i don't even now where i going to find my future wife or gf -ppl say school but it happening it for me now. i really wish girl were more assertive in getting a guy they liked Link to post Share on other sites
centered Posted July 28, 2005 Share Posted July 28, 2005 If you really feel this way, try guys, Joel. It's just the way most "girls" are. Call it programming. Call it culture. Call it peer pressure or wiring or genetics or upbringing. It just *is*. Plus, we're just more vulnerable -- especially physically -- and that makes us less bold. And believe me, girls agonize over this stuff, too! Did he notice me? Why didn't he call? Will he ever ask me out? Does he like me? Why did he do that, anyway? Etc. etc. And we work damn hard to look nice for you guys, too! Staying in shape, keeping our hair nice, dressing nice, eating right. It's easier for guys -- they can eat almost anything when they're young and not gain weight -- it turns to muscle so easily. And if a guy has a bit of a gut, it's "sexy." If he has gray hair he's "distinguished." If he's shy or quiet, he's "cute." Girls don't get off so easily. The competition is intense. So if there's a really pretty, interesting girl you'd like to get to know, it's still up to you to make the move, appreciate her for everything she is and does, and make her feel safe in getting to know you. Link to post Share on other sites
BrotherAaron Posted July 29, 2005 Share Posted July 29, 2005 Originally posted by centered And we work damn hard to look nice for you guys, too! Staying in shape, keeping our hair nice, dressing nice, eating right. It's easier for guys -- they can eat almost anything when they're young and not gain weight -- it turns to muscle so easily. And if a guy has a bit of a gut, it's "sexy." If he has gray hair he's "distinguished." If he's shy or quiet, he's "cute." Girls don't get off so easily. The competition is intense. I've never heard a girl call a bit of a gut "sexy". It's not true that guys can avoid gaining weight easily - there are a lot of overweight guys out there, and many of them are still too big in spite of working out trying to lose weight. Then there's the skinny guy, who's arms are like twigs who can't gain weight to save his life. Scrawny is almost just as bad as fat, when it comes to attraction. Shy guys may be 'cute', but that's a far cry from 'dead sexy' - shy girls can just sit back and wait for a girl to approach them. Shy guys have it the toughest. And a girl who is good looking can get away with a lot more than most guys - only a few dudes in this world can get away with getting a girl to buy him dinner, clothes, a car, etc. That said, she's right Joel. If you want girls you're going to make an effort to meet them. Link to post Share on other sites
A Fly onThe Wall Posted July 29, 2005 Share Posted July 29, 2005 Originally posted by joel i don;t now why as a guy we have to do everything, take the inititave to talk to the girl, wonder if she is intrested, and if she is ask her out and we might even get rejection and face embarassment. i mean as a guy i have to do a lot of work. That thinking is the thinking of a lazy man... Men are the chasers .. it will alway's be that way. If women did the chasing and men had to just stand there and have all the pus*y they wanted then we wouldn't want the women that were giving it to us. You enjoy something more if you work for it .. in every aspect of life.. not just love Link to post Share on other sites
crazy_grl Posted July 29, 2005 Share Posted July 29, 2005 Originally posted by joel i don;t now why as a guy we have to do everything, take the inititave to talk to the girl, wonder if she is intrested, and if she is ask her out and we might even get rejection and face embarassment. i mean as a guy i have to do a lot of work. all the girl has to do is give the guy a couple of glances to show she is interested and thats it oh ya and dress up and look nice-makeup, nice clothes. You wanna know why most girls don't do that? Because they're convinced that the guy must ask them out or he's not that interested or that the guy will look down on her or see her as desperate or something else ridiculous because of it. And, judging by the responses I've seen here at LS, a lot of guys actually do think that way. So, the way I see it, a good deal of the blame for this falls on the guys as well as the girls. I personally don't care about what the guy is going to think about me approaching him. If he has a problem with it, then I really don't want anything to do with him anyway. Not all girls think that way though. You've just got to live with it. If a girl's looking at you or you're interested, go up and talk to her. And try not to worry about asking her out or trying to make her like you. It'll just make you nervous. Just talk to her and be yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
daddyslilqt3 Posted July 31, 2005 Share Posted July 31, 2005 When I saw this post I was so relieved because from the girls point of view it is something that I too have been thinking about. I mean I have posted about this kid that I like and thinking because he is shy like you maybe he will never make a move even if he does like me. I have been thinking about asking him out or making the first move but usually I never do that. I usually just wait for the guy to make the move (something you have obviously stated you don't like). Joel the only thing holding me from doing it is the phrase "men love the chase" and if I make a move then he isn't chasing. I think that is what scares girls or from personal experience has scared me and thats why I have never made the first move. Although I think to an extent you're on the right track, I don't think that the perception that some of us girls have will ever change so I think guys are going to have to keep making the move for a while. Sorry Joel. Link to post Share on other sites
Blackfrost Posted July 31, 2005 Share Posted July 31, 2005 the only thing holding me from doing it is the phrase "men love the chase" and if I make a move then he isn't chasing That is not always true. Being pursued by a woman who knows what she wants is also a major turn on. It always envoked great admiration in me, because she was going after what she wanted, and that is a woman to behold and respect. There is no reason these days why a woman should let someone she's very interested in, slip by, because she didn't feel it was "womanly" to go up and ask someone out. Some guys are really shy, and some guys are like me: absolutely cluelessly blind when it comes to determining whether or not someone is actually giving out subtle signals that she's interested. Link to post Share on other sites
FataMorgana Posted August 1, 2005 Share Posted August 1, 2005 Originally posted by Blackfrost That is not always true. Being pursued by a woman who knows what she wants is also a major turn on. It always envoked great admiration in me, because she was going after what she wanted, and that is a woman to behold and respect. There is no reason these days why a woman should let someone she's very interested in, slip by, because she didn't feel it was "womanly" to go up and ask someone out. Some guys are really shy, and some guys are like me: absolutely cluelessly blind when it comes to determining whether or not someone is actually giving out subtle signals that she's interested. Thanks Blackfrost, interesting insight. Made my day, can keep persevering in life Yes, there are women out there who are more assertive, talking from experience, I seem to fall under that category Don't know if it is a matter of culture or simply personality. Tend to think more personality though, as the women friends I have seem to think I am extremely curageous doing it. I've always gone for whatever I seem to be interested in at the time, men included. I worked out early in my life that this is something I have to do if I ever want to be in a relationship, as sitting there waiting for something to happen....I reckon I would have spent most of my life by myself up to now instead of meeting some really wonderful guys I ended up spending years with, in good relationships. Reason why I decided to take action was that I am the type of person who has lots of male friends anyway (and yes having friends of the opposite sex is a good starting move as it does help one being more relaxed and in tune with the other sex), but most guys I ended up going out with told me they were glad I asked them out, as they thought they would have never had a chance with me ( too smart, too beautiful, real and down to earth ..... and especially too tall, bla bla... ) and would have never dreamed of asking me out because of this. And not trying to blow my own trumpet here (yes, have had some rejections too so it's not always the case), but it was a very interesting insight for me as a woman. You always tend to firstly think that some guy you fancy is not asking you out because he is not interested or doesn't like you and all you want to do is run away being miserable, give up and hide.... rather than going for it to find out that he may be simply intimidated or shy ?!?!?! Anyway, I'm trying to spread the word to all my women friends .... well, really, worst it can happen if you ask is for them to say no, but in most instances you end up gaining a new friend if nothing else. Ah, ...and in regards to the chasing fear... there are many ways to give a guy the feeling he's chasing.... you can always work on that throughout the relationship if you feel is needed. Link to post Share on other sites
Mostlly Nice Guy Posted August 1, 2005 Share Posted August 1, 2005 Joel, usually everything is just as you say. I wish it wasn't that way too, but it is. We just have to deal with it. If you want her, and she's not one to make a first move, then you'll have to, or give up. Although it should be noted that some women will make the 1st move (I honor them). If she likes you and you don't make a move, SOMETIMES some women will then initiate. But don't hold out for that too long. Link to post Share on other sites
elijahBailey Posted August 1, 2005 Share Posted August 1, 2005 I hear some whining here But I've brought news.... the laws of the jungle ain't gonna be changed anytime soon. Any guy would be deluding himself if he thinks some girl will walk up and ask him out on a date. It happens, but I know it ain't happening to me. And if I didn't, I'd be sitting in the dark at night playin' with myself Joel, the more you try, the bolder you become. Just hang in there. And for those women who make the first move, you go girls!! Contrary to urban legends, these girls are not desperate..... at least not for me. If a guy thinks they are, he's one sad story. A girl is desperate if she's desperate, and not because she made the first move. Men are sophisticated enough to distinguish that. Link to post Share on other sites
lindya Posted August 1, 2005 Share Posted August 1, 2005 A girl is desperate if she's desperate, and not because she made the first move. Men are sophisticated enough to distinguish that. Quite right. Gender shouldn't dictate who strikes a conversation up. Really it should depend upon who the more socially/sexually confident party is....and that's certainly not always the guy. Link to post Share on other sites
Soap Posted August 2, 2005 Share Posted August 2, 2005 As far as I can tell, it's our OWN DARN FAULTS that we don't get a guy/girl. We can blame the media, society, the other person, fast food, whatever. In the end, it all boils down to YOU. Farmers don't go "I wish the seeds grew by themselves. I mean, why do I have to plant and water them? This isn't fair." It's life. So Joel, you'll either have to improve (yourself) or be content with being single. The choice is yours. -peace- Link to post Share on other sites
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