My exMM caused me so much pain

[basil67]

Further to my comments about the reaction from the BS to be expected..

 

It seems to me that we are holding the BS to a different standard than the other parties involved. The affair parties have acted recklessly, selfishlessly, without logic and made their decisions based on passion.

 

Why is it so appalling that the BS could also act recklessly, selfishlessly, without logic and making their decisions based on passion in his/her anger? Especially given that they are the one innocent party here. It seems to me that many are expecting the BS to act in a rational manner. But if love and heartbreak was calm and rational, a great many of posters wouldn't be here.

 

That said, using illegal means to destroy the OW's life is probably a bit much. I would be more likely to understand spreading truth among friends and letting employers know. That kind of thing.

Edited April 9, 2017 by basil67

[BTDT2012]

He had warned me that if his wife ever found out, he was not going down looking like a "man whore" and would make sure his wife would see him as innocent, yet he manipulated me in so many ways to get me into the relationship. I take responsibility for being a people pleaser and easily manipulated but what him and his wife have done against me is wrong on so many levels. I'm not the type to get angry so hiring an attorney to protect myself was the scariest thing I have ever done but I had to do it for my young daughter and my safety.

Why wasn't this your cue to end it? And I am NOT saying what they are doing to you is right.

[HeartbrokenDec29]

Further to my comments about the reaction from the BS to be expected..

 

It seems to me that we are holding the BS to a different standard than the other parties involved. The affair parties have acted recklessly, selfishlessly, without logic and made their decisions based on passion.

 

Why is it so appalling that the BS could also act recklessly, selfishlessly, without logic and making their decisions based on passion in his/her anger? Especially given that they are the one innocent party here. It seems to me that many are expecting the BS to act in a rational manner. But if love and heartbreak was calm and rational, a great many of posters wouldn't be here.

 

That said, using illegal means to destroy the OW's life is probably a bit much. I would be more likely to understand spreading truth among friends and letting employers know. That kind of thing.

 

Pls document all your experiences and I pray no harm comes your way! Amen

Edited April 11, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[aileD]

I was a BS that acted out. I did many things that I wasn't proud of and many things that are just "not me". I was an emotional wreck and really think I probably was having some kind of mental breakdown. But I never did any physical harm to her. I never did anything that wasn't "true". I told her family what she was doing, I banged on her door at 3 am when my husband was there and when her landlord came out I told him I was just retrieving my 40 year old husband from the 20 year old "w" word that he's having an affair with. I showed up at their hotel room and made a scene. And anytime I figured out where H was meeting her, I would show up and state loudly that she was the little girl he was screwing behind my back and we had a family at home. All of it was true though so in my mind if she didn't want people to know she was the w word, then she shouldn't be screwing other people's husbands. And I wanted my H to be embarrassed too. Shamed for what he was doing. Not to mention many many times H and I got into arguments.

 

 

But I acted out towards both of them. H definitely got the brunt. Both of them made this decision to hurt my marriage so both of them got hell for it. She knew he was married. So did he.

 

Thing is, h doesn't even think any less of me for all that. He forgave me, it didn't influende his decision to stay or divorce and he felt like he pushed me to that level and he knows that wasn't me or who I really am. However he is still pissed at her for dropping stuff off on our porch, threatening to come to our house or work if he didnt agree to meet her face to face and for texting our son.

 

 

Affairs are a mess all around. And yours SHOULD be a cautionary tale. Are anyone can turn out to be crazy and threaten you ....but if you put yourself on a situation like an affair where people's family and lives and marriages are involved...those are all intense things and ...like me...people can crack. (I never would have physically harmed her).