Ldr Break Up

[newdaynewstart]

Well, it has been a tough week for me. The LDR that I have been in the past four months has ended. We had known each other before we started dating and ran into each other at a wedding this past summer. We started seeing each other back in March. We lived 2 hours and 45 minutes apart. The beginning was great. We were both so excited about the new relationship. I sensed the excitement in our emails, conversations and when we saw each other. He talked about how he felt, I always knew where we stood and we both planned ahead to see each other in hopes that this would all make sense eventually. As time went on, it got harder. The guy that I was dating worked about every other weeekend, when we did see each other a lot of the time we had weddings to go to, weekend trips with friends, or family events. It seemed like we never got a lot of opportunites to just do the little things together... I was always the one making the drive to see him and when he did see me he drove to my parents which was in between where I lived and where he lived. I grew very frustrated as the relationship continued because I felt like he didn't care or was not as into it as I was. He always called but we were lucky to get in a twenty minute conversation at times, his emails were not as meaningful and when we saw each other I sometimes felt like he was not as affectionate/into me as he was early on. The past month of so I really questioned him on it. He always just said that he was to a point going with the flow because it would make it harder if it was more serious than it was.

 

This past weekend I went to see him. We had a wedding to go to Sat. and a reception that night. Friday night I got there and things were good. Saturday all day was good and then that night we went to the wedding reception. We got into a fight that night at the reception because he had gone downstairs to the bar at the reception and had left me upstairs basically with a lot of people that I did not know that well. I blew up on him for the first time ever. I told him that I was fed up with how he made me feel. That him doing this was the topping on my cake. That after the night we were done because I could not live my life always questioning the relationship and how much he really was into it. We were both drinking so we went home and talked about things. He basically told me that he did not want anything too serious because it was so hard when we only got to see each other every two or three weeks. I asked him what the point was then...why were we trying if he was going to just go with the flow. How were we ever going to get anywhere. So we went to bed that night and woke up Sunday. We had a great day together...and we did not really bring up what had happened the night before or where we stood. I left that night and got in my car and I just had this feeling like we were never going to see each other again...it was just like we both knew we couldn't handle it anymore and it was too hard.

 

Monday I emailed him telling him that I felt really up in the air with things and was wondering how he felt. He emailed me back and I knew that we would be having the break up final talk that night. I just want to know if any of you have experienced this. He finally after four months tells me that as his feeling grew stronger for me, it was like a defense mechanism for him. That he did not want to get too close because it made it even harder during those times he really missed me. He said that after that fight on Saturday night he realized a lot of things. That he sat down Sunday and thought about things. He said that he was too scared to get too close to me because if this did not end up working he did not want to live with the hurt that you feel when you want something to work out so bad. He said that he loved every minute we spent together and that is why it made it so hard but he needed that on a consistent basis. That he felt like it was going to be too hard for us to ever got to a normal relationship being that I was here and him there and the fact that it was not going to change anytime soon. He said that he just felt like we were never going to get the chances that normal couples had. That something like Saturday ruined the precious time that we did have together and that in a normal situation we could get through that but being away from each other that is just another two or three weeks before we get to make up for lost time. He said he realized that this relationship was just impossible with him working every weekend and every time that we did get to see each other it was like we always tons of other people around that we were trying to balance time with.

 

I was very upset but at the same time relieved because I had grown so frustrated because I never understood him nor why I never felt he was completely into it. I told him that I was upset because I had put a lot of effort into this and I just felt like he did not want this as bad as I did. I told him that it was hard for me to hear that he never put in his full effort because he was scared of the outcome and that he never gave us a fair chance to get to the point of being a normal couple. Then I said that I will never be happy with someone that is not on the same page as I am. That I feel good about being able to walk away finally understanding how he was feeling throughout all of this.

 

I am sad though...I have no reason to not like him...I care about him...and just wish things could have gone differently. I am driving myself crazy thinking about what he is thinking. This happened Monday night. We emailed Tuesday basically the things we wanted to say when we hung up Monday night that we couldn't because it was too hard. We talked about being friends and keeping in touch....He told me that he wanted this to work, just realized it was impossible, and that we had bad luck when it came to the timing of us.

 

I am so hurt...I want him to cal me and tell me he misses me. I want him to realize that I am worth it. Will he ever come around? He has not called since we broke up Monday night. I emailed him Wednesday a normal email and got a normal email back. Today I told myself I was not emailing him and I got a forward from him but no email. Do I need to just go forward or to I keep in touch? Thoughts??? I hate feeling this way.

[kgal]

Hmmm... I really feel for you. I know hard it can be when it feels like only one person is doing their part in the 'ship. It can very frustrating on both sides. I think time is your biggest helper right now. It wouldn't hurt to say a prayer as well. I would just relax and see how things go... keep busy and if you can't stand it, call and tell him how you feel. I would give him a bit of time.. maybe he's still thinking about it too. I guess these things just work themselves out. Either way, just know you will be fine. I hope you can remain friends and it won't be hard if things don't progress into something serious. I hope you get what you truly want in your heart.

 

God Bless!