Could not go for mothers key hole surgery, feeling horribly guilty

[Untamed21]

My mother and I have always had a difficult relationship. She used to beat me as a child, was verbally abusive and had a temper so bad that I walked in egg shells so as not to upset her. She also had a habit of throwing things at me and forcing me to keep standing when she threw those things at me until she had "dismissed me". I was never allowed to go anywhere the fact that I could go to school and do any further studies according to my mother was socialising enough. Needless to say, the moment I could leave my home I did. I was 24.

 

Now I'm 28. I live in a foreign country which takes an 8 hour plane to get me home and my mother has recently had key hole heart surgery. Now, I knew this was coming. I told both my employers it was meant to be anywhere between January and March. All the months other than April. Because in April as it turns out I have a sudden hospital procedure on Tuesday too. As well as the fact that I am under contract for a delivery at the end of this month that I need to be present for three meetings for. My moms surgery ended up happening in April instead of March at a weeks notice. I offered to come down for 4 days and my parents refused that i did something that already made me feel bad like I wasn't being a good daughter but my father said four days just wasn't worth it. But Now my father is making me feel terribly guilty about it. She's fine, the surgery was done in three hours and she's already walking around and normal and should be fully recovered in another week or so. And I'm going down for three weeks in May so I can keep her company when my father isn't there and look after her.

 

Still. I feel terrible. I genuinely do that I missed it. I feel like the worst daughter in the world. Can anyone give me any advice? Or just tell me what to do about this overwhelming guilt? I can't leave for another week because I'm in hospital and the doctor has said not to travel for two but should I do it anyway?

[d0nnivain]

You were 8 hours away by plane, not 8 blocks. You also have your own issues to deal with. If your doctor advises you not to travel, listen to your doctor. You won't do anybody any good if you kill yourself trying to visit mom.

 

 

Talk to your mother on the phone. Send a get well card. Sign her up for a meal delivery service. Pray if you are religious. If you can afford it, pay for respite care for your father.

 

 

Try to forgive yourself.