Where have all the nice guys gone?!?!?!?

[SmoochieFace]

"Where have all the nice guys gone?"

 

This subject is so tired, worn out, etc. and yet it never fails to make me laugh out loud.

 

I hear women say "I want a nice guy, BUT..." THAT is the key word. BUT this, BUT that, blah blah blah.

 

So where have they gone? Well, they haven't gone anywhere. They are the guys who get turned down because they are too short, too fat, too smart, too 'geeky', don't have 'good' physiques, bald or, if they have hair, too grey, too shy, too introverted, too 'poor', too 'unhip', yada, yada, yada.

 

BUT BUT BUT BUT BUT...

 

Nice guys are all around. And, no, not all of them are 'doormats'. Most, like yours truly, are just regular Joes who get up in the morning, go to work, do their jobs, get paid, spend time with their kids (if they have them), and engage in activities that fulfill us. They are also guys who would like to be half of a great relationship but cannot be because of one or more items listed earlier.

 

Face it, in today's fast-paced self-centered culture, most nice guys are swept to the side in the dating/mating game. Most women are bombarded with media descriptions of what a "decent" guy *SHOULD* be like and as a result women feel as if they need to attain ONLY that particular kind of guy.

 

So, yes Virginia, there are plenty of nice guys around. They haven't gone anywhere. You just don't see them because they do not fit the 'standard' propagated by popular culture.

 

Hey, I'm a 'lucky one' though! I am with someone who TRULY appreciates me and loves me for who I am. Whodathunk... there still are some great women out there who haven't been brainwashed by society's bull**** when it comes to 'ideal men'.

[loony]

SmoochieFace, I agree with you that women when they complain about not being able to find a nice guy should rather say they have problems finding a nice guy who also meets her other criteria.

 

But

So where have they gone? Well, they haven't gone anywhere. They are the guys who get turned down because they are too short, too fat, too smart, too 'geeky', don't have 'good' physiques, bald or, if they have hair, too grey, too shy, too introverted, too 'poor', too 'unhip', yada, yada, yada.

this I find unfair. As if men didn't have certain criteria as well. As if men are not brainwashed by the media and think they deserve someone like Angelina Jolie. A lot of people are influenced by what the media dictate. Take note, I said people, not women or men. A lot of nice guys who may be a good solid 5 or 6 will insist on running after a woman who is a 10. Yes, you could call a woman superficial who rejects them for not meeting her standards. On the other it begs the question, why is the nice guy running after someone who looks so much better than him. Because she's such a great conversationalist? So, she's superficial because she rejects him for his looks, but he is ok, because he's not so good-looking and tries to get the best out of life? Something like that? You can summarize it as, guys go after a woman who meets their standards, thinking they met her standards as well only to be disappointed and feeling rejected, because she expects more. That happens a lot and what are you are describing is certainly not only a male problem. Have you ever wondered how many girls who are a 5 or 6 get rejected each day by hot guys? As if women never get rejected...

 

They are also guys who would like to be half of a great relationship but cannot be because of one or more items listed earlier.

There are also a lot of single women out there who would like to be in a relationship.

 

Face it, in today's fast-paced self-centered culture, most nice guys are swept to the side in the dating/mating game. Most women are bombarded with media descriptions of what a "decent" guy *SHOULD* be like and as a result women feel as if they need to attain ONLY that particular kind of guy.

Yeah, the media are controlled by mean bitches and that's why we have people like Pamela Anderson (she's a real smarty), Brittney Spears (whew, another smarty) & Co on tv. And all the beauty tips and tricks on how to look beautiful and eternally young are aimed at guys, eh? Talk about pressure...

[SmoochieFace]

You do have a point in that it works both ways. I can't argue with that.

 

I don't find Angelina Jolie or any other 'popular' stars like them physically attractive. You could say that I have not been influenced by the media and other forms of popular culture, in fact, I have rejected those things for the most part. I think the best thing that could happen to relationships is for people to 'tune out' the ridiculous drivel generated by the media and start looking at people as individuals instead of exploitable commodities. I have done so as I do not watch television or 'current' movies.

 

You make it sound as if all nice guys 'run after' women who are supposedly better looking than them. I'm not sure that is really the case but then again I am not 'out there' enough to begin with to even know.

 

As far as women being rejected... honestly, I believe women control all the cards when it comes to relationships. Ultimately, they decide who gets to be with them. Men do not have that luxury - they can only rely on luck.

[megabit15]

Yeah, the media are controlled by mean bitches and that's why we have people like Pamela Anderson (she's a real smarty), Brittney Spears (whew, another smarty) & Co on tv. And all the beauty tips and tricks on how to look beautiful and eternally young are aimed at guys, eh? Talk about pressure...

 

when I grow up I want to be just like Paris Hilton!

[amber245]

A lot of nice guys who may be a good solid 5 or 6 will insist on running after a woman who is a 10.

 

loony's right. There are guys out there who call themselves nice guys but think women on their level aren't good enough. I have a friend who is a lovely girl and okay looking. I'm can't lie and say she's beautiful, but she's not ugly. She'd like a boyfriend, but when I tried to fix her up with one of my boyfriend's mates who she fancied a bit, he called her a dog to her face

 

So instead of having a decent and kind real life girlfriend hewould prefer to sit at home wanking over pictures of women he would never get in real life and probably whine about how he can't get a girlfriend because he's "too nice"

[Art_Critic]

A lot of nice guys who may be a good solid 5 or 6 will insist on running after a woman who is a 10. Yes, you could call a woman superficial who rejects them for not meeting her standards. On the other it begs the question, why is the nice guy running after someone who looks so much better than him.

 

Loony.. There is nothing wrong with a good solid 5-6 going after a 10

 

I consider myself a good solid 6-7 ( and climbing with age ) and almost every girl I have ever dated/married/had a relationship with was at least an 8.5 and most of them were 9-10..

 

I have alway's gotten the 9-10 by being funny, charming, warm , and succesful and not showing any arrogance and showing them having a good time is better than staring at someones 10 body or face

 

The idea that someone 5-6 should only date a 5-6 is ludicrous.

[megabit15]

Loony.. There is nothing wrong with a good solid 5-6 going after a 10

 

I consider myself a good solid 6-7 and almost every girl I have ever dated/married/had a relationship with was at least an 8.5 and most of them were 9-10..

 

I have alway's gotten the 9-10 by being funny, charming, warm , and succesful and not showing any arrogance and showing them having a good time is better than staring at someones 10 body or face

 

The idea that someone 5-6 should only date a 5-6 is ludicrous.

I don't think she said a 5-6 should *only* date another 5-6 - she asked why do some men who are a 5-6 exclude a 5-6 woman. Your response just solidified her observation

[Art_Critic]

I don't think she said a 5-6 should *only* date another 5-6 - she asked why do some men who are a 5-6 exclude a 5-6 woman. Your response just solidified her observation

 

If that was her position then maybe I did solidify her point.. But that wasn't how I read it..

[SmoochieFace]

This is ridiculous almost to the point of absurdity.

 

How do people define what a '5-6' is? Or a '8-9'? Or a '0-1'? Please enlighten me as this is an alien concept to me. I don't go around assigning 'numerical ratings' for people but it seems as if I am missing something here by not doing so.

[amber245]

This is ridiculous almost to the point of absurdity.

 

How do people define what a '5-6' is? Or a '8-9'? Or a '0-1'? Please enlighten me as this is an alien concept to me. I don't go around assigning 'numerical ratings' for people but it seems as if I am missing something here by not doing so.

 

A friend emailed me about this site a while ago. You can put in a picture of yourself and other people on the site will rate it from 1 to 10. I don't know why anyone would do that to themselves, but people do.

 

http://www.ratingpictures.com/

[SmoochieFace]

Sorry, but that doesn't answer the question.

 

What exactly are the ratings based on? What is the standard? Even more importantly, who defines it?

 

I don't know why people would do that either as it sounds quite moronic.

[Art_Critic]

Sorry, but that doesn't answer the question.

 

What exactly are the ratings based on? What is the standard? Even more importantly, who defines it?

 

I don't know why people would do that either as it sounds quite moronic.

 

On a scale of 1-10 smoochieface how would rate yourself ???

 

Remember 1 being ugly and 10 being smoking hot..

[SmoochieFace]

That's just it - I wouldn't 'rate' myself simply because I do not compare myself with others. It is a waste of time and energy that could be put to better use.

 

The only thing that matters to me is whether I am happy with me.

[Art_Critic]

That's just it - I wouldn't 'rate' myself simply because I do not compare myself with others. It is a waste of time and energy that could be put to better use.

 

The only thing that matters to me is whether I am happy with me.

 

Great answer..

But if you did what would you be on a scale of 1-10 ..See my point ?

 

that is the answer to your question

[d'Arthez]

No. Because whatever you would rate yourself, and another person, the number does not mean a thing.

The only thing you are measuring is whether someone has a positive or negative body-image, by comparing such a rating with the rating others give to you. And to date on the image of your body ...

[SmoochieFace]

No, I don't see your point.

 

Even if I did 'rate' myself, would MY self-rating be considered 'accurate'? And, once again, to WHOSE standard?

 

I dunno... maybe I'm just trying to understand this bit of Western culture that seems to have eluded me for so long.

[Art_Critic]

No, I don't see your point.

 

Even if I did 'rate' myself, would MY self-rating be considered 'accurate'? And, once again, to WHOSE standard?

 

I dunno... maybe I'm just trying to understand this bit of Western culture that seems to have eluded me for so long.

 

Nobody says it has to be accurate.. This isn't banking.. It's dating

[crazy_grl]

And, once again, to WHOSE standard?

 

The standard is whoever is doing the rating. One person's 5 can be another person's 10. I'd say that in general the media/entertainment does have a big influence on those standards.

[SmoochieFace]

A-ha!

 

So let's look at it this way. If someone 'rates' himself as an 8 AND he/she is 'running after' those who are... oh, let's say... 7-9 AND they are consistently rejecting him/her because of looks then what should the 8 person do? Run after those who are 5-6 for example OR perhaps re-evaluate their rating because it may be INACCURATE?

 

And, once again, INACCURATE according to WHOSE standard???

 

If this was a real case then wouldn't it blow the concept of "people should only 'run after' those in their league" right out of the water? Hmmm...

 

THIS is why I think this whole 'rating' concept is just absolute crapola.

[megabit15]

I understand the way you feel Smoochie and D'Arthez. Doesn't mean people don't do it though, or use it to provide a common frame of reference for discussion.

 

Here's my understanding of a female "10":

 

She has certain physical and 'intangible' features.

 

Physical features are larger breasts (36C comes to mind), a waist size of 24-28", and hips slightly smaller than her bust. She's usually toned and/or slender and has longer legs than torso. She's got symmetrical facial features, clear skin, shiney hair (usually on the longer side), straight white teeth and reasonably fashionable or at least has a fashion style.

 

The intangibles include confidence, sweet disposition, easily smiles, outgoing, does not take offence easily and is slightly out of reach for most guys. The phrase "eye candy" comes to mind since it doesn't have much to do with money or intelligence.

 

Remember the film "10" starring Bo Derek? She was the "10" in the movie and very easily fits the above description.

[SmoochieFace]

Well, in all honesty, I don't think I would find someone like that attractive and the reasons have much more to do with the attitudes of people with those looks rather than the looks themselves.

 

In my experience, women who look like that tend to be high maintenance, demanding, arrogant, self-centered, and not 'real.' They seem to have an air of entitlement which is highly offensive. All turnoffs.

[d'Arthez]

Megabit, if we are discussing looks, it is pointless to add in as requirements intangibles. Because then we are not discussing looks anymore.

[megabit15]

Megabit' date=' if we are discussing looks, it is pointless to add in as requirements intangibles. Because then we are not discussing looks anymore.[/quote']

I thought we were discussing what a 10 was. And a 10 is not based on physical characteristics alone.

[loony]

Ok, a quick post before I hop off.

 

Art_Critic, I do not think that a guy who is only a 5 - 6 should not try to pursue someone who is a 10. I find it hypocritical when a guy who is only average looking pursues a number 10 woman, fails to meet her standards concerning physical attractivity and assumes that she still has to accept him, because he's so charming, witty, intelligent and whatever is classified as inner qualities. He chose her for her looks and she rejects him for his looks, calling her superficial is simply not ok. And as megabit said, by going for the number 10 woman he is excluding all the other women who are just average looking. So himself is doing exactly the same thing that annoys him about the hot babe.

 

SmoochieFace, I think the rating system is a personal system. People have different tastes and what one person considers a 10 is only a good 7 for another. If you don't like the number thing, just leave it out and I'll rephrase it then, there are often average-looking guys are running after very attractive women (don't let's start talking about individual taste, but let's just assume that most people would call her attractive and the guys average).

 

It doesn't matter what kind of number you are. Aim for the girls you like, but don't complain if she doesn't find you attractive enough. If you have done it a couple of times and don't have enough success with the ones you think are good enough for you, you can either try to go for the less pretty girls or you try to work on your inner qualities to improve your chances. But don't insist that your inner qualities are supposed to make up for everything when you yourself clearly include superficial criteria in your quest for a partner.

[d'Arthez]

But then it becomes pointless for a 5 or 6 to go after a person with a higher rating, now does not it?