No contact

[ksj38]

HI i was friends with my MM from highschool before we started doing the"fun stuff" we called it. They did not have kids and were doing IUIs lots of time never thought it would stick and said we would stay friends and cut out the other stuff if it happend. Well it happned we did not cut it out but it came real yesterday post of the ultra sound online. I told him not to contact me. Though we would stay facebook friends just not contact each other. But within 2 mins he blocked me. I am happy to stand up for myself but having a hard time with this. Need support for the NC. He has put so much stress in my life i need him out of it but its hard

[aileD]

Do you love him?

 

If you you'd want him to be a good dad, right? Let him go.

 

He WILL come sniffing around again once she's in late pregnancy and the sex lessens or even when the baby is young because her attention is there instead of on him.

 

Do not be that girl that helps destroy a FAMILY

 

Come here, post, when you want to contact him - spend the time here reading everyone's heartbreaking and horrible stories. Visit the infidelity forum and read the stories of wives and mothers like myself who's lives and souls were forever hurt and changed by actions of our husbands and the women they had affairs with.

 

Please don't lose yourself

[Lovetoo]

Definitely find other ways to spend time. Be intentional with your thoughts. This is a constant struggle but it gets better at times.

 

Replace things. Instead of going on his Facebook, read a scripture. Or book. I bought a book last night on grief and began reading it. It has writing prompts as well. It's REALLY REALLY good.

 

The prompt was: today I feel...

 

Another prompt was to identify the energy/feelings in your body. For example you body could be feeling shaky. Or tired. Etc. when I get home from work I'll send you the name.

[aileD]

Definitely find other ways to spend time. Be intentional with your thoughts. This is a constant struggle but it gets better at times.

 

Replace things. Instead of going on his Facebook, read a scripture. Or book. I bought a book last night on grief and began reading it. It has writing prompts as well. It's REALLY REALLY good.

 

The prompt was: today I feel...

 

Another prompt was to identify the energy/feelings in your body. For example you body could be feeling shaky. Or tired. Etc. when I get home from work I'll send you the name.

 

This is a really good technique. I just did a marriage communications retreat that focused on much of the same- describe your feelings using a physical sensation (heart racing, sweaty etc), imagery ("like how it feels the second before you jump out of the plane to parachute ). And a memory (similar to the time I felt when I momentarily lost my toddler at the beach).

[ksj38]

Thank you for the replys. I am not contacting him and he has blocked me on facebook since I asked him not to contact me again. I am not that girl and I know I deserve more then what he was giivng me. Its more the friendship i am grieving then anything else. I am trying to be busy but other friends are busy and hard to track down. I will try and write stuff down. I am hoping as the days go on with NO contact it gets better for me. I do feel for her as I am not the first and no wont be the last doing the extra stuff.

 

Thanks

[deadsoul]

Thank you for the replys. I am not contacting him and he has blocked me on facebook since I asked him not to contact me again. I am not that girl and I know I deserve more then what he was giivng me. Its more the friendship i am grieving then anything else. I am trying to be busy but other friends are busy and hard to track down. I will try and write stuff down. I am hoping as the days go on with NO contact it gets better for me. I do feel for her as I am not the first and no wont be the last doing the extra stuff.

 

Thanks

 

As long as you stay NC, I promise it gets easier. I didn't believe it, but it really does. You have to work for it, though and it isn't easy. Accept that you have feelings for him and will want to contact him, but make the choice not to put those feelings into action. All those things: exercising, reading, writing, hobbies, call a friend, volunteer... they sound hokey, but I promise, these things work. Replacing the negative actions/feelings with positive ones works.