jdolecek70 Posted April 10, 2017 Share Posted April 10, 2017 Hello- I'm new here. My name i jim. I have been married for 6 long years....We married pretty quickly because of constant pressure from her parents who proclaimed we were sinners per the bible. For I feel is 4-5 years now. Everything has to be her way,she refuses to ever say she is sorry and always acts like she is perfect and everything is my fault. She is so controlling. she is also a hoarder every single drawer is jammed packed she wont throw anything away and when we got together we each had a closet and now i have 1/4 of a closet. she just doesnt understand what compromise is.We-have fought everyday for i dont know how long.....I feel stuck, like there is no way out. I have diabetic nuerapathy. I used to do home healthcare but I just cant stand on my feet for 8 hours a day any longer. I have contacted vocational rehabilitation looking for help with re-training for a new career....so i'm waiting on that....for now i live in a 2 bedroom apartment with a hoarder not as severe as the tlc show hoarders but every single drawer,cabinet drawer is full of stuff that she refuses to throw away. Emotionally i just cant live like this, then there is fighting every single day. everything i do is criticized....right now i feel so trapped and its just so hard to cope....i feel so broken 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted April 10, 2017 Share Posted April 10, 2017 I'm sorry you fee so awful. The stress can't be good for your heathy issues. Hopefully the vocational training will be able to help. Since religion plays a huge factor for your wife & her family have you spoken to your pastor about these issues? That person may be able to get your wife to listen to reason or learn to compromise. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted April 10, 2017 Share Posted April 10, 2017 Constant arguing is exhausting and dispiriting. It happens when people don't know how to talk to each other. You are wounding each other emotionally with your great verbal swords. You are both overloaded with anger and resentment that the tiniest thing can trigger. You have both become 'reactors'. There are a number of effective ways of addressing that. But unless you learn how to talk to each other, nothing will change. You will need some outside help. d0nnivain's suggestion is worth considering, and there other options, such as couple's counselling. Start by looking at whats available in your local area, and make some phone calls. Take care. Link to post Share on other sites
Simple Logic Posted April 10, 2017 Share Posted April 10, 2017 According to the Bible you are supposed to givevto the poor. Pack up her junk and give it to charity. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jdolecek70 Posted April 10, 2017 Author Share Posted April 10, 2017 I'm sorry you fee so awful. The stress can't be good for your heathy issues. Hopefully the vocational training will be able to help. Since religion plays a huge factor for your wife & her family have you spoken to your pastor about these issues? That person may be able to get your wife to listen to reason or learn to compromise. The problem is she won't be honest even if we went.. After years of argue omg everyday, the only time I'm happy is when she is at work. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jdolecek70 Posted April 10, 2017 Author Share Posted April 10, 2017 Constant arguing is exhausting and dispiriting. It happens when people don't know how to talk to each other. You are wounding each other emotionally with your great verbal swords. You are both overloaded with anger and resentment that the tiniest thing can trigger. You have both become 'reactors'. There are a number of effective ways of addressing that. But unless you learn how to talk to each other, nothing will change. You will need some outside help. d0nnivain's suggestion is worth considering, and there other options, such as couple's counselling. Start by looking at whats available in your local area, and make some phone calls. Take care. The problem is any time I talk to her I attitude from her.. So it's impossible to talk to her Link to post Share on other sites
andydoerksen Posted April 10, 2017 Share Posted April 10, 2017 Hi, Jim. I can't relate to the specific details of your situation. But when you say that "her parents . . . proclaimed we were sinners per the bible," and "i feel so broken"-- it may surprise you to know that that applies to all of us. I don't know your wife's parents, and so I don't know how they treat you or what their attitude or tone is when they say that people are "sinners." It's possible they think they're better than others; I dunno. What I do know is that the Bible has convinced me over the years that it's true -- which means I myself am a sinner, like everyone else, including you and your wife. And man, have I ever come to realize how broken I am! My wife and I (married ten years) struggle with our own brokenness, and in all honesty our marriage is held together not by our own strength, but by the love and power of Jesus Christ. Here's the math: you put two broken people together, and guess what you've got? A broken marriage. In fact, this entire world is broken -- and Jesus' intention is to restore it, because we've all become "divorced," so to speak, from our Creator. That relationship needs restoration desperately; in fact it's the #1 priority in life. In the meantime, people do all sorts of things to try to compensate for what their spirit is lacking; one of the traps people can fall into is hoarding. For others it's something else. But we're all trying to compensate for our brokenness. You mention you have diabetic neuropathy--what are your symptoms? Are you a type 1 or type 2 diabetic? (My brother's type 1.) Ask me any questions in return; in the meantime I'll pray for you. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted April 10, 2017 Share Posted April 10, 2017 The problem is she won't be honest even if we went.. . Take pictures of the house & go to the counseling anyway. When she lies, show the counselor the pictures. Counselors aren't as easily snowed by the lies as you think. Talking to somebody has to be better than suffering in silence which is what you are doing now. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jdolecek70 Posted April 10, 2017 Author Share Posted April 10, 2017 Take pictures of the house & go to the counseling anyway. When she lies, show the counselor the pictures. Counselors aren't as easily snowed by the lies as you think. Talking to somebody has to be better than suffering in silence which is what you are doing now. It's jist had when your done! Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted April 10, 2017 Share Posted April 10, 2017 If you are truly that "done", get a divorce. I thought I understood that you had certain religious objections to ending the marriage so I was offering suggestions to try to save it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jdolecek70 Posted April 10, 2017 Author Share Posted April 10, 2017 No it's her parents that object it's my health that is preventing. Me right now Link to post Share on other sites
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