jdaniel Posted April 11, 2017 Share Posted April 11, 2017 I an currently seeing a girl. She is an average looking girl with okay personality, nothing too special but not bad either. I still need time to get to know her personality better. BUT, She is not maintaining herself at all. She is: Hairy, i mean her privates, legs arm pits etc.. Not using any makeup, creams or nails done. Have really bad teeth, something a dental doctor can fix but it she doesn't do it. Have a big wart on her nose with rush all over her mouth, any dermatologist will treat it but she doesn't bother going to one. She is aware there is a problem but just doesn't bother treating it. She is not a feminist at all, If she will treat those 'issues', she will be a very pretty girl. As much as i try to be that sensitive guy who care about personality, i just can't get attached to a girl who is not doing the minimum to maintain herself. I am having trouble ignoring her looks, I find it difficult to be attracted to her. I am a guy to put his time in his look and i appreciate a girl who is doing the same. I know that she think she loves me (by her actions) Despite the fact we are not seeing each other for a long time, And if i will push her gently, she will probably treat those issues to please me. I understand that probably the best thing to do for both of us, is to cut the connection asap. But, I want to hear your opinion on that matter. How should i manage the situation? Can i talk to her about her looks? telling her i will enjoy if she will put more effort in her looks and treat it? Give her hints, gentle reminders to visit the Doctors? Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted April 11, 2017 Share Posted April 11, 2017 Oh dear. This will have to be handled with the utmost sensitivity. Easy issue first -- personal grooming. Can you shower together & sort of playfully suggest shaving each other? Perhaps while walking through a store or the mall, sidle up to the makeup counter & suggest she sit down for a full facial, just to see what she would look like. Lavish on the praise when the paint job is finished but do reassure her that she looks beautiful without the make up. Not every woman wants to go through the p.i.t.a. of putting on a full face of makeup every day. I only do "everything" for special occasions (weddings etc.) but some under eye concealer, eye liner, mascara & lip stick go a long way. You have to be wiling to date her even if she never puts one swipe of make up on. If you are not, just break up with her now. I think you mean thrush of the mouth, not rush. Even though it's not contagious, I think for your own health you need to suggest that it be addressed. Tell her that you are concerned about both of your health & would prefer she get treated to get this cleared up. The wart may be permanent but you could find some articles about skin cancer & then broach the subject about whether she ever had it biopsied. Do not tell her you will enjoy it more if she improves her looks. This has to be about her. It's her body & her life. She has to do these things because they are best for her not because you want them. Link to post Share on other sites
Miss Spider Posted April 11, 2017 Share Posted April 11, 2017 How about dating a girl you're attracted to as is instead of dating a girl and trying to change her? 27 Link to post Share on other sites
CptInsano Posted April 11, 2017 Share Posted April 11, 2017 How about dating a girl you're attracted to as is instead of dating a girl and trying to change her? Come on, that would be way too simple. 7 Link to post Share on other sites
Titanll Posted April 11, 2017 Share Posted April 11, 2017 This may sound shallow, but are you two stranded on an island? An Island with internet maybe and no other humans. Hard for me to even to pretend that this isn't bizarre. Dental doctor = dentist. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted April 11, 2017 Share Posted April 11, 2017 This may sound shallow, but are you two stranded on an island? An Island with internet maybe and no other humans. Hard for me to even to pretend that this isn't bizarre. Dental doctor = dentist. I was giving the OP the benefit of the doubt that he is not a native English speaker. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
RecentChange Posted April 11, 2017 Share Posted April 11, 2017 People shouldn't be projects, and you don't exactly sound madly in love with her. You can drop all the hints you want, but she has to want to change for HER, not to please you. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
SwordofFlame Posted April 11, 2017 Share Posted April 11, 2017 You can drop all the hints you want, but she has to want to change for HER, not to please you. What if she is desperate to hold on to him? OP did mention she would probably change just to please him. Link to post Share on other sites
RecentChange Posted April 11, 2017 Share Posted April 11, 2017 So we have a guy that who just a month ago was asking how to meet girls..... So I am guessing that this is not some long romance. He isn't attracted to her, seems neutral regarding her personality.... If she really "think she loves him" (after what I am guessing is a few weeks of dating) and he is as tepid about her as he says - would that power dynamic make for a healthy relationship? Desperate + lukewarm / not attracted? This sounds like a miss match to me. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
curiouslysearching Posted April 11, 2017 Share Posted April 11, 2017 Come on, that would be way too simple. And makes wayyyyyyyyy to much sense and no therapy is needed (before the first date at least) Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted April 11, 2017 Share Posted April 11, 2017 Am I the only one doubting the veracity of this story? 7 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted April 12, 2017 Share Posted April 12, 2017 Am I the only one doubting the veracity of this story? I don't think it's fake. That is the sad part. I answered the OP in detail because of the thrush. OP sounds a bit naïve & the woman may never have had the opportunity to take care of herself. Sometimes a little nurturing a push in the right direction is an OK thing. I first did the personal grooming thing based on a request from a guy. I hit the ceiling when a different guy suggested breast implants, but a little trim with a razor is not a complete personality overhaul. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Larryville Posted April 12, 2017 Share Posted April 12, 2017 How about dating a girl you're attracted to as is instead of dating a girl and trying to change her? Originally Posted by basil67 View Post Am I the only one doubting the veracity of this story? No B, some of these threads are such BS is not even funny. More like an SNL skit. Link to post Share on other sites
William Posted April 12, 2017 Share Posted April 12, 2017 Any more members wish to receive moderation for insinuating or stating another member is a troll? Sheesh, you know better so stop it. Link to post Share on other sites
GunslingerRoland Posted April 12, 2017 Share Posted April 12, 2017 While that stuff sounds fixable, you say she has an okay personality, which to me sounds like enough reason to leave. Also the fact that she takes 0 care in her personal appearance would be a personality flaw to me too. If as a single woman she can't take any care in her personality how is this going to get better over time. Can you imagine getting married and having kids with this woman, and how much she would let herself go then? lol I guess I don't see the point of this relationship at all. Unless you are on the island with internet and no other people. In which case, are you sure she is a woman or is she really a volleyball? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
reeseyummy Posted April 12, 2017 Share Posted April 12, 2017 Yea, just with okay personality, is it worth it to change her... She has to want to change herself, changing another person NEVER works. Link to post Share on other sites
normal person Posted April 12, 2017 Share Posted April 12, 2017 I an currently seeing a girl. She is an average looking girl with okay personality, nothing too special but not bad either. I still need time to get to know her personality better. So you're not particularly attracted to her -- ok, but what's troubling is that you state you don't really know her that well either. I could understand if you didn't find her particularly physically appealing, but she had a great personality, you had a nice connection, etc. But it doesn't sound like you're entranced by, or even knowledgeable of, the non-physical aspects of her. Could you elaborate on why you're so drawn to this person? You seem ambivalent about her at best. Link to post Share on other sites
coolheadal Posted April 12, 2017 Share Posted April 12, 2017 You can't change someone who doesn't want change in their lives. it would take so long to do a makeover anyway. Either you like her for who she is inside than outside or move on to the next one who you want to be with. Not fair on this woman. We shouldn't be judge by our looks anyway. But we live in a world that does. Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted April 12, 2017 Share Posted April 12, 2017 OK, from a practical point of view. If her body hair, oral hygiene and mouth rash are as bad as you say, I'm assuming there's no intimacy. I certainly couldn't imagine kissing her. How are you explaining your lack of affection at this point? Link to post Share on other sites
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