Life after

[OnceandAgain]

I wanted to share, mostly just to get it out there. I am sitting here with 41 just a few days away. Last thing I expected was to be a single parent at this stage in life. I was the quite/shy kid growing up. Nerdy, geeky, artistic kid who was short and sucked at sports. The little outsider who joined up with others and ended up playing games rather then going to socialize. At 22 I met her, 17 spunky, wild and full of life. Fell for her hard until she told me she had a "soul-mate" but couldn't be with him. So I figured we would have fun then once she went off to the Air Force it would end. I planned on moving on. Of course she got pregnant and I proposed.

 

15 years later we have three kids and both of us are completely miserable. I made a vow and my kids are really important to me so I just soildered on. She of course cheated with her "soul-mate" blamed me for everything wrong in her life, and never grew up. Spent money we didn't have and ended up paying the bank over $700 in one year just in the overdraft fees. I tried to straighten things out so often and watched it blow up in my face I just gave up. In the end she decided to move back North (we lived in the south at the time) for a job. She planned on living with some friends while I stayed there for six months as the kids finished school. Like a dumb arse I sent our youngest with her thinking it would be good for them to have some bonding time plus dealing with three boys alone is a lot.

 

At first she called every few days, then once a week, then long stretches with no contact. Not even to talk to her kids. Then a text "It's over you can move if you want I don't care". I get we were headed that way but she cut two of her kids out at the same time. I tried to tell the kids she was dealing with things in her own way and once we got there she would see and talk to them more. We still had a few months before we could move so I began to rebuild.

 

I cleaned out the house, separated our finances, and came to accept that what I thought we had was over. It was surreal honestly. Being married was such a part of my life for so long it was hard to adjust. Luckily I had some friends who listened and talked a lot during that time. I packed up a van and U-haul and moved the three of us North and into my own apartment. It was a great trip and we bonded during it.

 

When we got there I found out that she hadn't just been living with her friend she was sleeping with both her and her husband. They also told my youngest son I didn't love him nor wanted him. Over the next year we proceeded with the divorce. She didn't want the other two boys and at most wanted to see them every other weekend. Needless to say by the end of things both hate her guts. I spent a long time and effort to repair the damage she did to my relationship with my youngest son. he knows I didn't abandon him and I fought to get 50% visitation with him.

 

This is the hard part. I know that part of my life is over. I don't miss her in the least. My life is so much better now then it was just three years ago. Part of me did love her but there are times I am just not sure. I dated a few women here and there. But so many are after something and I refuse to be used like that again. Part of me is happy to be single and in control of my life again. Another part really misses that feeling of having someone there. Not gonna lie, being a single parent sucks. Not just for the work but not having someone to talk about the latest thing the kid did, or being the only one who has to drive and be everywhere. Now I am looking down that road ahead, soon I will be 41. My Dad is almost 90. It' a long time to walk alone.

[Telemachus]

Why look at yourself as a single parent and walking alone? You're a parent to three, and with two of them all the time. See yourself as a parent, not a single parent. You have a family. You're not alone.

 

Your dad won't live forever, but you've had him for all 41 of your years. He could have died when you were six, and did not.

 

You can see yourself as being alone, or you can open your eyes and see that there are 7 billion people sharing this orbis terrarum with you, and that you have family living with you right in your own home.

 

You were attracted to someone who was "spunky, wild and full of life," and who already had a soulmate. You didn't say that you married someone who was dependable, thoroughly monogamous, and careful with money. That the marriage didn't last shouldn't surprise you - you wanted an eventful life, and that's what you got. You didn't marry a tax accountant or a bank examiner. You fell for a teenager, and you embraced her youthful spirit.

 

Parenting can be a chore, or it can be a joy - it's really your choice of the attitude you embrace. Having an elderly parent similarly can be a chore, or it can be a joy - you choose. However, saying that you're alone is simply ridiculous.

 

I'm a parent, have experienced divorce, and both of my parents are deceased - each new day is a gift that I'm grateful for and that I did nothing to earn. You need to work on your attitude more than anything else.

[BluesPower]

OnceandAgain, buddy you need to listen up. It could be so much worse.

 

Let's look at your situation a different way.

 

1) You are 41 YO, Dude that is the prime of life in every way.

 

2) You actually got rid of an cheating lying horrible woman that used you for 15 years.

 

3) You have no idea what is out there in the open market for a man like you. Are you a little heavy, loose weight. To skinny, bulk up. Get yourself looking great.

 

4) Go date some women and have some confidence. Women your age want dependable honorable men the are grown and have their S*** together.

 

Let me relate my experience for the last few years. First off, my biggest problem, To many women to choose from. I admit I got a little carried away. But it is a blast.

 

Admittedly one of my GF's is now a crazy xGF so that one blew up this week. However, I am now dating a beautiful 39 YO woman that thinks I am the greatest thing since sliced bread. She is just so wonderful.

 

Buddy life is good and I am 52. I am almost finished with my Divorce from a woman that cheated on me and was a drug addict for 20 out of 26 years.

 

I am so glad to be rid of her and you should be glad to be rid of your Ex wife as well.

 

You need a complete attitude change, you are looking at all of this the wrong way. Now you are a free man with a lot to offer a woman. And they will stand in line to get a shot at you.

 

Chin up...