Dropping the ball, but where? Answers? Suggestions?

[johnnysparks]

Okay, so over the past several weeks I've been trying my hand at re-entering the dating thing. Going on outings by my lonesome and without pressure from my friends actually getting to talk to women, out of six approaches I received five good connections, and five numbers to boast. Following up on each one in a timely fashion (under 36 hours but over 18 hours) I end up in voicemail-land each time. So I leave a polite, unassuming type message like "Hey %name%, this is Johnny, we met at %place% and I figured I'd give you a call, feel free to give me a call back at XXX.XXX.XXXX and I'll talk to you later" or that type thing, tossing out a bit of a "no big whoop" vibe while not seeming uninterested either. Never a call back, at which point am I dropping the ball? Is it timing, too soon or too late? Should I be tossing out more of a message that provokes a response (like in Sales where you always use open-ended questions) or maybe being a tad silly fun "Bill Murray" type guy stuff (which is how I come off most times in person)? I know that most would think that it's just picking up chicks at a bar and that's no loss, but two of them I met elsewhere, one at a grocery store of all places and the other at Borders Book store.

 

Now with all of that said, I'm not trying too hard, and not seeking "the one" right off the bat, I would be happy to come across that scenario but looking for it never works, so I'm more just looking to date again and just see what happens.

[johnnysparks]

With all of the collective knowhow on this site nobody has any direction for this? I'm hoping for the feminine response but all with insight are welcome to chime in.

[centered]

Depending on how you count that, it could be anywhere from 2 - 4 days *after* you said you'd call. Two days is already putting you close to voicemail land. Over that, and if I were in the dating market, you'd be on my B list.

 

The waiting game may work great for 16 year old girls, but 35+ women? Puleaze. The longer you wait, the less interest you are showing. And when she gets the call after a few days, she may think you got shot down and are calling her as your Plan B.

 

I recommend keeping it light, but keeping it timely. Call the next *day* and ask her out for an ice cream or coffee. Something easy and no pressure. Then *talk* and get to know each other. If there's chemistry, the rest will work itself out.

[Outcast]

Yeah. Screw The Rules.

[Mary3]

Look . If I met you at a nightclub ( as an example ) and we hit it off quite well, and I gave you my phone number. I would expect a call within 2 days.

 

If we went out and had a date after that. I would expect a call within 5 days which would show me you were interested in seeing me again. Its because of the game playing out there that can be simplified by giving the man a certain number of days to call back.

 

If you are playing your own game and not calling them back or they are playing you by not calling you back then everyone loses.

 

If you like someone or enjoyed their company its OKAY to call them to let them know.

 

If you wonder what happened to 5 of the girls that have not called unless your arm is broken pick up the phone and call them again. If they don't return a call within a few days then you have your answer

[Zephyr45]

Good job on your success, well at least getting the digits. Here's an idea that might help close the deal a little better:

 

When you are talking the first time, try to find something you can do with the girl and make your goal to be to arrange a date to do said activity, not just to get her number. She plays tennis? Cool, well so do you, so casually suggest "we should play tennis next weekend!" and when she agrees, heck make the plans right there if you can, but once you are done talking ask for her number so you can call to finalize the plans, etc.

 

Then when you call it's not some weird "uh, hey I was just calling to say hi... call me back..." You'll actually have a reason to call and will be a bit more assertive and direct, as you are asking her to do some general activity at some general time. I'd imagine the odds that she responds would be higher because it's a little more rude to not call someone back when you've made plans (however tentative) than when someone just called to say "hi."

 

 

Uhh.. I'm not sure where this follow up time stuff is coming from. He said:

Following up on each one in a timely fashion (under 36 hours but over 18 hours)

 

That's roughly the very next evening at a minimum, and the afternoon of the second day at the latest. That's what you said you basically want!

[johnnysparks]

Originally posted by Zephyr45

Then when you call it's not some weird "uh, hey I was just calling to say hi... call me back..." You'll actually have a reason to call and will be a bit more assertive and direct, as you are asking her to do some general activity at some general time. I'd imagine the odds that she responds would be higher because it's a little more rude to not call someone back when you've made plans (however tentative) than when someone just called to say "hi."

 

 

That's roughly the very next evening at a minimum, and the afternoon of the second day at the latest. That's what you said you basically want!

 

Thank you for the advice, I usually try to find out something that they're interested in but I never really try to apply it, that is probably 95% of the problem. Thanks also for reading my timeframe to understand that there are no games being played here, I'm too old to be playing games (that was high school years back).