chevchelios Posted April 11, 2017 Share Posted April 11, 2017 (edited) Hie..im 28 amd have been with my wife, 26, for 2 years we have a 3 month old baby girl. We had a traditional marriage. The problem is that my wife has always had this hidden negative attitude and now its slowly unfolding itself. Like any marriage we have fights but nomatter how wrong she is there is (like most women) no admission or apology even when its clear as rain she is wrong and its followed by a week or 2 or brutal silent treatment..we only talk when she decides to. I like to consider myself as a calm God fearing man who wants peace always. My wife has no respect for me as her husband or as a father. Shes a stay at home mom and im an average salary worker and i work very hard to make sure they live well. Its become so worse that i nolonger feel any worth when i am home, like living with that roomate who doesnt like you very much. Now our marriage is full of negativity, constant arguments, sudden mood swings. Nothing i do from the groceries to how i hold our baby is never good. Recently she thought i was cheating yet im gettin more work load which grinds an extra hour before i go home.I thought it was because of child birth but the signs go way back to dating. We have tried counselling but now noone wants to help us because my wife has a "temper" when it comes to be told about how marriage works. Each time i get someone to talk to her and her behaviour she gets back at me on why i have to go about telling everyone our business but yet we cant even fix ourselves.Shes mean and now im drained and this marriage has taken from me more than it has given me in just 2 years and i feel nomore love in me anymore except for my daughter. I have seen old age people telling how they survived loveless marriages and i dont think i can manage that. 5 years ago i could have said i love her with everything in me... but now i dont think i feel anything but just a wide gap.I dont know what to do should i just send her back to her parents? Can my marriage be over?:( Edited April 12, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Paragraphs and merge threads Link to post Share on other sites
Fdb Posted April 11, 2017 Share Posted April 11, 2017 It is definitely not a good time to think about divorce right after the baby was born. Pregnancy and delivery and new role as parent can put a lot of stress in amirrage. Try to share the burden from her taking the baby, try to be a better listener, choose not to argue if you can control. It is your marriage, I suppose you know better. Regardless, it is a wrong time to thinking to break a family Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted April 11, 2017 Share Posted April 11, 2017 Has she ever said what she wants? I understand this thread is about you & that MC doesn't work because she has a temper. But if she didn't have this much of a temper before marriage, have you considered why she is so miserable now? You did say that looking back you now see some signs you missed. Would she like to go back to work? Does she feel unfilled? If she had something to occupy her day other than being in a "traditional marriage" would that make her happier & more fun to be married to? Because you mention sending her back to her parents, I have two additional Qs: 1. If you are 28, how old is she? If she's young & she's getting the 1st dose of life isn't a bed of roses that may be a factor. 2. Are the cultural issues at play here? How all of this shakes out if you send her back to her parents in some culture that will punish her for failing, may change the picture. You deserve to be happy too & if you have tried counseling but made no progress due to her temper, ending things may be your only option. Do consider what is in the best interests of your child when making these difficult decisions. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Gemma1 Posted April 11, 2017 Share Posted April 11, 2017 (edited) Why'd you marry her if this behavior can be traced back to the dating period? Dating is an interview for marriage. You don't hire people who fail interviews. Not that that helps you now. I don't know what can help you now besides counseling or divorce. Edited April 11, 2017 by Gemma1 1 Link to post Share on other sites
NTV Posted April 11, 2017 Share Posted April 11, 2017 Chances are she's cheating on you. Prep for divorce. Better to do it now than later. Link to post Share on other sites
viatori patuit Posted April 12, 2017 Share Posted April 12, 2017 Chances are she's cheating on you. Prep for divorce. Better to do it now than later. when exactly was she doing that? while pregnant? If the baby wasn't his, I suspect she would have dumped him and taken up with the other dude. Link to post Share on other sites
aileD Posted April 12, 2017 Share Posted April 12, 2017 Time for counseling. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted April 12, 2017 Share Posted April 12, 2017 We have tried counselling but now noone wants to help us because my wife has a "temper" when it comes to be told about how marriage works. :( Time for counseling. They already tried counseling but it didn't work. Link to post Share on other sites
NTV Posted April 12, 2017 Share Posted April 12, 2017 when exactly was she doing that? while pregnant? If the baby wasn't his, I suspect she would have dumped him and taken up with the other dude. Unless he makes more money. Her actions and disrespectful attitude are a red flag for me. Link to post Share on other sites
Telemachus Posted April 12, 2017 Share Posted April 12, 2017 You're not being honest, and you need to take responsibility for your own actions. No argument exists without two willing participants, you being one of them. These "constant arguments" are your fault as much as hers. You say that you want peace, but you describe "brutal silent treatment." Silence may be uncomfortable for you, but it is in no way brutal, and it's pretty darned peaceful, if you'll be honest about it. You're identifying yourself as a victim in this situation, and indicating that she's wrong about everything. I don't even need to know the details - it's not true. If your marriage is failing, then you're both failing, and you're not a victim here. This is a situation you created for yourself in saying "I do." Well, saying it was the easy part. Now, you have to do it. Making a baby with her and then sending her back to her parents, if that's even a serious consideration, is just about the most irresponsible thing you could do. Instead of telling her how marriage is, be a loving husband and father. Show her. It isn't all the love you're not getting from her that's holding you back, but rather all the love you're not extending to her. Guess what, marriage isn't easy. It is, however, worth the effort. You found it difficult and gave up, and you have to take responsibility for that and be honest about it. Link to post Share on other sites
zeeohsixer Posted April 12, 2017 Share Posted April 12, 2017 I have two buddies who went through the same thing. In both cases the wife was cheating. Your child may not even be yours. BTW, the more you do to help (like grocery shopping) the worse you look to her. Start spying, stash at least 5k cash and prepare to eject. Sorry bro. Link to post Share on other sites
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